Whitney Edwards

Saturday January 11. 10.30 pm. It requires a lot of discipline to stay away from things that are tempting or triggering. Both consume my mental bandwidth. I have to do everything in my power to keep myself mentally strong and stable. In hindsight people who hated me made me stronger and less dependent. That's a blessing now, but back then it felt like curse.

Good to know Elon Musk can never be president.

Mollyna seems like a great character in my life. She will help me lots and also fulfill my deeper heart-to-heart talk intimacy issues. Played in Tokyo today and won. I should avoid interaction as much as possible but I'm a human being and I have needs. I am purely self focused now. Will peep into the main forum probably once a day. Tomorrow just peep once in the morning and then once in the evening. I constantly check the forum a lot for new posts. Because I get a bit excited to respond. It's just my habit. But I also don't want to do it because I'm usually left with a sour taste in my mouth after some interactions with some people on the forum especially the kind of weird responses I get despite being polite and helpful. Then it makes me not want to talk. What's the point of interacting on the forum frankly. Everything turns into a debate. Is it personally helpful to me? Absolutely not. Frankly it's a waste of my time trying to help others when I should be helping my own self. But I like helping people. It's just a human trait to want to help someone who is crying in pain asking for help and support. I immediately feel the maternal feminine instinct in me and I want to jump to help them out. But then I get a rude or weird response as though the help wasn't needed. I mean anyone is always doing their best to help. So I kinda get weirded out when that happens. I have noticed this a lot. Then I stop communicating. It only reinforces my thought that I'm better off sticking to myself and not jumping into public for anything at all. Just keep to myself. Why even bother? Not that I'm trying to be empathetic or anything. I used to overestimate myself. I thought I was extremely empathetic. But I'm not. Now I realize my own biases and lack of empathy. Authenticity is better than empathy. If I'm honest to myself, that's a good start. No need to be extra kind.

I suggest a meritocracy school that raises children in a way that they become healthy high conscious citizens and have enough "life knowledge" and "life resources" to not only lead a good life but also vote with a healthy non toxic mindset. Conscious people. Conscious government. Democracy doesn't work perfectly.

Yep. Don't be scared. It usually reduces with time. The brain learns to adjust to it. Mine is gone now completely.

@Sugarcoat normally sleep paralysis is a symptom of stress. I used to get them twice or thrice a year and it used to scare the fuck out of me. But sometimes I was amused by them, in how dramatic, real and colorful they were. I saw a correlation between stress, negative thoughts and sleep paralysis. The video says stress is responsible for it. I had one Astral projection experience last year. My Astral projection was similar to this.

The Corticosteroid effect was gone after three weeks and probably the symptoms returned back. @Michael569 are corticosteroids given for auto-immune problems?

Thats great. So I guess emotionally you are feeling good or moderate. Because most homeless people feel depressed. Then the only thing that you can do is to keep looking for something that suits you physically. Best luck on your journey.

You might have some inflammation issues. Also depends on the season when you usually visit family. Seasonal issues like hay fever for example.

Important post. Saturday. January 11. https://i.imgflip.com/9gbwqo.gif So I needed medication and since past three hours I was putting off going to the store to get it. I felt like it was dragging myself out of my comfort zone and I wanted to completely relax today. I haven't slept well either. Then next minute I said to myself - just go go go go go go go go go girl.... Just go. I had to get off my ass. It was extremely tough to do that. I felt it was impossible and I felt weak and limp. Then I finally got up with great difficulty. Then I just put on my shoes and went to the store. I got the meds. Then on the way coming back home, I got myself a body lotion as a quick reward for going to the store and not being lazy when I need to go get important things. That's how severe my depression is. I just don't feel motivated. The body lotion is a mini reward and I got it for a discount. I had to spend only 100 bucks instead of 300. It's a chocolatey cocoa butter lotion. I don't spend a lot. I spend very little. I try to save my money. I decided to spend a tiny amount today after many days just to reward myself to overcome my laziness and procrastination. Sometimes I feel guilty if I spend even a little amount of money. But did it and I don't feel guilty. I spent a tiny amount of money after many many days just to feel a little better and to encourage myself. Mollyna — Hey Whitney, you did a great job. You overcame your laziness today and did what was necessary for your health. Good job girl. A baby step in the positive direction.

Work in a local church. Ask the church for a job. Cleaning jobs, they are much easier to get. Cleaning jobs inside a building or a security job near a office. I'm extremely sorry for your hard situation. I'm not sure if welfare is available in your country. Please be strong. Nothing is wrong with failure. Even if you feel like you're failing, you're a great person battling through the lows of life and nothing matters. Only your life being safe matters. I hope and pray that you come out of this and do much better going ahead. Keep strong and going. It's okay to be tired. Keep going and keep handling this low phase with grace and courage. Blessings. Please be strong even if you feel tired. Have faith in yourself. The universe is always understanding you no matter what and you are always loved.

Watching Leo's new video he posted just 6 minutes ago. Lower perspectives are focused on confirmation biases.

OMG thanks. Watching.

Nice take on the on-going scandal. A different perspective that helped me understand manipulation.

I have decided that Mollyna looks like this. Mollyna is my elder imaginary fictional sister who inspires me to be my better version.

I always wanted a woman to inspire me - the inner child in me. I wanted that woman to bash me like an elder sister. Not like my real elder sister. But still. My real elder sister is a bit rude and sometimes condescending. So it's hard to have a conversation with her. Now I'm thinking of a gorgeous woman who can take all of my problems away and make me a strong woman of passion. Who will also integrate masculinity in me. After searching for some names, I came across this name - Mollyna. I like it. Mollyna is a very gorgeous beautiful woman who has ultimate grace and strength and who inspires me to be a better person. Mollyna is an imaginary woman. She is blessed with beauty, brains and brawn. What will Mollyna look like? In my mind, Mollyna looks like this. She is Brianna Hildebrand. Or maybe Mollyna looks like this. Taken from — https://www.glam.com/1161716/flattering-haircuts-for-women-in-their-30s/ Or like this. Or like this.

Handle a joke gracefully. Remember this thread everytime you feel triggered by language that's not cool. I couldn't do this for the life of me. How are some people so cool? I always lose my shit over little things. But this is a great lesson. Great men don't lose their cool or sweat the little stuff because they got bigger fish to fry. Leo gets trolled so much. Imagine if Leo lost his cool over every little thing. Would he be able to focus on his career? The Mini me in me has a lot of lessons to learn still.

I need to integrate masculinity in me. And for that I need the Alpha mindset. I have kept toxic people away from me as my sister advised me. I'm just upset that my family stopped therapy. I did a good job in the last two months keeping toxic people away.

I need more maturity in me. Looking at others making so much progress, I feel left out and left behind. Although I take baby steps towards my progress and I have done some good in the past year in controlling the effect of my trauma on me, it's still not enough. I think trauma impacts in a big way and it's effects are quire long lasting.

I can absolutely relate! It's so easy to get caught up in the constant stream of information. I've found that even small breaks can make a huge difference. Maybe try a digital detox weekend or even just an hour a day where you completely disconnect. Self-reflection is a journey, not a destination. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this process. Your post really resonated with me. I think we often seek external validation and answers instead of trusting our own inner wisdom. It's a powerful reminder to cultivate inner peace and find fulfillment within ourselves. Journaling or mindfulness practices could help you connect with your inner voice. Lot of reflection you know. Consistent journaling. This is a great starting point for self-improvement. I'd suggest starting with a simple daily practice like meditation or spending time in nature. Gradually reduce your information intake and see how it feels. You might be surprised by the insights that emerge when you quiet the external noise. I do this kind of contemplation myself. While discipline is valuable, it can also become a form of control. Explore ways to cultivate a more gentle approach to yourself. Instead of focusing on 'fixing' yourself, try embracing curiosity and experimentation. What if you allowed yourself to simply be, without judgment? Do that some days. I've struggled with similar issues, especially with the constant need to learn. I'm trying to be more mindful of how much information I consume and focus on applying what I already know. What specific concepts are you most drawn to? What does 'practicing' those concepts look like for you? Make that picture.

@Candle thanks.

But how are you sure about this? Did you test this? What if they are able to read edited stuff?

Ahh yea. It's ok.

Happy Birthday! Whats your greatest life lesson through your journey so far?

Whats are edits privacy? How do you do that?