Spiritual Warrior

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #210 ~ Mon Aug 31 '26 A lot of things have been going on in my life recently. I had a date with a girl yesterday and I made out with her in a park. I took shrooms last night and experienced a gnarly but mind-opening trip (I'll explain later,) my lessons have been growing substantially, I am allowing myself to rest more, I've been flirting with my co worker, who I kissed last Thursday during a Truth or Dare game, I've been working out a lot and my physique has been growing, I am starting to take inventory of all of my projects at work, and I am happy, truly happy. What a great job I've been doing. I've decided that no ejaculation forever is not sustainable, I think a good balance would be to go two weeks without ejaculating. This allows my energy to rise throughout those two weeks and then I get a pleasurable release when I finally do allow myself to keel over and it doesn't zap my energy too much. I really need to fix my phone, I am going to do that tomorrow, no matter what. I have a lot fo projects to practice when I get into work, I can't wait to start on them. I've started to write down all of my projects in that choreography book. I'd like to carry that around with me at all times. My shrooms experience: Okay, I've only got 7 minutes to explain what happened to me on Saturday night. I visited my sister and I helped take care of my nieces. She was very appreciative and I had a great time. At the end of the night, my brother-in-law and his friend were taking shrooms so I joined in. He warned me before we took them that they are strong. I've taken shrooms at least 20 times by now so I feel almost like a veteran. What I experienced next is difficult to explain and to comprehend and I really don't know what to make of it, anyways, here goes... The first thing I experienced, I was sitting cross legged, with my spine somewhat erect (I've learned this from my kriya yoga sessions and I attempt to do this when I'm sitting down and relaxing because it puts me into a heightened consciousness state. Anyways, brother in law and friend were talking for a while so I just sat there and observed. Then the friend leaves and I am there with my brother in law. We start talking, I'm having a hard time remembering what he was saying but I started to look at him like this poor helpless child that is deeply insecure and that hates himself. This is an overreaction, but there's a lot of truth to it. In the moment, I felt like a heightened being, the friend came back and it felt like they were both looking at me for a direction, they didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't know how to feel about that. And then it dawned on me that if I want to teach meditation or kriya yoga one day, I have to be that person, that "enlightened" person that is leading these people towards something. This made me feel vulnerable and I was afraid that I couldn't handle all of that pressure. We decide that we're going to watch Fantasia because I haven't seen it yet. My brother in law tries to put it on the TV but he can't figure it out. He is getting angry and I don't know what to do so I just observe. Then something happens that I have no idea what to make of, his phone starts to make a staticy sound, one that sounded like aliens communicating with us. I mean what the actual fuck is going on?! And he literally cannot shut it off. It sounded like aliens, truly it did. And I asked about him the next morning and he confirmed that it happened. Anyways, this freaked me out so I went inside and laid down in my room. For some reason, I started viewing these two humans, brother in law and friend as evil, as if they are up to no good, even though I love them both, truly, but in this mindset, I was experiencing something different. When you're on shrooms, you don't see people based on their background or personal history anymore, you see them based on energy and vibe. I saw or felt something dark about them, I don't know why or how and I didn't know what to do about it. Of course, was this a real instinctual feeling or was this just my mind fucking me over, which definitely happens later in this story, we will get to that soon. Now strap yourself in because I'm just getting started. I lay down in the room that I'm set up in. Its difficult to distinguish the order of events from this point on but I will do my best. One of the things that started to happen was I started pacing back and forth in my room. I could feel my body or mind or whatever it is (having a hard time distinguishing between body and mind) start to spiral, I could feel something dark coming towards me, it was an insight and I could feel myself not wanting to deal with it. It was death. I had the opportunity to experience death. I continue to pace and I am freaking out. I DONT WANNA DIE. I DONT WANNA DIE. I then hear voices coming from outside, they are talking about me in a negative light. I then realize that I can control the voices and I put a positive spin on them , this works for a little while and now I'm dancing around my room, but then the negative voices come back again. From then on, its a battle to keep myself positive. This right here is clearly in the mind, these are my thoughts, but they felt so much more real given the drug that I was on. My thoughts were heightened and louder, making them feel real. Couple that with what I forgot to mention, my personal history was null at this point, I didn't know who I was, I knew my name and I had vague memories of what I do for work and some of the people in my life, but most of that was gone and I was just experiencing whatever this magic mushroom wanted me to experience. I start pacing again, back and forth, back and forth, trying to figure out what is going on. There is something here with me, I felt, an insight that I dont want to look at. I continue to pace in agony for a while. Eventually, I am able to look at this family photo, its of my brother in laws parents and it made me realize something, this, what I'm looking at, what I'm experiencing is all ONE. It is all one thing, we are all connected and therefore, you can create whatever the fuck you want, literally, you can create anything that you'd like. This was a deep realization for me and it felt so real, I knew it was real as soon as I realized it. Thats the difference between that and some of those negative thoughts that I was experiencing. We are ALWAYS in a battle with the ego, or with the I-thought. He gets in the way every fuckin' time. But he is a scared little child. Maybe thats why I looked at my brother in law in that way, I was seeing his ego and I was taken aback by it. I saw the ugliness of it and I didn't want to look at it anymore. I wish I could go back and analyze or experience again everything that went on. But unfortunately, journaling about it is the best I can do and it is helping. The next thing I experienced was I felt my body get really wet, but not like a soaked wet, I felt like a purified ball of light that was shining, it felt amazing. I felt on top of the world, like I could do anything. I straightened my spine and continued to dance around the room, feeling the magnificence of this state. Unfortunately, this didn't last long. My mind tricks me again and this time with something even more sinister. My brother in law and friend were right outside my bedroom but I didn't know it was them, all I was hearing were voices. At first, I heard them talking shit about me, I felt agitated but also stuck, feeling like I couldn't do anything about it. They were not actually talking about me, but my mind tricked me into thinking this. Then, it gets even worse, my mind starts to create a scenario in which these high schoolers are the voices outside, they are poking fun at me and they are talking about getting inside of the house and raping my nieces. I start to freak out, I get angry, really angry, I'm fuckin pissed right now. I can't believe my mind has tricked me into thinking that this is real. That these voices inside of my head are real things. I can see the danger now of this drug. If I wasn't as mature as I am now I could have absolutely freak out out of paranoia. I decide that I have to say something to these kids. I'll run out there and beat the shit out of all of them if I have to. I yell to them "Yo, are you good?" in an assertive voice... Its just my brother in law and his friend grabbing these halloween skeletons out of the shed. As soon as this happens, I calm right back down. But holy fuck man, this magic mushroom is taking me on an absolute ride. My trips have become gnarlier and gnarlier over the years, I'm definitely not going to do it again for a while. The last thing that happened is difficult to comprehend, but I will try my best. I started thinking about this girl from work that I have a crush on. It felt like she was right outside of my door, it felt like I could open the door up and see her. I open the door and the only one that is outside is the dog, I pet her for a little while and I realize that she is filled with love, pure love. I head back to my room and I lay there on the floor for a while longer, continuing to experience things that make no sense in physical reality. Thats about all I got, I eventually fell asleep at like 4 or 5 am. Gnarly fuckin' trip man, very gnarly, this seems to be a pattern at this point. Now that I'm removed from the experience, I feel grateful that I experienced something out of this world and I feel a sense of accomplishment that I was able to handle it. Moving forward, I am going to work on distinguishing between my mind and the feeling state of intuition, what is the difference between the two and how do I distinguish one from the other. The feeling state, from my experience is much more trustworthy, The mind can cause absolute chaos. To be able to identify when the mind is going on one of its favorite tangents is a skill I will continue to work on. This is what I've learned from these magic mushrooms. Namaste. Daily goals: Shower: 42 Groom hair: 42 Brush teeth: 42 Floss: 1 Take medication: 42 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 25 Kriya yoga: 10 No porn: 0 No ejaculation: 0 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 15 Wash face before bed: 15 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE - Tuesday? Need to find new phone first Cash check and get new card

Here is a high quality resource for leaning about the 9 stages of ego development. This is essential if you want to understand yourself better. Which stage are you at? Diplomat / Conformist Stage Self - Conscious / Expert The Achiever The Individualist The Strategist Magician Ego Unitive / Ironist BEYOND EGO

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #209 ~ Sun Aug 30 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 41 Groom hair: 41 Brush teeth: 41 Floss: 0 Take medication: 41 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 24 Kriya yoga: 9 No porn: 14 No ejaculation: 14 Eat 150 g of protein: 6 Brush teeth before bed: 14 Wash face before bed: 14 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE - Tuesday? Need to find new phone first

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #208 ~ Sat Aug 28 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 40 Groom hair: 40 Brush teeth: 40 Floss: 10 Take medication: 40 Drink protein shake: 5 Make bed: 23 Kriya yoga: 8 No porn: 13 No ejaculation: 13 Eat 150 g of protein: 5 Brush teeth before bed: 13 Wash face before bed: 13 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Figure out where you're going Sunday Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #207 ~ Fri Aug 28 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 39 Groom hair: 39 Brush teeth: 39 Floss: 9 Take medication: 39 Drink protein shake: 4 Make bed: 22 Kriya yoga: 7 No porn: 12 No ejaculation: 12 Eat 150 g of protein: 4 Brush teeth before bed: 12 Wash face before bed: 12 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Cut Tyler and Amanda music Figure out where you're going Sunday Buy paint by numbers thing FIX PHONE

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #206 ~ Thu Aug 27 '26 Things are going VERY WELL for me right now. I am happy. I will continue to try and turn off my mind in favor of a more conscious feeling state moving forward. Kriya yoga will be helping with that. Cheers. Daily goals: Shower: 38 Groom hair: 38 Brush teeth: 38 Floss: 8 Take medication: 38 Drink protein shake: 3 Make bed: 21 Kriya yoga: 6 No porn: 11 No ejaculation: 11 Eat 150 g of protein: 3 Brush teeth before bed: 11 Wash face before bed: 11 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 3 (☑️☑️☑️) Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Practice Argentine Tango Practice Rumba for Pam Practice Rumba for Tanya Practice cha cha intro for Tanya Practice Swing intro for Pam Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Review Pam Waltz Cut Tyler and Amanda music

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #205 ~ Wed Aug 26 '26 I want to marry this girl. I want to marry her and have kids with her. I haven't even taken her on a date yet but I want to marry her. Will I look back at this post and say "I called it!" or will I look back on this and laugh? Only time will tell. I've been trying to let go of my thoughts in favor of focusing on the breath. Before I settle down with this woman, there are some things that I feel I have to exhaust and learn first. Over these next few years, I am going to work on exactly that. What are some of those things? I want to hook up with at least a few more women. I have another girl I'm talking to and I have some speed dating events that I plan to attend. I know full well that I don't want to end up with anyone else, but who knows, life is full of surprises. Nice job on the habit tracker, you're doing great, champ. Daily goals: Shower: 37 Groom hair: 37 Brush teeth: 37 Floss: 7 Take medication: 37 Drink protein shake: 2 Make bed: 20 Kriya yoga: 5 No porn: 10 No ejaculation: 10 Eat 150 g of protein: 2 Brush teeth before bed: 10 Wash face before bed: 10 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Practice Argentine Tango Practice Rumba for Pam Practice Rumba for Tanya Practice cha cha intro for Tanya Practice Swing intro for Pam Call Pam to figure out Friday Change oil (I can't get my hood open) - lunch break today? Review Pam Waltz Cut Tyler and Amanda music Practice NC 2 step

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #205 ~ Tue Aug 25 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 36 Groom hair: 36 Brush teeth: 36 Floss: 6 Take medication: 36 Drink protein shake: 1 Make bed: 19 Kriya yoga: 4 No porn: 9 No ejaculation: 9 Eat 150 g of protein: 1 Brush teeth before bed: 9 Wash face before bed: 9 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 0 Do laundry: 5 Clean room: 5 Clean car: 4 Things to do: Practice Argentine Tango Practice Rumba for Pam Practice Rumba for Tanya Practice cha cha intro for Tanya Practice Swing intro for Pam Call Pam to figure out Friday Change oil (I can't get my hood open) Figure out a better way to track schedule Cut Liz and Aaron music Cut Mary ann music Review Pam Waltz Cut Jon and Krista music Cut Stephanie and Tyler music Cut Tyler and Amanda music Call Tyler and Amanda to confirm Practice NC 2 step Good job! I'm so proud of you.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #204 ~ Mon Aug 24 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 35 Groom hair: 35 Brush teeth: 35 Floss: 5 Take medication: 35 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 18 Kriya yoga: 3 No porn: 8 No ejaculation: 8 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 8 Wash face before bed: 8 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3

Interlude: Jed Wouldn't approve Jed wouldn't approve of my attachment to the dreamstate, I know it. But remember this, these books are being written for a specific purpose, which is to provide to point you towards the path towards waking up. You also have to understand that this is one guys experience of what enlightenment is. There are many different perspectives to take on enlightenment as well as many different facts. ( Check out Leo's episode, the many faces of awakening.) Right now, I am attached to this girl, I love being around her. Your job is to become aware of this attachment and to engage in it consciously. You have other things to balance here in this life. For example, you need your alone time so that you can do kriya yoga and meditate. At the same time, I just love her attention, I want her around me and I just want to banter and vibe out with her. Sometimes I like this pure stream of conscious thought as a way to spiritual autolysize. Other times, I want to create a cohesive conversation between my lower and higher self. But just remember, this journal is for yourself, not for impressing others.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #203 ~ Sun Aug 23 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 34 Groom hair: 34 Brush teeth: 34 Floss: 4 Take medication: 34 Drink protein shake: 1 Make bed: 17 Kriya yoga: 2 No porn: 7 No ejaculation: 7 Eat 150 g of protein: 1 Brush teeth before bed: 7 Wash face before bed: 7 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3

Interlude: what do you want? What is it that you want in this life? I want to become enlightened above all else. I want to reach levels of consciousness that very few humans have accomplished. I want to make one woman or multiple women feel like they are the most special and cherished person in this universe. But above all else, I want to know the Truth of the universe. I want to soar through the cosmos, through the infinitude of this reality that I am experiencing. I want to understand that this experience here is completely non-dual, all dualities are a construction within my own mind and are therefore not real tangible things. I want to understand that to be a tangible thing, it must be made up of consciousness. And consciousness is all that there is, everything is made up of consciousness. I want to understand or better yet experience what consciousness is, at it's very core. I want to feel powerful and strong. I want to feel like I can handle anything and everything. I want to be incredibly strong, able to pick up a fuckin' car. I am going to go an entire year of working out 3-5x a week. I want a high quality girlfriend, one that I can grow with. I want to emotionally regulate so that I can positively affect the wonderful people around me. I want to be so conscious that I understand fully the context of every situation, able to live in the moment and experience whats going on in my body and mind. *** I miss her every time she's not around. What does this mean? It means that you're attached to somebody. This means that you love and appreciate her as a person, which is great but what comes with that is you crave something from her.

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #202 ~ Sat Aug 22 '26 I want you to start respecting yourself. Respect your own boundaries. Find a way to tell people when you need something, when you need space, when you're not okay with what they did, etc... You are loved, but it starts from yourself, self love, self respect, put yourself on a pedestal. You are important. There is a romance brewing with a girl here, I'll explain later. It's difficult to balance time and energy investe in yourself while also finding time with others. You want to spend time with these other people that make you feel good but at the same time have your own boundaries, have your own beliefs and stick up for yourself. In a bigger picture too, you are trying to become more and more God- like. But of course this starts with self love. Self love equates to infinite love. Love yourself first and love for everyone else will follow. The biggest problem with becoming romantic with someone is there is now an attachment to that person, you have an egoic attachment to their attention, you want them to want you, you want to spend time with them, they affecting your emotional state, etc.... this is all a challenge though of course, regulating those emotions and becoming aware of the egos attachment towards this person. Okay, I need to get my kriya yoga in, I love to procrastinate. * I did have a really good session of kriya yoga, it really is such a god send. It makes me aware of what's going on around me. I really want to start showering as soon as I wake up and then getting right into kriya yoga and then getting ready for my day. What would that look like? 1. Wake up at 8 am 2. Shower and groom 3. 8:30 practice kriya yoga - this needs to be *** I ended up having a REALLY good day today. You have to realize that emotional states fluctuate and accept that fact. What are you going to do tomorrow? I like the idea of journaling about what you're gonna do the night before. Then I can wake up and go about my business, there will be an expectation for myself as soon as I wake up. Tomorrow, I am going to wake up at 8:30 am and I am going to shower and then do my kriya yoga. Then I will workout and then eat breakfast. When I get back on Sunday, I am going to give myself a haircut, clean my room, clean my car, and grocery shop. The next day, I will have to meal prep for myself ( for at least Monday through Wednesday.) Daily goals: Shower: 33 Groom hair: 33 Brush teeth: 33 Floss: 3 Take medication: 33 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 16 Kriya yoga: 1 No porn: 6 No ejaculation: 6 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 Brush teeth before bed: 6 Wash face before bed: 6 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (☑️ Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3 Things to do: Reach out to Dan about wedding dance Figure out when I'll be back tomorrow Reach out to Chantelle about cancelling dance practice Figure out when you will teach lizz

Habits & Disciplines Journey Entry #201 ~ Fri Aug 21 '26 Daily goals: Shower: 32 Groom hair: 32 Brush teeth: 32 Floss: 2 Take medication: 32 Drink protein shake: 0 Make bed: 15 Kriya yoga: 0 No porn: 5 No ejaculation: 5 Eat 150 g of protein: 0 No electronics after 11pm: 6 Brush teeth before bed: 5 Wash face before bed: 5 Weekly goals: Workout 3x: 2 (☑️☑️☑️ Give yourself a haircut: 1 Meal prep 2x a week: 0 (☑️ Do laundry: 4 Clean room: 4 Clean car: 3

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #93 ~ Fri Aug 20 '26 ~ 10:48 AM Lower self: My name is Ben and I am here to discover Truth and to become as God- like as humanly possible. I say "as humanly possible" because I am in fact a human being. There are things that I must do in order to survive. I have cravings that I cannot control, such as having sex, eating food, making money, and being respected. I try not to live a life chasing positive emotions. This is a trap that many human beings here on Earth fall into. Emotions come and go regardless if they are positive or negative. One way to view this that helps is "I am so grateful just to be here. Therefore any emotion that I experience is a blessing. Feeling any emotion fills me with gratitude for the experience of life." Higher self: Nice job on that and yes I agree. Live in the dreamstate, enjoy Bens life. It's the only one that you truly have. But understand this, you will transcend Ben one day. You will realize the Truth and that his construction is an illusion, there's nothing real about it. His entire life is a fabrication that is inside an infinite mind. This infinite mind is consciousness. Consciousness is real, it is the foundation of the universe, it is the context. Ben is the content inside and therefore is not foundationally true. In order to see this, you will need to zoom out your scope. Lower self: But how? How do I zoom out? I feel like I'm missing something. What am I missing? Higher self: I mean you're not really missing anything. You have been zooming out more and more over these past few years. Through you're hard work researching ego development, reading spiritual books and taking the time to contemplate life, you have laid a nice foundation for yourself to understand and comprehend what this is all about. You are attempting to live consciously, which is the right start. This is what Jed is talking about when he describes "human adulthood," it's about living consciously. You're doing well man, just try to let go a bit more and relax into the experience, that's all of the advice I can give you at this point. You're path is what it is so enjoy the ride and stop stressing out about it. Lower self: But why do I feel like Im behind the curve in some way? Higher self: Precisely because you are human and your mind is an overpowered machine. Your mind and your feelings drives you down your path. It's when you place too much stock in your mind that things can take a turn for the worse. Lower self: What do you mean? Higher self: Your thoughts are an illusion. Therefore the trust that you place in it is undeserved. Lower self: But my self image is also a thought construction and therefore does not deserve my attention either. Higher self: Yes, exactly. Continue down your path of kriya yoga and you will see how unnecessary the minds constant chatter is. This is the path that will allow you to let go. But please don't feel obligated to take this path. You can take whatever path you would like to take. Engage in what you want to in the dream state and for as long as you want. The last thing I want for you is to turn this into a "should" or "should not" situation. This is the problem with most humans, living within a defined set of rules while life is the most infinitely complex thing you can experience. Something infinite cannot be turned into a finite thing, it's against every fiber of its being. Lower self: What do I do with my craving for sex? Higher self: Explore it of course. What is it? Why is it there? How does it make you feel? You can either contemplate or you can feel into your body. Id recommend feeling more than thinking but thinking can be a useful tool as well.