ZenBlue

2/19/2020 Wednesday I have been diving deeper and deeper into spirituality on my path to enlightenment. I find myself feeling more lost and confused than ever before. The current idea I am playing with: The universe is all a dream inside of God's mind. God had an absurd thought in which it thought, what would happen if it created a being separate from itself, which had the ability to think independently of God. The ego is the result of that thought. In God's mind that thought came and went and was over in an instant. The ego however now free to think independently from God has a mind of it's own and went off to hide from God. The ego then created the current universe we live in. This universe is the ego's way of trying to separate itself from God. This is a futile attempt because the ego is inside God's mind just as we are inside the ego's mind. To become awake is to become fully aware of this illusion and to realize we have been God all along, just pretending that we were something separate from God. At this point, this is just an idea that I'm entertaining. I haven't had profound awakening experiences yet. I would say I have had shallow awakening experiences, but I have not reached the depths that bring me close enough to enlightenment. I still feel the sense of, what is the point of all of this? If the universe is all a dream, and I am the dreamer, then can't I just change the dream at will? It still feels like I'm trapped and limited to this false reality. Is it even possible to break free? Is there even anything that we can call absolute Truth?

What I got out of this book is: - We started out as an absurd joke. A fleeting thought in God's mind. The thought was, what if I created something that is separate from me. Thus the ego was born. In God's mind, the thought is over and done. - The ego however clings to it's own false existence. The ego which was born from the thought of separateness from God then created this entire universe and the world we live in to trick itself and hide from God. - This world is an illusion, which was created by an illusion. - We are not really separate from God, we are in God's mind tricking ourselves into thinking we are outside of God. - The way to wake up is through true forgiveness. - If we don't wake up, then we will reincarnate over and over again in different bodies living life through different experiences. - Thus the world we live in is actually hell (separation from God). Everything we do is merely a substitute for God as we make vain attempts to fill the empty void we feel from our separation from God. I don't fully understand everything, and this still leaves a lot of questions unanswered to me. What is the point of waking up one aspect of myself when there will be infinite aspects of me that will continue to remain asleep? It is a never ending game of creating new unconscious bodies, while a small percentage of those unconscious bodies eventually wake up and return to God. Maybe it's merely for the love of playing this game...

Yes there is a sense of meaninglessness to life. That doesn't mean it has to be viewed in a pessimistic or cynical way. The true beauty of life is the love of it. We are alive for the sake of falling in love with life. If you are being called to sit in silence then that is the direction to head in. Sitting in silence is meditation. It's about stillness and being more so than doing.

It seems you are stuck playing the victim role. It's time to realize you are in control, and not the external factors. You can decide to move out and get away from your family. You can choose to distance yourself from false friends. We are all susceptible to distractions. These distractions are designed to keep you stuck. You must be willing to become more focused and disciplined to break free from your distractions. There is no need to be perfect. Just focus on making progress, not on trying to be perfect. There will always be a constant power struggle between the light and the dark. Light cannot exist without the dark. It is a constant balancing act, which is why the pendulum swings. Stop thinking about it, and start taking action. Maybe daily meditation is a good place to start.

I AM God

Empaths are definitely a real thing. But just like with anything in life, you will have the fakes who claim to be they are the real thing when they aren't. I recently realized I'm an empath as well. As I dive deeper into my personal development and continue my spiritual journey, I get new insights about myself and the world almost daily. Everyone has some type of gift they were born with. It's up to you to discover who you are, and what your gifts are. My intuition is also very sharp. I can instantly read the energy of the room and the people around me. I can spot fake people miles away. They can fool everyone else, but they can't fool me. People feel very threatened around me because they know I can see right through them. My special gift is the ability to transmute dark and negative energy. I have always had a lot of negative energy thrown my way. I absorb this negative energy from the ones who send it, and then let it brood inside of me. Then I throw this energy back at the people who sent it to me with the same level of intensity they send it at. What ends up happening is their energy shifts and becomes lighter. Their bad behavior ceases and they start to act kinder to me and those around them.

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Because having a life purpose will give you a sense of meaning and passion for life. But you don't need to hold expectations on what you think your life purpose should look like, or how you think you'll find it. Sometimes things just show up in the most unexpected ways, but if you are so focused on your expectations, you might miss what life has been trying to show you all along. I think that's why Leo emphasizes becoming radically open minded and raising awareness. I never expected I would be diving deeper into spirituality and personal development, yet here I am. Going down a different path than what I originally wanted to go down.

Let go of expectations, and take life for what it is, instead of how you think it should be.

Yes marketing involves a lot of bullshitting, but guess what? All of life is filled with bullshit. It doesn't matter which industry you are in, you can't avoid the bullshit. Don't judge it as morally wrong, just accept it for what it is. That being said, ethics are subjective. What is ethical to one person, may seem unethical to another. At the end of the day, do you feel like you are doing the right thing? That's what really matters. It's how you personally feel about the work you are doing. Focus more on marketing consciously. You have to balance a little bullshit to attract the people, while maintaining some level of transparency on the product you are selling. Think of it like this, you need a product that you absolutely believe in. Do you believe that what you are selling helps people and provides value? Then it is your duty to get people to buy it because you know it will help them. I believe it becomes unethical when you know that what you are marketing provides no value and is just designed to trick people out of their money. I have been studying and implementing marketing strategies for the past 8 years, mostly on my own personal projects. If you want any help or have any questions, feel free to message me anytime.

Affiliate marketing is not the same as MLM. Affiliate marketing is when you get a percentage of direct sales you make. I'm not a big fan of MLMs. Affiliate marketing is definitely a great way to make money online, and there are many ways to approach it.

It seems like your family has good intentions, but they are stuck in a lot of fear based thinking. A lot of is toxic, and has done you a lot of harm. I don't know how your family is able to provide for you financially since you say none of them have a job. Does that mean your family owns a business? Yes your family has a strong influence over you, but you don't need to let them control you. You are the one in charge of your life. Mentally, it is best if you can block out the things that do not empower you, and focus on the things that do empower you. What I sense from you is that you want to experience more of the outside world. The world outside of your family life. That is something that could be good for you. To be come a more well-balanced person, it would be good to experience a lot of different social situations and have broader life experiences. Here's the thing about getting money. Money comes from other people. In order to get more money, you have to be able to build connections with the people who would be willing to give you money, whether it comes in the form of a job, or selling your products / services. So blocking people out, and being secretive about your work and ideas will block the flow of money. I know this from direct personal experience. There is something called social capital. Social capital is built in the form of positive connections you have with others. Social capital is more powerful than fiat currency, and can be used to generate fiat currency. Since your family is providing for your financial needs, then that takes a lot of pressure off. Through the Internet, you can learn a lot about how to make money through your art. There are plenty of opportunities out there, if you are willing to put in the work and take the chance.

10/3/18 Wednesday I still wonder what all of life really is about. Is it just for the sheer joy of living life? What is it that we are working towards? I love and hate people at the same time. Deep down I suppose that means I love and hate myself at the same time. The key is to balance the love and hate constantly adjusting as needed. It's not easy though. It's all two sides of the same coin.

Branding is about the message you are communicating to your customers. What do you want them to think of your company? How do you want your company to be viewed? Building a brand is a long term strategy. Brands become more powerful with age as long as they keep up their image. Ideally a catchy name and logo helps to build the brand. Something that's unique, and stands out. You need a clear idea about the audience you are targeting. Who is your ideal customer? Then make yourself known to your audience through paid advertising or other traffic methods. Repetition of a congruent message will help your customers form an impression about your company. You can continue building on your brand by putting out content that your audience values. Also you need to create goodwill to build a positive brand image. Providing lots of value, such as helping your customers solve painful problems will create lots of goodwill.

10/2/18 Tuesday Wow, I didn't realize almost 8 months have passed since I last updated this thread. Honestly the past 8 months are quite a blur. I must have been really unconscious because I can hardly remember most days. Here are some of the major points that happened: - I went to Isha Inner Engineering held by Sadhguru. It was a 2 day program where we learned a specific meditation / yoga technique called Shambhavi Mahamudra Kriya. - The program was in late April and since then I have been practicing this technique daily. Part of the commitment is to practice it daily for at least 8 months straight. - I spent a lot of time just indulging in frivolous activities. This is the main way I regulate my emotions. It seems I like to distract myself with movies, and games a lot. - I realized I really lack self-discipline. - I have been feeling lost for the past year. This is the first time in my life I have ever felt this lost. Before, I always felt so sure of where I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. - I went through part of the life purpose course, but currently I have not completed it. I must have some deep mental blocks around this. This is something I need to work through. I didn't achieve as much growth and progress as I would have liked. The main reason is because I was still smoking weed these past 8 months. This is currently one of my big challenges. I've made attempts to quit before, but ended up going back. I am going to start another long break from it, although I haven't decided how long yet. I have currently joined a private Facebook group that is about completing a 21 day challenge. Although I am individually responsible for completing the challenges, it is interesting to see a lot of people participating in this together as a group. I'm excited to go through this challenge and see if it has any lasting impact in my life.

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Are you getting enough sleep? Make sure you are well rested because that will help you get up easier. Also tap into your why. Why do you want to do this? When you have a deeper understanding of why you want to do something then you will have more drive and energy.

2/19/18 Monday I have been struggling with what is called the dark night of the soul. It started a while back, and I guess I was subconsciously trying to fight it. When it first began I had just started a successful ecom business. I reached a point that was huge for me personally. It was the best results I had gotten so far with a business endeavor. I hit over $100,000 in sales within 6 months of being in business. I quit my job to pursue this business full-time. As I started diving deeper into spirituality I didn't see that my business was worth fighting for. It felt hollow and empty. I know it was because I realized this just fed into the low consciousness consumerism culture. So when I came up against challenges as any business always does, I didn't really have any fight left in me. I just let it drag and my sales went lower and lower, until I just decided to stop running it altogether. I stopped to re-structure my business plans and decided to start a digital marketing business instead. I took a big risk and paid a lot of money to learn specific methods and strategies for generating high quality leads and sales for offering a high ticket service. I had foolishly thought this was the sign I was looking for. I wanted to start this business when I was offering my friend some advice around it and really enjoyed talking about the marketing aspect. I was considering getting a job at an agency to learn the ropes for a few years, but then I came across an opportunity that sounded like exactly what I was looking for. So I took a big risk and went after it. I learned a lot about myself and what my limitations are through this process. I realized my timing and lack of resources was horrible to make this transition. I took a break from everything for a month. I just shut down for a whole month starting from January this year and just recently started to go out again. I didn't go outside much. I stayed home all day and didn't really talk to anyone except for my girlfriend. I went back to some old patterns of lower consciousness. I had set a goal to stop smoking weed for an entire year. I had just hit the 6 month mark, but when there was weed right in front of me I just caved. In a moment of weakness I just started smoking weed again. I think subconsciously I am trying to find some relief from the darkness. In the past I would have beat myself up over it, but this time I just embraced it. I am okay with making mistakes and not being perfect. Rather than criticize myself, I just want to allow it to happen. Now when I am high, I am more aware of how it lowers my consciousness levels. I am more aware of how my brain gets dulled, but yet it does give me a sense of euphoria. It does in a sense lift some of the heaviness away and brings some lightness into my heart. Overall though, I know I must eventually move beyond this in order to continue expanding my consciousness. I'm still going through the dark night of the soul. Eventually I will have moments of clarity when I break out of this.

2/2/18 Friday Am I a who or a what? Lately I am spending more time contemplating on "who am I" and sometimes I switch it to "what am I" If I am consciousness then what is consciousness? If I am energy, then what is energy? I still don't know who I am. Also I have been realizing that life itself is the greatest thing that could ever happen. Most people are focused on becoming something great or leaving some great legacy. I used to be caught up in that state of mind, but now I realize that life itself is the greatest thing. Nothing could be greater than life itself. Nothing. Anything that is created by people pales in comparison to the greatness of life. Yet people continue to delude themselves into thinking they are doing such great things in the world. The greatest thing is to simply live. I am constantly dancing on the border of optimism and pessimism on the meaninglessness of life.

1/31/18 Wednesday I'm starting to realize more deeply that everything is bullshit. It's all bullshit. Is there even an absolute truth? I don't know, but I need to keep exploring. I start to see more clearly what Leo meant in one of his videos when he mentioned himself that it was all bullshit. What he gives us is more solid bullshit so we aren't drowning anymore in the sea of lower consciousness bullshit. It's inevitable that everything we do all leads to bullshit. Nothing is real so of course there is no other way. I have been listening to talks from Osho and Sadhguru as well. They have both also mentioned in one of their videos that what they were doing was all bullshit as well. Really they are using the bullshit to lead us down somewhere further. Something about the silent moments. When I say it's all bullshit I am not being cynical or negative in any way. I am simply just stating what I currently perceive to be true.

1/28/18 Sunday Today I revisited Leo's video on Making Sense of Paranormal Phenomena. The reason why is because I just recently stumbled onto Paramahamsa Nithyananda's content and the content of his followers. His followers talk a lot about the third eye, powers, and aliens and such. My first reaction was to dismiss it all as bullshit. I thought wow these followers seem so deluded and must be completely bull shitting everyone to try to recruit more people into their group. Then I remembered Leo's video about the paranormal phenomena and decided to re-watch it. Through this, I was able to ground myself and let go of my past egoic judgements. Now I realized I don't actually know if what they say is true or not. It could be bs, but there could also be some truth there. The point is I am very open minded about it, and realize I don't know anything at all. This brings me to say I have come a long way with developing a more radically open mind. I'm naturally very logical and rational minded. I'm a technical minded person and that means looking at things as having logical paths to follow. I'm very good with things that require technical abilities such as computers, and new technology, etc... so I see this as an enormous breakthrough for me. I still have a long way to go, but I am making progress on my path on a continuous basis. I don't know how long it will be till I can have deep Enlightenment experiences, but I am now fully committed to making it happen.

1/24/18 Wednesday What if suicidal people are on the right path, but they misunderstood their longing to die? I've been thinking maybe someone who is suicidal longs to die, but it is not in the physical sense of actually killing themselves. Maybe it is really the ego death that they long for. I'm not suicidal, it's just that I have been realizing that we all have our own different ways of constantly being reminded of what we really need to do. I remember from an early age there were some moments where I felt the deep pain in my heart. In this pain was a longing to disappear. To simply vanish without a trace that I ever existed. I wanted it to be this way because I didn't want anyone who loved me to suffer from my disappearance. I completely forgot about these thoughts I used to have, then suddenly I have started to remember these moments. Now I have come to understand that I can fulfill that deep longing I had when I was a child. I can actually disappear completely from this world while I am here, and no one would even know it. No one would miss a single thing. By becoming enlightened, I can actually dissolve my entire self and completely cease to exist, while still retaining the physical body that society thinks is me. I used to think that this would be impossible. Maybe that's why I repressed it and completely forgot about it. Now there is a possibility for it to happen. What a beautiful realization.

Looking forward to the new video!

I didn't fully understand everything that was being said in the video, but I enjoyed the raw authenticity of the whole experience. It takes a lot of courage to show such vulnerability and authenticity. Thanks for sharing that experience with us Leo.

I don't know anything about Zhan Zhuang or about standing meditation in general for that matter, but I just started experimenting with standing meditation, and will do some more research on it. I've done standing meditation for 3 days in a row now, but I am not really using proper forms / techniques. I suppose my next step is to look into more formal forms / techniques.