Spiritual Warrior

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #87 Okay, now this morning, I woke up at 7:00 am, but I stayed in bed until about 7:45 am. Its now 8 am, I am journaling right now and drinking my coffee. I wanted to get to the gym so that I could get a leg workout in, but I don't know if that is possible anymore. One thing that I'm realizing is that it really doesn't mater what order I do my morning routine in. I have had a healthy paradigm shift in regards to this, as I have realized that the intention of a morning routine like this is for an overarching goal, which is just to get things out of the way that set me up for success so that I can get on with the day afterwards and enjoy more success. It doesn't matter if I journal first or second or third, if it gets my ass out of bed on time, then that is what I should do. In the creative process, sometimes things change and you have to be able to adapt to that. When I try to get myself out of bed in the morning, the thought of showering is not enticing at all, so I procrastinate. However, the thought of drinking a hot coffee and journaling is VERY enticing so just lean into that, no harm there. Next thing on the agenda, I have realized that I really am hurt by this dance partnership break up and I should really talk to this girl about it. This is what a real man, or a real Thick Face Black Heart practitioner would do, of course ideally I am able to handle situations like these with dispassion and detachment, in which I am able to detach from the emotions that I am feeling in favor of a more wholistic, warrior-like mindset, but this is just where I'm at. On another positive note, I have about $1300 coming into my bank account tomorrow from this dance event over the weekend. I had owed my mom $320 and my dad $585 so I will be able to pay them COMPLETELY back. This is going to feel AWESOME to get this off of my shoulders. I also only have until mid March to pay back my debt relief program, that will also feel awesome. I feel like I'm finally starting to take back control of my financial life. Some things that I would like to save for: I need to start saving money in my bank account in case my car craps out on me, this is essential, I have no idea how long this thing is going to last, it is a 2001 Toyota Avalon with about 205,000 miles on it. The next thing is my heart surgery, I will have to pay at least $3,000 for it. There are the most important things but there are more things that I would like as well, lets make a list and order them by priority: New smooth shirt and smooth vest: $300 Heart Surgery: $3,000 New car: $5,000 Shrooms: $200 Upgrading teeth: $3,000 Dating coaching: $2,500 Tattoos: $500 Buying a condo / house: $10,000 Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 1 Make bed: 8 Journal: 88 Brush teeth streak: 90 Floss streak: 1 Shower streak: 61 Meditation streak: 2 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 2 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 2 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 1 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 1 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 1 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 3 Wash face streak: 1 No electronics before bed streak: 3 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 1 No ejaculation streak: 1 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 89 No smoking weed streak: 44

Interlude: Things to do today ~ 1.27.26 Okay, so right now I feel fuzzy. I don't know what to do. I know I've got to meditate and get my visualizations in, but I also have no clean underwear. I have to do some laundry. This ideally should have been done on Sunday night so that I felt ready for the week to begin. This is what I am missing in my schedule, a Sunday night in which I make sure that I have everything set up for the week. Okay, so I will work on this next weekend, but for now I have to start playing catch up. What is it that I should be doing on Sunday nights anyways? I want to give myself a haircut, clean and organize my room, do laundry, cook food for myself for Monday through Thursday. Anyways, I now have to play catch up. So I have to do my laundry, give myself a haircut, cook food, meditate, organize my room, and then head to the gym and then to work. I wanted to get to work early so that I could start calling people to get them in this week, we will see how that goes. My lesson count is low this week, but hey I have to get things ready and in order, theres no way around it. Okay, ready set go,...

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #86 Yesterday I had a good day. We were snowed in so I spent the day shoveling, reading books, napping, and creating videos for my Youtube channel. Nowadays, I am always doing productive things when I have free time because I have such a strong and overarching vision for my life. This is vastly different from how I used to live 3+ years ago. A masculine energy has awoken within me in which I am embodying a man with a Thick Face and a Black Heart, in other words I do not care what others think about me and I will do whatever it takes to meet my goals. This will carry me into this weekend in which I am going to head to New York City and approach women. I feel a new surge of energy when I tell you this, I am going to make this happen no matter what. I am now willing to fail, I do not care about how a single approach goes, I do not care what these women think about me, I only care about THE RESULT. Thats all I fuckin' care about. And in order to get the result, which is actually just the girl of my dreams, I have to approach AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. I have grown frustrated with my inability to wake up at the time that I have set for myself. Its not that hard to get your ass up when the alarm goes off and it will do wonders for the goals that you are set to reach because you will have the necessary time that it takes to actualize them. Think about it, you waste an entire hour when you are supposed to wake up, scrolling on your phone. That is an entire hour that you could spend organizing your life, or working out, or journaling, or working on your YouTube project. Get your ass up. Last night, I did watch porn and masturbate and ejaculated. The ejaculation was an unintentional "retrograde ejaculation" in which the semen dispersed into my bladder. I could tell because no semen came out of the head of the penis, but I completely lost my erection. This is a big wake up call as I have no idea anymore how to actually have full body orgasms. This needs work. I am excited to start treating the women that I know at work differently. I recently became aware that I act a certain way around them in hopes that I will get into their pants one day. This is neediness behavior. I am COMPLETELY shifting this mindset. I do not care what they think about me. AT ALL. I do not pursue women at work. I do just fine pursuing them elsewhere. The road to becoming a masculine man is a tumultuous and difficult path and I am finally ready to take the first step. Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 0 Make bed: 7 Journal: 87 Brush teeth streak: 89 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 60 Meditation streak: 1 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 1 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 1 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 0 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 0 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 0 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 2 Wash face streak: 0 No electronics before bed streak: 2 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 0 No ejaculation streak: 0 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 88 No smoking weed streak: 43

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #85 Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 3 Make bed: 6 Journal: 86 Brush teeth streak: 88 Floss streak: 1 Shower streak: 59 Meditation streak: 0 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 0 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 0 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 0 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 0 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 1 Wash face streak: 8 No electronics before bed streak: 1 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 15 No ejaculation streak: 15 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 87 No smoking weed streak: 42

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #84 Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 2 Make bed: 5 Journal: 85 Brush teeth streak: 87 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 58 Meditation streak: 0 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 0 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 0 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 0 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 0 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 0 Wash face streak: 7 No electronics before bed streak: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 14 No ejaculation streak: 14 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 86 No smoking weed streak: 41

Interlude: Personal Journal ~ 1.25.26 I am a professional ballroom dancer and dance instructor. I have started to gain success in this business in which I compete in competitions, people know who I am, my students are winning awards. I am one of the “hot” dance instructors. Anyways, this is all great and a necessary step in the natural development of the ego. However, I am firstly way too much in my own head, unable to stop or even slow down thoughts most of the time. The times when I do this the best is when I am dancing actually. Now, although I have become an “attractive man” on paper, muscular physique, charismatic, talks well, good hygiene and grooming habits, I do not have an abundance of women and sex in my life despite being around so many of them in the ballroom world. Why is this? Because I do not approach women. EVER. I just don't. I have failed again and again and again to approach a single girl when out and about in public. Now all of this is going to change, I know it. But it is going to take courage on your part. It is going to take getting out of your comfort zone, it is going to take doing things that make you uncomfortable and that you don't want to do. Now, are you ready to take this heros journey on? Or are you going to push it off another month, another year, another two??? What would your life look like if you went all year not pursuing your true authentic desires. Or better yet, what would your life look like if you did pursue your true authentic desires for the next year? I would have a shredded physique. I would have an abundance of women in my life. I would have an abundance of sex in my life. I wouldn't simp over ANYBODY. Women and men would respect me fully. I would have emotional intelligence to handle any and every situation. My behaviors around women would be non needy but attractive, honest, and direct. How am I going to get there? I am in a great mindset right now. I am in a super masculine aura that tells people “I mean business.” I don't give a fuck about how people view me. I don't give a fuck if I walk by somebody and don't say hello. I don't give a fuck if you reject me. I don't give a fuck about what your opinions are about me. I am going to get mine. This is the energy that I am going to carry with me through the year of 2026. Also, steer into what's uncomfortable in EVERY situation that you undertake. Start telling women that you find them beautiful. Go to NYC every weekend and hit on every girl that you see. Perform and compete in every single competition that you possibly can. Work hard for your students, develop them to their fullest. And above all else, love yourself, put yourself first, you deserve the fuckin’ world. And don't let any girl’s rejection of your authentic self tell you otherwise. It is time to turn the boy into the fuckin man. Let's fuckin’ go.

Ive never tried this but it sounds very useful. Can you give me an example of the "shadow work" questions that you used?

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #83 Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 1 Make bed: 4 Journal: 84 Brush teeth streak: 86 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 57 Meditation streak: 0 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 0 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 0 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 0 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 0 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 6 Wash face streak: 6 No electronics before bed streak: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 13 No ejaculation streak: 13 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 85 No smoking weed streak: 40 On another note, I fuckin love this video. I will no longer be a nice guy, no longer be a push over, I am a fuckin' man, I have a thick face and a black heart and I accomplish every single goal that I set out for myself. No matter fuckin' what. I am going to dive into the belly of the beast if it fuckin' kills me because I will not live like this anymore while I have so much potential. I am going to look at the eye of the storm and walk straight into it.

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #82 I have a big dance event this weekend, listed below are some things that I have to pack for it. Things to pack: Work pants - need to wash Black jacket - in car Work shirt for Friday - need to wash Work shirt for Saturday - need to wash Polo shirt Black tie - going to wear Green sparkle tie - at the studio Black vest -need to wash Smooth Dance shoes Rhythm dance shoes Black socks (3 pairs) Underwear (3 pairs) Black button up - need to wash Blue jeans Silver chain - can't find Rhythm shirt #1 Rhythm shirt #2 Smooth shirt Tanning stuff - have just need to pack Phone charger - All I have is mac charger, I guess that will have to do Hustle formation shirt - have just need to pack Hustle staff formation shirt - have just need to pack Wig and sunglasses for staff formation - have just need to pack Cuff links Cowboy hat Things that I need to wash: Black vest Black button up Dress pants Black shirt Purple shirt Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 0 Make bed: 3 Journal: 83 Brush teeth streak: 85 Floss streak: 3 Shower streak: 56 Meditation streak: 0 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 0 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 12 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 12 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 12 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 5 Wash face streak: 5 No electronics before bed streak: 4 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 12 No ejaculation streak: 12 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 84 No smoking weed streak: 39

Interlude: Dance Partnership Ending ~ 1.22.26 My dance partner told me that she doesn't want to be competitive partners when I age out of the category in August. We already have plans to compete together in March in New Orleans so we have to do that. After that, I won't be able to compete at the one in June because of the heart surgery and after that, there is one in Chicago and a local one, both in August. Although I could technically dance with this partner for those I would like to compete with someone else instead. The reason is because this is not a long term partnership anymore. Therefore, I would much rather develop some chemistry with someone else that I can use to catapult us into the next category, which is much more competitive. If I get this rolling now, I can start working on our routines now in preparation for August. I'm actually looking forward to this. The other positive to this is that this current dance partner has gifted me with an emotional roller coaster of an experience dancing with her. She's completely unhinged, highs are super high and lows are super low, which is honestly exactly how I am, which makes us not a well balanced match for each other. This other girl that I am going to be dancing with is very grounded, which is probably exactly what I need. Im thinking that we probably compliment and balance each other well. Im actually really excited to no longer be on this emotional roller coaster and to have some stability in my dance partnership. I am going to tell her about this as soon as I can so that we are all on the same page.

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #81 This is is an entertaining video journal; here I contemplate how frustrating it is feeling like you're so far away from your goals and what I have been doing with my life over the past 10 years. I have noticed a few things recently, so the first one is that I have had a breakthrough in my dancing. I now take every dance with a lady as an opportunity to give the woman an experience like no other; I express to her how beautiful I think she is, how sexy I think she is.. through the dance and the cool thing about is that its just a dance, so there are no rules, you can go as far as you want with them. And this is what they want, these women want to lose themselves in the dancing, they want to FEEL something that they've never felt before. They want to feel that love, that intimacy that they have been craving for for so many years. You think people stick around and pay thousands of dollars to learn patterns in a dance... FUCK NOOOOO ... They want to feel their feminine essence in a way that they've never experienced before. And this is what I provide to every woman that I dance with. I am going to continue to push the envelope more and more in this regard. The second thing I've realized is that I am truly terrified of escalating things with women. I have a lack of experience, I have a fear of intimacy, and I overall just have no idea what I'm doing. Now this should not stop me from trying. And I will start trying. Starting next weekend (I have a dance event all of this weekend), I will go back to Boston and see what I can do. I am not so much scared of talking to these girls, I've felt progress in that regard, I am just scared of escalating things in a non-creepy way. I have also decided that I definitely need a second job. I am going to print a resume out and head to coffee shops and see if any of them are hiring. I know I can get a job if I try hard enough. I will tell them that I can work any morning except Wednesday so that I can keep my dance trainings which start at 10 am and of course I go into work at 1 oclock on Mondays and Fridays. This should give me that cushion that I need to start saving (in case I need another car), paying back my parents, and start saving so that I can pay for that "dating" workshop. One of the cool things about journaling is I am starting to look at my current situation under a fuckin' microscope. I'm really starting to understand and be honest about exactly where I am in life, which is exactly what you need to do if you are going to actualize big goals. Understand and be honest about where you are currently at and understand and be honest about where you want to go. This creates structural tension that will propell you towards the life of your dreams. Read more of The Path of Least Resistance for more insights regarding this. Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 2 Make bed: 2 Journal: 82 Brush teeth streak: 84 Floss streak: 2 Shower streak: 55 Meditation streak: 2 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 2 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 2 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 11 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 11 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 11 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 4 Wash face streak: 4 No electronics before bed streak: 3 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 11 ( I am going to go until at least March 27th without porn and ejaculating - this is when I am competing in New Orelans.) No ejaculation streak: 11 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 83 No smoking weed streak: 38

I was at my best friends birthday party yesterday and my ex girlfriend was there with her new boyfriend. She was snuggled up with him all day. At first, I am thinking "why does she have to be here? This is MY best friend." "Why can't she at least control herself, doesn't she know I'd rather not see that?" But then it dawned on me that all this is is an "emotional regulation challenge" in which i have to find a way to "feel and let go" of the current emotional state. Situations like this are not going away any time soon, the only thing that you can do is train your emotional regulatory system to handle and deal with this. Avoidance is never the answer. I will also say that he does seem like a genuinely good guy. I am very happy that she found someone that is treating her well, I know the guy before me really sucked. The reality is that the ex girlfriend, for whatever reason, acted the way that she did. I cannot change someone else's behavior, all that I have control over is how I handle it. And again, I want the challenge, I will have to face even greater challenges in the near future if I am going to reach my goals. I will go so far as to say I am thankful for this challenge yesterday. Treat every challenge like a growth experience.

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #80 Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 1 Make bed: 1 Journal: 81 Brush teeth streak: 83 Floss streak: 1 Shower streak: 54 Meditation streak: 1 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 1 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 1 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 10 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 10 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 10 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 3 Wash face streak: 3 No electronics before bed streak: 2 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 10 No ejaculation streak: 10 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 82 No smoking weed streak: 37

Yes, exactly... Very paradoxical

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #79 Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 0 Make bed: 0 Journal: 80 Brush teeth streak: 82 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 53 Meditation streak: 0 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 0 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 9 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 9 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 9 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 2 Wash face streak: 2 No electronics before bed streak: 1 (With all of the relapses on this habit, I have seen the reason for why I want to do this because otherwise I will literally scroll on my phone in bed for HOURS... so stay disciplined) "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 9 No ejaculation streak: 9 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 81 No smoking weed streak: 36 Things to do: Pack things for dance event this weekend: Friday: Dance camps ( just wear work clothes), 6 solos (christmas, Bolero, Walt, Bachata, NC 2 step, Hustle formation), things I need: Work pants Work shirt Tie Black vest Dance shoes Black socks (3 pairs) Underwear (3 pairs) Black button up Blue jeans Silver chain Rhythm shirt #1 Rhythm shirt #2 Smooth shirt Rhythm shoes Tanning stuff Phone charger Tell boss about dates that I need to be out (February 12th for catherization test, March 27th for Future Champs comp, and April 28th going in for heart surgery) Call car insurance for rates and ask them if windshield repairs are covered Liberty Geico State Farm All State The General USAA Nationwide Travelers Get blood work scheduled Print out resume and apply at coffee shops Go to bank and get more information about a loan

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #78 Morning Routine: Wake up at 7:30am: 0 Make bed: 8 Journal: 79 Brush teeth streak: 81 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 52 Meditation streak: 0 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 0 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 8 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 8 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 8 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 1 Wash face streak: 1 No electronics before bed streak: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 8 No ejaculation streak: 8 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 80 No smoking weed streak: 35

Contemplating the nature of attachment ~ 1.16.26 A big part of being human is that we have attachments, attachments to things, friends, family, objects. We can't escape attachments in life. And if we lose these things, we feel incomplete, we feel loss, we feel sadness. Of course, nothing is permanent, and in the end you will lose EVERYTHING. Which makes it so that all attachments will lead to suffering. Is this suffering necessary? Is it possible to release yourself from ALL attachments? Why are attachments so closely related to being human? Is it because we are all One so this leads us towards wanting to unite back towards each other? What is the metaphysical nature of an "attachment"? Some things to contemplate...

Tricky question, it FEELS like I need it.. but deep down I understand that this is merely a want. With this in mind, I have two options: 1. Understand that I truly do not need it and let it go 2. Understand that this is something that this human body that I am occupying truly desires and do my best to give that thing to him. I will choose the ladder. Life here on Earth is meant to be experienced. If you have a material desire, do everything in your power to attain it. Once you attain it and realize it doesn't fulfill you, you can transcend. But you must understand that there really is no such thing as a NEED. I don't NEED to stay alive. I WANT to stay alive. Nothing is NEEDED in this universe. NOTHING AT ALL.

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #77 I was at my best friends birthday party yesterday, it was a lot of fun. We just messed around acting like hooligans all day. I remember getting into a nice "flow state" while playing beer pong, this was done in a deliberate fashion too, which is very fun. This is something that dawned on me about parties. We are all trying to enter that delicious and succulent "flow state." We don't want constant stimulation, deep down we just want flow, we want to release ourselves from the mental prison inside of our heads. My ex girlfriend was there and she was snuggled up against her boyfriend the whole night. I'm not sure why she has to do this in front me, but at the same time I like to treat these sorts of situations like "emotional regulation tests" because things like this will always occur and will probably become more and more challenging, so curve directly into it instead of avoiding and you will become well versed in "emotional mastery." I also had a dance practice in the morning in which we are trying to add emotion to the performance. This is very new to me and is something that is awesome for my growth, there is touching and snuggling up with each other throughout the dance. I am very comfortable with my dance partner at this point so she is the perfect person to try this stuff on with. I am also starting to release the attachment that I have towards her, which is a very positive thing. Let go. I cannot wait until I can share these "emotional things" with my students, this will catapult their growth and make them FEEL amazing. The most important thing in ballroom dancing is to make the woman FEEEEEEEEL. You make them FEEL something and they are hooked. This is what I am going to do with that new student that wants to "dip her toes" in. Firstly you cannot "dip your toes" into ballroom dancing, no you have to just jump in. If you dip your toes, you will not see the progress and you will fall off. I made a video journal on my way over there and it was very constructive, I summarized everything that I've been going through recently in the video, it was eye opening and a good test in public speaking. I posted it on YouTube as "unlisted" and put it in here, as this is not something I want public, its way too personal, but the people on here are welcome to watch it to understand what I am going through. Morning routine goals: Wake up at 7:30am: 0 Make bed: 7 Journal: 78 Brush teeth streak: 80 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 51 Meditation streak: 0 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 0 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 7 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 7 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 7 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 0 Wash face streak: 0 No electronics before bed streak: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 7 No ejaculation streak: 7 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 0 No alcohol streak: 79 No smoking weed streak: 34 Weight lifting streak: (Still working on this, but I would like to work out today. The goal is 4 days a week, it doesn't really matter what you do for now, just get your ass to the gym or do push ups and pull ups.) Monday: Tuesday: Wednesday: Worked out Thursday: Friday: worked out Saturday: Sunday: Currently in bank account: $467 Spending for January so far: $1057 Income for January so far: $52 Ebay $465 Dance studio $511 Dance studio $1,027 Total Current debt left: For Mom: $320 For dad: $640 For debt relief: $550

Habits and Disciplines Journey Entry #76 This morning, I have dance practice. As you can see, I have been contemplating the nature of attachment and my dance partner is the perfect person to use for contemplation. I am very attached to her and I know that the partnership is going to end in a few months. Therefore, I will see her a lot less which means that the attachment is being pulled out of its socket, it feels kind of like a break up. The other thing that probably gives me more of an emotional pull is I feel very rejected by her not wanting to dance with me anymore. I feel like "I'm not good enough," and overall I just feel "unloved." Feeling unloved is probably the worst feeling a human being can experience. Truth be told, this girl actually drives me crazy, always has. There is just something about the energy connection between us that just sends my emotional state on a fuckin' whirlwind. My job today is to become conscious of the attachment that I have towards her. Be very aware of it. Is it a healthy attachment or an unhealthy one? Do I genuinely love and care about her growth or do I only care about her because she is giving me something. And if the ladder is true, what exactly is she giving me? After this, I have a phone call with a pick up coach. He messaged me on Instagram and we started talking. I think I really want to take coaching with him because I REALLY want to deal with this women issue and I don't think there is going to be a better time than the present. I am primed and ready to go. This will also benefit my relationship with my dance partners because I think that the attachment and neediness that I am talking about stems from the lack of love that I am receiving from my dating life, I mean I haven't gone out on a date with a girl in over a month, haven't kissed someone in at least 2 months, etc.... so if I can go at this with an abundance then my neediness will be gone and then my relationship with my dance partners can be that of "how can I help you" instead of "how can you help me?" That would be a big shift. I've been much more loving with myself in terms of these habits as yes I am going through some healing of traumas and also there are A LOT of habits that I am trying to stick to all at once. In reality, these habits will stick in layers. I will get a few of them down for 30 then 60 days, etc... and then another few will come... These things take development over time. However, I would like to invigorate some tenacity into my life. This is missing I feel and I am going to start going at life with a ferociousness because.... Well I just want to and it will lead me to my goals quicker. Here is a reel that hypes me up: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DTRAR4kDVKG/?igsh=MWI4a2gyNTBtNnZhcg== 1.16.26 Morning routine goals: Wake up at 7:30am: 0 Make bed: 6 Journal: 77 Brush teeth streak: 79 Floss streak: 0 Shower streak: 50 Meditation streak: 0 Affirmations / Visualizations streak: Hitting on women visualization: 0 "I love having sex with lots of women" affirmation: 0 "I see funniness everywhere" affirmation: 6 "I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others" affirmation: 6 Free Talk exercise (Say anything that comes to your mind): 6 Night time routine goals: Brush teeth streak: 2 Wash face streak: 2 No electronics before bed streak: 0 "Whole day" goals: No porn streak: 6 No ejaculation streak: 6 Eat 150 g of protein streak: 5 No alcohol streak: 78 No smoking weed streak: 33 Weight lifting streak: (Still working on this, but I would like to work out today. The goal is 4 days a week, it doesn't really matter what you do for now, just get your ass to the gym or do push ups and pull ups.) Monday: Tuesday: Wednesday: Worked out Thursday: Friday: worked out Saturday: Sunday: Spending for January so far: $752 Income for January so far: $52 Ebay $465 Dance studio $511 Dance studio $1,027 Total Current debt left: For Mom: $320 For dad: $640 For debt relief: $550

Nice exercise

Peter Ralston is a fuckin beast, I will be checking out this book, I didn't know it existed

Great insights guys, thank you. I have come to the conclusion that there are healthy attachments and there are unhealthy attachments. A healthy attachment is one in which you genuinely care and love the thing that you are describing. However, you fully understand that if the thing leaves or changes, it is a natural step in the direction of the things development and you will not cling onto it, keeping it with you or the way that it was. True love requires you to allow the thing to fly away if it's true desire is to get away from you and be free. A negative attachment is one that requires a clinging, a tying down, a having control. The perfect example is that of the controlling boyfriend that doesn't allow the girl to leave the house. He says that he loves her but in reality, he is just attached to her, he is attached to something that she is giving to him. And he is desperately afraid of losing this thing. A perfect song describing the controlling boyfriend: I am starting to get out there into the dating field. My goal in that is to become very aware of my attachments to these girls. Is it a healthy attachment or is it an unhealthy attachment? There is a fine line to be toed here because naturally, the better fit a girl is for me, the higher quality the girl is, the more likely it is that I will have an unhealthy attachments towards her because she is so rare. It will be interesting to navigate this.

You are that hot bitch that you are calling scum because we are all One. Also, I honestly think you're just sexually frustrated.

Interlude: contemplating attachment Posting that post on the forum about contemplating attachments was extremely beneficial. Some of the people on here have really good insights. It's also beneficial to just bounce ideas off of one another, whether or not you agree. I stopped posting on the community forum for a while because it triggered me when I posted something on the dating page, some of the people were being quite rude and I don't have very thick skin. Anyways, I want to contemplate this attachment thing further, so I have an attachment for this girl, right, now the attachment that I have for her feels ugly or evil because it is a "taking" sort of attachment. Contrast this to my attachment for my dance student. I am attached to her but not in taking way as in I need attention from her, I am attached to her because I want to help her succeed and prosper and live a happy and fulfilled life and to reach her full potential, this is actually how I feel about all of my students, and that's great. But with this girl, Im not thinking like this, I just don't want to lose her because she makes me happy, this is a selfish kind of attachment. I am attached to the attention and fun and intimacy that she gives me. I'm not attached to helping her achieve her goals and to prosper, not at all, I actually want her to continue to be my dance partner which will completely stifle her development and lead her into doing something that she does not want to do. This is the key that I've been missing and is an absolute truth bomb. Ive been going about my relationship with her in a very selfish manner, one that doesn't care about her growth at all. Damn. Truth bombs are usually very painful, but I've actually learned to love them. This is insight at work, I didn't know how selfish I was being until the full scope of the situation came crashing down on my head. This is growth. Basically the more insights you have, the faster and farther you will grow.