Spiritual Warrior

Can you explain what the red shadow is??

Jed McKenna Interlude: No Belief is True "Self-realization, truth realization isn't a state of consciousness. You want to bring this whole thing down to a level that you can deal with it. But that's not possible.. truth isn't an idea or a concept. It's not in libraries or in the words of sages. It doesn't come in a flash of insight or a peak experience. Its not a feeling of bliss or ecstacy. It's not a concept to be understood or a feeling to be experienced. It's not in your heart or your mind. It's further. We're talking about lies, important lies. Lies right at the heart of who and what we are. We're making serious accusations. We're committing heresy because that's what heresy is, truth talk in the dream state. Spiritual awakening is about discovering what's true. Anything that's not about getting to the truth must be discarded. Truth isn't about knowing things. You already know too much. It's about unknowing. It's not about becoming true, it's about unbecoming false, so that all that's left is truth. If you want to become a priest or a lama or a rabbi or a theologian then there's a lot to learn, tons and tons. But if you want to figure out what's true, then it's a whole different process, and the last thing you need is more knowledge. Beliefs are candles that man uses to ward off the surrounding darkness. They are the charms that we use to hold infinity at bay, to dispell the black cloud that hovers over every head. Your moments of blackest despair are really your most honest moments, your most lucid moments. That's what you're seeing without your protective lenses. That's when you pull back the curtain and see things as they are. No belief is true. No. Belief. Is. True. All beliefs, all concepts, all thoughts, yes, they're all false. All bullshit. Of course they are. Not just religions and spiritual teachings but all philosophies, all ideas, all opinions. If you're going for the truth, you're not taking any of them with you. Nothing that says two, not one.. survives. That's what I say. It rings true because it is true." ~ From one of Jed McKenna's books

This is a story about how a stage red character was brought up, from his environment to his upbringing. How do we get a person like this to move up the spiral? You get him into a church, get him to start believing in something bigger than himself. Good luck Malcolm. Malcolm by G Herbo Once upon a time around the Southside A young black man grew up in a house Had a pops he never knew, with a mom thats strung out His granny careless just about, say he'll never make it out Of the hood and had a handful of aunties that could vouch Young n**** named Malcolm, all his homies called him Malc' Big brother off in college, Malcolm took another route From gang bangin', caine slangin', moms threw him out the house Stuck on probation, on and off since 13, been in and out Soon as he turned 17, s*** got super wild Still a juvenile, he just totin' Rugers now He shotin' now, streets got him, Malcolm ruthless now .........

If this is something that you want to pursue, then go for it man. You will figure out all of the details later. I can tell that this excites you to your core. That means that you are onto something special. Just get out there and start finding a way to make it work, things will fall into place if you show the universe that you are serious about this. Also, I wouldn't be too proud to not use your mom's help, she is happy to help and it will make her feel good.

You first need to assess where you are at on the spiral. To do this, I would look at the character traits at each stage. If you find a character trait desirable, then that means that you have not transcended it and are stuck on that aspect of the spiral. You should work on that character trait, and only after you have embodied it can you transcend that aspect of the spiral. If you find no character traits desirable at a stage, then that means you do not need this stage anymore and can move onto the next one. You should also remember that certain character traits may seem similar at two different stages. For example, you have charisma at both red and orange, but red charisma is much different than orange charisma. Red charisma is much more selfish. Be honest with yourself as to which you identify with more. Of course, you can still trigger lower stages, such as orange or red while playing sports if that is fun for you.

Nope, materialism is more orange than red. Aggression is more red than orange.

By his auntie he was molested as a baby boy Messed up his head, it even changed the way he played with toys Up late night rappin' and they told him to quit making noise Stuck in his feelings, he been spendin' every day annoyed He wanna stand over a n**** and leave his face destroyed He miss his hood, now thats something that he can't avoid

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #46 - Fri Sep 8th '23 - 9:02 AM Higher self: What is true? Lower self: Nothing. Nothing is true. I've got nothing for you. Higher self: Nope... Something is true. Lower self: Yes ... something is true, but I can't use words to explain it, so whats the point. Higher self: The point is to get you there. How else are you going to get there? By watching more Leo videos or reading more books or meditating more? You don't even like meditating... Lower self: Okay fine.... Everything is one. Higher self: Everything is one, aye? What does that mean. What is everything and what is one? Sounds like a duality to me. Lower self: Yes, it is a duality. But dualities do not exist. Thats what this paradox thing is telling us, that there is a fault in the way that we are looking at things. We want to start looking past it. Everything is literally all there is in the entire universe. Everything, by my definition is the entire universe, God, every emotion that you can think of, every event that you can think of, every single thought stream coming out of a sentient being, every plant on this planet or any other, every star in the entire galaxy and beyond, every grain of sand on the beach, every molecule in the human body, all of the water in the sea and ocean on Earth and on every other planet, every video game, every human being that ever existed, every dinosaur that ever existed, every animal, current and past and future, every rock, every boulder, every eye ball, every disease, every infection, every fight, every bar, every insult, every dream, all energy fields, every color, every piece of music, every event that has ever transpired and will ever transpire, every book, every piece of clothing, every neck tie, every job application, every beating heart, every brain, every tornado, every comet crashing into something, every movie and TV show, every Instagram account, every Twitter account, every sentient being on the Earth and outside of it, every hallucination, every acid trip, every picture that you think is in your head, every airplane, every shoe, every shoe lace, every window, every flower, every tree, every forest, every sunset, ever lake, every river, every ocean, every road, every state, every country, every continent, every boat, Magellan, Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, my best friends, my family, every ego, every shin guard, every shin, every soccer ball, football, baseball, cricket, every sporting event, every school, every water fountain, every slice of pizza, every building, every sky scraper, every train ride, every train ticket, every pen, every pencil, every factory, every yoga class, every whole foods, every psychological model, every guru, every alien, every UFO, every Youtube video, every idea, every conspiracy theory, Jed McKenna, every awakening, every spiritual pursuit, every church, every religion, every football team, every high school clique, every sexual encounter, every kiss, every crush... shall I go on? And that is only scratching the surface because I have a limited perspective here on Earth, in this puny human body. Get me out into the stars like you God and I'll be able to see the whole god damn universe. Higher self: Okay... we understand what everything is.. Now what is one? Lower self: One. well, one is the first number in the numerical language.. Higher self: Thats not what you mean by one... you said that everything is one... what does that mean to you? Lower self: It means that everything can be encapsulated in one thing. That is truth. I know that its true because it must be true. Everything has to be encapsulated in something. I guess I'm really just putting everything in a box. I'm categorizing everything, but theres really only one category and it is one... I could add more categories, but that just doesn't feel right. Higher self: I don't get it. Lower self: Yeah me neither... Aright just let me think out loud for a little bit... Well we know that these paradoxes are always true, right? If a statement is a paradox, that means that we are onto something... thats what I am going to conclude from some of our previous discussions.. and "everything is one" is certainly a paradox... Higher self: Can you explain why its a paradox please. Lower self: Because everything is everything, take all of the examples that I listed above and multiply it by infinity... and one is just one thing, it is singular, I mean truthfully when I think of one, I think of one person, one lamp, one desk, one plant. Singular. So that is not everything, that seems like the complete opposite... Which is what makes the statement a paradox... Yet it is such a common term "Oh yeah... everythings one, we are all one, lets all love each other." Yet no body stopped and questioned that this is the most obvious paradox that there is?! Jesus christ we are missing this shit. Of course I never realized it either until I sat down and thought about it so I'm not above it either.. I'm sorry for judging all of you people. Anyways, this is a massive paradox, we know this now, which means that there is truth to it? Can we conclude that truth lies within every paradoxical statement? Higher self: I don't know... I think thats a stretch... what are the paradoxical statements that we've come up with so far? Lower self: "Everything is one" "Nonduality is true" "Non-existence exists" Higher self: No. we cannot conclude that, we need to look into each statement in further depth. Lower self: Okay, yeah I can tell that I was being lazy with that claim. A big problem with this work is that its mentally draining. I feel like I just ran 30 laps but only gained an inch. Higher self: Yes, thats the nature of the work... Lower self: Alright... thanks for that... *Long pause* Now lets gain a little more understanding on the statement "Everything is one," So everything is infinite things, and one is just one thing... how can everything be one... is infinity packed into a single molecule... or a single body... I don't think so... so that means that they are opposites... but no they are not opposites because opposites do not exist, opposites are human mind constructions... But everything can't be one. It just can't be. Higher self: Alright... I'm going to help you out a little bit. I think that what the statement is alluding to is that God is in everything. We humans are all one in the sense that we are all God. Lower self: Okay but even a statement like God is in everything doesn't make any sense to me because I don't know what God is, I just talk to him sometimes but don't even know if its real. You know what... everything cannot be one, thats my answer to this. The shirt that is laying out on the chair in front of me is a singular object. It is NOT infinite. not infinite at all. If it were infinite, it would look infinite and it doesn't, its just a shirt, a single fucking shirt. Higher self: What about all of the cotton threads within the shirt, there must be thousands that make up the singular shirt, does that make the shirt a thousand cotton threads or just one thread. Lower self: I don't know, it depends how you look at it, yeah sure.. you could say "Hey, that person is wearing a thousand cotton threads"... but you'd sound pretty silly. Higher self: Okay... so your definition of one depends upon the persons perspective, which means that it is a relative truth. Lower self: Yeah... sure. Whats your point? Higher self: My point is that we are looking for absolute truths, not relative truths... Therefore, your definition of what one is is relative, it is not absolute. Lower self: Fine then, lets just scrap the "everything is one" statement, its fine by me, not true, get it out of here... Higher self: Okay.. I can tell you are getting aggravated, I think its time for a break. Just to clarify, I think that I have been harping on "Everything is one" as something to look into because I intuit that there is some truth to it. And I think that we should trust my intuition when it comes to where we want our conversations to be steered. Lower self: Yes, I'm on board with that. I need some food, I'll talk to you later.

God Interlude: Fantasy Football Ben: What's up God or higher self, whoever the fuck you are. What's good dawg, how are you doing? God: What up homie. I'm good, my fantasy football team is looking pretty good this year ngl, I was afraid that Travis Kelce tore his ACL, but I think that he'll be alright. I drafted him 1st round because that dude's a freakin' beast. Ben: What?! God... you have a fantasy football team? God: Of course. What, is God not allowed to have a little bit of fun. Ben: But... but... who else is in the league... the Easter bunny, Santa Clause...? God: Hahahaha very funny... no.. I'm in every fantasy football league that there is on Earth. I drafted every single player and by every single team that there is. Ben: That's a lot of drafting... God: Yes it is, but I have the help of you tiny humans to help me out. We are capable of having a lot of fun together. Don't you think? Ben: Wait so you drafted my fantasy football team for me? God: Not for you, but with you. I am inside of you and I am you. We are one and the same, remember? Ben: Yeah I remember, this is just going to take some getting used to... I mean, how can you be everywhere at once? God: I am the infinite shape shifter. I am everywhere at once because I am literally everything that there is. Don't you understand that? There is no universe without me. The universe and God are the same size, we are both so massive and extravagant, as a matter of fact God and universe are the exact same. But I like to use the word God because it entails a sentient being, capable of having emotions and as we are discussing right now, having fun... anything that you are capable of experiencing, I also am capable of experiencing because I am all. Ben: But if you are all and you are God.... then I am also God because God is all and I am a singular part of "all" God: Yes, that's correct.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #45 - Wed Sep 6th '23 - 8:50 AM 13.*Look around and say to yourself* A meaningless world engenders fear. *Close your eyes.* A meaningless world engenders fear because I think I am in competition with God. "To move forward, you must figure out exactly what is obstructing you. Whatever it is, it isn’t really there; it has no reality, no substance. It’s your own creation, a phantom lurking in the shadows of your mind, a shadow demon. Your obstructions are your demons, and your demons are shadow dwellers. They live and thrive in the half-light of ignorance, so the way to slay a demon is by illuminating it with the full force and power of your focused attention; by looking at it, hard. Banish shadow with light and see for yourself that no obstruction exists, nor ever did. We create our demons and we feed them. To awaken we must slay them. That’s really the whole process: Slay one demon, take one step. Repeat." ~ from Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment by Jed McKenna Higher self: Lets take this duality conversation one step further. If duality does not exist, what else does that mean? We established that the thought of two things being opposites is an illusion, according to this insight, what else is an illusion? Lower self: Everything. Everything is an illusion. Higher self: Okay... Give me an example. Lower self: My entire life story is an illusion. Everything about it. My past is an illusion. My friends are an illusion. My cat .. an illusion. The people that I love... Illusion. Higher self: How do you know they are an illusion? I feel like you're just saying these things with no way of backing it up or proving it. You don't truly understand the magnitude of these statements. And what does this have to do with nonduality? Lower self: Nonduality is "all is one." That's literally what it means to be nondual. That means that there is nothing outside of it, which means that anything that is finite or separate, such as my puny little body and my memories and thoughts and family and circle of friends, they are all nondual. Everything is nondual. Higher self: Hmmm. Okay that's interesting, but there are still finite things, you must admit. The chair has a different makeup than the table and than a physical human body. Lower self: Not in the absolute sense, there is no difference between the two, not really. The difference between the two has been constructed in our own minds. The chair and the human are one and the same. Higher self: Hmmm... Interesting.. but you care about the survival of the human body more than the chair that you are sitting on. Lower self: Yes of course because I want to live. I don't want to die. I don't care about that chair because I don't live through the chair, I live through this physical body. I am selfish, we all must be in order to survive. Higher self: Can you transcend survival? Lower self: Yeah probably, but I think that we are all scared to because then we will literally be okay with dieing. Higher self: Well that's where you're headed if you continue down this path... Is that a demon that you are willing to face... Lower self: Errrrrr... Yes, I think so.

Today, you were far away And I didn't ask you why What could I say? I was far away You just walked away And I just watched you What could I say? How close am I To losing you Tonight You just closed your eyes And I just watch you Slip away How close am I To losing you Hey, are you awake? Yeah I'm right here Can I ask you About today How close am I? To losing you How close am I? To losing...

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #44 - Mon Sep 4th '23 - 1:56 PM Lower self: The statement nonduality is true is in itself a paradox. It's a paradox because for nonduality to be true, the duality of true and false must not be true.How about the statement duality is false? Higher self: How about this, what does it mean to be false? Lower self: To be false is to be not true. Something that is false... Well actually for something to be false. Someone must have thought that it was true at one point and then realized that it was false afterwards. For example, the earth is flat, this is a false statement. We know that the earth is round, but humans used to think that the earth was flat, then we realized that this is false. Then maybe one day we will realize that the earth isn't round and it's actually square shaped (idk). The point I'm trying to make is that these things are relative. In truth work, we are not looking for relative truths, we are looking for absolute truths. What is the difference between relative and absolute truths? Higher self: An absolute truth is something that without a doubt, cannot be questioned, it knows itself is true, it doesn't need anything else to validate that it is true. That is what we are after here, so let's not get stuck on all of these relative truths, such as the nature of the duality of truth vs falsehood. Lower self: But isn't this an important distinction to make? Why does absolute truth fall outside of the realm of duality?? Higher self: Because there is no absolute falsehood. For there to be falsehood, there must be truth, and that's just not what we're after here. We could find falsehood if we wanted to, absolute falsehood. Is that what you want to find? Lower self: Not particularly. But while we're in the subject, what does absolute falsehood look like? Higher self: Why does it matter? True and false are not opposites. Haven't we established this? That is what we mean by the statement dualities are an illusion. Falsehood still exists and absolute truth still exists, so what are we even talking about here? You are not using the duality of truth and falsehood in the work that you are doing. The duality between the two is the illusion, or the relationship between the two is the illusion. You are simply finding out what's true. That is it. Something being false has nothing to do with it. Lower self: Okay but if something is false, then it is not true, correct? Higher self: No! They're not opposites! That's the problem that you keep running into! Lower self: But can something be true and false at the same time? Nuh uh... I don't think so... Higher self: On the relative scale, something can be true to one person and false to another person. For example, one person thinks that God is real, that is his truth, another thinks God is not real, that is his truth. Who's right? Who's truth is correct? Neither! Neither is, they are just opinions. Lower self: Yes but if there is an absolute truth and an absolute falsehood and in this perfect example, we are speaking about God, one of these people is absolutely true and the other is absolutely false. Higher self: No! You are still using the duality! Lower self: What do you mean? Higher self: The duality of truth and false does not exist, correct? Lower self: Yes.. Higher self: That means that there is no difference between truth and false in the absolute sense, they are one and the same... Lower self: Then what the fuck are we doing?? What is the point of this work? Higher self: It's to get you to that point, where you actually understand what we're talking about here! You don't understand it, do you? Lower self: No! How could I?! It makes no sense! Higher self: Okay, let's back up here for a moment, do you understand what I am saying when I say that the duality of truth and false is not real? Do you understand how significant this is. Every time truth pops into your head, you are thinking of its opposite, falsehood. I am trying to get you to stop doing that. The reason for this is because we have already established the duality between truth and falsehood is imaginary, it is not real. That means that there is NO RELATIONSHIP between the two. Are you starting to understand that? Lower self: Yes.. yes.. I understand now.. Higher self: And that means that the word false does not belong here, there is no point in using it. We are looking for TRUTH. That is it, no attachments, no return engagements, no encore. TRUTH. Lower self: Yes, I understand..

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #43 - Mon Sep 4th '23 - 9:39 AM Higher self: Okay so we have realized that nonduality is closer to truth than duality. But why? Why is that? Lower self: Well the other day we were dissecting these paradoxes, in which a statement can be right and wrong at the same time, which got us thinking about all of the dualities in the world, ie all of the seemingly opposite things.. such as boy vs girl, positive vs negative, right vs wrong, right vs left, good vs evil. What we discovered is that it is really all one thing, everything is enveloped into one thing. Now what is that thing that everything is enveloped into... That is what we are here to find out.. to summarize, all dualities are an illusion that the human mind has made up in order to categorize things for its own survival needs. Okay now what is next after finding out about nonduality. I feel as though I am missing something there, I don't feel true clarity on the subject. Higher self: Why don't you feel clarity? Lower self: I don't know.. I feel as though I still don't understand what a paradox is.. Higher self: Okay.. then let's go through one.. non-existence exists. Two seemingly opposite statements yet somehow the statement is true, it's true and false at the same time (seemingly) Lower self: This is a paradox. It doesn't make sense to the human brain because we live in a world where we think dualities exist when they really do not. Dualities are not real, the world is non dual. These sorts of statements prove this. Higher self: How and why do these paradoxical statements prove that nonduality is more true than duality? Lower self: Because for a statement to have two polar opposites elements within it and also make sense or be accurate, that means that there must be an issue with the duality of the two opposite elements. If non existence and existence are actually the same thing at its core, then the statement "non-existence exists" would make sense because they do not contradict each other. Us humans have defined these two things as opposites, but in reality they are not. Higher self: Existence does not exist. Is this statement true? Lower self: Not true. Existence does exist. Existence is the existing of something, it is there, it is present, therefore "Existence does not exist" is a false statement. Higher self: What about true and false, isn't that a duality that, according to you, is "just an illusion?" Here lies the problem, you are saying that nonduality is true or at least more true than duality, but at the same time you are using the duality of true and false in the work that you are doing right now. Isn't that contradictory? If duality is made up or false then what is the difference between true and false? There shouldn't be any difference if there are no opposites, which means that there shouldn't be any difference between what is true and what is false, correct? Yet you are sitting over there saying this statement is true and that statement is false. Lower self: Hmmm...

Don't tell me that I am free Don't tell me that I am free 'Cause I have not been well Lately...

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #42 - Sun Sep 3rd '23 - 11:32 PM Alright, let's get back to what we were talking about the other day. To summarize, we concluded that we are no longer going to use the word "fact" anymore in our discussions, the reason being that this is a science-y word and science, at least the science that we do here on earth is done to uncover relative truths. What is a relative truth you might ask? A relative truth is something that can be disputed, it is not a truth that can be proven 'without a doubt' because it can be disproven. The very notion that if certain variables change within an experiment then you will get a different outcome is evidence of this. An absolute truth is something that cannot be disputed, it is without a doubt true, this is what we're after, and the word "fact" does not belong. Alright, next we have also discovered that truth is in fact not foundational, meaning grounded and rooted in something, it is actually boundless. Although it could be both foundational and boundless in the sense that it can be rooted in itself but at the same time boundless, although how does that make any sense? This is a paradox. Can truth be foundational? Is truth foundational? We'll have to come back to this. We also concluded that a thought is relative, but why? Why would a thought be relative and not absolute? Because it is always changing, there is nothing concrete in it. And put myself in a different situation and those thoughts would be different, correct? Yeah I guess that makes sense. Alright moving on... "There is existence in everything, everywhere. We cannot escape existence." This is a bold claim right here, we said that we Intuit that this is true, which I suppose is a fair answer. Is existence all that there is? Is existence truth? That doesn't seem to quite make sense, it seems like we're missing something there. We also claimed that God is synonymous with the universe which are both synonymous with infinity. And all three of these things are in everything, everywhere, all at once. And also God/ universe/ infinity is a sentient being, it feels things. Everything that we feel as humans, the universe / God feels as well. This must be the case because if this human body that I am living in is part of the universe or part of God and God is everything, God is infinity, then of course God feels whatever I feel. Now how can God be everywhere at once? I have no idea. This is unfathomable to the human mind without a mystical experience I assume. Alright that is a good summary, let's continue our conversation from where we left off because it feels like we need to dive into the paradox of boundlessness vs foundational. From the previous entry: Higher self: Ahhhh... There's that word again... Boundless.. what does that mean to you... The word boundless. Lower self: Boundless means that it cannot be held down, it is too massive, too infinite, too free flowing, it cannot be held down by anything.. Higher self: It cannot be held down by even truth? Lower self: No .. for something to be true, it must be free... Detached from its shackles, there fore, not foundational. Truth is not foundation, it is without a foundation. It has no bottom. There is no end. That is truth. Higher self: Okay.. there's a lot to unpack here and you need to go to work. Let's come back to this later... ------------------------------------------------------------------ Higher self: Alright, so truth is not foundational? Why can't truth be both foundational and boundless? Are these two things really opposites? Lower self: They certainly sound like opposites to me.. Higher self: What makes two things opposite of each other. Lower self: Two things are opposites when they are acting against each other, for example you have positive and negative batteries, love and hate, courageousness and timidness, fearfulness and fearlessness, existence and nonexistence.. Higher self: Yes but let's take the batteries example, don't you need both halves of the positive and negative circuit in order to create the power to charge the controller.. you need both halves in order to create the whole, and maybe you could say that about all of your other examples... You need love for there to be hate.. you need courageousness for there to be timidness, fearfulness for there to be fearlessness, existence for there to be nonexistence. Lower self: Yes that's true. In order for you to hate something, you have to love the other thing. For example, I hate the guy that is dating the girl I like because I love her or I love myself and think that I deserve the girl, I want the girl. In order for me to be courageous in a situation, I have to understand what it means to be timid, and shy away from that kind of behavior. In order for me to take a fearless action, I have to understand what is a fearful action. In order for there to be existence in the universe, the universe must understand what nonexistence is. Higher self: But I thought that we said existence is all there is, can non existence really exist? How the hell does that make any sense? If non existence exists then that means that it does exist... And it doesn't not exist... Oooh the power of a good old fashioned paradox... Here we go folks. Strap yourself in. I continually get my mind fucked by these statements and I really do not know how to handle them. Let's take a look at the two that we have come across. 1. Truth is both foundational and boundless. It is foundational because it is set in stone and cannot be disputed. It is boundless because it is endless, it is infinite, it has no shackles, it is free flowing and ever changing. Now how can something be both grounded, set in stone, cannot be disputed and also free flowing and ever changing? Hmmm... Not sure. 2. This is a good one: non-existence exists. The existence of non-existence would mean that non-existence does exist even though the definition of the word non-existence is that it doesn't existence. Jesus.. talk about mind bending. Higher self: alright, so how are we going to grapple with these things. Lower self: I'm really not sure. How can we grapple when the human brain cannot comprehend it? Higher self: I think you're just being lazy. You don't want to deal with it... When in reality some magical insights lie just beyond the emotional labor. Lower self: Okay... But I don't even know where to start. Higher self: What is a paradox? Lower self: A paradox is something that doesn't make sense to the human brain but at the same time it does make sense. It's like it's right and wrong at the same time. This is the duality of it. And that is what I hear about all of the time. That the duality is all an illusion. That is what these paradoxes are trying to tell us... That there is no such thing as opposites! It is all an illusion. But if they're not opposites then what are they? Higher self: They are one and the same. Existence is the same as non existence. Love is the same as hate. Courage is the same as timidness. Beautiful is the same as ugly. They are all the same! But why do we humans think that they are opposites? Lower self: Because we judge things... But here's the thing though. Ugly is the opposite of beautiful because you are looking at one thing and comparing it to another. Ugly is on one end of the spectrum and beautiful as at the other... So yeah they are opposites. Don't tell me that they're not.. they are.. Higher self: Yes they are opposites from the human perspective.. but we are going deeper than that, this is a relative truth, something that one person thinks is ugly can be seen as beautiful by another person. These are not objective truths, therefore relative. This work is moving past the relative. Ugly and beautiful are not opposites from the absolute perspective. Lower self: And why not? Higher self: Because everything is the same, there is no difference between beautiful and ugly. This is the thing, you need to start tapping into this second tier thinking, in which you move beyond how a human being sees the world and look at it from a higher, much more broad perspective. That is what this work will help you with, it will help you find the truth of the universe, and it will also help you to move up the spiral dynamics ladder. Lower self: That's pretty cool. Okay, so in this second tier thinking approach, we've realized that all dualities are really an illusion that the human brain has made up in order to categorize things and to move towards certain things in order fo fit its own agenda, or maybe more specifically its survival agenda.. Higher self: Yes that's correct. Lower self: Alright cool. Now where do we go from here.. Higher self: I'd recommend going out into the world and start trying to see the world from this new heightened perspective. Don't force it, just play around with it. You can put on the 1st tier human lenses for a little while, then try putting on your new and improved 2nd tier spectacles. Lower self: Alright sweet, thanks. I'll talk to you later.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #41 - Fri Sep 1st '23 - 3:08 PM Lower self: How do you know that anything is true? Is truth even attainable? Higher self: Truth? Well what is it? What does it mean when something is true? Lower self: When something is true, it means that without a doubt it is a fact, it is real and foundational and cannot be disputed, like God exists or the universe exists, something like that, something that has no bounds, no contingencies, no ifs ands or buts, it's just there, it's real. Higher self: Okay.. let's dissect that statement one by one... "It means that without a doubt it is a fact" what is a fact? What does without a doubt mean? Lower self: A fact is something that has been proven by science, i.e. a trial and error process in which a scientist finds patterns within the trial and error process (experiment) and then forms conclusions. However, I know that the science based approach does not uncover truth, it may uncover relative truths but not absolute truth so I am going to stay away from the word fact from now on... "Without a doubt" is what we are looking for here in truth work, we're looking for something that cannot be disputed, this is what I will uncover, believe it. Higher self: Okay next up: "it is real and foundational" what does it mean to be real? What does it mean to be foundational? Lower self: To be real is to exist, exist here in this present moment, anything that does not exist in this present moment is not real. That is why our thoughts of the past are not real. Higher self interjects... But the thought in the present moment is real, isn't it? Lower self: Yes... But not the meaning that we attach to the thought, that is not real but yes the thought in the present moment is real, it's a real sensation that occurs in the body. Higher self: Does that mean that thoughts are truth? Lower self: If they are happening in the moment yes I guess... Unless my definition of being real has nothing to do with truth at all and they should not be used in the same sentence... Higher self: A thought is not truth, a thought is relative... We need to go deeper... Which leads me to the other part of your statement, what does it mean to be foundational? Lower self: Foundational means that it is grounded, it is grounded within truth. Higher self: Truth is grounded within truth? Lower self: Sure... Yeah.. truth is grounded within truth. Higher self: How can one thing ground itself? Lower self: I don't know... Can't infinity ground itself in infinity? If it's infinite then it must be able to do that... Higher self: That's a cop out. Again, what does it mean to be foundational? And take truth out of the definition. Lower self: To be foundational is to be grounded, grounded on something solid, something that without a doubt exists Higher self: Okay... And what does it mean to exist? Lower self: To exist... To exist is to be Higher self: What does it mean to be? Lower self: To be... To be is to just be.. you are just there.. you don't have to do anything... You just exist... To be is to exist... And existence is in everything... Everywhere... There is existence all around us.. we cannot escape existence. Higher self: : Can't something not exist? Lower self: Nope. Higher self: Why not? Lower self: I just know. Higher self: Not good enough. Lower self: I just know because it's all I know. From my first memory, I existed, that's all i know, therefore it must be the case that existence is all there is. Higher self: But didn't you not exist before your first memory. Lower self: I don't know, I don't remember it! Higher self: Then how would you know if you existed or not?! Lower self: I don't know because I don't remember it. Honestly I feel like I Intuit that existence is all there is and that I have always existed. I am going off of nothing more than intuition, that is the truth, I cannot explain it to you. Higher self:That's a fair answer, let's move onto the next part of the statement, we'll come back to this another day. Next part... Oooh here we go with more existence talk, I believe that you are using these statements as hypothetical examples of what truth is. Regardless, let's dive into it: "God exists or the universe exists, something like that, something that has no bounds" does God exist? Does the universe exist? Lower self: I don't know if God exists. Like you said, it was a hypothetical statement. I also don't know if the universe exists. Higher self: Doesn't it? Aren't you living within the universe? Lower self: I'm living within something. Is it the universe? Is it God? I don't know, these are all labels. Higher self: All words are labels, we've gone over this. In order for us to communicate, we use labels, don't allow yourself to make excuses, try to answer the question. Does God exist? Or what is God? Lower self: God is in everything, everywhere God is the universe, but it is a sentient being. It feels everything that I and every living or non living creature feels. It experiences everything because it is the entire universe, they are one and the same. Higher self: "God is in everything, everywhere" let's dive into that. Why is God in everything, why is he/she everywhere? Lower self: Because it's everything, you can't get any bigger than God or the universe, this is as big as it gets, these words are synonymous with infinity.. and nothing can be outside of infinity... It is boundless. Higher self: Ahhhh... There's that word again... Boundless.. what does that mean to you... The word boundless. Lower self: Boundless means that it cannot be held down, it is too massive, too infinite, too free flowing, it cannot be held down by anything.. Higher self: It cannot be held down by even truth? Lower self: No .. for something to be true, it must be free... Detached from its shackles, there fore, not foundational. Truth is not foundation, it is without a foundation. It has no bottom. There is no end. That is truth. Higher self: Okay.. there's a lot to unpack here and you need to go to work. Let's come back to this later...

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #40 - Thu Aug 31st '23 - 1:11 PM Higher self: What is true? Lower self: Nothing. Everything in this world is a God damn lie. Everything. My cat is a fiction. My thoughts are a fiction. My body is a fiction. My friends and family are a fiction. My house is a fiction. My entire makeup is a fiction. My self identity, my personality, my physique, my height, my ethnicity, it's all not real, not true. None of it is true. If we're talking truth here.. none of it is fucking true. None of it. What else would we be talking about? What else is important? I'm sick of living in this fantasy world. I want the truth. At any and all costs. I want the truth. Success.... What even is success? It's just some lofty imaginary thing in my mind. What is looking good? Just some lofty fantasy in my mind. Some days I think I look good, other days I don't. What's the point? What is sex? It's a penis going inside of a vagina and you feel pleasurable sensations from it, probably while thinking about the clutz that you just scrolled by on Instagram. None of it is truth. My entire life is a lie. All of it. A lie. But how do I find the truth? How? I tried asking God but he is a lie too. What the fuck is going on? How does this even work? It is like decapitating myself over and over and over again. And if it is all a lie, what is it that I am pursuing? Why am I doing anything? Why don't I just crawl in a hole and die? Or maybe just because it is all a lie, that's what gives life it's dream like element. That is why you can have fun within the dream, because everything is a lie and you can do whatever you want with it. Ahhhh.. okay that makes sense... But it still doesn't give me the truth. No... Wait a minute .. everything is a lie... That is the truth.. that is what's true. Higher self: not everything is a lie... Lower self: How the fuck do you know? Sitting up there on your high horse. You don't know if anything is true. Admit it. What is truth anyway? Riddle me that? Higher self: Truth is everything, truth is all, truth is love. Lower self: That literally means nothing to me. Your just spewing shit out of your ass. I don't want to talk to you for a little while. I need to be alone to think about things. Higher self: You're wallowing Lower self: Stop judging me. I'm in a bad mood. Can't I be in a bad mood? Higher self: Why are you in a bad mood? Lower self: Because my room is a mess and my finances suck. And I'm disorganized. Higher self: Okay... Then go and fix those things. Just because everything is a lie doesn't mean that you shouldn't be taking care of your dream self in this dream universe. If you continue down this path without taking care of yourself and giving your dream self the satisfaction of fulfilling on his cravings then you are going to be deeply unhappy. You have to play both sides of the same coin. You've got truth work and then you've got dream work. Attain all that you want within this dream, the money, the sex, the big house. Attain it all, while at the same time understanding that there is no truth to any of the accomplishments that you achieve. Truth work goes much much deeper than the material, and I hate to break it to you, but you are only scratching the surface.

I want to post Leo's integrity video here because it is a foundational video to watch if you are trying to integrate healthy blue into your life. Stage blue is about integrity, honesty, being whole, keeping your word, walking your talk. "Integrity is who are you are when you are not trying to impress somebody or manipulate somebody or put on some kind of facade" What is the opposite of integrity? Opportunism. Corruption. Evil. Sin. Devilry. Wickedness. Badness. Hypocrisy. Bullshit. Untrustworthy. The willingness to lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, cut corner. Ego - the ego is trying to survive by any means necessary. When you act without integrity, this produces suffering within your life.

Transcending the Spiral - Journal Entry #7 -Fri Aug 25th '23 I have found another characteristic trait that needs to be worked on in stage blue. Something happened recently that has triggered this. I was not honest about my feelings towards this girl at work, and I tried to force the feelings to come out in a sneaky, manipulative way. I am deeply embarrassed and I don't ever want to see her again because it hurts every time I think or see her. Unfortunately I work with her so theres no way to not see her unless I quit. I'm going to try to only take shifts in which she is not working and the goal is to quit within two months. This situation stinks, but pain is a part of life. I constructed a situation in which I got a ride to a bar by some dude and then made it so that I left my car back at the restaurant that we both work at. I then got really drunk, got into an argument with a guy there, and then called her for a ride at midnight. She is so fucking nice that she agreed to pick me up. I was planning on telling her how I feel when she picked me up. When she got there, there was another dude in the front seat. I do not think that this was a significant other, but I guess I don't really know, if I were to guess, it was her roommates boyfriend. I did not say very much during the car ride as I was taken aback that there was a guy in the front seat and also very drunk. She dropped me back off at my car, and then I drove drunk 45 minutes to get back to my house. I am deeply embarrassed by my actions here. First off that I would construct this situation so that I can tell someone how I feel, this is very manipulative and not honest. I just can't believe that I stooped this low, I am really baffled by this and I didn't think I was capable of doing something like this. It also really hurts that she didn't trust me enough to come pick me up alone. She must have a perception of me that is slimy and dishonest, and she's right, I was being dishonest and manipulative. I did not have the integrity to just be straight up with her about my feelings for her. And if I can't be straight up then I don't deserve the girl. For this, I cannot help but feel ashamed of myself. I am really trying to love and forgive but this is a massive zit on my tract record of dealings with girls that is going to be difficult to forgive. Because of this situation, I am highly motivated to start developing some more integrity so that this never happens again. I never want to be manipulative of anyone or dishonest. If I feel myself liking a girl I am going to tell her. That is what being integrated is all about, so that what is going on inside of your mind and body is being shown or shared with the external world. That is what being whole is about, that is what being authentically yourself is all about. I know that I have a long and difficult road ahead of me, but I am excited that I have found something new to work on in my life. I am going to be in the top 1% of people when it comes to high integrity.

Whispered something in your ear It was a perverted thing to say But I said it anyway Made you smile and look away Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby Nothing's gonna take you from my side When we dance in my living room To that silly '90s R&B When we have a drink or three Always ends in a hazy shower scene Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby Nothing's gonna take you from my side And we laugh into the microphone and sing With our sunglasses on, to our favorite songs And we're laughing in the microphone and singing With our sunglasses on, to our favorite songs Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby Nothing's gonna take you from my side

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #39 - Thu Aug 24th '23 - 4:48 AM Ben: God, I'm really fucking sad and embarrassed. what should I do? God: Do you want to feel sad and embarrassed? Ben: Yeah... I guess I do. Because I feel as though I should feel embarrassed. God: And why is that? Ben: Because I did something stupid, really fucking stupid. God: Is there anything that you can do about it? Ben: Yeah, apologize and move on. God: Okay... Then do just that, nothing more. Ben: Why not more? God: What do you want, more drama? Ben: Yeah sure... I think that I like the drama. God: Why? Ben: It gives me a reason to live. Its like I want the pain and the loneliness and the hurt. It gives me something to FEEEEEEEEL. Is that messed up? God: No... not at all my son.. this is what being human is all about.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #38 - Wed Aug 23rd '23 - 7:57 AM Lower self: Hello higher self. It is nice to talk to you again. Higher self: Thanks. And how are you doing? I thought that you were busy talking to your new buddy God… I guess he's a lot cooler than me.. Lower self: I like talking to you as well. I just thought that I was onto something with the God talk. But to tell you the truth, Im unsure if I am really tapping into something real there. When I talk to you, I know that it's real because I'm literally just talking to myself. It's also nice to just switch things up sometimes. Do you know what I mean? Higher self: Yeah sure. Let's get on with it then… how do you know that when we talk that it's real? What does it mean to be real anyways? Lower self: I know that it's real because it's my own voice, it is me. There is only one voice going on in my head. I don't know whats going on in my buddy's head or my father's head. This is real because I experience it. Higher self: So… what is real must be experienced. If it is not experienced, then it is not real? Lower self: Yeah I guess that's what I'm saying yeah. But just because it's real doesn't mean that it has any meaning. Higher self: Okay so something that's real exists… wait a minute so does that mean that your buddies' thoughts do not exist and therefore are not real? If you don't experience it then it's not real… that's what you said, didn't you? Lower self: Yeah I did say that. And I guess that doesn't make sense. I know that my buddy has thoughts, that is real, those thoughts are real. Higher self: But how do you know if you haven't experienced his thoughts. Lower self: I'm assuming things. We have to assume things in this life, correct? Higher self: No no no, not in Truth work, leave your assumptions by the door. Lower self: Okay fine then .. I do not know that my buddies thoughts exist. I only know that my own thoughts, Ben's thoughts exist because I experience those thoughts. Higher self: Okay… and what is a thought? Lower self: I experience it as a voice in my head and it can even take the shape of a picture. I feel like we've gone over this before. It's pretty amazing how it works, isn't it? Higher self: These thoughts, can you control them? Lower self: Yeah sure, that's what positive affirmations are for, right? If I continue to say something to myself over and over again, I am going to instill that thought into my head. And that thought will arise more often. And furthermore… if I consciously think of a purple giraffe, then a picture of a purple giraffe will pop up in my mind. So yes I can control my own thoughts. Higher self: I'd be careful with that statement, I don't agree. Lower self: Okay… why not?? Higher self: Literally a million thoughts pop into your head everyday, are you consciously controlling them popping up? No… they just happen, they are happening to you.. there is no control there. What you are talking about is conditioning. With positive affirmations, you are conditioning your own mind to think certain thoughts, but you do not have control over them. For example, have you ever tried to shut your thoughts off? Yeah.. that's what I thought… you can't! Therefore, you have no control over them. Lower self: Hmmm.. yes that's true. So I am going to have this endless stream of thoughts running through my head for the rest of my life? Higher self: Well not necessarily, you get a break when you are sleeping. Can you think of any other times when thoughts are not permeating your mind? Lower self: Yeah.. sometimes when I am playing basketball or dancing or having fun at a party.. it feels like my mind will shut off and I just do.. man, I'd like more experiences like that. How do I get them again? Higher self: Flow state, it's all in the flow state. Lower self: Yes.. but how do I get there? Higher self: Contemplate it. There's also a book on it, Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihaliya. Lower self: You know what else I don't understand? Why is it that contemplation requires thinking consciously but then there is another state of consciousness, let's call it samadhi, in which you turn off your thoughts and focus on one thing, and everything else disappears. Which is better for finding out the Truth, these methods are polar opposites. Higher self: That is something that I guess you are going to have to find out for yourself. Lower self: Thanks, I'll talk to you later.

A Course in Miracles lessons of the first 6 days: Nothing I see I this room means anything. I have given everything that I see in this room all of its meaning. I do not understand anything that I see in this room. These thoughts do not mean anything, they are like the things that I see in this room. I am never upset for the reason that I think. (Apply this to any emotion) I am upset because I see something that is not there. "But you are waiting for something to happen or for some grace to descend upon you – you are still depending upon some outside agency. I can tell you that there is no power outside of you – no power. This does not mean that you have all the attributes that you read about of the super-duper gods; but there is no power outside of you. If there is any power in this universe, it is in you." "Your teacher must go, it doesn’t matter who the teacher is. The very thing that you are reading – that’s the very thing you must be free from." - from Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment by Jed McKenna

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #37 - Sun Aug 20th '23 - 4:23 PM Ben: Hi God, how are you?? God: I am good, how are you? Ben: I'm good, thanks.. how do I get in touch with the energy fields of the universe? God: You feel them. They are like currents flowing within and through everything, everywhere. You don't think about this or conceptualize it, you just feel it. Ben: But how though? How do I feel such a thing? God: You quiet your mind. Ben: And how do I do that.. God: By meditating. By going out into the woods, without your phone, no distractions. You can focus on your breathing if that is helpful, or focus on the speck on a tree. This is how you attain samadhi, by focusing on one thing for so long, everything else disappears.. and all that is left is the nothingness of the universe, the ox, Enlightenment. Ben: Okay, thank you.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #36 - Sun Aug 6th '23 - 10:03 PM Ben: Dear God, what am I? God: You are God. Ben: What is God? God: God is everything. Ben: What is everything? God: Everything is all Ben: What is all God: All is everything. God is all. You are everything. You are all. Everything is God Ben: Is anything not God? God: No. Ben: But what am I? What do I identify with? God: Whatever you want to identify with. Ben: What is this being that I identify with? God: It is the core assumptions that you have contributed to yourself as this human body, this human entity. This is not your true form. You have decided to identify yourself with this body and with certain qualities and traits. Ben: But this entity is better at some things and worse at others. It has strengths and weaknesses and has a personality. God: Of course. But that is not your true nature. Ben: I see… then what is my true nature? God: God, everything, all. Ben: But why am I not aware of this in my current state? God: You have decided to not be aware of it. Ben: Now why would I do something like that? God: Why wouldn't you? Do you realize how much of your beliefs and attachments you would have to give up if you were to realize your true nature? Most humans do not realize their true nature until death comes knocking on their door. You're not enlightened because you don't want to be. Realizing your true nature or becoming "enlightened" is like hacking into the Area 51 database. You have to literally hack your own brain. Because it is wired to not see what is true. That is the whole point of existence, to not know what is going on so that you can experience it with fresh eyes, from different eyes, from whatever kind of eyes you want. Life is controlled by a mastermind. A mastermind that's objective is to fully realize it's true nature. And how is it going to do that? By creating things. That is what I do. I create. Which means you create. I am that mastermind. You Are that mastermind. That mastermind is God.