Spiritual Warrior

I’d like to vent to you guys about my experience at a salsa club last night. I got out at work at 10 pm and headed to the salsa dancing venue for 10:30 with one of my buddies. Right when I walked in, we met up with some work friends that I don’t really know that well. One of the girls immediately asked me to dance merengue with her, we had danced before in our dance instructor training so we have a little bit of rapport. I enjoyed dancing with her, she is very good and knows how to move her hips. Next, I ask this older latina woman to dance with me, my first cold approach. She enjoyed it. I was not attracted to her though. Then I shift my attention to the front of the venue, there's a lot of energy coming from over there. I try to bounce around a little bit and get into the music. Eventually, another work friend girl asks me how long I’ve been working there and then asks me to dance with her. Those three dances were fun but I am limited in my merengue moves, I’d like to learn more. Now I’m starting to feel myself a little bit. A salsa song comes on and I do my second cold approach, I ask this young Jamaican woman thats a little bit taller than me to dance the salsa. She immediately takes my hand. We dance for several minutes, I felt like it went really well, she was smiling and we were starting to develop some chemistry. Towards the end of our dance I was starting to get turned on, but I didn’t really know what to do about it, not sure if she picked up on this, but she ended the dance shortly after that. She gave me a hug and her name and walked away. Next, I ask a short older woman to dance with me. She said she didn't know how and I told her I would teach her. This didn’t last long, she just wasn’t feeling it. I walk around the venue for a little bit, trying to make eye contact with someone but to no avail. When I come back, I find the taller Jamaican woman and the short older woman both dancing with other guys, like really close, intimately…. And damn…. This hurt… What on earth are these guys doing that I am not? Is it their sexual prowess? Is it their confidence? This is where my confidence starts to deteriorate and it must have shown in my next two approaches. I decide to continue trudging along. I walk up to another girl, tap her on the shoulder and ask her if she wants to dance with me, she says something like “Yeah, I guess.” I say “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, it's okay.” And then she turns her back to me and dances with her friends. Damn, another one. I meet back up with my buddy, and he points out a couple of cute girls on the dance floor he wants us to approach. He asks me which one I want and I choose the more attractive one (props to me for that). We walk up to them and ask them to dance, the girl I was dancing with was a 9 or a 10, very attractive. We were dancing merengue and she had a drink in her hand which made it difficult to do many moves. After only a couple of minutes, she lets go of my hand and signals to her friend to come over to her. I can tell that this means she is not feeling the interaction and wants to get out. I back away and continue dancing facing her, I probably should have just walked away and saved some dignity. Eventually, she said that her feet were hurting and she needs a break. I knew it was coming. My confidence is now completely shot and I decide that I should leave, theres no way that I can confidently approach anyone else tonight. I left at 11:30 so I only stayed for an hour. Next steps: I am feeling a bit frustrated right now so I'd like to take some time this weekend and decompress. I have a bowling date lined up tomorrow night and I have another girl's number that I'm trying to set up a date with so lets continue working on that. I'd really just like to hang out with my buddies this weekend though and watch some football. Takeways: These other guys that swept these women off of their feet have something that I don't have, we want to figure out what this is. I also want to figure out how to bounce back when my confidence is shot. I did like and appreciate how polite the women were that rejected me, of course it always hurts, but it felt like each one of them took my feelings into consideration. Thank you for reading my vent. If you have any advice or questions, let me know. We all deserve love.

You have a recurring thought, could be anything You don't want this thought to continue running through your head You start repeating a phrase to yourself that is the opposite of that thought When thoughts are repeated to yourself, they are being inserted into your brain like a filing cabinet Eventually, some of the papers from the filing cabinet will start to float up to the surface When this happens, your mind starts to envision a life in which this thought became a reality You start to take action because how can you resist this tasty and delicious vision

The things that women want out of a man is a hint to a man as to where he needs to go next. You don't want the action to be taken in order to please the woman or to gain her acceptance, it is being done by you, for you, not her. Allow her to guide you... Surrender yourself to the feminine and you will find your authentic masculinity

Things don't just happen for you, you still have to put in the work, but positive affirmations are the catalyst to more positive visions, which will motivate you to get out there and make them come true

You're welcome and we appreciate you as well

Hmmm.. interesting.. It takes a lot of prep... And I'll admit that I am learning how to dance in order to get laid. I am premeditatively doing something in order to get laid on a larger time scale.. And I don't view that as creepy... I wonder why that is..

It's a swear word in your head, you don't know the meaning behind the word in someone else's head

I don't like the premeditation. That's what feels creepy to me. To me, it's got to be authentic and natural and organic for it to go smoothly. That's the only time an interaction with a female goes well for me.

Love this. We men overanalyze everything, especially women and interactions with women because we crave their approval and attention and affection

Thank you, I agree

He lives it by being in touch with his sexuality He understands what it means to be turned on He understands how to communicate his sexual desire for a woman (and not just in a verbal way, but non verbal as well, he knows how to use his body) He understands how to talk to women in a way that makes them feel comfortable He is always receptive to the "yield" and "stop" signs the girl gives him and responds accordingly He leads her in a direction but with conscious awareness of her safety and needs

What is a man that embodies non- creepiness? What are his qualities? What are his values? How does he live his life?

I had a breakthrough last night. When I was driving home from the salsa club, at one point, a thought popped into my head, "I was being a bitch." I was immediately triggered and felt emotional. I said out loud "stop talking to yourself like that," and not in a scolding way, but in a loving and compassionate way, as if I care about this character that I am, as if I actually want to love him, as if I want what's best for him, I want him to have love and be loved "I was being a bitch" has been a constant thought running through my head for years. A vision comes along with it of me failing to do something or being fearful. At the time, I didn't know that it was even possible to recondition my thoughts into ones that are more uplifting and empowering.

Self Love Entry #1 All of this pick up stuff and dating aspirations has gotten me to go down the path of self love. This is a necessary path if I am going to be able to express myself fully and authentically around women and be the best version of myself for them. Right now, I am not taking a hiatus from dating. According to the book The War of Art, you should not take breaks from things. Yes I do need to decompress and shift my mindset, but a break is not what's needed, it more of like a pendulum swinging back towards the other side. I opened myself up towards love, but I opened up too much. I was too invested and head over heels in love with people that I couldn't see straight. I was unhinged, doing wild things, seeking approval and validation constantly. After some mistakes with women, I have realized that I want to swing the pendulum back the other way and not care at all about people's perceptions of me and to be completely non needy from approval of others, especially women. This is what brings me down the path of self love. In order to not need anything from other people, to be completely independent of their approval or of their love for me, I will need to be able to give myself the love.

We're playing in the game now No longer sitting on the bench No one wants to ride the bench We'd rather fall deeper in love with life

Lmao you don't like to sugar coat things, huh?? I do appreciate the bluntness though. And you're right, girls just want to have fun, and I'm too worried about making sure she approves of me that I don't allow myself to just enjoy the experience. I'm needy for her approval, I know this. This hurts to hear.. but with truth comes pain.

@Parallax Mind will you be participating as well?

Creepiness is the showing of sexual interest towards a person in a selfish, manipulative, dishonest way. Men and women are both capable.

@Yimpa appreciate that man, thank you.

I did a speed dating event last night and it was a great experience. Now, I am waiting for my matches to come back, once I get that back, I'll be able to text the girls that came up as a match. How should I approach this? I've talked to these girls for 5 minutes.. Interest has been piqued on both sides and there was some next date talk sprinkled in to the conversations. When I text the girl, should I converse with her through text a little bit first, trying to be funny and playful... or can I just say something like " Hey _____, you seem like a lot of fun. Do you want to get a drink with me on Saturday night and go dancing? I can teach you some next level Zumba moves ;)" (The girl that I was most into learned to dance through Zumba) I'd appreciate any responses, thank you.

@steveee good luck

Number close- getting the girls number Date close- setting up a date Back to your place close- getting the girl to go back to your place or her place You always want to end the interaction with some kind of close that escalates the relationship in some way.

Zumba girl didn't match with me idk what her deal is

@Spiral @The0Self great advice, got two numbers, I had a short, playful text convo and then got straight to asking them " when are you free this week, I'd love to build on our stimulating 5 minute conversation." And boom, two dates set up. The nice thing about speed dating is that if the girl matches with you, then she is clearly interested to some degree. It's also much better than online because she is meeting you in person, therefore much more comfortable with you and more likely to agree to meet up. Wish me luck.

@Zest4Life I just finished watching this through, thank you for sharing! This is exactly what I'm talking about.