Buck Edwards

I have sexual fantasies too. Different types. In my fantasy world I imagine both good and bad things. These fantasies are a doorway to my psyche. I probably didn't want this life, this existence. So there's a strong need to be attracted to fantasies.

Every time I have to face a stumble, a block, a barrier. Often I don't know how to cope or deal with it. It's so hard.

New phase of my life.

We have all been through everything. Separation, grief and loss. I feel like life cannot be complete without these. You have to go through the whole cycle. Now I fear for my own life. I don't know what my future will look like. My sister called me a piece of trash, a narcissist and shame and trouble to everyone. My own family rejects me. It's hard to live like that.

I think I lived a large part of my life in coping and insecurity. The insecurity prevents me from being my authentic self or even living my authentic life. I don't know how to share things, how to open up, how to be vulnerable, without it all being way too messy and awkward for my liking. Everyone praises me in some form, but is there anyone who truly understands me?? The depth and intensity of my emotions that I cannot write in words. Sometimes I feel like killing myself and that killing myself will be a solution. What good am i anyway to anyone? I want to be a bit cryptic in my writing because I'm paranoid about judgement and criticism. I have seen the word narcissist being thrown around. I have borderline disorder so maybe I might have some degree of narcissism in me. Who knows? I agree that I'm a bit arrogant. I cultivated my arrogance as a self defense mechanism. I don't know why I'm internalizing other's judgement so much. When people judge me I don't give a Fuck. But when loved ones judge you, it hurts like hell. Im not being a kid. I'm a human being. I get hurt too. I get dehydrated too. I fail like others too. Why such strong judgement?

Yea he has a book called the subtle art of not giving a fuck. Excellent book.

Traveling is quite superficial. It doesn't give you a collective gist of the culture of a place. I once traveled to a country but I lived there for a considerable length of time. It helped me understand the cultural context better. Most people travel for fun and to get a taste of a place. But there's no real intimacy to it. My opinion might offend some people but that's what I think.

These days I relieve my stress through painting. Feels similar to a dance.

I don't think you have sovereignty over your mind to begin with. Almost all the data you consume everyday from the point you're born is always external. Any inner contemplation does count. Is 99% of your thought process just inner contemplation? Ask yourself. Most of our thoughts have originated somewhere. It could be a book, something your grandmother said, television and now it's the internet and AI. People used to Google a lot and now people AI a lot. There's not much difference, it's just how data is transferring at a faster rate. We always wanted something that will spoonfeed us. That's why we invented the calculator.

@Hojo I think everyone is to a certain extent. However to be labeled a narcissist doesn't feel good because I know enough about narcissism and I never saw myself as one.

I try to be a perfectionist. That's a bad thing.

high protein breakfast recipes. 1. Greek yogurt parfait with berries and granola 2.Savory Scrambled eggs with spinach and feta 3. Protein smoothie bowl - blend Greek yogurt, protein powder, milk, your favorite fruit, mix. 4. Overnight Oats with chia seeds and nuts - combine rolled oats, chia seeds, milk and yogurt in a jar the night before. 5. Tofu scramble - Crumble tofu and saute it with turmeric, nutritional yeast and your favorite vegetables.

Is iron skillet bad?

I think one of the reasons I woke up early might be breathing issues.

Totally Trump.

I mean they say love us blind for a reason. When you fall in love, reason goes out the window, the mind stops working.

This thread reminds me of this video

What is the thing that you're specifically worried about.

Your problem, not mine.

This is not always True. Even good caring loving persons can attract toxic people.

I love my husband dearly.

A cat and yarn.

True.

Love emoji..

Towards men who appreciate them and treat them with care and respect.