OldManCorcoran

My net worth is a million dollars. I am an entrepreneur. Out of necessity because I'm too socially awkward to work for anyone else.

Yes and is there anything wrong with this? I just ate a Terry's chocolate orange because it tastes nice. In actual terms, the taste of dog shit is equal, because it and the chocolate orange's taste are both just appearances. However, I do not want to eat dog shit. This is a gift in many ways, to be able to live like a separate individual with biases.

@Moksha That is right. Any knowledge is invariably an appearance which often takes the form of a thought, and all appearances arise and fall without anybody there to actually know them. There is nobody to ever know anything, but the thought of a particular piece of knowledge might appear. I don't mind indulging it though, and I don't mind indulging in me myself and I either. It has happened only a very limited number of times where there was no such thing as a me, and my mind is desperare for the same to happen again. At the last time I was not ready at all and it scared me, so rather than explore the shining existence of reality completely absent of a self, I distracted myself until I snapped out of it. Now I cannot get the same thing to happen through any means and it is driving me crazy.

It becomes very difficult to understand certain things if you believe it is personal. For example, maybe you visit Big Ben (the clock tower in London) one day. Right now you are in your house on the computer and can't see Big Ben. But still if someone else walks past Big Ben while you are here on your computer, it is literally identical to you seeing Big Ben. See how confusing this is because you are sure you aren't seeing Big Ben right now, you can verify as fact you are seeing your computer screen. This is confusing because you believe you are an individual seeing things. In truth all there is to the visual image of Big Ben is the visual image of Big Ben. Not a you seeing the visual image of Big Ben, if you look for one you aren't going to find it. There is only the visual image of Big Ben, it appears and disappears now and again. Whether you or another person sees Big Ben, the image of Big Ben exists. The only difference is the appearance of the ego which claims its ownership over that image, the ego itself being another perception, a thought. Which will sound something like "I Toby see Big Ben". In actuality you have never seen anything but there is seeing happening all the time of course. Visual phenomena is present right now all around. This is entirely impersonal perceptions. And these perceptions will arise and fall forever, independently of the delusion that is the idea of individuals viewing them. A human perspective is just a multiplicity/differentiation of appearances. If all people simultaneously saw white light and nothing else, there is absolute unity in that moment. Because then all that exists at all is that white light, there is no differentiation. As soon as different thoughts and sights appear again, there is again differentiation. And each ego coming out of that experience will assign the sight to itself. If you understand that there is no such thing as a viewer of visual phenomena, only the appearance of the visual phenomena, and so on with all appearances, then you will see what is meant. All appearances change. Various appearances exist and that permanent existence (commonly known as consciousness) is absolute and ungraspable. It can exist as a distant galaxy or as the sight of your front door. Completely impersonal. Nothing "belonging" to any viewers and no viewers of any visual phenomena. Wow...

There's drugs, and also there's drugs. If you hate drugs and have an extreme strong mind (not susceptible to things like meditation or hypnosis), in the end, don't forget that even the most allegedly unenlightened person will be infinitely more enlightened than even Leo because every human inevitably dies. Not that anyone can ever not be technically enlightened like a cracked vase is still a vase. But some people especially if they have a mystical experience induced within them, cannot stand not knowing. It drives them too crazy.