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I would say to be fulfilled in life you just have to live it authentically; don't do things merely just to meet other people's expectations. Just do what feels right for you alone. Find whatever it is that gives you a sense of flow and do it as often as you can. Preferably something with a skill curve that can be developed through time, as this could generate material success for you.

I had some troubles with them when I was growing up (tldr my mother's a narcissist and both my father and step-father were hot-headed). Even though I've mostly gotten over things that happened and I'm living at home again with them I find day-to-day life here just really jarring. When I used to live alone I made an attempt to cut contact with them but they just kept coming to my door and crap; even after trying to get police involved it never really ended. I ended up back at home after lockdown because I was struggling financially and the whole pandemic scenario was making me go funny in the head. Figured it was a lesser evil to return home temporarily. I plan on making the steps to move to the next city over so I know they won't be able to physically visit me. I don't plan on cutting ties with them permanently - not unless they give me a good reason to - I just want to live alone again and be solitary since that's what really makes me come alive and feel good about myself. Am I a cold asshole or not thinking straight for wanting to leave them even though they've not done anything wrong?

Sites like Upwork and Freelancer are good if you're looking for freelancers to do work for you, but not so much the other way around. You'll be doing what they call "working from the bottom"; there will be people on there from less-developed parts of the world who'll work for basically nothing (not bashing third-world countries when I say this, just pointing out the nature of these websites). Depending on what your situation is financially you might not be able to compete unless you work for peanuts or even nothing at all for a while. There's what I'd consider 'real' freelancing which is where you just go on Google, look up local businesses in your area (cafes/coffee shops are usually a decent start) and see if they have any kind of web domain. If not, approach them (online or in-person, the latter was more effective in my experience although it can be pretty nerve-wracking the first few times) and offer your services to them. You can just pitch to them something really straight forward like a Wordpress/Wix site. If you were going to creating something from scratch with a custom design then you would obviously charge more.

In my own experience going with what my body feels tends to be what's best, so yes, I'd always fall asleep easier when I felt it was natural. Having a job where you need to clock in at a certain time obviously wouldn't be compatible with this though lmao. If you struggle to settle down at night there's a few things you could like cutting back on caffeine if you take any, or meditation in bed is usually a sure grantee that you'll slip out of consciousness.

Self-improvement work is something I regard as selfish but not in a negative way. It's selfish in the sense that you're looking to further yourself and not any other person. Not always for personal gain but to provide a positive net effect on other people as well, rather indirectly, so you could argue it's not selfish in that sense either.

After getting introduced to spiritual/self-improvement content a few years ago and building up a meditation habit I finally decided to delve into psychedelics with some mushrooms (I used dried liberty caps). I started with 1g. During the come-up I noticed some trembling with my hands. I figured I was just nervous since I had no idea what to expect. I wrote down the time I took the dose so I'd know roughly when to expect it would wear off. An hour went by and I didn't notice myself feeling any strong difference. I settled down and just sat at my desktop browsing the web/listening to music/youtube etc. I noticed at one point that my hand had this extra layer of detail that I had read people experience from psilocybin. I spent a few minutes admiring how smooth my skin appeared to be. Afterwards I went back to my music and I just felt super chill and happy like I was a kid again. I remember thinking how cool it was since I had trouble when I was younger with depression/anxiety and SSRI's always gave me trouble (I'd be alright for the first week or so then afterwards it would just be side effects and feeling like a zombie). But 1g of shrooms just made my depression vanish. Fast forward 2 weeks and I decided to up the ante to 2g. This trip was definitely a bad one for me unfortunately. Well, I guess it's relative. It definitely felt bad at the time. I had intense nausea and a sense of panic that I was just barely able to control. I kept having the urge to tell someone I was feeling really in trouble and that I should go to hospital, but I told myself 2g of shrooms couldn't physically harm me. so I just rode it out. I was noticing the extra detail to all my senses but I really wasn't interested in it since I felt so sick in my body (along with the nausea and panic I could feel a heavy force on my shoulders, as if someone was pressing their hands down on them). It wore off eventually after 10 hours and I passed out. I didn't feel right for a few days afterwards. I was considering maybe telling my local doc about it all but I'm not really sure if there's much they could do other than prescribe me meds. Which I'm not opposed to; I'm just considering if it's necessary or if it's possible to return back to a sense of normality through time. This happened just last week so I'm giving myself plenty of time to see if things pan out that way. While my first trip with 1g was amazing I can definitely understand why some people get freaked out from the normal/higher doses. I'm personally not gonna touch any psychedelics for a long time and just keep myself feeling as grounded as I can. In general though I think mushrooms are definitely worth a try for anyone that feels languished or depressive (assuming they can let go of their emotions). Especially if they tried anti-depressants before and it didn't seem to work on em.