Spiritual Warrior

Yes, I have had experience with this and can confirm that it is a good outlet to heal from trauma. At one of my first classes, I balled my eyes out during pigeon pose while focusing on forgiveness from a past trauma. I came out of it feeling reenergize and balanced. No one knew I cried either because of the music and my head was down. The trauma that you feel within your body or psyche is being bottled up and suppressed. You say you want to heal but deep down you don't want to deal with it or just don't know how. When you do yoga, you are opening up and surrendering your body to the experience, this allows for traumas and all other types of gunk to bubble up to the surface of your consciousness. I'd recommend going to an actual class so that you can immerse yourself fully in the experience.

Interlude: Self Love Dear all of the women that I have had relations with, I am sorry for the way that I have handled you. I have been unable to love who I am, and if I can't do that, how could I expect myself to love you. This has caused both you and I pain. I will continue to work on this for the both of us. Thank you for understanding. I release my hold on you, you are free.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #51 - Mon Oct 2nd '23 - 6:04 AM Authors Note: From now on, I am going to focus on what I can experience, not the out of this world mumbo jumbo that I hear from all of these spiritual teachers. For example, I have no insight into what infinity is, therefore it doesn't belong in truth work. What I can experience is my own direct experience, my own awareness... that is where I will put my attention. I AM Sitting Here on a Chair Lower self: It is true that I AM sitting here on a chair. Higher self: Nope... sitting and chair are relative truths, fix those, but "It is true" is a fine way to start the statement because something must be true within this universe, thats what the work is about. Lower self: "I AM" is the only thing that I can trust as truth right now, the fact that I AM aware of things in my direct experience, that I AM ness is truth. What if I just take out the sitting here on a chair part... and I go with "It is true that I AM." Higher self: Yes, that makes sense to me, I AM is truth. But I am what? Nothingness? God? The Universe? The present experience? Lower self: It is true that I AM the present experience. Whatever the present experience is, I am it. I am... but does that mean that I am the thought? That I am the tree in front of me? That I am the wind? Higher self: No... you are not the actual wind... you are the sensation that the wind gives you... Lower self: So I am the feeling that the wind gives me but not the wind itself? The wind is seperate from myself? Higher self: Yes... The wind is separate. Lower self: But if I AM is all that there is, then I would be the wind... But I dont know what its like to be wind. I dont know what its like to be a tree. But if I AM is truth, then doesn't that mean that I AM the tree? It means that I am everything. No... it just means that I am I exist... I am here... But youre not here. There is no here, location is a relative truth, it doesn't belong here. Okay... I am. I am is truth. Higher self: Does that mean that you are your friend? Your dog? Your cat? That spoon? Lower self: I never said that I was everything. I just said that I am. High self: But I AM should include everything. If there is just one thing and it is I AM then it must include everything. Lower self: No..... Who said anything about there being one thing?? Higher self: Truth. Truth must be one thing... because truth encapsulates everything in itself. For something to be absolutely true, it must explain the entire universe, it must explain all of reality. Thats what we're after here, the theory of everything. The truth of all that there is. And Im sorry but I AM is just not cutting it. Lower self: I AM does not encapsulate all of reality. It only encapsulates my own experience within this human body. But that is all that I know. I can only EXPERIENCE WHAT I AM EXPERIENCING. I have no body elses experience, so all this crap about encapsulating the truth as one thing... How on earth could I possibly fathom this when I can only experience what its like in this current body. I am not God... Or I at least have no awareness of it. How can something be true if I have no awareness of it? Higher self: Just because you're not aware of it doesn't mean that its not true. Lower self: Why? Why not? If I AM and I AM not aware of God or infinity or whatever the fuck... then it cant be true. Because I am my own authority. I AM TRUTH. I AM TRUTH. Therefore, what I think is true is true. Higher self: Someone could think that an evil space turtle is controlling your every move, that doesn't mean that its true. These are just thoughts. Lower self: Everything on this page is thought... so what the hell are we talking about? Higher self: We're talking about truth. Lower self: Truth huh? But my truth is different than your truth. Higher self: Yeah... so they're relative truths. We want absolute. Lower self: I AM. I AM is an absolute truth. Higher self: But what does that even mean? Lower self: It means that I am is all that there is. I am ... its the awareness... its the present experience... thats whats real. Not the present experience itself like the sensation. The sensation of an emotion is not what truth is. Its the fact that I AM able to experience the emotion. I AM ABLE TO experience things. That is whats true. What I'm seeing is not truth, what I'm smelling is not truth, what I'm hearing is not truth, what I'm feeling is not truth. Truth lies within the perception of all of these things, its the fact that I AM able to feel, smell, hear, think. I am, I don't exist necessarily, I just am. Higher self: But what is the difference between the smell, the feelings, the hearing, the thinking and the awareness of it... Isn't it the same thing? Lower self: No... It is not the same thing at all... The feeling, the smell, the sound, the thought... These are all fleeting. But the I AM ness stays.. The perception of these things stays... it is permanent... And therefore we can assume that it is forever permanent. Higher self: But before you were born... There was no I AM ness Lower self: But... If I AM is truth... then that means that I AM is immortal,

Transcending the Spiral - Journal Entry #12 - Thu Oct 5th '23 : Back at Red I'd like to go back to red and instill more stoicism into my life. Stoicism is a detachment from outcome, from other peoples opinions, and from emotions. The neediness in my life is killing my happiness and my success with women. Its the need to get approval and to get a positive emotional reaction from people. This is what I am going to focus on for a little bit. I tapped into this a bit while at work yesterday. I work with a hostess there, and I am ashamed to say that in all of my interactions with her, I am needing her approval, needing positive interactions, needing comrodary. Something clicked in me though yesterday, the hostess was being bitchy and it just made me not care about her or her opinions about me. I focused on working and working well, I was totally detached from the opinions of everyone in the restaurant, every single person. This is a very rare state of mind for me, and it felt amazing. It also made me realize that so many of my interactions with people are needy af. It could be something as simple as when I greet someone at the door of the restaurant, I am greeting them with a smile and a certain tonality and a certain mindset that sublimely says to them that I need you to react in a certain way back towards me. I want to completely go against this, I want to be completely detached from outcome. That is the key. I am going to read Thick Face, Black Heart again because I intuit there is more that I can learn. The other cool thing about yesterday is that although I had a blank stare a lot of the times, just standing there or walking around with a piercing stare off into the distance, you would think that this made me emotionless and unable to feel joy, but what I felt was the complete opposite, I was still able to smile and laugh, but it was more real, more authentic. When I smiled, it was a genuine smile, when I laughed, it was a genuine laugh, when I said something to someone, I genuinely wanted to say it. I didn't care what they said back to me. This is what I want. I am going to focus on the principles in Thick Face Black Heart in the coming weeks. This is the foundation. I should have instilled this when I was young, but hey here we are.

This is an interesting question. You want to push yourself in order to grow, but you don't want to push too much and overwhelm yourself. I think for me, if I am anxious about a situation but I am able to visualize myself going and doing it and it going well, then I should pursue it. If this is the case, then it turns into an excited sort of anxious. However, if I am anxious about a situation and I cannot help but continually have a negative visualization of the future event in my head, then it's probably too much for me right now and I should steer clear.

@MuadDib I feel like my ego is always capable of finding things to make me feel miserable. Do you not have the same experience?

If you want to integrate a healthy stage red, this is what its all about. Thick Face Black Heart. Necessary to integrate if you are needy for peoples approval.

All of her actions are showing you that she wasn't feel the connection between the two of you. I've found that some girls like to send these subliminal messages through their actions (or lack of action) because they don't want to outright reject you. It sucks, but just lick your wounds and move on. You don't deserve a girl thats going to treat you this way, you deserve a queen that loves and respects you.

I understand the point you're making with this post and I found it helpful and entertaining. The video depicts my ego backlashes perfectly. It is a constant battle... but hey maybe it doesn't have to be...

Get a job at a restaurant or any job that you're friends can get you. You're never going to find your life purpose when you're miserable so just get out of your current situation and then you can reassess. Don't be picky, just try something else out, anything that you can get your hands on. Visualize yourself leaving that job and then make it a reality.

I was a substitute PE teacher at elementary school for 6 weeks and Ive been running a sports camp every summer for the past 6 years. When I was subbing, I ran into the same issues you are talking about, the respect wasn't there. Some of the kids knew that they could get away with things because I was too nice. I wasn't a bad teacher, I was very loving but the lack of respect that they had for me gave me a lack of control. For my camp however, the respect is there. If I have to express my disappointment to the entire group in a stern way then I am going to do that because it is what needs to be done in order for the camp to run smoothly. I am still being loving, but it is a more masculine love. My sole focus is making sure that the camp runs smoothly, and this requires a stern leader that runs a tight ship. As I've gotten better at this, I've unfortunately started having less fun, it has been more difficult to develop relations with the kids and let loose, but the camp has never run more smoothly. This last summer, it literally felt like it was running itself, it was a very cool experience. I am engaging in maturity right here, sacrificing instant gratification (having fun) for the greater good of the whole. Now that I've gotten the sternness integrated, maybe the next stage in my development is to swing the pendulum back and to have some more fun with the kids, I guess we'll have to see. You just need to give yourself some time and grace. It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and you are already a great teacher, just continue doing what you're doing and you'll find the perfect balance.

? "Why the f*** would I hire someone that doesn't want a big dick!"

@AndylizedAAY I've never checked out his stuff, but I will now ?

It's cool that there is a test on this. I would recommend continuing to look at where you can fully integrate the lower stages as well. For me, I am capable of thinking like a stage yellow person but I very clearly have things to work out at the lower stages, such as success in dating, sticking up for myself, self-discipline, becoming financially independent, and loving myself fully to name a few. Remember, we are not solely at one stage; we have smatterings of each stage within us that require our attention.

Interlude: Stage Green Tribute & Surrendering to Gaia About 6 months ago, I realized that I was deficient in areas such as red and blue. I had poor self-discipline, work ethic, and was unable to stick up for myself. I spent lots of energy focusing on these areas in my life. This caused me to completely abandon stage green, which has been a favorite stage of mine for the past 6 years. I stopped going to yoga, stopped giving hugs, stopped focusing on love, and even stopped eating healthy. I am saddened that I completely abandoned this beautiful stage in my life, but I suppose that I needed to give the lower stages my full attention. What is green all about? Stage green is about surrender, surrendering the body, surrendering the self, surrendering the ego, surrendering the identity, surrendering control, surrendering it all in favor of love. Yes, this is a feminine activity. You can surrender yourself through yoga, through dance, and through meditation. Surrendering yourself fully is necessary in order to truly transcend into tier two, into the being stages. This is not going to be easy. There are many things that hold you back from surrendering control, the desire for sex and money and approval to name a few. You think that you are able to attain these things through control, through brute force, but this is not true. Surrendering to your divine maker, this is the catalyst to reaching your true potential. Right now, I am holding onto the feeling of hate, hate for things about myself and also for other people that I deem as unacceptable. Surrendering to Gaia: This is the divine mother’s will, to allow our bodies, our identities, our entire existence to be surrendered, to dissolve into the cosmos. This is what true healthy green is, to give yourself up fully and openly in all situations. This is what my maker has designed me for. To achieve all that I want out of life and then to throw it all off of a cliff in search of something higher, something better, something more true. This is honest truth work, integrating the entire spiral is truth work. It is climbing the ladder of truth. It is climbing the flag pole of consciousness. And I want to reach the top, not that there is a top, I just want to reach as high as I can possibly go. Help me, Gaia, help me to surrender my entire existence to you. I don’t need the attachment to this body anymore. I want to be rid of this cumbersome body, I want to rid myself of the skin that holds it together. I want you to swallow me whole, I want you to take my body as a sacrifice. My devotion to you is eternal. Show me your face, show me that you are real. I want to see you.

Stages purple, blue, and green are more spiritual than the rest of the stages in tier one of the spiral imo, take a look at those and see what you resonate with. You probably won't resonate with purple but you may want to get into stage blue or green; stage blue is organized religion based spirituality and green is love based, heart-centered spirituality. But I don't think true non-duality can be discovered until you reach tier two thinking (yellow and beyond), this is when you start to take your ego out of the equation and start looking at the world from a lens of "what is true?" If you're serious about nonduality, then study yellow and turquoise and see if you can start to engage in activities that will get you into truth work where you can have some insights into nonduality.

The best way to achieve material desires is by using the Law of Attraction

The universe has constructed these situations for you, the meaning behind them is a construction within your own mind. Surrender yourself to the process, trust your intuition, trust your feelings, trust that whatever path you take is the path that must be taken. Don't overthink these things, go with the flow, surrender yourself to the flow of the universe, surrender yourself to your true nature. Life is a magical place Thank you for sharing and best of luck to you.

Oh my God.. This video is incredible - going to add this to my playlist of things to watch while on shrooms. Thanks.

Nice song. Can you explain why you interpret this as turquoise and not green?

Transcending the Spiral - Journal Entry #11 - Fri Sep 22nd '23 I have another idea; what if I constructed a daily schedule in which I hit every stage of the spiral throughout my day. Something happened today that made me want to try this. So I went into yoga class, I just woke up and went to it. Yoga is a great stage green activity, but I walked up to the counter triggering red's embodiment of not being swayed, deep voice, don't fuck with me attitude. I came off as unfriendly, but its because I'm working on something deeper here. Now if I can get red (and blue for that matter) triggered and embodied before I go out into the world on a daily basis, I will be able to trigger higher stages when out and about such as orange charisma and green love and empathy. Remember, you are not simply letting go of red and blue after engaging in the activity in the morning, you are triggering it and then letting it settle into your being so then you can move up to the next stage. The lower stages need to be embodies first in order for you to truly be comfortable engaging in the higher stages, otherwise you will feel like something is off or missing. Red: I would start with working out, triggering stage red aggression. Blue: Then I do something that requires discipline such as meditation and making sure to drink my protein shake every morning. Orange: Next triggering orange, making sure that I look good by showering and grooming myself, dressing up in a nice fit. Adding in some success driven affirmations or visualizations would be the next step, but lets just start with proper grooming because I haven't properly instilled that habit just yet. Green: For green, I am going to consciously think about love throughout the day or if its a Saturday or Sunday by going to yoga class. The idea here is that I can put love into the work that I do and the interactions that I have with people. I do think that I should really be triggering orange charisma as well in social interactions, but lets start with love for now and see how that goes. Focusing on the tier one stages is good enough for now, I don't want to overwhelm myself. The second tier will come, I will find ways to instill tier 2 next after I feel as though tier one has been fully integrated. The idea is to get the foundational blocks set in stone so that I am confident that I can transcend upwards. Regardless, here are some ideas for tier two, I can start to dabble in these activities as I see fit: Yellow & Turquoise: Reading books on Leo book list, studying Spiral Dynamics, doing truth work in Spiritual Autolysis Journal Good luck, excited to try this. I've been wanting to instill a daily habit for quite some time and using the spiral as a guide makes it a lot more fun.

Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #50 - Thu Sep 21st '23 - 1:26 PM Higher self: What is true? Lower self: It is true that the ego is a mind construction. He is not truth. Higher self: Yes, we've established this, let's go deeper.. Lower self: The ego is not truth, the body is not truth, my thoughts are not truth, my brain is not truth... Higher self: But what about your intuition? Lower self: My intuition feels truth like... because when I am out and about, sometimes I feel as though I am tapping into exactly what I need to do or say in a given situation. It's as if I can feel the energy pulling me towards or against something... Higher self: What does this have to do with truth? Lower self: It has to do with truth because there is just something to this energy field of life. Some of the most amazing moments are when I can surrender my mind to this energy field and am able to let it decide what I do. The antithesis of this is when I overanalyze everything inside of my own head.. "Should I do this..? Should I do that?... Will this person view me negatively if I do that?... Will I offend?... Is this the most efficient use of my time...?" The mind is a God damn menace sometimes I'm not going to lie... a very useful tool but can be very annoying. Higher self: So you have decided that truth can be attained through surrendering your mind to the energy fields of life.. how are you going to work on this? Lower self: As soon as I wake up, I would like to try and tap into this energy field through meditation, it doesn't have to take long, just 20 minutes. Surrender the mind to the energy fields of life. Higher self: Yes, let the universe guide you. Decisions should not be difficult to make. Your mind likes to make them difficult because it enjoys the drama of it all, "Should I do this, should I do that... what if I make the wrong decision..." ... no, your true self knows exactly what to do in all situations in life. Let it do it's thing, stop resisting.

This felt more like a therapy session, but this is what the mind wanted to talk about today. Spiritual Autolysis - Journal Entry #49 - Thu Sep 21st '23 - 1:02 PM Lower self: Alright, back to truth work. What's up dude, how are you? Higher self: I am good. You gave me quite a bit of rest this morning, which I greatly appreciate... What would you like to talk about today? Lower self: I feel like I am starting to develop some distance between myself ( whatever I truly am) and my ego, which I know is separate from myself. I am able to look at my ego as it's being triggered by situations which invoke negative emotions and just take a look a what he looks like. I picture him as this little blob, when he is angry, hell get red in the face and he'll be hoottin' and holerin' "But if he did that... if he doesn't do this... well you did this to me... hes such a prick"... when the ego gets embarrassed, I look at him and he just gets sad, his bottom lip curls up a bit and his eyes swell up and get moist. I feel bad for the ego in these situations, he doesn't deserve to feel embarrassed, he is perfect exactly as he is, I just want to give him a hug and tell him that everything will be okay, you are a perfect being. Higher self: What about when the ego is feeling positive emotions, do you give him distance then as well or no? Lower self: Damn higher self... that is quite the question.. Id really like to give this some more thought before answering, but I will try my best to answer it now.. no I don't think that I detach myself from the ego when I am experiencing positive emotions. Why would I? Positive emotions feel great. I want to feel like I am the one that is responsible for feeling icy and confident and happy and like I'm on top of the world. Why would I want separation from the ego then? Higher self: If you are giving the ego separation during hard times, why can't you give him room to breathe during good times as well? No one wants to feel suffocated. That's how the ego feels when you try to control him and are needy for him to feel good. Let him breathe. You now know how to create some distance between yourself and ego, now try to do it in more situations. Lower self: Yes sir, I can do that for you. I'll let you know how it goes.

Transcending the Spiral - Journal Entry #10 - Thu Sep 21st '23 One thing that I have realized is that I am capable of tier 2 thinking, this very exercise that I'm doing requires a tier two approach. I am going to now start journaling about characteristics that I would like to enjoy at stages red, blue, orange, green, yellow, and turquoise. I'm not saying that I'm at turquoise or even yellow, but it doesn't hurt to start to become aware of what it's all about up there and what I'd like to get out of it. I am capable, leave your limiting beliefs by the door. What I am trying to do is integrate every stage from red to turquoise. Each stage builds upon each other like Lego blocks. For example, if I were to trigger in a stage orange charisma while instructing my dance class without also having triggered a stage red power presence that feels as though it deserves respect, the charisma that I show my to students will be childish and goofy. I want both the respect and the playfulness. Without further ado, let's crack into the things that I am going to focus at each stage. I'll try to use specific examples if I can. Red: Deep voice: a deep voice that commands respect, that is sure of himself, assure of what he is saying, a voice that can be assertive if it needs to be Not caring what other people think about me, not smiling nervously when I feel uncomfortable or don't know what to do or say Working out for strength, pushing yourself to in workouts, eating a lot of protein Stop jerking off so much. You lose your inner strength and internal balance the day after ejaculating and a few days after. There should be a better balance to this. If you notice diminishing energy after ejaculating, it means that you are doing it too much. Try to get back to circulating sexual energy while masturbating and/or just doing it less Blue: Always being on time to work and social gatherings - out of respect for other people's time Having high integrity in all situations and dealings with other people, being honest, non - manipulative, straightforward Being disciplined when it comes to eating habits and workout plans, if I say that I'm going to do something, I am going to do it Working hard when you are at work Orange: Start dressing like a dance instructor, buying nice suits and nice ties, tailored clothing Working out for looks, high protein, low card diet, you want muscles but also a low fat body composition, this will make you look good with or without clothes on Become more charismatic, more charming, joking around with people, overall just trying to talk to people as much as possible - this is how you get better Green: Being more open sexually, I am very closed off because sexual interactions scare me, I know that this is not normal for most guys, I really want to work on this Holding better eye contact Always eating healthy foods, and meat from ethically sound farms ------------------------------------------------------------------ Yellow: Continue to read books, diverse books from Leos book list, this will give you a more diverse view on the world, also continue the spiral dynamics book so that you have a better understanding of the spiral When interacting with people, sometimes you are able to tap into what is the right thing to say to this person that will help them on their journey in life, grasp these opportunities and try to say something that will steer them in the right direction Start trying to think about your how your own development and things that you do in the world can actually have an effect on humanity as a whole, just think about this and how you can apply it Turquoise: Continue doing truth work with your spiritual autolysis journal Read stage turquoise books, so anything on consciousness work and holistic thinking Understand that everything that you are integrating on this spiral are really just character traits for your dream self. There is no true self within the beliefs that you hold or the traits themselves. Your true self is further than that. Continue with your consciousness work and you will find out what is left.

Transcending the Spiral - Journal Entry #9 - Tue Sep 19th '23 Some forum talk about tier 2 thinking got me thinking, what does it mean to be a tier 2 thinker? Am I engaging in it right now?... let's take a look: Tier One: Beige: Survival at all cost- style survival Purple: Tribalistic- style survival Red: Power hungry style survival Blue: Morale code style survival Orange: Materialistic style survival Green: Heart centered style survival I am using survival as the common denominator descriptive word for all tier one stages because thats really what it's about at tier one.. survival... survival of the ego. Tier one is characterised as perceiving the world in a way that says how can things benefit me. A prime example of this is Andrew Tate, he literally says that he does not care about truth, all he cares about is perceiving the world in a way that makes him competitive and successful. There is nothing wrong with this, this is just what he wants out of life. Now this is where things get interesting. At tier two of the spiral, the identity, the attachment to the ego, the neediness for it to survive starts to disintegrate. You start to perceive the world as how it is, what is the truth rather than how can my environment benefit myself or my own ego. We can call this needy perception at tier one and being perception at tier two. Tier two: Yellow: Systemic, multi - perspectival perception of the world Turquoise: Holistic perception of the world Assessment of myself as a tier 2 thinker: - Any honest to God truth work - trying to find out the truth in something no matter the cost requires you to put on tier 2 lenses * Do I engage in this? Yes. My spiritual autolysis journal is truth work, trying to discover the absolute truth of all of reality. Nice. - You start caring about the problems of mankind and the world as a whole, rather than merely your ego's problems * Do I engage in this? No. I do not care so much about the problems of all of mankind as of right now. My ego has many wants and desires that I have not actualized just yet. This is why I put so much focus on integrating the lower stages because I have many material desires. - You become aware that you are just one perspective out of many, and your perspective may differ from others. * Do I engage in this? I have a good understanding of this concept, but do I apply it in every day life when I make decisions? Ehhhhhh. I'm not sure.. I think that I can be pretty self centered when out and about in the world. I will look into this further. Let's say no for now. Conclusion: Will be looking for ways to integrate a more tier two thinking approach when out and about in the world from now on. This requires me to put my little ego on the side burner in a lot of situations. Could be a tall order.