Buck Edwards

Wouldn't it be like a solipsistic resonance when we completely detach from something and compound on nihilistic virtues and would this look like another illusion or game we're playing? What's the end game in the pursuit of such bliss?

A few months ago when I first started getting serious about personal development, I did some emotional release exercises, I identified my no.1 feeling as ‘appreciated’. A little further down the line, I started recognizing my need to move away from approval seeking (surely a necessary move for self-esteem, self-reliance, and personal development in general). I’ve been aware of the dissonance between these two goals for a while, but am now ready to tackle it. I feel that building myself up so that I don’t rely on validation by others is a hugely positive and important thing. However, I’m a little reticent to abandon my goal of seeking it as I’ve identified it as the time when I am most happy in life. There are two strands of my thinking here: If the alternative to external validation is self-validation, I suppose the idea is that with enough self-esteem you can match or even trump the happiness you get from feeling valued by friends and family, with the added benefit of complete control. I have pretty healthy self-esteem (although it’s got its defects, I’m ironing out the creases), but it’s hard to imagine ever not getting a boost when I feel appreciated. Someone abandoning approval seeking doesn’t need to reject socially-gained positive emotions, they just don’t actively seek it. This logic suggests that I should keep an open heart to enjoy the pleasures of social appreciation, but take it off my list and abandon the chase for it. However, keeping proactive in my pursuit of it isn’t just about behaving needily/ neurotically in my social life - there are subtler ways of engineering my life to feel appreciated more, like making sure I have lots of time for socializing. But I guess this is still approval seeking? This raises the question: if you abandon approval seeking entirely, why would you socialize at all? Is it as simple as a wants vs needs attitude, or does being excessively self-reliant risk missing out on some forms of happiness?

Don't you think it's escaping reality? I'm not saying that detaching from reality doesn't have it's benefits. But you do it in a loving manner or you do it in a nihilistic way, both lead to the same conclusion. How about embracing reality?

Your perspective on pick up should be the one that focuses on growth. It improves your confidence naturally.