Spiritual Warrior

Everyones in Denial https://www.actualized.org/insights/everyones-in-denial I love this blog post, its about telling the ego that all of life is a hallucination. Take a look at how the ego reacts to hearing this. Start bringing this up to your friends and family, not to trigger them necessarily, but to observe how the ego reacts to this Truth. The ego will fight you tooth and nail in order to deny this Truth. Why? Because if your Higher Self realizes that life is a hallucination, and I mean fully embodies this and lives in a non-abiding state, the ego will die. And the ego's sole responsibility is to survive at all costs. Thats what makes this work so tricky and difficult.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #190 ~ Sun Aug 9 '26 Starting to do Kriya Yoga starting this morning, this will be my form of meditation. I want to start having a relationship with the God within myself and allow life to just unfold instead of trying to control everything going on in my life. Let go and embrace the mystery of life. Daily goals: Shower: 20 Groom hair: 20 Brush teeth: 20 Floss: 0 Take medication: 20 Make bed: 3 Meditate: 0 No porn: 4 No ejaculation: 4 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 6 Wash face before bed: 6 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 2 Clean room: 2 Clean car: 1 Things to do: Print out w9 form: - I can do this at Dads house today Give w9 to dad Return shirt - will drop off tomorrow before work Take $100 out of the bank - then give $40 to dance partner on Wednesday Start return for Chinese suit -not even sure if they will accept return Send in the dispute for the tolls - need to find address and type something up List Shamet jersey - take pictures Fill out thing for therapist -take picture of insurance card Cook food at cousins house Contemplating what to do with this craving for having an intimate partner. I want it to be someone that I already know but I'm starting to realize that its okay if its someone completely new and I think that may be the correct path for me. I am going to sign up for a tantra speed dating event to jump start dealing with this craving. In the meantime, I will continue to pursue enlightenment and God consciousness by doing kriya yoga on a daily basis.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #189 ~ Sat Aug 8 '26 I have a crush on a different girl at work now. She is funny and fun and awesome. What should I do about this? Pursue OTHER women of course. I have shown a pattern of not doing very well seducing someone thats a friend first. I can also taste the neediness within my pored with this girl and that happened with the last one. You have to understand and experience the dynamic that creates intimacy between two people and right now you do not. Have fun with this girl, but don't hold onto her. You could also crush on someone else with the snap of a finger. Don't get bogged down by "the 1." There is no 1, or at least not that you're aware of until it hits you. That is what happens with these crushes though, you want them to be the 1. You hope for it. You beg for God to allow this person to be the 1 that you marry. But the truth is, usually she ain't it. And thats such a tough pill to swallow. You want to have control over this matter, but in reality you have none. You are at the mercy of the universe. So have fun, grow yourself into an attractive man. That is whats more valuable than any one woman. You will still have an impact on a woman while being her friend. You don't have to end up with her. Focus on being more God-like, getting all your shit done, becoming rich, giving back to humanity, contribution to the world, living with integrity, giving back, and most importantly, find out whats true, whats true without a fuckin' doubt in the world. What is it thats going on here? Why is reality so confusing and complex? Is it because its infinite? Thats why I can have an infinite amount of fantasies and dreams? I wish I could be grounded, not living within my fantasies anymore. I want to flow, without any concerns in the world, without thought, pure presence. I will get there. Its just a matter of time. Also, if you truly love this girl, then you should be able to let her go and allow her to be free. Your energy bogs her down by being needy for her to be a certain way or for her to give you attention. Let go of this need or this feeling of lack and she will feel free to fall in love with whomever she wants. You deserve this too. There are beautiful, gorgeous women all over the place, go out there, be yourself, and talk to them. Its not rocket science. This girl that I'm crushing on will not be at work next week, I am going to miss her. What is it with this? Her not being there causes me suffering, but at the same time, her being there while also causes me suffering because I know I don't have her in my life and I wish I did. Any way you slice it, theres suffering. And this happened with the last girl I was crushing on too. There is something deeper going on here that I must unravel. Why am I suffering so much from these women? What is the common denominator? Tomorrow, I have to teach a dance lesson from 9 am - 11 am. And then I have to go straight to my cousins house in order to dog sit for them. My family will then visit me at the house to celebrate her birthday. And then I am going to take my grandma out for dinner. I am thinking that I should bring all of my food over to the house so that I can cook everything there. I think thats a great idea. I have this massive cooler that I am going to bring, but that means that I have to fill it with ice and bring all of my ingredients. If I do this, Daily goals: Shower: 19 Groom hair: 19 Brush teeth: 19 Floss: 5 Take medication: 19 Make bed: 2 Meditate: 0 No porn: 3 No ejaculation: 3 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 5 Wash face before bed: 5 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 2 Clean room: 2 Clean car: 1 Things to do: Print out w9 form: - I can do this at Dads house today Return shirt - will drop off today before 12 pm Take $100 out of the bank Start return for Chinese suit Send in the dispute for the tolls - need to find address and type something up List Shamet jersey Fill out thing for therapist Figure out Frontier bill

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #188 ~ Thu Aug 5 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 17 Groom hair: 17 Brush teeth: 17 Floss: 3 Take medication: 17 Make bed: 0 Meditate: 0 No porn: 1 No ejaculation: 1 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 1 Brush teeth before bed: 3 Wash face before bed: 3 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 2 Clean room: 2 Clean car: 1 "I don't see the glass half full, I see the whole pitcher" Things to do: Print out w9 form: I will do this at work (try to go in early) Return shirt - need to print attach address and drop off at post office Take $100 out of the bank Start return for Chinese suit Send in the dispute for the tolls List Shamet jersey

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #187 ~ Wed Aug 5 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 16 Groom hair: 16 Brush teeth: 16 Floss: 2 Take medication: 16 Make bed: 0 Meditate: 0 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 0 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 2 Wash face before bed: 2 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 2 Clean room: 2 Clean car: 0

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #186 ~ Tue Aug 4 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 15 Groom hair: 15 Brush teeth: 15 Floss: 1 Take medication: 15 Make bed: 8 Meditate: 0 No porn: 9 No ejaculation: 15 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 2 Clean room: 2 Clean car: 0 Things to do: Get chair from dana - scheduled for Thursday at 12 Return shirt - need to print out label Return beach ball suit Dump run at dads house - needs to be a Saturday morning - it could be this weekend, I would feel so much better if I do this Deep clean room ( not sure why there's water on the floor) Check oil - Thursday? Evaluations for camp - Thursday? Give money to dance partner - idk when I'm gonna see her Fill out w2 form - Thursday?

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #185 ~ Mon Aug 3 '26 There is something off about Arthur Murray. Right now, when I think about the business, it makes me feel gross. I understand that we are helping people and providing value to them, but there is now this intuitive feeling that what we are doing here is wrong in some way, or just not up to my standards. the intuitive feeling that I am feeling is difficult to communicate, but I would describe it as feeling gross. Firstly, I don't respect my boss anymore because he hurt my feelings. I don't think he genuinely cares about the people under him, I'm not even sure what his motive is anymore, but he doesn't care at all, everything that he does is fake, its to put on a show. I know now that I don't want to be here forever. This place harbors an idea that if you achieve something, then you will be happy. This whole paradigm is completely false. True hapiness lies within the ability to just sit there with nothing at all and be content and happy with that. With that in mind, I'm not totally sure where to go from here because I still have dating goals that make me sick thinking about them too much, and I still have dance goals, which make me frustrated when I think about them too much. And then of course, I have projects with students that I am very passionate about, and lets not forget that I love everybody at the studio very much (With the exception of my boss's boss) who I have no respect for anymore. What a dick. Daily goals: Shower: 14 Groom hair: 14 Brush teeth: 14 Floss: 0 Take medication: 14 Make bed: 7 Meditate: 0 No porn: 8 No ejaculation: 14 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 2 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #184 ~ Sun Aug 2 '26 I have had the most emotionally challenging day in a very long time and also one of the most emotionally challenging weeks. I'm at a dance event, just woke up, everything is over now we just have breakfast and I get to go home. I CANNOT WAIT to be alone as I've gotten emotionally triggered time and time again over these past 24 hour. Right now I feel embarrassed and agitated. Maybe I'll journal about what happened later. Anyways, here's my habit tracker from yesterday. Keep your head up man, today try to find some things that you're grateful for. Daily goals: Shower: 13 Groom hair: 13 Brush teeth: 13 Floss: 13 Take medication: 13 Make bed: 6 Meditate: 0 No porn: 7 No ejaculation: 13 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 7 Wash face before bed: 7 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1 I get triggered a lot at my job. This isn't a bad thing, it is allowing me to tackle the things that I need to tackle. I love making a difference in people's lives, I love the communal aspect of my job, it's as if we are all in this big love bubble, one that is supportive and cares about one another. Of course, within this bubble, I get triggered emotionally. I feel less than, I feel like Im not good enough, I feel unloved, I feel disrespected, I don't know what to do in this situations. But there are so many people here that love me, that's what keeps me going. I want to create incredible solos here ones that have high artistic integrity, I want to make a lot of money doing what I love here. I want to have a healthy romantic relationship separate form this place and maybe even eventually inside of it. And then I would like to transcend this place as I don't think it has the artistic integrity that I'm looking for. Some of these people that are in a position of power here, yes they are impressive and successful, there's no doubt about that, but to what end and how did you get here? Are you making a real contribution towards humanity or are you just in it for the money? Do you walk your talk or are you a slave to the system? Do you actually care about me or do you use me like a pawn to make yourself more money? Are you being fake in your interactions with people? Do you genuinely want what's best for everyone here? Eventually I would like to live a quiet life in the woods where I can contemplate reality and talk to God. I want to understand what enlightenment is. I want to experience what death is. I want to solve the mysteries of the universe. I want to have enough financial freedom so that I have the space to do that. And... I want to dance, I want to compete and create amazing things at my job, ones that fill people up, ones that move them emotionally, and like I tell my students, don't be so hard on yourself, you are growing, you have a clear path ahead towards greatness. This is so easy to say to them, but do you really believe it? And do you embody it yourself? Not really... I am so fuckin hard on myself. I hate myself sometimes, thinking that I'm absolute shit, when in reality I'm comparing myself to people that have been in the business longer than me. But I don't want to feel this way anymore. I hate my former dance partner. She's not nice to me, I don't kike being around her, and I honestly don't enjoy seeing her succeed. I never want to dance with her again.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #183 ~ Sat Aug 1 '26 I do this thing with women in which if I enjoy my time with her then I want to hold onto her, I want to grasp her. I don't want to let her go. This is a crush essentially. But I don't want to crush on the women at work anymore. I want a new girl that is outside of this business. Good job with your habits. I can see you growing right before my very eyes. I am so excited to see who and what you become in this life. I'm so proud of you. Daily goals: Shower: 12 Groom hair: 12 Brush teeth: 12 Floss: 12 Take medication: 12 Make bed: 5 Meditate: 0 No porn: 6 No ejaculation: 12 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 6 Wash face before bed: 6 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #182 ~ Thu Jul 30 '26 Camp is going really well this week. Remember when I said that I was really stressed out? Im doing fine now, I have hit a nice groove where I again don't need anything from anybody. Sometimes I do get frustrated with myself that I don't have a girlfriend, I'll feel like no one is interested in me romantically and it hurts, but other times I am just so non- needy from anything and anyone, I am able to just be myself and whatever comes of that I'm okay with. That's one of the main things that I've gotten from this job. My authentic self is finally coming out to play. I don't care about playing a certain character or role, I am going to be me. What a cool breakthrough. Daily goals: Shower: 10 Groom hair: 10 Brush teeth: 10 Floss: 10 Take medication: 10 Make bed: 3 Meditate: 1 No porn: 4 No ejaculation: 10 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 4 Wash face before bed: 4 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #181~ Wed Jul 29 '26 I keep falling into the trap of not working on my dating life and just hoping that I will somehow miraculously get out of the friend zone. What a fuckin joke. I'm done with these girls. Stop selling yourself short. You are the catch, anyone that doesn't want you is simply not the right person for you. Now go out there and do something about it. The longer I go without porn and ejaculation, the more in tuned I am with my desire for a girl in my life. Although I go through the frustration of feeling the sting of not having what I want in my life, this is a positive thing. Daily goals: Shower: 9 Groom hair: 9 Brush teeth: 9 Floss: 9 Take medication: 9 Make bed: 2 Meditate: 0 No porn: 3 No ejaculation: 9 Eat 150 g of protein: 8 No electronics after 11pm: 7 Brush teeth before bed: 3 Wash face before bed: 3 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #180~ Tue Jul 28 '26 I am so fuckin' stressed out this week. I have a sports camp to run and I have an overnight dance event this weekend and I also have to stay at my moms to take care of her fuckin' cat. This is bullshit. I am so fuckin stressed out and I don't know how to say no to people. As soon as this week is over, I am going to take a good hard look at my schedule and I'm going to start prioritizing what I want, which is mainly career, getting jacked, finances, and getting a girlfriend. I don't have time to help all of you people. And I don't have time to compete. And I HATE staying over someones house and housesitting, I absolutely hate it. I have to pack things up. I always forget stuff. And it stressed me the fuck out. God, please help me get through this week. Daily goals: Shower: 8 Groom hair: 8 Brush teeth: 8 Floss: 8 Make bed: 1 Meditate: 2 No porn: 2 No ejaculation: 8 Eat 150 g of protein: 7 No electronics after 11pm: 6 Brush teeth before bed: 2 Wash face before bed: 2 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #179~ Mon Jul 27'26 Daily goals: Shower: 7 Groom hair: 7 Brush teeth: 7 Floss: 7 Make bed: 0 Meditate: 1 No porn: 1 No ejaculation: 7 Eat 150 g of protein: 6 No electronics after 11pm: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 1 Clean room: 1 Clean car: 1 Sometimes I question why I'm doing what I'm doing. And why am I always so stressed out and busy? Why can't I just relax and contemplate God and reality. But the truth is that there's nothing that Id rather do than dance to earn a living, I know that for a fact. So that's an easy decision.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #178 ~ Sum Jul 26 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 6 Groom hair: 6 Brush teeth: 6 Floss: 6 Make bed: 5 Meditate: 0 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 6 Eat 150 g of protein: 5 No electronics after 11pm: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0 Clean room: 0 Clean car: 0

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #177 ~ Sat Jul 25 '26 I love having this journal. What a great way to hold myself accountable. My mixture of meditation and no porn / semen retention has triggered me into knowing that I do want to improve my dating / sex life. Despite working with women at your job, this is not going to happen organically. I know this because it hasn't worked like that so far in your life so why would anything change. This is a hard pill to swallow because I don't want to deal with the dating stuff. I am so fuckin' shy and I don't like making things sexually direct, but this must be the next thing that I have to deal with. I can't keep going on without addressing this aspect in my life. I also hate being rejected, but that is part of the process and I am going to have to curve my way into the storm. Good luck. Daily goals: Shower: 5 Groom hair: 5 Brush teeth: 5 Floss: 5 Make bed: 4 Meditate: 4 No porn: 5 No ejaculation: 5 Eat 150 g of protein: 4 No electronics after 11pm: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 0 Wash face before bed: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #176 ~ Fri Jul 24 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 4 Groom hair: 4 Brush teeth: 4 Floss: 4 Make bed: 3 Meditate: 3 No porn: 4 No ejaculation: 4 Eat 150 g of protein: 3 No electronics after 11pm: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 1 Wash face before bed: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #175 ~ Thu Jul 23 '26 It feels really good to knock these habits out. I'm still feeling a lot of conflicting emotions right now, going through a lot of emotional baggage. I feel as though I have no control over these things, events and circumstances just trigger me and the only thing I have control over is how I deal with it. At the end of the day I don't want to be mad at anyone. I want to be able to trigger a psycho mode while working out or a hyper focused mode while dancing, but I never want to be pissed at anyone, this is unresourceful and frankly not healthy for your body. The people in my life are fabrications in my mind. There are real entities, but they do not have an inherent Truth behind them. The truth is what you make it in terms of them. These people are floating balls of consciousness. Consciousness is all around you. I dont actually see this in my present experience but I can see that this is what the spiritual teachers are pointing me towards. With all of these anthropological books that I've read ( A Separate reality, The Theory of Everything, etc.) in which the person is having outer body experiences, Ive started to take a look at dreams in a different way. Am I entering a separate reality while sleeping or is this just a construct inside of my own mind? That's the other thing, how do I know if something is a mental construct or if it is a real tangible insight into the future? What is the difference in the feeling of it? The people in my life are awesome but they trigger me sometimes. I sometimes feel like I have no idea what I'm talking about in terms of dancing and that I have nothing to offer and that I suck at my job. That's how I felt yesterday. I was questioning everything that I was doing and felt like I sucked at everything. I haven't felt like that in a while but nonetheless, I did. Daily goals: Shower: 3 Groom hair: 3 Brush teeth: 3 Floss: 3 Make bed: 2 Meditate: 2 No porn: 3 No ejaculation: 3 Eat 150 g of protein: 2 No electronics after 11pm: 1 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #174 ~ Wed Jul 22 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 2 Groom hair: 2 Brush teeth: 2 Floss: 2 Make bed: 1 Meditate: 1 No porn: 2 No ejaculation: 2 Eat 150 g of protein: 1 No electronics after 11pm: 0 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 0 I'm really happy that this journal is back. I want to hold myself accountable for a lot of things in life. Without it, I am just floating, wandering around without anyone keeping me in check. Sometimes I get really pissed that this girl left me for some other dance partner. This girl in particular makes me feel bipolar, sometimes shes my favorite person, sometimes I hate her and want nothing to do with her. I'm in the I want nothing to do with her phase at the moment. Its honestly not fair to her to have someone treat her with such inconsistency, but at the same time, I don't really give a fuck. I don't care how I affect people anymore. I mean I do, but at the same time, its more important to me to be authentic and genuine. I'm not going to bend over backwards for people, especially when they don't do the same for me. Last night, I worked out and I was in a psycho mode, so pissed off, I was working out like a beast. This is a great skill, I want to be able to trigger myself while at the gym, so much so that I'm in an animalist beast mode. This is possible to tap into on command. Take Luka Doncic for example, he palys basketball like a little kid at times, just having fun, but then he flips a switch and he turns into an absolute psycho. This is me. This feels good to me. This gets results. I want results. I want to be jacked. I want to be better than every fuckin' dancer in this building. I want to fuck. Everyone get the hell out of my way. I'll either take you with me or bury you alive. Life is weird. Or maybe more accurately, my mind is weird. Can it stop moving it's fuckin' lips please? Can it just relax for a second? Nah it just wants to masturbate all fuckin day. Does it know that I don't need him in order to survive? Once it realized this, it will fight me tooth and nail to keep its life.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #173 ~ Tue Jul 21 '26 I am going to bring back a habit journal so that I can track my habits. Whenever I look at something or hear or smell something, a perception immediately arises. This is wired into my brain in order for me to surive. The problem with this is I now live in a fantasy world, full of perceptions and pictures in my head. There is never a time when I am actually BEING or at the very least experiencing the thing for what it actually is. My next challenge is to find a way to experience something without any preconceived notions about it. 7/20/26: Shower: 1 Groom hair: 1 Brush teeth: 1 Floss: 1 Make bed: 0 Meditate: 0 No porn: 1 No ejaculation: 1 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 7/21-7/27: Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 0 I am going to track this shit like clockwork. I've entered my masculine era. Just watch and see what I become. I am going to do a new solo to this song with my dance coach. This depicts the relationship that I have with my dance coach. She's been working with me for about a year now on a weekly basis. We had talked about working together the other day but we didn't have a song in mind. I picked this song because I get so overwhelmed by this job sometimes, and whenever I feel overwhelmed, I am able to come to her for help on anything. I cannot describe how grateful I am for her in my life.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #172 ~ Fri Jul 17 '26 A lot has changed since my last post on here. I have hit a groove where I am really happy at work and in my personal relations. I just love everybody and I feel like I don't need anything from anyone, that is key. I can't describe how good things are right now actually. I've started to really take hold of my life and I am ready to continue to create something remarkable with it. A very cool thing has been happening to me, I have been attracting lengthy interactions with people more and more, people really enjoy being around me. I believe it's because I am acting genuine and authentic and completely non- needy. I don't need anything from you, I'm good on my own, this creates a dynamic with everyone that I talk to that is genuine and caring but at the same time independent from outcome. I get to see my favorite person tomorrow, which I am excited about. I'm not going to pursue sex anymore, I don't need it. I am going to hang out with the people that Id like to hang out with and sex will come. I will continue to omit porn from my diet and see where that takes me. I have developed myself enough that women will fall into my lap, and if they don't, that's okay too, my life is so full as it is, sometimes I feel like I cant handle anything more, like my cup is so full as it is, if anything else is added it will overflow. This is because you are now providing genuine value to others, which deeply excites me. I want more though of course, I want to be jacked and shredded, I want to look really good and hot out there on the dance floor, I want to be organized and clear headed, etc... The three main things that I'm working on right now are 1. Getting jacked 2. Having a clean and clear environment and mind and 3. Becoming a successful dancer and dance instructor

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #92 ~ Fri July 3 '26 ~ 8:19 PM My own experience of how things are is stained with bullshit.. and I mean actual shit. There is shit stained on every inch of my brain. And by shit, I mean falisty. What is false is carved into my skin. I want to peel back my skin, layer by layer, until Truth is revealed. This is the heart of a true Spriritual Warrior. Higher Self: Don't get this confused, this is not me being egoic, I am simply laying down the foundation for you to climb. And if climbing is what you intend to do, buckle in because this ride is nothing to mistake for an amusement ride. This is a direct path, if you so want it. But.... I can't explain it to you because unfortunately, the Truth is beyond labels. And if all labels are false, then the Truth must lie beneath or above or just somewhere other than the domain where labels are true. Can you pretend, just for a second, that you do not know what this thing is that you are experiencing. You hear things, you see things, you taste, you write, you imagine.. What is all of this? And don't come back at me with more labels, we've already established that there are none. What we are looking for is Truth, which is the opposite of whats false. If you want to wake up, I mean truly wake up, you will have to let go of all of your labels and beliefs. Lower self: But what about all of the models that science has prescribed to us? They are so useful, are they not? Higher Self: They are only useful if you do not care about waking up. Wake up first, dream later. Lower self: Sounds a bit paradoxical, don't you think? Higher Self: Of course, but a paradox is mere nothingness to the beholder. The beholder and paradox have nothing in common but also everything in common. You will understand this once you take on the beast. Lower self: What beast? Higher Self: The Beast inside of you. He wants to come out, but you are caging him up because you are afraid. Afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of Death. I bring up death because when you die, you will discover Truth, you have no choice in the matter. Death is merging into the Absolute realm that has been right here all along, right under your nose. But you're too egoic to see that, too attached, too selfish. When you discover what's True in this lifetime, your attachments, your self image, your way of being will all die. And guess what, you've already taken that first step, so you are already dead. You are driving down a steep hill at 100 mph. And at the bottom, a pool of water that will bathe and cleanse you and give you wings so that you can fly up into the clouds and merge with the Absolute. Now don't you dare take my words literally, these words are mere metaphors. Remember, all labels are false, which makes all communication false. What I am saying to you right now is stained with bullshit, but what I am saying is pointing you towards something, it is meant to unlock the next door for you, (or unlock the next gear if you like the driving the car at breakneck speed analogy.)

Daily goals list: Wake up at 8 am daily: 0 Meditate daily: 5 Brush teeth and wash face every night: 0 No porn: 0 No ejaculating: 5

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #171 ~ Thu Jul 2 '26 I am finding something rather ugly about myself right now. I am struggling to build lessons at the moment, I had 15 last week and only 9 this week. I just got back from heart surgery so I should be giving myself some grace and zooming out, this is just a phase, I have no momentum right now. But anyways, the thing thats ugly is I'll get pissed when I see my co workers doing well now, because I'm not doing well so seeing them succeed makes me feel inferior, makes me feel crappy and I think things like "what's so good about them, why are they getting all this success?" Ugly, really ugly thoughts. These are my friends. I care about them. But when I am in a mode where I feel shitty about myself, it's like I want everyone else to feel shitty with me. What a selfish fuck I am. I am really. What is wrong with me? The thing is though is that there absolutely nothing wrong with me. Being honest about how you are feeling and the thoughts running through your head, that is the start. I am being honest with you here. I am describing the ugliness of my thoughts. This is just where my ego is, he isn't able to zoom out when he's feeling down and realize that this is just one day, this is just one mood, things will in fact get better. He doesn't seem to be able to have that capacity to zoom out. Anyways, Ive done a good job of meditating every day, taking my meds and supplements daily, waking up for the most part at 8 am and washing my face and brushing my teeth at night. I am doing well right now. I have a masculine energy that is being directed towards work and working out. I'm pissed right now about a lot of things, that is what's fueling me. And again, there's nothing wrong with that, in the past, I would suppress this anger by saying, "I'm better than this, I shouldn't be mad at these people, I shouldnt want revenge." But revenge is a GREAT motivator. And its not like I'm not a loving person, I am. I am far too conscious through this work to have a net negative impact on the people around me. I'm far too aware of what I'm doing and thinking. But I want to prove all the doubters wrong, I am in the expert phase of my ego development, becoming uniquely good in this field and I am using strong emotions to fuel me, indicative of the LOC 300s, modeled by Ramaji. I have MUCH farther to go, I want to reach LOC 1000 one day, but this is a slow burn. My ego must embody and then transcend each stage. Daily goals list: Wake up at 8 am daily: 0 Meditate daily: 4 Brush teeth and wash face every night: 4 No porn: 0 No ejaculating: 4 "Progress doesn't shout, it whispers" You might think that my motivation is crude right now, trying to be better than other people, seeking revenge, proving people wrong, but at least I'm working towards something. I don't think I've ever felt this alive actually. I want to tackle and conquer. I want to stick my dick inside of this metaphorical world and fuck it's brains out. I am giving my ego what it wants. It wants to be seen. It wants to cry out, it wants to grind, it wants to be unique. Let's curve into this egos uniqueness. Go down the path and don't stop until it's salivating at the mouth from all of the food that it can eat.

TheHabits & Disciplines Journey Entry #170 ~ Tue Jun 30 '26 Todays schedule: Wake up at 8 am ✔️ Meditate ✔️ Shower ☑️ Eat breakfast ☑️ 10:30 Head to the gym 11-12 Work out 12 Head to work to start on planning spreadsheets and working on certification 2:00 Practice dance 4-10 work 10 Work on certification What do I want? Smooth vest $200 Slimmer dance pants $200 New smooth shirt $200 Flowy costume $50 New rhythm shirt $400 New shoes $200 Total: $1250 And I have $5200 in my bank account. Should I do it? I am investing in my dance career, but is this too much? I am being sucked back into the void that is Arthur Murray. The grind does not stop. Of course, the skills that I am leaning are helpful. I'm becoming more organized, I have a vision for things now, I am more disciplined, I have something to work towards. My ego needs this right now. My ego wants revenge. It wants to be jacked and to get that girl back. It wants success and prosperity. It wants respect and dignity. It wants to be highly masculine. It wants to stop caring about what others think and to be grounded and stoic. This is what my ego wants and needs. So give that to him. And in the meantime, I'm going to continue to question what kind of void I am in in this life.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #169 ~ Mon Jun 29 '26 Dear diary, I am ready to transcend this world and live in a nondual state. But help me allow this dream character of mine to grow and to understand and to experience everything that he desires. He deserves to be loved. He deserves peace. Help me bring the all of the success and the peace that he wants. This journal is back and I am going to start holding myself accountable to the habits that I have instilled for a specific reason, which is to reach a goal. This goal is out there in the abstract, but it is something to work towards. Todays Schedule: 8 am Wake up and shower 8:30 Meditate: 9:00 Eat breakfast: 9:30 Start cooking food for myself 10:30 leave for the gym 11:00 Work out 12:00 head to the studio 12-1 Work on spreadsheets 1-10 Work 10 Leave for practice 10:30-11:30 Practice Get home for midnight and go to bed Daily goals list: Wake up at 8 am daily: 2 Meditate daily: 2 Brush teeth and wash face every night: 1 No porn: 1 No ejaculating: 1 Weekly goals list: Workout 4x a week: I'm still really pissed off about my dance parter breaking up with me. It fuels me to be better than she will ever be. Sometimes I think that this mindset is wrong, and in a sense it is, its not very worldly, accepting, its just not very developed. To be hurt by somebody and to want to hurt them back.. you would think I'd be above that by now. However, I'm not... I want revenge on her. I want to get so good that she regrets ever leaving me. I want to win dance competitions with a different dance partner and I want to rub it in her face. I don't like her anymore. I want to become so good, I am unrecognizable.