Sabth

I value, self love. That's all I can care about now. "Both my pet died". I'm not free. I couldn't commit to the things I value. Any type of freedom I am not free. Very much thing I value had been destroyed. Everything that was under the care of my household, died. (Cats) idk. Someone told me. I haven't seen it for myself... Edit : Guess I don't wanna appear weak~~

As the above, the most worthwhile thing to pursue in Life ;

...

I really wanna go to Taeyeon's concert. In Bangkok or wherever it is.. I wanna go.

I wanna be religious. 1 day 1 (nvm I already did this before .) ... Something that I used to write in my lost book : Ideal man : sado & psychic.

Try a bunch of jobs. Ok I will try that..

R u gay? Hehe. I miss the time when I would pack my things last minute to go to the university after a break. I would do it truly in the last minute. Now I would pack my things too... But not to my university.. the destination is not to a university... So it felt a bit weird.. I'm just going anywhere for nothing.

:)

Idk. ... Is it important for me, to hv a degree? I shall start working soon.

I'm not currently working and didn't have university. I'm really, clueless, as to what to do now.

I feel like I wanna live in a place where the nature is amazing. There's no such thing in my country. Everything was green....

Why would they cry? The characters in my dream.......

@Leo Gura are you human? What is human? Am I human? There was a time when I could feel someone from block away. But because I was scared of it, I run/went away. It was the most precious someone in my life at a given moment.

I'm even scared to apply for a job.

Next week and for the rest of May I will be in a different state.. today, I've ordered something online. And hopefully it will arrive next week I wanna go to Taeyeon's concert. Maybe not.

I dreamed today that there is one being who are most precious.

For me, I think, a big family and a worthwhile circle. Does this count?

Rescue me

. There's nothings much really in my state/city. 7:09PM 051923

Sometimes I wish, I would just died away. This is not at all the case when I was younger. To be burnt into nothing is a scary thought. It's not even an option that I believed in. We had very rich hope into the afterlife. I remember thinking we would turnt into nothing is the scariest thing ever. And that I hated it. I don't wanna be nothing. Or black. Or nothing. Be losing consciousness forever. It was a scary thought and I hated it. We had a very expensive afterlife. We belief in many things. This is ,as default. It never been not./other. Since forever. So I really despise what I had turned into. I remember thinking that I turned into nothing, it was just an unacceptable thing. The worst thing that could ever happened. But was undeniable. I had to accept my fate. Because somehow, I had falled into it. Maybe it wouldn't have happened if I spent my time with same fellow thinkers.. I don't wanna turned into nothing.. at this point, I had almost forget what it was like.. where's my people? You cannot fake a thought. Now I really wish to restore my faith. The thing is easy. You won't meet bad people if you yourself is good.. you won't meet bad people. 4:33am 19th May 23

Precious Taeyeon

This is a fear that I had. I find it hard transitioning from childhood to the middle aged people . Now that my grandma has died away. (I used to remember all the memories/childhood memories) and as granddaughter and our relationship since back then. Now there is a transferring of roles. Or transitioning. My mom is becoming a grandma and my grandma has died away. *It's true that plants can make it feels like they're still alive.* I find it very hard to be the middle aged people. Now. To no longer had a grandma or grandpa. And soon aunties and uncles. Too..

.

Today, I'm gloomy. For not living an active life. Surrendering to my fate. Getting a shot. Idk how to make my life worth living anymore.

I have studied five years plus in a university Not doing anything particular in 3.5years +- Thinking of working full time but has anxiety regarding this.