Whitney Edwards

The real silent killers.

The way I can tackle this issue is with perfect social calibration and silence.

My innocent energy.

Note to whitney You're delusional and over confident. You can't do shit.

I remember going into hyper paranoid states. I also knew that a lot was at stake. My fears were my biggest enemy. I had made an enemy out of myself. What if you just don't care about anything at all? I'm now trying to build a career. My own weaknesses will work in my favor. Keep repeating this positive statement.

I'm not going to make the same mistakes I made before. I have learned from them. A lot of my mistakes in the past came from my insecurities.

Where exactly are you looking? In Mexico?

I can't spend my days worrying about shit that doesn't matter in the long run. Or won't actually impact me. Haha. I feel so free. And happy sometimes when I'm free from fear.

I ate ice cream today to feel better. I feel frustrated often. I am just going to focus strictly on Journaling. I don't like how my sister talks to my mother. Also sometimes my mother acts delusional. She will say very awkward illogical stuff. I hate it. But my mother also protects me. I just feel scared everytime my sister talks to my mother. My anxiety levels shoot through the roof.

Another thing I suffer from is my memory issue because of my depression.

Another problem is that I get moody a lot. Sometimes I feel like I need a really long vacation from all the stresses of everyday life and I will come back healed. But that needs a lot of money. Sometimes I just forget what I have to write. I kinda get lazy and frustrated. Hey Whitney, cheer up. It's okay. It's my own insecurity dragging me down. I'm realizing that I'm getting more confident. As time goes by. I am maturing slowly. It's coming into me.. This protective feminine spirit.

I think women want high value men and men want high quality women and that's the end of the story pretty much. I consider myself a high quality woman. But I still have eons worth of work to do on myself where I would be truly satisfied with who I am. I still value a high value man (metaphorically) because that's how I tend to derive some value from. I like to follow such men because there's a lot to learn from them in terms of living life and I have the resolution that my best life will start in 2025. First of all, I'll not reduce to your level. There are many detractors. I have to avoid that. I wasted a lot of time in unnecessary nonsense. Time to be serious. Or that time never comes. I always have to start with self honesty. Emotions are a part of me and will always be given the kind of Upbringing and background I came from. Struggle will always be a part of my life. But I have done a ton of emotional management work. And I'm proud of it. I throw the poison out of my system. I have to be my own therapist in 2025. Because I don't think my family will give me therapy again ever. That's sad because my depression improved a bit when I had therapy. I have to work on my depressive states. It's not easily visible on this forum because I pretend to be happy when I'm interacting with people (I don't want negative reactions and weird stuff) so I try to appear as normal as possible. Yet I have my own demons to work on. Leo inspires me everyday as usual. This is the only place, my precious journal where I can be completely open about myself, where I can be fearless and open about my feelings, my struggles, my vulnerabilities and my journey. Only have high value interactions. This will help my mental health. I try to give myself room and space whenever possible. The new year has just begun and I don't wish to pressure myself too much right at the get go. I want some breathing space and not much self judgement or self criticism. This will be my main or core journal. This is where I want to work on my goals. 2024 was a very difficult year for me in the beginning. The family conflict was extremely high right at the beginning of the year and I went through tremendous mental stress through April and multiple therapists. I think my situation got slightly better in May, June and July. July is where I got married. August, September were struggle days. Till October. It began to flatten out a bit. I was attending dance classes back then and my situation had slightly improved. My depression had slightly improved as well. But my family stopped that. So that did not help my depression in November and December.

Fractured Bonds Characters: Emma: A passionate and creative individual who values her friendships deeply. Liam: Emma's childhood friend, practical and somewhat reserved, who has recently changed due to new influences. Setting: A small café with a cozy atmosphere. A table is set for two, with half-finished cups of coffee and a few scattered napkins. The mood is tense. (Scene 1: The Café) (Emma sits at the table, nervously tapping her fingers. Liam enters, looking hesitant. He spots Emma and approaches.) Liam: (forcing a smile) Hey, Emma. Sorry I’m late. Emma: (looking up, trying to smile) It’s okay. I was just… thinking. Liam: (sitting down) About what? Emma: (pausing) Us. Our friendship. Liam: (sighs) I know things have been different lately. Emma: (frustrated) Different? Liam, it feels like you’ve completely changed. You barely talk to me anymore. Liam: (defensive) I’ve just been busy with school and… other things. Emma: (hurt) Other things? Like your new friends? The ones who don’t even know who I am? Liam: (looking away) They’re not that bad. They just… understand me better. Emma: (voice trembling) Understand you better? Or just distract you from who you really are? (Scene 2: The Tension Builds) Liam: (frustrated) You don’t get it, Emma! I’m trying to fit in. I thought you’d be happy for me. Emma: (tears welling) Happy? I’m heartbroken! You’ve pushed me away. I feel like I’m losing my best friend. Liam: (softening) I didn’t mean to. It’s just… I feel like I have to change to be accepted. Emma: (pleading) But you don’t! You’re amazing just the way you are. Why can’t you see that? Liam: (looking conflicted) I don’t know. I guess I thought I had to prove something. (Scene 3: The Breaking Point) Emma: (voice breaking) Prove what? That you can abandon the people who care about you? Liam: (angry) It’s not like that! You’re making it sound so dramatic. Emma: (standing up) It is dramatic! You’re choosing to ignore our friendship for something that might not even last! Liam: (standing too) Maybe I need to find out who I am without you! Emma: (hurt) So this is it? You’re just going to throw away years of friendship? Liam: (pausing, looking torn) I… I don’t know. (Scene 4: The Aftermath) (Emma takes a deep breath, trying to compose herself.) Emma: (softly) I can’t keep pretending everything is okay. If you want to go, then go. But know that I’ll always be here if you decide to come back. Liam: (voice cracking) Emma, I— Emma: (interrupting) No, Liam. Just… think about it. (Emma turns and walks away, leaving Liam standing alone at the table, conflicted and regretful.) (Scene 5: Reflection) (Liam sits back down, staring at the empty chair across from him. He picks up his coffee, but it’s cold. He sighs, realizing the weight of his choices.) Liam: (to himself) What have I done? (The lights dim as Liam sits in silence, contemplating the fracture in their friendship.) (End Scene)

Why does Andrew Tate have so many followers on social media even though he is heavily shamed by women for the kind of message he spreads?

I kinda don't know if this video is true or not. I will have to watch it again. Casey Zander. Men put value on time I like men who put value on their time. I have seen this. This guy is so straightforward. Time and focus will equal high value. I think I liked this about men. It's naturally attractive trait. I don't even know why. It means he is doing something with his life. This feels good. Not because I want his money. I just want the feeling that he is being constructive. Put your value or price on your attention. I think this makes men attractive too. I like that when a man says he doesn't have time for bullshit. That means he is no drama man. I like that a lot. He has high self esteem and considers himself important. This is not necessarily an indicator of success, but at least it shows his high value attitude. 99% of men are far too accessible. I think he is right about that. Maybe. I'm not sure. I never approached men in my life. I never thought it was my job. I find it awkward to flirt with a man. I mean I felt awkward to flirt with men. I think the number one reason was slut shaming and the second reason was that I felt like most men value a woman who directly approaches them or they don't fall in love with her. The first reason is true as well. I think one of my exes accidentally called me that (he later apologized) and I felt awful. That was the first time ever I had approached a guy just out of fun. Because I liked him so much. I jumped with joy. Also because he said indirectly to me — I love you thrice. So I just misunderstood the message (because it wasn't meant for me) and I texted him that I'm interested in him. He directly rejected me and blocked me. I felt nervous and awkward after that like I had committed a crime. I felt like crap. After that he himself approached me, apologized to me and told me that he liked me and that I was brave for approaching him. I mean roll eyes lol. He was being utterly confusing. And he told me that I was his first girlfriend. And I was like........ Okay. It's just this. I'm not annoyed at all. I found the whole thing amusing. He used to amuse me a lot. I laughed a lot during that time. One minute he would say "I love you" and next minute he would say "we are breaking up." Recipe for going crazy. So based on this experience I can say men are very accessible. I sometimes like this secretly about them. I was a bit boy crazy initially. If men weren't accessible, I wouldn't have gotten lucky in dating some handsome dudes. I hindsight it was both good and bad. Of course I have trauma from men who treated me badly in relationships, but I also have good moments I shared with them. It was fascinating sometimes. The first two men I dated were quite boring.. It was no fun. I think one quality I look up for in men is — is what I can learn from him. I feel highly excited if the guy I'm in love with teaches me something, coaches me or has leadership values. I craved this a lot. I also received this in some of my past relationships as well as the present one. A guy who is firm in his decisions feels so safe and warm.

This is the most inspiring to me.

Are you going to share your spiritual work with us, moving forward?

I usually get depressed when someone asks me personal questions unless it's some close friend because I can trust them. I hate that this aspect is a permanent part of online communities. I wish it never existed. It's my own insecurity. But it's my major insecurity. And I always feel unsafe whenever someone violates this specific boundary of mine. Some people are friendship oriented and I'm not. This does not mean I'm a hostile person. It's just that I like to keep to myself as much as possible. I think to a certain degree a lot of women can relate to me. Not all women though. But a lot. I hear women constantly complaining about how they feel personally violated on the internet. It's not fun if you are in a position of a woman, you would know why, if you have empathy for women that is.. Why is it that that men do this? Not all men do this. When I tell a man "hey don't do this, I don't like it?" he will mostly obey and HE GETS IT, he won't argue with me about it, he won't try to change me, he will understand my discomfort and just respect it. Then there are the other kind of men. Who are the exact opposite. It's like if I tell them " hey I don't like this" they will actually go out of their way to do specifically just that. It will trigger the hell out of me. It's like he is enjoying my trigger. I stop interaction at that point. Because I can sense that something is not right. It's my Autistic brain in overdrive. I can just tell that the person is not coming from a good place. There's a subtlety to it. It's like I'm being indirectly mocked for his pleasure. It's an ego issue. I guess. If you want to bring your sad fragile ego to me, then I am not going to be a victim of your large fat ego. I don't want to be dealing with that kind of energy. I want respect in communications. And when someone does the exact opposite and violates my boundaries, you're not a good person in my eyes, and whether you like it or not, it's clearly not my job to please your emotions. And if you think you're pleasing my emotions or flattering my ego, then you can walk your way. There is no friendship or goodwill there. Just silly ego battles. And I don't find it constructive, just a waste of my time and an unnecessary rise in my temper. I don't want to be in that triggered state, feeling mentally violated and then gaslighted and manipulated into believing that there is something wrong with me if I don't behave how you want me to. I mean cut that shit already. I don't need that over and over and over. I need my own space, my comfort zone. And If I don't I feel disrespected. Different people feel disrespected by different things. Everyone has their trigger points. Respectful people generally understand and empathize with this. Disrespectful m***** don't. A woman should not have to deal with it. It's weird, creepy, obsessive vibes and they make me super uncomfortable.

Then why is anything from psychedelics real? Isn't anything derived from psychedelics a synthesis of the human mind too?

What are your goals for 2025?

Yep. I totally agree with you. I don't see much value in these videos. Other than what we already know. I'm not sure what Leo is getting out of posting these videos. Maybe he should explain a bit. It seems like entertainment to me.

Can you expand on this please? I never truly understood this concept.

You might not take Christianity seriously as a concept but Christianity has benefitted people in their spiritual growth.

People value you and trust you when you provide them value. It's a value consuming society. We cannot become high consciousness individuals if we don't provide value. Although this is often viewed as a masculine concept. Something that I need to integrate moving further through this new year. I have to focus mainly on my "struggling" "lifeless" career. I value my interactions very highly. They are my prize. They are my hard work.

Hmm. There are good and bad aspects to every religion. Christianity has a lot of good elements to it for spiritual growth. Christianity, like many religions, has various aspects that its followers and many others appreciate. Many Christians find a strong sense of community within their churches and congregations, providing support, friendship, and a sense of belonging. That's awesome right? Christianity offers a moral and ethical framework that guides believers in their daily lives, promoting values such as love, compassion, forgiveness, and honesty. What exactly are you looking for in spiritual development? I'm not saying Christianity does not have bad aspects to it as a religion but value and moral framework development is also an essential part of spiritual work. Many Christian organizations and individuals engage in charitable work, helping those in need through food banks, shelters, and various outreach programs. Even near my city, a lot of people get direct assistance from Christian communities and local organizations. Christianity provides a sense of hope and purpose, with teachings about the meaning of life, the importance of love, and it teaches forgiveness which I like the most. I see some mirroring between Christian virtues and core spiritual community values. Leo said that this work is all about realizing LOVE and Christianity emphasizes a lot on the aspect of love. Central to Christian teachings is the commandment to love one another and the importance of forgiveness, which can lead to healthier relationships and personal peace, and we all look for that in spiritual communities. Although a fundamental difference can exist in terms of psychedelic usage, because Christianity doesn't talk about that and I don't have a huge experience in psychedelics so I don't know what psychedelic users are learning that is fundamentally too radical or at odds from Christian principles. I'm not sure of that. Maybe psychedelic users can shed a light on this. Even with Christianity you have personal and spiritual growth through practices such as prayer, meditation, and study of scripture, helping individuals develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their faith.Christianity has significantly influenced art, music, literature, and philosophy throughout history so one cannot discount it's major influence in shaping social and ethical culture. Many find comfort and strength in their faith during difficult times, providing emotional and spiritual support through prayer and community which is huge communal aspect that I have come to appreciate. Christianity often emphasizes personal responsibility and accountability, encouraging people to take ownership of their actions and their impact on others. So indeed there are many spiritual facets to Christianity too.