Sabth

My religion and my mom&dads religion are no longer the same. It might be me whos old fashioned or them. But things that ive never heard before they said.

7:33am Am i in the wrong now? THE FURTHER IT GO THE WORSER THINGS WILL GET. So i saw, me in this room/ in my brothers room . (In reality it was a whole lot nother thing.) i was changing like the mattress or the bedsheet into what was bought recently. My brother was there and he saw me. Others too. In this dream the original look of the room was still the same. The bed and everything else. So i had a queen size bed which was my brothers. Initially in the original room. What had happend is a lot of things. And as i changed the bedsheet there was other men or boys idk and im not wearing clothes just undergarment and i asked them to go out. Before that i guess there was only my gender. And i saw that my mom is buying what i previously bought for myself to her granddaughters. And lastly , my bro tryna give me from the same brand too a pouch and i didnt take it and changed the bedsheet instead. Irl i only had a single bed and didnt wish to do anythting else. And then there was this scene , where some guy was trying to speak my sisters language and they are doing something like a woa that are symbolically not good or are co. And then there was an interviewer and she brought an apple. Literal apple and then there was this old lady who got really pissed off and throw a fight. She was mad. She got offended by it and was mad . That was the end of that dream . In reality i didnt even wanna be here. /stay. This is what happened to me. And it is permanent. Permanent change. Once ive changed or put my foot in something its mine forever no more changes. (They tried to change make the boys room a boys room back or the girls room my room back there is no such thing. This house had been changed in such a way that it would fit six couples in i guess. Because thats what they do . Back then. Each having their own room thats it. Thats what they have chosen. So yeah. And behind this, its between me and my brothers and there was a time when i would have been a little weak or sub compared to him or others so he took my room. So this had been fixed. A fixed thing. Nomore changes. I dont care about what the spirit says. (Because in my dream why did i got this dream where it had been returned to normal? ) or like when it first created. The house. So, the new sheet that i bought i meant for it to be in my new place. Just a little outside my house. and i had those kids following me. maybe this could be prevented if i move out. * In reality i wanna disown them altogether. *this is what had happened to me in reality. They would wanna follow me just for the sake of who knows what like i used to value a pet fish and they wanna do that too and i died and they would not even take care of those. Like following me for fucks sake. like doing it for the sake of who knows what. and would leave it to die. They are greedy for all my thing but as soon as i lose interest on it or give it up they would too. Its fuck .just for the sake of following me. This is why i think i needed those but this is just a reaction. It wouldnt solve the problem. ,maybe they needed to be nuked. This is why i think i needed *censored*. to say that they hv no free will is wrong too because they pick and choose. Didnt follow me in everything. Or have a preference. what am i back then ? Literally sucking my life energy that i didnt have. And i find it tiring. This was back then. And why wouldnt they follow their mom? The fuck. This is why i wanna follow a. 8:17am This is not at all the case yesterday.

" This is what I edited earlier below my post ; What is full truth? Flee. My truth is flee. I wanna flee. In my dream today , which yesterday I had quite a good undisturbed sleep , I saw a lot of things. - my aunt say with their child give her an update (upgrade) like what I'm wearing. I wear a x and a hijab and then there are a few condescending remarks about me and then I went to the back room which had three beds kings and queens and of course (in front) I saw a few a lot of people of different beliefs and views NYC and I saw some a Christian holding a cross and there are a few others. I also dream about school. And I saw my brother and teacher. She didn't wanna meet me or see me . Just greeting without looking at me. And my bro she did. And before that I went like around this school. Like making a round. And I saw that there are some who sold pork and many more. The school isn't I anymore. And who were left aren't many anymore. It was different thing. And I saw that my sister was scorl the prophet. Or , there was a time when it happens. When it's true. And today it is no longer. And in my heart I say you should respect the p. But things are switching up. The only different thing is that now I don't feel like pain or like being pulled like my soul is being pulled from my body or my mind. I just felt a little empty. Or Wide. Or feeling good or okay. You might say desensitized or that now that I am finally "free" free from a lot of things. Not necessarily good but I just felt empty. Idk if danger can be felt more in front . . And then after I write this even though I didn't post it they would react to anything that I wrote and will do it first. They will flee. They will do anything that I said i wanna do. And it has been like this for a long time. This doesn't even taste good. It taste very bad. But I eat it. So different than what I bought. Do I have to regret it now or not? It really doesn't taste good. And will something bad happened to me? "

What is full truth?

I cant remember it well since it was a while ago and everything happened fastly. I cant remember it anymore. There was once when they showed me everything from A to zero just spitting out every perspectives. From a-z. And when 911 happened it is something you hv no control over. I would say even your siblings would turned evil. I think it has something to do with your believe in God.

I have seen like how it happened but only for a while. Like a short moment.

What should I do? When i woke up, theres suddenly sparkling pop sound in my ear. My right ear. And then it became worse. Of course something do happened before but nothing like it. My left ear was just fine. Its only my right ear.

When religion is forced on you , you have no choice but to create the sun and the stars and the rain (I am only conscious of the last not the other first two it was human made .) and I would have guessed that everything else in the existence is created by such force. * It must be in the past happened like that too. .... *I actually felt very low. You should be able to feel the grandiosity of the sun but i felt low. When you look/learned about it for the first time and never been abused up to your age (81years old) and died like that maybe you could keep seeing that grandiosity until you died. You could keep that magic /that image in your mind forever.

No. Not at all.

2025 ♣️ 31 Dec 2024

It's only because I'm free from it now that I can write about it. Except that it's a mind, history or whatever. This is dangerous. Even if I write the word history it will be brought back to that. But this wasn't like rape. R is like mentally forcing you (me) sabth. I shouldn't do this to @Someone here Anyone , whom have had my influence would be my responsibility. That's how I felt. *I had influenced Constantly feeling like this. Yesterday. And while I was sleeping they still... Would hv read me (?) and do something according to it. Nucleic .

@Someone here I was mentally forced out of my mind , so they become me? Imagine if you are a human being with all knowledge in your mind , or your self. They can empty your mind and fill up your mind with themselves. Rape.

What even is that? You'd hv to fight. Fight for your life , fight for your Truth. Or Reality will just kill itself. This , is certainly not what I wanna bring forth /appeared like.

I am born neutral /masculine. Until after i took art. Mentally im a stereotypically a man but im a woman. So whatever that is i am is a woman. I am very feminine. Just a t instead of a feeler. But ive been raped recently so i cant say for sure. Even before even if i had become more of an f than a t it was still within myself. Reason. But not until those raped me. Whoever they are i became as ugly as they are.

-disappearing into thin air -reincarnate in different part of the world -animals -if youre whole youre lucky -into peoples images(if they see you then they had a part of you in themselves like living in peoples minds) /other new life -new life are killing you. -turns into many (hell) depending on who you are. or where you are from it might be different. and depending on who writes in your memory.

There are many things that i didnt write about in between And make the conclusion.

🥲 There is the body of someone I love. But it's hollow. I have let them go. I have let their spirit go. So what's left are just some strangers. And they didn't even know it. Wouldn't even realize it.

Just a Little disconnection. The last few days had been a little crazy and today I wake up feeling disconnected. Not that it’s wrong , but there’s so many should and shouldn’t. 12162024 3:09AMx

.

I would dropped a bomb. But i dont think they will do it again.

or it could be someone else.

Of course theres something that i do differently before. . . . . it has just come out , right before you write this. its not wax

I think nature is God. I don’t viewed pet as God but real nature like birds are God. And not the usual thing that happened everyday. When it is unusual. There was also a time when I believe in God when it’s non nature. (My default mode had always believing in God btw.) Then not. it is my fault for not practicing. (A part of it) Before that, there was a time when I had felt like I can’t do it anymore. Not when I’m sick I think I’ve been pulled and instead of forcing myself I think I should hv followed my intuition or what feels right. Idk. Because it did do more harm than good. Anyway, Thinking about the pain I’ve felt, there was a place that I don’t wanna go to anymore. Idk. Because back then in 2020 there was a time when I have felt like I don’t wanna leave home anymore. And I wasn’t enjoying it. (When I do leave) (My heart was splitted) No i hate rain. i woke up at 10+ pm last night and thought that i hate rain . It was raining more heavily than ever. And i somehow know that rain is nature. But it is somehow still artificial and man made . So i wasn't affected by it much/ anymore. Or was it I hate God? Idk. But i don't like it everytime. The time when i used to enjoy rain and morning air (everyday when i was young i would wake up just for that to not miss the morning air) and when i used to walk in heavy heavy rain i think nothing of it and not being scared of rain. Somehow in 2023, there was a time when i had forgotten about it too. But now its still in my mind. I am not anywhere near innocent. So stop trying to be like a God to me. i should have write this after splitted* “I have cl in my mind” she somehow gets me together, in order for me not to feel like im losing myself. If anything i would do something for her. (If i went to a show it was because of her) i was listening to her. And later when they uploaded the fam picture on the island, it feels like they had taken my position. Like they had becomes the daughter. That's how it feels. And they seems happy . Without me . i was having fun too i walk a little bit and if anything it was just for that dish that i went there. At least theres something good in it. And later, years later i feel like there’s something i missed and would wanna go to the island/beach. But theyd never bring me to anymore. The season is not right , etc. No matter how much we went there. and now i no longer wanna go there and there are places that i cant go to anymore 2020 the memories and pain that i felt (physical) made me not wanna go back (2023). What if you're asking for it? You want to have that again? I doubt it. That pain that you’ve never felt. Its only for me btw yk , your mind can be twisted, maybe i shouldnt do that. Stop trying to be God because God to me is that thing which arent human. So I can’t act as if I didn’t know why they are no longer here or disappear. today or last night everything went back to the past. Of course I didn’t like it but we’re becoming lower. Everything that happens make it worse. Idk Like the previous one are better than the next. I wish to not go further. Like yesterday, I dream that x was still looking through that thing. (Omg) in the past everything was normal. It wasn’t like we hadn’t done it before. But this time, comparing it to my previous night dream, it was a whole lot worser. You can’t act on behalf of me cuz you are not me. Even though my spirit might be in you. Just be yourself. Why do you think it’s a lose for me if I write this? -yesterday- But the dream that they have access to are only the dream that I have told them to. -today- .