withinUverse

@ZenSwift Enjoy yourself if you give it a go

@Yimpa Absolutely sir... so again I'll remind you to watch your words. You're telling yourself what story you want to create; be deliberate. You're welcome. Knowing your values is valuable. I've found myself distancing with several friends. I still have their memories... and I'm open to attract each other back. I find I'm more deliberate with who I spend long periods of focus on. And I'm becoming more aware that when or if we meet again, they will be different from the memories of the person I once knew. I'll get the pleasure of meeting them and introducing the new version of myself.

I found this thread last night and I allowed myself some time to digest. I guess I want to purge out some of my thoughts. I know I've learned a lot from Leo's guidance, I'm sure there's more I can learn. I'm here to understand myself more, so what am I understanding from this post? First, I noticed I wanted to say I'm Awake. But then I started to break down this transformation I experienced that I called Awake. Why do I call it Awake? Well... it did seem like when I opened my eyes it was the first time I experienced whatever I was looking at. It was as if I didn't even know what the concept of seeing was. I didn't know what my body was and I didn't know what my surroundings were. It was the first real experience of now with no memory of the past and no concept of future. I was being. I was a blank slate at the slightest moment before I opened my view point. The view started to slowly move around but it wasn't like I could put words on the blank slate. There were no words. What are words? I truly did not know I didn't know because I didn't know I could think. I didn't even know what I was. I believe it's when I moved my view to the other person with me did my memory sweep right back in and gave me context and history. To me using the word Awake seemed to be a perfect description. But is it really? Maybe it's the most common word used now adays, so it was just convenient for me to use that word. Maybe it's easier to be lazy and maybe it's the only way others will understand. But who else would understand? Well maybe no one. Awake... Enlightenment... when I hear these words, to me they seem like they're definite or even a final state. Maybe that's why I assumed it was a completion of some kind. But do I feel completed.... do I feel like I'm finished? Absolutely not! So maybe these words aren't as accurate to what my experience was. And really were those moments the only experience that transformed me? No, there has been several and most I haven't even been able to explain. Others I'm completely fine if I don't understand at all. But how many times have I recontextualized my experiences? Countless... and do I all of a sudden feel like I don't need to continue recontextualizing? lol...no! Have I held myself back in some of those experiences? Yes, I found moments where I wasn't ready to face them yet. But do I know I'll be ready with patience and more experience? Yes. Do I know there's so much more for me to learn? Infinitely more! Does that make me feel daunted? Absolutely not, I'm enlivened! I need to find a better word for what I went through. I don't think I should use a noun. Descriptive words might be helpful. It seems like it was an action as well. I think I'll need more time, energy, and effort to come up with something other than Awake. Thank you @Leo Gura for your help in guiding me through this work in progress looking for more clarification for my future!

@Yimpa Wow... you're doing amazing! I'd say you're a man who does high consciousness work and being very successful with it. In fact, you're well on your way of not even having to mention your mental illnesses, neurodiverse, or OCD. You're healing yourself! Of course, with some help, but others aren't as conscious and see themselves always having to deal with it. It looks like you've got an opportunity to re-tell your story. I have a dear friend who had been taking xanax since middle school. She also abused her drug engagement. She ended up developing epilepsy. In fact, I was there when she started having them. Her addiction had gotten out of hand, and I couldn't watch... so I kept distance from her. I'd check in once in a while. I knew she ended up on disability because of her epilepsy, and she had an implant installed to help. Two years ago, we had a video conversation and I noticed she wasn't messed up. I happened to be in town, and asked if I could stop by. I was amazed she was recovering from her addiction. She had been sober for over a year. She still drinks casually, and she had medication for her epilepsy, but she said she's trying to ween herself off of them. She was finding that she wasn't having as many episodes. I am so happy for her... I can understand how much work it took for her to get clean. But I asked her if she could ever see herself without having epilepsy? She said during her addiction she couldn't see, but since her sobriety she feels like there's a possibility of it now. This story came up in my mind, so I'm wondering if it's ok for me to ask the same question to you. Seems like you're at a point where you know there's work to be done, but you're finding solutions. Could you ever see yourself without having mental illness, neurodiverse, or OCD?

@AndylizedAAY Well I've known about the forum so it's been stored back in my mind as a possibility. I happened to watch "the how to get laid" series after I skipped it, and I had a recommendation. I thought having a feminine perspective might help someone. I thought first to maybe just make a comment, but I figured I could give more information, so I thought I'd try out the forum. There's were a few days before I was accepted and there's my mind wondering if I wanted to get involved with the forum or not. I haven't been involved with a forum before so I figured it would be a good opportunity to check it out. I assumed there would be people here that I could relate with and vice versa. I want to ask myself... why am I still using the forum? I've been gaining benefits in just a few days. I went through a drastic transformation in my life, and I'm now getting an opportunity to see how I'm processing information and how I'm responding differently using this new format. I'm still feeling out the way to proceed. As an example, I want to answer your question. I decided to choose to tell you the brief days before I got on. But in another sense, everything has brought me to this moment too. In this moment what can I choose to express and how? I decided to redirect the question because I thought maybe I can gain a better understanding of where I'm at in this process. That is what's so different about this being my first forum. I'm conscious our conversation is public. I'm assuming others are building their consciousness... maybe I can respond in a way that can help or possibly teach others who can understand my style of presentation. I know I'm learning from having conversations here. Maybe there's different styles of presentation I can develop. I feel like I want to be open and vulnerable, and I feel like I want to reply with my process of thought. I find that the words I'm reading can be digested in so many more ways than usual. I feel like I'm looking for more clarification from others and myself. I'm figuring out how many assumptions I've had about someone's words... and yet it's almost like I'm trying to clarify what level of consciousness they are in too. Maybe I'm trying to find a way to communicate on different levels of consciousness so the person I'm speaking with understands, but also others who are at a different level. I know I've experienced this myself. One year I can read or hear something and there was an understanding. But when I return to the same source, I understand more. I realize my consciousness grew and I was able to allow more information in. I haven't posted much, but I'm trying to find a way that's effective. I want to get better at this so I feel this forum will help me build better communication skills. What about you? What brought you here and why do you continue using the forum?

@Understander Thank you! I hadn't seen there was a new one posted. Thank you, truly

@Understander I apologize if we were together and chatting it up and I would have more context than I'd be able to perceive the joke. I'm learning how to better interpret words online without voice intonation and physical cues. I'm aware that we're having a conversation in a conscious building Forum where our conversations are public. I want to be respectful to you and engage, but I also want to engage with others in our community who might be reading as well. I know I can be intense and so you all are helping me be more casual when I'm dealing with consciousness work. Be patient with me... I'm learning

@Yimpa I'm enjoying our conversations and I'd like to say you're doing it sir... you're doing the work and I'm excited for you. I apologize, but I'm going to choose to not read the article. I know it's easy to place labels on ourselves, but I don't understand that label whether it's nuerodiverse, easy-going, uptight, smart, stupid... you get the idea... these labels aren't what I'm interested in. I know you are far more than the label we identify with. If it's ok with you I'd rather continue conversations to get a better sense of who you are. That article won't tell me who Yimpa is Yes sir... balance! At least you are aware you are struggling with offline social interactions. And this is an area of life where you want to make a change, right. Change is tough at first. We've created a homoeostasis. Your internal mental stability is comfortable with online socializing. Do you remember how you felt when you first started chatting online? I'm going to assume that you weren't born in the Web...lol You had to change your behavior to even start chatting online. I remember my first time typing socially on the internet... back in the day when we had to dial up. I was around 7th grade (1995), and I was rotten! I don't even remember who I was talking to. I remember I was hesitant to even type (small sense of fear), but I just went for it. I just remember that I was cussing and causing chaos... lol It was exciting and new.. I've been mostly adventurous from the beginning. My mom said that when I started to walk... I walked right out the door wanting to explore. She wanted me to be like my brother who wanted to always be with her...lol But what about you? Do you remember if you were nervous or excited maybe? You've done many changes in your life but sometimes we forget that once we started doing the change there was a sense of fear that we overcame. The more we repeated this new change we found there was nothing to be afraid of after we've gained homeostasis. Some things create a stronger sense of fear then others which makes us create a huge barrier for that particular thing to even attempt to overcome. But if you remember the other changes that didn't have a strong sense of fear, you were able to be successful. If you can accomplish small fears, you can accomplish large fears as well. Trust yourself you can! I'm not sure if it's possible, but have you spoken to these online friends to meet in real life? You already know how to communicate together. They live in the real world too... so you can be offline gaining experience to be comfortable socializing with people you are already comfortable talking with online. You are gaining more consciousness that Reality and perception can be complex and dynamic. It doesn't have to be an exclusive awareness where it's this or that. It can be a more inclusive awareness that you're comfortable and excited that your consciousness has the ability to seem to be split. Not only are you in your living room but also in a virtual forest at the same time. It's pretty cool to be speaking with people in the virtual forest and then your roommate taps you on the shoulder in the living room to ask if you want to go get dinner together. You are more complex and dynamic and it's possible for you to develop your own understanding of what that means. Very good! The work isn't that you just automatically stop talking negatively to yourself. It's being aware and conscious when you catch yourself doing it. At first, you've conditioned yourself to talk that way, so it seems like you don't even notice being negative; it may be what we call natural. But all of a sudden, you're like wait... I'm aware that I just told myself something negative... remind yourself that I'm working on this... what can I tell myself that isn't so negative. A good way to do this is to remind yourself you're learning and I'm going to get better. You can gain your awareness that there may be many times that you catch yourself... that's a good thing you're gaining more consciousness. Continue to repeat addressing the negativity and changing into something more constructive. Eventually you can gain awareness that you're not catching yourself as much because you've changed the behavior of negative self-talk. Your understanding will continue to deepen the more you apply yourself. I think it's super cool that you're finding value from the medical psychedelic treatments and therapist supervision. You're like one of the first people who gets to see if psychedelics works or not legally in the States (I'm assuming). I know you're the first person I've spoken to. This wave of legal medical psychedelic therapy is going to avalanche dramatic shifts in the collective consciousness and of course personal. I'm curious to see how it unfolds. Do you mind giving me more details about your experience? I'm curious

@AndylizedAAY For some reason I've been drawn to focus my attention here and I'm loving it! In the back of my head, I'm warning myself that I could get swallowed up in this, but I've gained experience with this and I'm confident that I can give my full attention for this period of time and see where it goes. I know there's passions driving me for future endeavors, so I know this won't absorb me forever. It's already been extremely beneficial for me, and I hope to be beneficial to others by example. Raising consciousness work is my passion, so this won't be a waste of time. I've had a few days to digest this Forum and I asked myself what I feel I could gain and give... I've got some ideas I want to experiment with, and I'm getting excited to try them out! Nice to meet you

@Understander Hello there... I think that's what already happens In our current consciousness we create a list for ourselves of where we want to focus our attention. Pretty sure there's many items on that list, so we choose which one to focus on (to simplify we'll say it's one). There's our beginning choice. Now how do we present our focus... here's another list of options again limited to our current consciousness. One might ask themselves: what am I trying to get from my focus? Again, to simplify we can say, do I want constructive criticism or judgements? (A) Depending on our current consciousness we may feel like purging out emotions that are stuck so maybe we choose to activate judgement. Now there's a price or consequence once we've chosen. Depending on our current consciousness, we may have reactions to the judgements (if we allowed others to hear us, and they have responded). (1) One could cause emotional satisfaction by gaining confirmation of others who are wanting to purge out their emotions too. (2) Another could cause emotional suffering by getting so absorbed in our attachment to the words as identity. To keep it simple we know there are many other reactions but we're trying to not complicate things that are complex already. (B) So maybe depending on our current consciousness we may choose to focus where we are trying to result in constructive criticism. Again, there's a price or consequence once we've chosen to allow others to hear us and listen to their response. (1) One response could cause intellectual curiosity by gaining confirmation from others which we hadn't previously thought about... maybe introduced a new way of looking at the same situation. This may cause you to entertain the ideas to see whether it's true for you or not. (2) Another response could cause intellectual defensiveness by getting so absorbed in our attachment to the words as identity. This could be a general model of the price when we actually take action to express. (C) Of course, others of us choose not to express in the first place. To simplify maybe we can use this Forum. Some may choose to just read conversations and interactions. We chose we want to focus our attention. Now what's the price or consequences? (A) We could be aware that we aren't ready to put our thoughts out, and we know that we just need a little more time before we have the courage to express. We know that we will gain much more value from doing the action of typing, expressing and observing what our reactions from the result of doing. We're just not ready yet, but we are aware of our current consciousness. (B) We could be unaware we are trapped in our mind conversations. We can read the interactions and come up with stories why we agree or not. We already know what we know. We feel that if they are different than what I know, it isn't going to give me value. We'll just continue to create our own mindscapes without experimentation. We get so absorbed in our attachment to the conversation in our mind as identity. This is how I interpret your words and how I chose to present my thoughts. I'm not sure or maybe I didn't want to assume you were being facetious. I wouldn't recommend an authority figure to choose the list for us at a designated amount of currency. I was suggesting maybe there are other people who look at situations in a wholistic sense who want to guide others constructively. Maybe these people have gained huge amounts of life experience to see where allowing negativity and toxicity run amok isn't as constructive, especially if majority of the people aren't aware of their own current consciousness. Now if people are aware of their current consciousness, then we can see negativity and toxicity run amok is one of the beautiful ways Infinite Intelligence allows so we can have the opportunity to process from direct experience. I guess I'm trying to see who I'm dealing with... the conscious or the unconscious of course it's a mix But I want to thank you, you actually helped me confirm what I was entertaining in my mind on what I want to focus my attention on this Forum.

@Juan Tropical vibes are so satisfying. I just typed in Puerto Rico in the search, and I saw that it's home to the only tropical rainforest in the US. Interesting... So my mother's side is from American Samoa, and there's a tropical rainforest there as well. Lol... we're both territories of the US; I was curious to know what makes Puerto Rico's rainforest different than American Samoa's? Any way... Salsa is a ton of fun! I love to dance! I want to travel around and dance everywhere I go. I know if I was in Puerto Rico, I'd be exploring the rainforest during the day and dancing at night Yeesss! That's awesome! I can relate, especially because I've tried other psychedelics but for some reason Aya is just something different. In fact, when I go back to say mushrooms, there are moments of Aya that comes into my experience. It's unusual because it seems like I don't even want other psychedelics anymore, but I'm so glad I was still open to trying new ones... that's how I found Bufo. Bufo is up there with Aya as well for me... just for different reasons. For me Bufo seems like it can give direct experiences of what Awakening feels like. I know that it's not like that for everyone I've shared experiences with... but for me it's just as fulfilling. These experiences have given me so much drive and has inspired to make solid changes in my life. I can try to explain it... it's like the psychedelics become my theory even though their direct experiences. They give me a theoretical reality that I can create through the direct experiences of change. Eventually I know I'll not have to use psychedelics. That's one of things I've got in my bag of work... eventually embodying the abilities to use this physical reality to gain insights that move me as much as the psychedelic experience. But for now, I'm still gaining so much value with psychedelics.

@supremeyingyang I enjoy discussing with you as well. Yeah, I've already found a book/manual I downloaded, and putting it into practice the last two nights. I'm excited! I understand what you're saying, and it makes sense. Thank you!

@Juan Puerto Rico, eh? Everybody has great things to say about Puerto Rico. I know I'll be making my way there sometime. Do you dance by chance? lol... I've met amazing dancers from Puerto Rico lol... I've actually drank 48 times within 5 years... but I'm going to be drinking Aya for a while and I don't think I can continue to keep track. Have you found any difference in your creativity since drinking Aya?

@Yimpa That's great! I wish I could say I understand where you're coming from, using my direct experience, but I cannot at least in a professional diagnosis sense. But the closest I can get is when I listened to the video of "Understanding Neurosis", there were many qualities I had to work in myself. But I know you're on the right track when you see yourself as an opportunity, not as an obstacle. In a crazy way, I see this Reality as if we chose to live this life. If I was in your shoes... I would remind myself that I have a unique opportunity to discover my capacity to face challenges that I've placed for myself to overcome. I know with my intelligence, creativity, determination and courage I can find solutions to anything. I don't know if you've gained this understanding, but your words you repeat to yourself is crucial. You are always listening to your thoughts and speech. You are literally convincing yourself the experience you want to create. Continue to work on limiting beliefs along with beliefs in general. You're already in this Forum, and in my mind... you're farther along in the work than most. You're already doing it Honestly, I agree with you. When I was answering your question earlier, I was thankful that you wanted clarification. Because existentially I'm still gaining more of an understanding of what Real Life means to me as well. My understanding continues to deepen in many if not all aspects of my experience. When I read the comment that said Real life I interpreted as the physical world we seem to live in together. I'm not familiar with neurodiverse. I briefly saw it was similar to autism, is that right? I'm assuming there's variations within neurodiverse. When I hear you say what I see as real, you may not, and vice-versa are you talking existentially? Or what's commonly known as physical, waking world? Do you see things differently in the physical, waking world then most? As an example, when I'm experiencing psychedelics with others, we usually aren't seeing the same visions in the shared physical, waking world together. In fact the physical, waking world seems to not be there any longer sometimes (depending on which psychedelic). But if we go on a walk in the park, in general we perceive we're in a shared environment that's in nature with trees, birds, and grass let's say. Your experience is your truth and is real for you. My experience is my truth and is real for me. Even though they are different, doesn't mean either of us is wrong. But if we want to try to understand ourselves relating with others, we try to find a way to share, communicate, and achieve a compatible understanding. Existentially speaking, my Real Life needs no validation from others; I know they won't understand, and I'm ok with that. It's my own little world I'm exploring and discovering for myself. Generally speaking, my Real life needs no validation, but I'm curious to hear other perspectives, because I know they're different then my own... which helps me gain a larger curiosity to my existential Real life.

@supremeyingyang Lead by good example... preciously Nice! I was meaning raising consciousness work in ourselves and others. There's a part of normal society moving in this direction already. In my experience there's a larger amount of people moving towards the Green stage collectively, which is hopeful. I'm working with some indigenous who are starting into the Orange, and I'm hoping to influence the few I'm with about some concerns with materialism. Differently from other communities, because I assumed we might understand the importance of direct experiences over theoretical debates, comparatively speaking. Most people I speak with don't know that theory doesn't equal understanding. I was fantasizing about radically open-minded Actualizers who learned acceptance and respect for others. I'm already seeing some benefits I can gain. There's a lot I'm working on, and I can see this Forum as a good way to continue my work. That's what I love about it all... what you think is the proper setup isn't what you find... but what you find is what you need at the moment

@vibv ok... nice! I'm quite aware of that as well... I'll be careful, thanks!

@Juan Yeeesss! I'm an Aya girl through and through! I'm not certain forever, but for a while still. I've found myself mostly with Shipibos along the Ucayali river. How about yourself? Exactly! The extra work during the process is fun! I love recording the process when I remember to. It helps remind myself that life is loving the process not the final completion. There's not an end I'm working towards... enjoying and appreciating the process Well, I have to save up some funds to get me there. Also, I'm not in a rush to get back. Goes back to the process thing... I like to see where I'm led. I know I'll return I'm just not sure when. I've been getting more ideas I want to put on the mural. When I was there, I was finding myself just trying to get it done lol... not use to such a large format. I want to allow plenty of time to continue. I also found a gentleman who writes children's poetry who wants me to do a mural for him. So murals, more dieta, and more exploration... I've got to make the time for it but I'm making time to just chill right now. I did 20 ceremonies in 8 months last time.

@Carl-Richard Thank you

@vibv There's, ultimately, no separation. Thank you! This statement wasn't sitting with me well. I wanted to address this too. This Forum should not be separate from the serious body of work. The videos are the theory and the Forum can be a source of application or... more theory. I'm not sure, but I'd think if you're involved with Actualized then we have a better working understanding that there's work to be done, so why can't we try to incorporate encouraging work in a Forum setting too? When it comes to the videos you don't really get the opportunity to focus your attention. When you actually have a group that's interested in engagement then work with it. I've found that it's a challenge to see who I am at times. I encourage my friends who care about me and know I want to grow to be honest with their opinions about me (constructive criticism). They are my teachers... I see everyone as a potential teacher. It's not like I have to agree with everything they say but, I can find the grain of truth I need to work on that was in my blind spot. I know Actualized is innovative... I was interested to see how the innovation continues through all platforms. I'm not saying this Forum isn't a good resource for others, but is there opportunities to give it more potential then where it is now? I don't know... I just wanted to hear what others thought. What about you? You've been a member with 136 posts. So maybe I can assume you're relatively new here. What's your impression? I do have to admit I can be too serious at times so I can also admit that maybe I'm trying to fix something that's not actually broken. I just didn't give it enough time.

@Squeekytoy I was hoping so.... and I'm feeling like I've found some of my peeps and I'm loving it!

@StarStruck Hello there... I love the collaboration

@NoSelfSelf Hello there... I have a working understanding my mind can play tricks on me. In fact, I understand I like playing and challenges. Since I seem to perceive others to play with, then my curiosity seems to want to meet characters and learning to enjoy the interactions. I've gained so much understanding from others... mostly clarifying to myself how I don't want to be. But also, they're a gold mind on what I need to focus my personal work on... when I get triggered by others... I can start processing why am I so emotionally attached? Try to fit into the Forum... I guess I'd like to clarify myself... I'm not really wondering if I can fit into the Forum. I'm wondering if the Forum fits with me. Well again I find myself in a collective setting and I have many areas of interest in this life, and I thought maybe since I have gained so much value through Actualized that there could be others, I can socialize with whom might understand me a little better because they may know what the work involves, consciousness. I've found it challenging at times to have deeper conversations with others who seem to be in my physical presence. I figured I'd try the virtual world too. I'm not opposed to trying new things to see if I find value, and I'm not opposed to disregarding after giving it a good go at it. Regardless I'm going to learn more about myself and gain more clarification. This is some good stuff here... I find my own way of saying this to people I run into as well. I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to make a suggestion: don't assume someone doesn't know or better yet live consciousness work, especially if they're drawn to this Forum. You say If you keep focusing on others then this work wont work. How's your work going for you? This may be true for you, but in my experience, I've been able to find my work involves others and myself. No matter how open I am to the possibility I am the only conscious being in my reality; I get confirmations that there are other conscious beings too. I've already mentioned some benefits of interacting with others above. I thought possibly it wouldn't be fair to ask you how your work is going without letting you know how my work is going for myself. Another member had asked what's the "real work" and it's good to see if we're on the same page or not. This is how I responded: With you, I'll give more details if you're open to it. I've found Ayahuasca as the tool to my Awakening. I love the whole... go to the jungle, ceremony thing. I mentioned pre-Awakening I was consciously working towards Enlightenment for five years. The first year was when I found Actualized videos. I was doing his homework and working them through. I purchased the Life Purpose course and gained so much value from clarification. The second year I found myself in the jungle and that's when everything amplified. It was a dramatic direct experience that inspired me to really get down and dirty. I was humbled so much... I didn't know a damn thing. I pretty much wiped my story I was telling myself clean. That actually includes the life purpose I was trying to narrow down in the course to why the fuck am I limiting myself. I moved to a secluded mountain town (technically it's called a village it's so small) next to the Rockies. I completely removed my body from social distractions I had created for thirty-some years in my home state. Fast forward to my Awakening circumstances. I created my surroundings to have ample time to focus on my spirituality. I went to Peru to attend my first shamanic dieta training which was going to be three months long, but I also didn't have a ticket to leave. I wanted time to allow myself to continue to explore Peru more if I wished afterwards. During my three months is when I went through my deaths to Awaken. There's so much that I can try to explain with language, but how I can plainly state it is: I transformed from being a human into being Universal and human. I was open to see if I was going to return to this Reality. I really didn't know and at times I didn't think I was going to return... but I'm back and I know that I'm Universal as well now, I want to help manifest the Reality around me not just myself which also includes others (without exclusion of animals, insects, plants, waterbodies, air quality, earth, etc.) I stayed in Peru for five more months exploring and meeting some locals and other travelers. In these months, I gained more awareness that I'm not giving myself solo time. I wasn't really respecting the transformation I experienced. I was riding the High, but not noticing the energetic depletion. Part of my old story was still lingering and so I thought I could return to the States and go back to work. I found out quickly that I was really sensitive to other energies. I found I was getting triggered what seemed like more easily than ever before. I knew I needed time to ground myself and I didn't know where to go. I thought maybe I needed to find an ashram or something. But I found myself returning back to my hometown after leaving 20 years. My dad still lives there, and I found my sanctuary with him. I am realizing that it's time to clean my slate again, but not as completely as I did before. For two months I rarely left my bedroom or studio. It was amazing! The last four months I've been slowly getting myself out and about. I've been checking with myself and cognizant of my emotional state whether to take on more or not. I'm an ambivert leaning towards introversion according to my personality tests. So I find it easier to be in my mind, but I'm starting to get restless because I've got a social side which has been neglected recently. I continue to deepen my understanding of the importance of balance and the work is to be more conscious until it just is. And now I'm here in the Forum. I want to direct my energies towards others who know the work includes raising awareness. I'll continue to develop my relationships who aren't as conscious; I'm not giving up on them. I just realize I have limited energy to share right now. But I'm feeling more and more comfortable to release my energy again now that I gave myself time. I've listened to the videos relating to cult and cult psychology. I have not had a direct experience with a cult... so I'm blind whether they exist or not, but I'm open to their existence. By no means do I consider Actualized as a cult... transparency has been apparent to me from the beginning. I promote Actualized so it's not as secretive. There's been so much work done by Leo with such diverse topics, it's easy for me to recommend them to people who frankly I don't have the time or energy to walk through the importance of conscious work. Maybe they can get their own inspiration from the videos like I did, but maybe not... I'm not sure. My work has made me extremely confident in my intelligence, my abilities, and my drive to create. It continues to deepen and so yes there's a part of me that can admit that I have a little star-struck quality in me towards Leo. I'm sure I wasn't the only one. But that doesn't matter of course, but the few days I've been on this Forum helped recontextualized my illusions I was constructing towards Leo. Again, I want to learn so I know it's not just Leo I have this tendency towards... I know there are others on my list and maybe this is something I created to help me work through that. I'll let you know I've got direction in my ceremonies which has been different then the past. Usually, it was very personal and that was easier for me. Now it involves working with others and traveling to locations I seem to have not experienced yet (possibly) and doing activities I haven't remembered training in. I love a challenge and it's taken me to ground my confidence to move forward. So, I'm feeling out different activities to see where they go to ultimately to create more opportunities of happiness to share with others. I'm happy and I want others to be as well. I'm giving the Forum a try; it's been beneficial for me already. Thank you for commenting on my post with your opinions. I'm learning how to communicate better with others, so you've been giving me that chance to develop it more. Maybe you can find me as a source to learn too.

@Juan Ok I think I figured it out. I like that you like to record your process. I like to do that at times as well. Here's a mural I did last year in Peru (Restaurant Mural). I'm hoping to get back by the end of this year or early next year to do another layer on top of it. And then here's a few drawings I call Shamanic Yantras (Shamanic Yantras). And then these were two pieces I did right before my first Aya ceremonies.

@Juan Well honestly I love many forms of art... but I see you draw and I do that too. Looks like you've got an interest in figurative and psychedelic art. Me too! I'm digging your work Juan, well done. I'm an old lady... lol I'm trying to figure out how to get my Instagram videos of some of my recent work. That means within the last five years... my artwork kind of went to the sidelines for a while. I had more driving purposes during this time. I'll see what I can do

Thanks Juan! So this is your artwork? Nice! I'll check out your link. I'm a fellow artist myself. ?