Sabth

I love cold showers but my cold now is not too cold. It used to be icy cold in the morning.

It was just travelling to the same place so . I wish to travel to a lot of different place. I wish for independence. To buy my own flight ticket . If only there was a record. Of all the flights I've taken.. it would be a lot. But there's no record..

If I were to count the amount of time I've been taking a flight it would really be countless. I'm losing my count now. It's countless. Throughout the years . I really don't wanna be travelling mindlessly. But now, (back then it was all a necessity) it was up to us. I don't have a set of semesters that I have to attend to . So back then I really did go back and forth a lot. But now it's up to us. Where you wanna go. Now this year I have travelled twice. Upcoming plan is one more and the concert, I think it would be another one more. Which makes it four times. Idk. It's all unnecessary. But anyway I think it will be it. Four times in a year? Idk .

I don't know what to do with my life now. Or how to make it right. Show me what I'm lacking.

I have lived for a lot of years. You could say , back then , I am more suited to marriage than I am now. Because I wasn't disconnected from family life. Like little child etc. More suited than I am now. I've been focusing much on my work (studies) that I am now disconnected. So let's make a recap ; 1 2 3 4 Egypt 5 Egypt 6 Egypt 7 Egypt 8 Egypt 9 Egypt 10 Kuching 11 Kuching (I went to UK during this year) 12 Kuching UPSR-a national examination. 13 Kuching Secondary school 14 Kuching 15 Kuching 16 Kuching 17 Kuching 18 Kuching/IIUM 19 IIUM 20 IIUM 21 IIUM 22 IIUM 23 IIUM Casis etc (I should have spent more time in IIUM as I have a long way to go but I stop.) 24 Kuching 25 Kuching 26 Kuching /Mental hospital 27 Mental hospital Kuching 28 non existent year. It will be in 2024. I think I've reached my limit.

Day 2

Idk I'm really currently clueless.. as what to work. I needed to work. I needed to fill my time . With other. Outside. Idk. I miss someone rn. 4:51PM June 4,2023 I am here currently don't know what to do. Neither did I discuss anything with my parents on what to do. I am just here, not knowing what to do. . 8:31PM

No. My question to God: When will I die?

In 2020/2021 , I met someone whom in our childhood my parents used to buy them gifts like a whole head to toe clothes &shoes. Someone poor. And in 2020/2021 I met her, and wonder who is poorer? She already had a car and a career. Working in tourism industry. And one day, when I passed by her old house, I wonder, whose poorer? It was the same house that my parents drop her off back then in our childhood after having bought her/them those gifts. I felt so trapped and having no freedom. I still was drive by my father. Being (however age I was in at that time/years). I felt trapped. And poor. Having no freedom. Despite being an adult. Those are the 2020/2021 year. She has now had a car and are promoting a travel thing working in a specialized tourism/travel agency. So I am poor. Poorer than her. Idk. How can I own a car (even if it's a small car) and have a work? That I can do?. Not even a proper career but just work to hv an income (this I know but didn't know if I could spent such a time into it.). This was after my university. So I wasn't completely pathless. /Clueless in my path. I should have finished my degree. But didn't. Should I enroll into another? 5:58PM 5:28AM I like how my life is right now. Just chilling at home. I have gotten used to not having to go out (hence needing a driver to drive me everywhere.) < This, the lack of freedom.. I like how my life are but also want to be normal. I wanna live normally. To be able to drive and have a car. And a normal job.

This is the music I've been listening to since I was young?

????

3 - is christ like. Always the perfect example. 4 - the middle ground. You can go to 3 or 5. It's neither. 9 - is the guardian angel. 6 - is not five. It is 6. 5 - is not as good as six. It's the mediocre. 1- is always the first. Pave the way. It's always right. 8 - is the infinite number.. 2 - is my father. Both of my sisters are four.

I feel regret.because there was a time in my life when I was asked to go visit some home but didn't. And it was my first time that I didn't . And this person died, the same year. I feel so much regret. Because it is my first time, and only one change, had resulted in death. Of someone close. Idk. It is regretful.. And I haven't gone to his house until now.. it would be too late too.. maybe visiting his grave. Would be good... Keep him in my prayer.

Is me. A new realization Is me is God. I've wrote a few something the other day and realized this, is me means, in Arabic my name is Anything, that is me is equal to your name. And in arab countries ,the first thing that people will ask you it's your name. (It was such a childhood thing.) So anything that is me is your name. People would rarely use your name these days. • If you love a figure would you name your child by that figure's name (I wouldn't. ) . • "How do we go higher?" Back in heaven . I used to dream of a great stuff now it is of a lesser stuff. If back then I could go on a clear way now it's crowded. They said I got a flashlight. So I'll go first. It was steep. If back then I could go as fast as I wishes.irl. I'm Being Very Confused now - 4:40PM 21/4/2023 With my identity. At one point, I want to be the perfect x. Like I always used to be. But at another, I am already going pass the limit. (Spoilt). So might as well be forever. I wanna change my identity. But given the right surrounding (I don't wanna do it with just anybody.) I don't& won't feel comfortable either. 4:43PM If anything, it was just for myself. Doing something I'm comfortable with. At this age. (It's weird being this age.) It truly is. ▪️I wanna dye my hair. I wanna wear comfortably.. I wanna change or focus on my appearance. Before this it was all mind game. I don't think about my look I only have one appearance and that's more than heavenly already to me. No accessories. Completely clean. That's wht I'm comfortable with. I am my Mind. With little attention to style or appearance (I almost only have a one image which is good.) I love my look and my one appearance. But now, I've been thinking of trying different thing.. I wish I hadn't hv to change, since back then. Am I missing on something important right now? - 5:04PM

.

This might as well be my passion. Golden ratio. Perfect scene . Picture.

Songs that I've forgotten but was now in my mind : Stay And this, is another song that I've completely forgotten. We had a little synchronicity back then. I thought it reminds me of something. So much so. So much resemblance. This : 2020 *Okay I will delete this. Look at the thumbnail. It's so similar that I can't look it through. 2017 I remember "fever" .

5:44AM I no longer like this forum. I wonder what happened to my lost(stolen) handphone... ? Stolen in January/December. 6:42PM 1June, 2023 Am I missing out on something?

Suddenly I dreamed of someone from the past. Someone who used to be under our care. I miss them. Somehow..

I dreamt of heavy stuff. Heavy2. School . Etc

I don't know what to do with my life going forward. To do something of value. Or to make my life's worth it. I'm twenty now. Idk how to make my life's lost in time. Idk what is the best thing to do now. To make my 27years of living worth it. My first attempt at degree wasn't successful. Somehow. Just somehow. I didn't finish it. While having spent a lot of my time in it. Anyway, it was years ago. The other years next I've spent of self learning. Knowledge seeking. it was most spiritual. But not to it's complete full degree, as I was interrupted. So it was just for four years.. one, interconnected/overlapped with my degree. So I was distracted. I live only for 26years. Then I died. Everything me was stolen away from me. And I died. I was killed. My diary collections.. my artworks.. my files.. books.. everything.. was stolen. So my 26years of max , things that I've accumulated, my certificate (one and only cute certificate that is in the memory of the 18year-old me), my achievements, was stolen from me. It's raining now. Heavily..

Maybe, going to Coventry UK would be good for me. And my mom. Like we used to be. Or mecca. Or Egypt. And the like. I don't know. I don't know what to do. Or how to get money so I could travel to places (that Ive missed). Or if it would even be good... (Travelling is a lot of hard work so plan wisely.) I don't know. Maybe going to the United States, a completely new country would be good. I don't know. I'm not currently doing anything with my life. I don't wanna travel aimlessly.. I'm tired. But I wanna do something of value. Currently, I can't afford to even buy a camera. Just a simple camera. Which makes my lifes worth it. So maybe I should think that first before I think of more travelling.

Now I'm done travelling. Now I'm home ☺️☺️☺️

5:41PM I am always in a state of missing somewhere. 30May 2023.