Spiritual Warrior

Interlude: an example of structure vs concept in my personal life The goal of wanting to have a jacked and shredded physique. Is that content or structure? The way that I "look" or are perceived is the content. The structure is the life surrounding the jacked physique. What does it take to have a jacked physique? 1. You have to work out regularly and consistently, at least 3 days a week. 2. You have to eat the right amount of protein for muscle growth (150g) 3. You have to eat the right amount of calories in order to have the energy to work out (at least 2,000) What about the goal of having a clear head? The clear head is the content. What sort of structure would a human being need in order to have a clear head? 1. Meditate every day - meaning you just sit there for 20 minutes 2. Eat clean foods - all organic and nothing processed 3. Drink plenty of water - at least 64 oz a day of clean water What about the goal of becoming spiritually enlightened? The enlightened person is the content. The structure surrounding the enlightened person is what kind of life he lives in order to become enlightened. What would that look like? 1. Journal every day, contemplating "what is true" or "what am I?" 2. Attempt to access a state of not-knowing throughout your days in which you are fully engrossed in the current moment 3. Read spiritual books about enlightenment What about the goal of being a ballroom dance champion? The vision of being a dance champion is the content, the structure is the lifestyle surrounding the dancer. What would this lifestyle look like? 1. Work hard at the technical side of dancing. This means 30 hours a week on just dancing ( let's take a trial run and see if this is too much or too little, I've never measured this before) 2. Develop the look of a champion in the way that you walk and carry yourself 3. Take coachings to better your dancing on a weekly basis What about the goal of building your dream home? The goal of building a house is the content, the structure is the steps that the human has to make in order to make the content possible. What would this process look like? 1. Pay back all of your debts ( Projected to pay them all back in March 2026) 2. Start saving a portion of your paycheck after March 2026 (10% maybe) . 3. Save up $30k by March 2027, this would be about $300/ month 4. Should be able to buy a condo in 2027

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #69 Fri Aug 29, 2025 8:57 AM Chapter title: Content vs Structure This is quite literally the one and only journal that is worth keeping up. Nothing matters but Truth. I will not stop contemplating until I have hit a little point called "Done". I've made a vow to become Truth realized by August 27th, 2027. This means that I have two years to discover the Truth Higher Self: What is something that is true? Lower self: C rex. Consciousness is all that there is. The universe and thoughts and all that is outside of my awareness is pure fantasy. Any theory about how the earth came about is all bullshit. Higher Self: What does c rex mean? Lower self: It means that consciousness, my direct awareness is all that exists, it is quite literally the only thing that I can confirm without a doubt. All this other shit about the cosmos and the universe and infinity, it's all.... Bullshit. How could I know any of that is true. This is the mistake that I have been making, my head is in the clouds, thinking that the Truth is out there but really it is right here in front of me, "hidden in plain sight."... Creating theories about the infinite universe, I am God... No.... These are all beliefs, your job in Truth work is to find out what is true without a doubt and where would you start if that is the case? You start with your direct experience here and now... And my direct experience is telling me that I am aware, I am aware of what is presently happening in this body, in this brain, in the current environment around me, that is what is true. But don't get this confused with the content of the thoughts and the things that are happening in your life, those are not true, that is the content. This is exactly what Leo is talking about in his video "Content vs Structure." The content is false, the structure is true. Do you see that? Now watch this full 3 hour video and this concept will start to seep in.

Interlude: Messages from Her Lower self: I am no one. There is no me. Don't you see that? There is no me. I do not exist. I, the person that I believe myself to be is not real. He is not a tangible thing. I've created a story inside my own head. My true nature is that of an infinite shape shifter, that can experience anything that it desires. The issue is that I will not allow my mind to get there. Why is that? Her: Fear. Lower self: Fear... But what is that? Her: Fear is what keeps you alive. Make your story beautiful. Cherish life. Dream up the most magnificent dreams that you can possibly imagine. Your hearts should be bursting with love and energy, spines tingling with joy at the majesty of existence.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #68 Wed July 30, 2025 6:55 AM Samadhi Lowers self: Hey, we need to talk about this voice in my head. What is it exactly? Higher Self: What voice? Lower self: This voice. This voice that I can hear inside of my head that is being heard by me and then being typed onto this screen. What is it? Higher self: I don't hear anything... Lower self: What do you mean? Of course you hear something, we both hear it. It's right here. Open your fucking ears. Higher Self: Nope. Lower self: Okay, whatever. Then I am hallucinating a voice inside of my own head Higher Self: Yep, that is correct. Lower self: What is a hallucination anyways? Higher self: A hallucination is something that is not real, it is completely fabricated and imagined. There is nothing tangible or concrete about it and therefore is no Truth behind it. Lower self: But the voice inside of my head feels so real to me. I can hear it speaking to me. Higher Self: Who is speaking to whom? Lower self: The voice is coming from me and is speaking to me... Ben... The voice is telling me what to do, how to behave, etc .. Higher Self: Why do you listen to this voice? Lower self: I listen to the voice because I feel like I have no choice in the matter. I cannot shut this voice off. Therefore, it just feels like it is a part of who I am. Higher Self: Why can't you shut it off? Lower self: I'm not sure. But I virtually have no control over it. I am at the mercy of this voice and therefore cannot get any peace and quiet. I just want this voice to shut the fuck up. Higher Self: You can shut it off actually. This is what a samdhi experience is like. All of your attention is pointed towards one thing. This eclipses everything else around it and you dissolve into the experience of that one thing that you are focusing on. In this state, there is no mind, no thoughts, no emotions, just pure experience, pure nothingness, pure samadhi. Lower self: Wowwwww, that sounds amazing. Higher Self: It is amazing, now get to work...

"Kill the boy and let the man be born." This is the best line for a guy. There is something about transforming yourself into somebody that is masculine, mature, and capable that is so inspiring to me.

Gods Bathroom Floor The self image is a complete fabrication. It is a mockery of Truth. Anytime you think about what another individuals perception is of you, slap yourself across the face. Thinking like this is utter nonsense. Take me away. Release me from this prison, I don't want to be here anymore. I am ready to transcend.

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #67 - Sat July 19, 2025 7:24 PM Nothingness Lower self: We talked about nothingness a few chapters back. What is it and why does it have significance in Truth work? Higher Self: Nothingness is exactly that, it is an empty void that is made up of its own name, nothing. The tree next to me is nothingness, my car is nothingness, this water is nothingness, my body is nothingness. Lower self: I'm not following... Higher Self: Your identity is not Truth. Your mind is not Truth. The birds are not Truth. The sky is not Truth. You can make an infinite list of things that are not Truth. If everything is not Truth, what do you have left? You have nothing. Nothingness is the ultimate truth of the universe. Experience this. Truly experience this and you will transcend your physical body. The real kicker here though is that nothingness also equates to infinite creation. If there is nothing really there, then you have a blank slate in which you can create anything that you want. These creations remain in the relative realm while nothingness is forever present in the background as an Absolute Truth. Lower self: Okay, this all makes sense, but how do I experience this? I have no direct experience of this nothingness that you are describing. Higher Self: Sure you do... Just look around. "Close your mind, close your eyes, see with your heart" - Lupe Fiasco

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #66 - Fri July 18, 2025 12:22 PM The Eight Headed Octopus Higher Self: Hello little one. What is true? Lower self: It is true that I am. Which means that I am able to experience this, whatever this is… I don't know. But I am here. I am is all that I know. I know nothing else so I am going to enjoy the pure majesty of the feeling within this body, good or bad. I am is the essential truth. I am is true without a doubt, no ifs ands or buts. But this I am ness seems to be coming from the fact that this body is alive, the heart is beating, the brain is working, the muscles are firing. So what happens to the I am ness when the body decays? What on earth would happen then? I am unsure. And how could I know? I am honestly not sure about much. Which is why I am afraid of death. What is death? Higher Self: Death is a construction in your own head. Death is not real. Death is something that was made up by man. Lower self: But I don't understand… death is a real thing, my body will die, it will be buried in the ground and Ben will cease to exist. Higher Self: But remember… “Ben” is not a real and tangible thing, it is a mental construction. Sure, “Ben” will die one day in a relative sense, but the Absolute Truth of the matter is I am. That is all that you know and therefore is all that there ever was and will ever be. Lower self: But how do you know that? Just because I am experiencing the Truth in this current moment does not mean that the Truth will forever exist. Higher Self: The Truth is forever or it would not be Truth. Truth with a capital T is truth without any doubts, no ifs ands or buts. Lower self: Okay… then I am is not Truth because I cannot verify that this I am ness will last forever. I only experience what is occurring in this moment. Higher Self: There is no forever in the Absolute realm. There is just the present, which means that the present, this current experience, in this very seat, typing on this phone, is forever. Time is a mental construction. Stop thinking in the relative sense or you will never transcendent. Look for truth in every interaction, in every second of every day and one day it will reveal itself to you. It will come out of the depths of illusion like an octopus with 18 heads. This is infinite creation. Now go enjoy yourself, you only have one life in this current form.

My mind is melting. I realize now that it is not real. That nobody is real. Nothing is real at all. The only thing that I am sure of that is real is "I am." Everything else can be thrown into the trash. Every name. Every friend. Every religion. Every book. Every movie. Every thought. Every lover. None of it. None of it is true. Discard it all. What do we do when we have nothing left? We have a blank slate... And now we can create..

Life is very counter intuitive

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #65 - July 12, 2025 8:14 AM Higher self: Okay lower self, it's your time to shine.. what is true? Lower self: It is true that "I am experiencing things." Higher self: What does it mean to experience something? Lower self: To experience something is to have the capacity to feel and relate and communicate and take action. Higher self: What does it mean to "have capacity"? Lower self: To have capacity for something is to be able to do it. And I have capacity to experience things because I am a human being. Higher self: So if you were not a human being, you would not have capacity to do things? Lower self: Well no... I guess that is not entirely true, I do not know if I would have the capacity to experience things if I wasn't human, maybe I would.. so let's take that out, I have the capacity to experience... Let's just leave it at that. Higher self: "I have" .. meaning you own this capacity? Who is it that owns this capacity? Lower self: I do. I am a perceiver. I perceive. I experience... Higher self: And what is this "I" that you continue to speak of? Lower self: "I" is referring to me, this body, this personality, this face. Higher self: But didn't we already establish that the body, the personality, the face is not the true "I." This is just a construction in our own minds in order to make sure that this organism continues to survive and one day reproduces. Lower self: Yes we did establish that.. then the "I" that I am referring to is not the body, not the mind, not the face, not the personality, it is just presence itself. It has no location, it just is. Higher self: Hmmm... Interesting... Lets go back to the original statement.. "I am experiencing things" the "I" in this statement is not referring to the body or mind, it is referring to an awareness that is always present. "I am" refers to the fact that this is a present experience, not in the past, not in the future.* Now the words "experiencing things" actually refers to the experience itself and is therefore a false portion of this statement and may be discarded. Now we are left with "I am" and that is it. Now go ahead lower self, recap what we just talked about. Lower self: Okay sure, "I am" is referring to the ability to be present in this very moment. And that is it, it has nothing to do with the ownership of the body or personality traits or material possessions, it is "I am" here and "I am" present. That is our true face, our true nature. Take all of the bullshit away and that is all that is left. Given this revelation, I am going to integrate some reading sessions of "Presence" by Rupert Spira. I should be able to finish that book within 2 months, so by September 12th. The Peter Ralston book will be a slow burn. I am going to continue to read that thing over over again, taking copious notes until enlightenment experiences start to unravel. Higher self: Good job today little one. You are on your way. Lower self: Thanks, I'm excited 😊

Spiritual Autolysis Journal Entry #64 - July 6, 2025 9:45 PM Lower self: I am sick of living for myself, for my own ego. It is unfulfilling.. all of these fantasy stories that I tell myself, they're all bulshit. Total fucking bullshit. And I'm sick of it. I am sick of living a lie. All they do is cause suffering. And I've had enough of suffering. I want to know the Truth. I want to know the Truth at all costs. And nothing and I mean nothing is going to stop me. Wish me luck Higher Self. Higher Self: it's about time you started taking this work seriously. Now, what are some tangible things that you are going to start doing to make this goal a reality some day? Lower self: I am going to start reading The Book of Not Knowing again and take notes on every single chapter. I am going to read that book over and over and over again until I get smacked in the face, until my reality pops like a fucking balloon. I am going to do Kriya Yoga every single morning, no exceptions, for at least 20 minutes. I am going to welcome my higher self with arms wide open. My Kundalini energy is going to crawl up my spine like a serpent and swallow my brain whole so that I face the Truth and cannot look away. I am going to steer into what is uncomfortable until I find exactly what I am looking for, or find out that there was nothing to look for the whole time, whichever comes first. Higher self: You seem motivated, good for you. How are you going to keep this drive when the going gets rough and you want to be lazy? Lower self: I am first and foremost going to remember my vision. My vision is to attain a level of consciousness that no human has ever accessed. I am going to fully grasp and understand all of reality so that I can make the highest and purest and most profound impact on humanity. This is going to take a lot of work and I have a long road ahead of me, but I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm sick of living a lie. Higher self: Good for you, now get to work.. and come back here when you need to vent. You will have to confront many harsh truths throughout this process and I will always be here to talk you off the ledge. Lower self: I will not stop writing in this journal until my self identity is completely dissolved and I merge with the Oneness of reality. Until that day comes...

So go on The Truth awaits you And when you find the path Don't you dare look back

But we are here So we might as well comfort each other

I am not going to hurt you I am going to support you, hold you up if I have to But we are all one You and I are the same What now?