Sabth

2:19pm Been fasting for a day and I'm hungry... 5:08 I wish for a beautiful world...

Because death is spiritual. And when I see like new generations , it feels like life is meaningless. Because it's back to zero. There are full of people who are unknowing. Focus on the now.

Just bought myself a fruit. I don't know ,when, it will recede... Reminds me of this fever ~ Na. Nvm> 9:08PM Drinking lemon water? 10:24PM This is a song from back then, a long time ago. 10:48 Suddenly got this notification ;

7:14PM Thu, May 11th Before the nights end, (This last night I feel good about my life but suddenly it turns bad). .. I'm gonna be very disappointed if I couldn't go to this concert. ,8:45pm I'm already tired now. 6:10pm I had turned sick and I don't know what to do. 6:15pm how do I change my life for the better?

They are not your people. You shouldn't be bothered. Be too good/good enough that the two won't even meet. And will gravitate to each or the best. Be too good and unbothered. It shouldn't even met. Be too good into your path that you won't even know the other exist. If this happened, both would be in the ultimate heaven. And nothing should be public. Public or fame shouldn't exist. Everything should be private and by levels. Each are enclosed and doesn't meet. This shall be good and unbothered. If everyone followed the rules. And the rules shall be made known. Hmm.. and idk anymore. upon contact. 133 I didn't know, or I was taken aback that lived in my community a thief. I'm truly taken a back. I didn't know. That such thing or such level exists. So when you're a thief, you're* not a believer. *definitely. It was totally different than my up bringing. And what I assumed I was surrounded with. So ... (Yeah~>>>) So I was alone, I had all the good thing alone, . I truly didn't grow up with them. (I had a university. And a set of group of people I'm surrounded with, or come into contact with, that they are not with. ) And so, we definitely hv a gap. And the book that I read. Or the experiences that I experienced. /I've had. And, especially my mind. All the moral conduct that I've learned throughout childhood.. we definitely grow up different. 143 For me to lose my things. Maybe I /truly did/ belong to the middle east. (Morally.) Mentally. (My mind) as I followed the scripture. And they don't. Although we all started off muslims the same. Maybe they're not. I had been alone all these while. Unbelievable. So when I go unconscious, they stole my things. For the first time in my life, I was made unconscious. Losing consciousness. And was trapped for over a month. And lost all of my childhood belongings. /Life's belongings. (I'm 26yo) when tht happened. My life's worth. However small my life is. (It's not. I'm old.) I'm thinking of filling my life again when you're twenty x , but you can't, when your initial / your foundation had been cut. My life, a lot of it was lost. I don't know their motif. As it was very personal and like my blueprint. (I wouldn't like something that's too personal from others and wouldn't even want it if it wasn't from me. So it strikes me why even anyone would want it when it was my personal very personal belongings. So idk their motives. Would they want to burn it? Because why would anyone want something that smells like me? That's a possibility I had in mind. Maybe it no longer existed. I didn't even catered it for others or anyone. So idk why anyone would want to take it away from me. (I used to have it all locked in a case but has lowered my guard as I was older. And never would have thought I'd leave it/my home. Unattended.) Unguarded. Without me. They did not have an artwork that they've made since childhood. They did not have a diary. They are not an artist. They are not a writer. (Lame writer) Consistent writer like me. But they are my family. I also think it was sold as a possibility. But they doesn't seem to like that kinda thing. I don't know. I know nothing. It has also been a long time (since). (At first, I truly think it was sold at a few thousandths). Because why would anyone took it? But to make me lose my worth. I also hv a few things like memories. My contacts.. before this, everything was within my (approach) reach. It's up to me whether I want it, or not. It's up to me. Everything, are, within my Mind. (Reach). I could totally do as I wishes. 224 https://www.instagram.com/reel/Co4PNySAiP3/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY= Maybe it has been thrown away 2.Is me. (Something that is me) I guess it was something that they've been waiting for long. // 1:33 17/3/2023 my mom is accusing me of something I didn't. Wow it's been a long time. 10:26am 12 May. I want to put this topic ; Innocent people dying for Jesus.

I looked at it wrongly. I thought it was usd but turns out to be hkd. 1680 usd and 1680 hkd is a lot of different . I thought it was more expensive than I thought. But it's reasonable.. I may wanna go to hk.

I think I am no longer a listener..when I used to be a keen listener when I was younger. But now I could no longer do it. I think. Or I need to sort things out. Rando My mom always threatened to go far away or leave us when i was younger. /// I couldn't listen well I'm not well ..

I got way too many dreams.... Somehow.... There was the hospital , mango beetles , (small) cats and dogs all over the floor, and there was someone who wants to rape me but couldn't. Someone who's much bigger than me. And there are people from another world. Airplane.. etc. There was a big university houses(apartment/condominium) like a few of it, and a creepy lift (because it went to the lowest ground* and it was a university/hospital. Then I went up to the highest level which is the hospital. *Going to the lowest level that you're not supposed to. Then there are some Chinese people and the mango and the animals thing. I dream of someone again we had a fight. 5:47AM 9/5/23 I'll be content with just this. For now. Ice. I love ice. 5:17 PM I wish I'd really be going to X with my mom. 8:02PM idk why is it not everlasting.. It is meant to last forever.. 8:09PM Where is my diaries? 2:37AM 11th May , I dreamt of my brother and some home. It was quite a nostalgic dream. With people of the past. Make up? Or a mask, facial mask.. and about carrying something heavy. Like a plant ? or a bottled water (the dreamed transitions so smoothly) at first, it was at a restaurant which was my room/my home I wanna take some water that was then, full of ants. (Just a little in the scoop). So it transitions to a girl or an old aunt with a bottle water. And a tourist, or a traveller came and drink it.. the home was such a different version of this home... Anyway, such a weird dream. I wonder why I was still haunted by the past. . There was also my hostel room from back then. Then , the facial mask. And the people of the past.. 2:47AM may 11th.

I am a little disappointed with life now. I don't get to move a lot and currently "trapped".

Idk how to look for work in my own country. 9:15PM 8/5/23 I'm so tired of design work I want something like math.

1:54PM

.

I used to /like my writings a lot. Now no longer. 2:22AM I just got a dream. I dream a lot these days. But today's... (/This night's dream.. ) somehow.. people whom are in my past.. they're all in it.. and I was angry. Because I lost my hair tie. 3:11AMp New Insight. make up can be just for fun. It's not necessarily to cover up your insecurity /your face. In fact, the nicer your face is, the better. So it's good to wear it when you're young. Better than when you're old. I always thought make up can ruined your face, but it can actually be done just for fun.

I used to be very proud of my writing. Now no longer. 2:22AM I just got a dream. I dream a lot these days. But today's... (/This night's dream.. ) somehow.. people whom are in my past.. they're all in it.. and I was angry.

...of what God is.... Back then, during my high school years, God would be everyone in it. The government, all the people in the state are close together, so it would be them too. We used to go to each other's houses. all, of those people could def sent me back home. Def. But now we had grown apart and there are more people in my "circle". My bubble of reality had grown bigger, somehow, throughout the years, but we aren't close. Or it wasn't the gov. Anymore. Idk what I've been to. If back then, everyone in my school are god.. my life revolves around school. Now everyone that has crossed path with me are god? It's harder to bring everything back together. Recollection of everything or everyone that's ever happened to me. It would be weird too.. It's really weird. I dont seem to keep close together depending on the years , I have had met a lot of people. I've joined 3 batch of x when you're supposed to join only one. So I've met a lot of people. But it can't be more. So I stop. I can't make it more. 5:01PM 6May 2023. God who have , the governance . Back then we def had this. Now idk. 8:10PM 6May 2023 I just saw this and it is unbelievable. Gran Saga Chinese version. I can't believe it.

I love this so much. God cares about you. Whoever brought you here will have to take you home. "Whoever created you would have to take you home." I haven't been home for a long time that I've given up on home completely. It had turn sour. (Bland.) If, back then, if I know how to get home, I could have went home/they could have sent me home. (It's possible) Who could have sent me home? It's def not my mom, or dad (they have no intention of going back) . I've created a "home" here. Which is such a pity. It's been too long. That my intention/ memories has died out. I'm a little too old. To remember back my childhood. (Back then, I AM still a child. A childhood. )it's still connected. But now it's been too long. 2014. Now I think I'll be a stranger if I went back. Or I may felt uncomfortable with the things that I'm uncomfortable with. I dont know. I may have grown old here... And it is my home. A forceful home. It was made my home ,throughout the years.. This is what I thought.., I don't miss my childhood anymore. The way I used to. They definitely could sent me home It is, going to shape the cosmos to suit you if, only, I shared it with them back then. I'm such a loser now and forever.. Thinking that I could But I got my things stolen from. ______________ ⬆️this is what I've wrote a long time ago. Now I wish I and my mom would go to X again. It will be a good memories. Will God make it so that we could go back together? Now I have to make a recollection of what "God" is.

I'm so bored with life now. There's definitely a need to start "something", I'll write about this something later. Basically , I'm 27.1 now. I haven't started anything. I got a growing nieces and nephews. Idk.. while I don't want to feel like I have them yet. (It's kinda weird having such a gap in age and generation. I'm not ready.) 2020 2021 2022 and now 2023. What about my lost footage? I remember those days with song releases. And also a phase ,all good memories. I love myself, is what comes to mind . Only my mom and father could not accept my personality and sent me to the hospital. Which really had scratch me from all of my essence and real personality & peak. I was forced , to not be myself. And was disconnected from all of my connections. Spiritually, and every way possible . My phone was lost in their hand. Samsung. (I still have yet to make a police report. ) When did I buy it? It was somewhere within/during the covid. I remembered them wanting to buy me an oppo, but I refuse and bought a Samsung. It has already been bought, but I resell if for 50$ cheaper.. and I bought a white Samsung. After I had went out of the hospital, they totally made me lose all my contact and make me rely on them 100% which is unlike my personality. Before. Totally unlike it. But when I went out, (all the crazy things I've went through in there within a month plus) they mad e me become totally dependent on them. So when I went out, I bought oppo. I totally had forgot myself of when /before I went there. Totally forgot my preference. And so I bought oppo. Oppo is somehow a brand that they all "endorsed" . But I was never into it. Since who knows when.. 2018? Or way before that? Idk. But I have always hated it. Because I want only one brand for the rest of my life . I don't like changing brand. (But I use Huawei before that) somehow, for a while.. now my phone is totally useless.. I don't have a preference, after I went out of the hospital. So I just buy anything. And it turns out to be "oppo". I dislike this phone but anyway, who cares? I wish I had more preference back then. But I've lost my sense of self after that. That I'm following my mom and become dependent on her a lot. That's what they've made me be. I despise it before and we're very... Apart. We don't even talk. I've really , completely , cut myself away from certain people during the I remember wanting or having to do everything by myself. But at least nothings went missing. Everything was preserved and well. I love that. Nothing went missing. If everything in my house is like the ancient Egypt..with all it's things.. that's how it felt . The house felt ancient.. with all the dust. But everything are well preserved. That's what I like. But after they take me, all of my things was touched and a lot was stolen.. Idk what happened to it. But they killed me with my things. I am nothing without my belongings. After having put me in the hospital for over a month, without any contact or internet connection. I was killed.

Who I'd wanna be/aspire to be : . She is just cool in appearance. To be in such age and fitness. I aspire to be like her when I was her age . Hmm. . Maybe planning a trip to will work for ... My weight loss journey (there's going to be a lot of walk and Worship. . I really, was really just looking into my own self development , I can't be focusing on other (4:20pm 5/5) I am truly just on my low now, though not the lowest. But I can only focus on myself. If that even works.. -im not attending a university -ive been touched by many Look at all the things that I'm not. That is troubling me, I'm not at all on my best mode, so let me be me. I'm not in a good mode now... Im not well.. eh? My life is all over the places. I'm not at all together. This song comes to mind : 7:08PM 5/05 I think there needs to be a change in lifestyle. I need to move from here (hence a u) . I can't live here. But I do wanna.

I'm looking for a walk, not gonna run. I've walked before and it was so weird...

I'd hv to wait for either my mom, or my dad, or my brother to bring me. Or I would hv to go alone in this neighborhood .. ..I'm not that bad in workout, anyway

I got a lot of new vivid dreams...

I don't like a mirror I don't need a mirror~ it can't do anything to me. I can only stop and look myself in the mirror, it can't do nothing to me in the background.. Maybe~ . . . Can't I lose my weight naturally?

How old are you? And do you have a healthy physique? This is my first impression. If you have a healthy physique then you shouldn't feel like dying. Like if you aren't old, (I'm old.)

I got a lot of nightmare after writing this maybe its better to not write at all.. Writing this actually gives me a lot of nightmare.

I didn't actually went to create paradise yesterday and today..