Orange

Hi everyone, lately I have been feeling this very strongly, especially when presented with a new job opportunity. I just had a talk with someone who offered me work (in my field!) and I immediately turned it down by giving excuses like this is not really my expertise or, I wouldn't enjoy the work etc. But really i'm just afraid of letting other people down. I'm so afraid of this. But so this fear is closing me doors before I even approach them... what is the right way to go about this?

It made me think of this movie; i like to think of turquoise art as art that would be exploring similar themes to the ones found in 'annihilation', this scene is particularly relevant :

Hey peeps. Ive taken some time to think about morality and as a result I'm procrastinating so much on my work because I don't know what I should do with my life...I have a thesis due in in less than a week and haven't started writing much of the 20000 fucking words. I want to give a message with this paper, a message for respect of every living being but I don't really believe in that message anymore. Because when I look at the replies on morality many replies say: "you just have to be the real you, the you without morals blablabla" OK so what if the real you is someone who is sadistic and wants to torture other beings for their pleasure? What if that is the life force in them? It is reality so it is as it should be. I guess my question is: who am I to say any message about respect if the life force within other people is non respect? And because that is their life force, it is reality and so it is right. So is my work vain? Is it worth putting the energy in it if I don't even know that it is the right thing to do because others disaprove of the message of respect and because respect is not their life force? I know some other posts I wrote are a bit similar to this but Im still very confused and have no direction in my life right now..

ah ok

Girzo how do you evaluate your happiness points?

This is good advice but like @Brimstone said you don't want to condition yourself further. If you want you can bring both Nahm's and Brimstone's advice together and it would look something like: your life is worth- less, it has no inherent value in reality. But this doesn't necessarily have to be experienced negatively. It can be liberating and bring peace in a way too. You can chose your thoughts wisely; by choosing those who are true and that feel good at the same time.

Thanks for this ! It was long but worth reading. To me it sounds like you have come to a complete state of acceptance also? Acceptance for who you are, your flaws and the imperfection of the present moment; like when you describe it here:

Its actually very strange to me that not much has changed since 1938. Schools have been cramming children's minds for another 79 years, that's a long time..

do you have a picture of when you were a little child?

yes it makes a lot of sense, thank you

can you do this? can anyone do this? being unconditionally happy. Being happy also if it means getting tortured and/or your mother being raped?

indoctrination in the sense that a person defining the word 'money' or 'intelligence' for eg. will only give you one specific perspective?

How does it work exactly? Why is there such a thing? And how does go away? After how long? I have an example: I want to be vegan, but I will find cheese in the fridge and eat it. And then I will justify this by saying in my mind something like: I am only learning more about addiction right now. This is a great opportunity to feel what it is to be addicted. I am learning about other non vegans too, by getting into their state of mind and feeling what it feels like to put pleasure and greed before ethics/compassion/whatever else. and whilst eating I will also say that I am learning why it is so hard to quit on cheese. But of course, the only thing I was after was the taste of cheese. But I end up hating myself because if I cannot get over this simple thing, how can I hope anybody else will? Isn't it strange. How psychology works. And I have all the intellectual and emotional knowledge to know that eating animal products are the worst things in my experience.

Oh no I forgot the biggest element; I am also hopeless about change for animals of this earth. This is a huge thing too. So I will think: what change does it make if I eat this cheese or not? And so i eat the cheese..

thanks mouse

right, thanks for explaining!

wouldn't selfishness be able to come from both radical acceptance and/or following morals? You could be a loving Hitler too. Since you are loving all of reality, you are loving any holocaust you generate. Still selfish. But both acceptance and hate can breed hate at the same time no? Since you've accepted hate. You do not see it as 'wrong' therefore what does it matter if there is more of it or not. Hate breeding hate would look like this: I hate hate, therefore I will go and destroy the ones who are hateful. Acceptance breeding hate would look like this: I love hate. I accept it. I am a hateful person and I love and accept myself and this hate, therefore I will go and destroy others. What i am saying is: whether you love reality and accept it. Or whether you follow a moral code. Both have the equal potential to generate hate and evil.

this was nicely put But then how do you end up loving life more? And what is your definition of love?

Total annihilatiooooon

ok

have you reached that place yourself? Of unconditional love?

im curious has anyone here ever been able to love unconditionally?

This is too true.. I think this is why I will forever stick to hating evil. Because I am an egoic bitch why do you say a human creates collateral damage just by breathing? Why does our very existence inflict damage?

what do you mean ? I know some people who have never been in self development and yet they are very mature individuals

One of the goals with self actualisation is to come to a place of total acceptance for everything that is. But it doesn't mean you have to agree with it.