Orange

Hi everyone, lately I have been feeling this very strongly, especially when presented with a new job opportunity. I just had a talk with someone who offered me work (in my field!) and I immediately turned it down by giving excuses like this is not really my expertise or, I wouldn't enjoy the work etc. But really i'm just afraid of letting other people down. I'm so afraid of this. But so this fear is closing me doors before I even approach them... what is the right way to go about this?

It made me think of this movie; i like to think of turquoise art as art that would be exploring similar themes to the ones found in 'annihilation', this scene is particularly relevant :

ah ok

Girzo how do you evaluate your happiness points?

This is good advice but like @Brimstone said you don't want to condition yourself further. If you want you can bring both Nahm's and Brimstone's advice together and it would look something like: your life is worth- less, it has no inherent value in reality. But this doesn't necessarily have to be experienced negatively. It can be liberating and bring peace in a way too. You can chose your thoughts wisely; by choosing those who are true and that feel good at the same time.

Thanks for this ! It was long but worth reading. To me it sounds like you have come to a complete state of acceptance also? Acceptance for who you are, your flaws and the imperfection of the present moment; like when you describe it here:

Its actually very strange to me that not much has changed since 1938. Schools have been cramming children's minds for another 79 years, that's a long time..

do you have a picture of when you were a little child?

yes it makes a lot of sense, thank you

can you do this? can anyone do this? being unconditionally happy. Being happy also if it means getting tortured and/or your mother being raped?

indoctrination in the sense that a person defining the word 'money' or 'intelligence' for eg. will only give you one specific perspective?

Oh no I forgot the biggest element; I am also hopeless about change for animals of this earth. This is a huge thing too. So I will think: what change does it make if I eat this cheese or not? And so i eat the cheese..

How does it work exactly? Why is there such a thing? And how does go away? After how long? I have an example: I want to be vegan, but I will find cheese in the fridge and eat it. And then I will justify this by saying in my mind something like: I am only learning more about addiction right now. This is a great opportunity to feel what it is to be addicted. I am learning about other non vegans too, by getting into their state of mind and feeling what it feels like to put pleasure and greed before ethics/compassion/whatever else. and whilst eating I will also say that I am learning why it is so hard to quit on cheese. But of course, the only thing I was after was the taste of cheese. But I end up hating myself because if I cannot get over this simple thing, how can I hope anybody else will? Isn't it strange. How psychology works. And I have all the intellectual and emotional knowledge to know that eating animal products are the worst things in my experience.

thanks mouse

right, thanks for explaining!