Sabth

Wow. I am now looking back at 2021 SD card.

This is a6000 by my youngest bro. Wow

I haven't make use of my driving license. I have got it since like 2020 but haven't make use of it. It will expire in 3years.

I don't know I really don't wanna live anymore. It feels like my life is stunted. With not anything to do. There's nothing I could do about it. I want a camera so that I could at least do something . I have had a camera since I was twelve until a few years ago. So living without a camera is really a hard thing. Years have passed but I'm still not moving anywhere. I am still the same. Couldn't or didn't make any money even though years have passed. I still didn't buy a new camera. I can only ask my parents for it. I used to have this ; And this ; This might be my next up purchase ;

And I want an only child. If I were to have children I want only one. For a long time. Because many ,you wouldn't be able to give love to that one child or all. It will be chaotic . And your children will be uncared for. You wouldn't be able to focus on all. So I want an only child so that it can be a good human being. All attention is on her/him. If they get enough attention they'll turn out good.

Today, when I play with my nieces I realized that my eyes are no longer good. And I had a hard time looking at the pc. I can no longer do things in a prolonged period of time. My eyes needs rests. I can no longer do hard work. I wish for a life where I no longer strains my eyes. Everyday. I wish.

Yes. I think so too. I've been doing nothing. And that's where I stop. I may have a foundation studies certificate but it got stolen. And I hadn't had a copy of it (since this would be my first time creating a CV) And high school had been a long time ago.

Today, someone whom I followed on Instagram came to my state which is really unusual. Given how far it is. But he came.

I don't know. My father only works we're not close. My mom didn't work. Idk. I want work to fill up my time. Rather than doing nothing.

I had people calling me filling up a survey for a part time job. Where you go to a gas station and pretend to be a customer to fill up a survey. And for each station you go up to you'll get 10$. Idk it just felt like a whole new thing. I turn it down. I apply for a random part time job and got this call.

I'm bored . I wanna be associated with x. 4:29AM

I made a DeviantArt account for the second time after ten years. I've forgotten the first .

Henry Lau got a safe and very idealistic fam. His childhood home remained the same up till now. It didn't change. While my home had been .. huh? Destroyed, sold, changed and many more. That's done to it. It is unrecognizable. My parents are evil. My parents like to change where things are. Sold my bed. Change the paint bedroom colour without my wish. Everything are destroyed. I think it's what differentiate a poor household with a rich one. Or idk. Poor mentality? Idk. But my room are unrecognizable. So there's no such thing as forever after. Nothings lasts. A renovation occur..and many more. I don't like it. I want things to remain the same. And my things are stolen. I have yet to make a police report. I'm pathetic. A lot of my diaries are gone. My paintings. My drawings. My certificate. My gold. My books. What is this house without all those? My phone. Look at my condition now. I have to ask my parents to make a police report as there were no one to drive me to the police station but them. But the thing is, it was family member who took it, or make it lost. I was in the hospital and when I'm back everything was gone. There are a few people at home. And my mom accused me of doing it myself when I'm not aware. This is the hell realm Id have to live through. It wasn't me. For the longest time those things are safe with me. For years and decade. But the moment I'm gone, it's lost. Or stolen. Or who knows what. Up until last year everything are with me. I've even think of installing a padlock to my room door to keep everything safe. But there's no tools for it. So it was delayed. What can I do? There's so much I could do to help myself.. I'm not safe in my own home.

Is this a serious thing? I can't imagine myself having a daughter. The way I am now I am always the daughter. And to think that I'm gonna hv a relationship like the way my mom and dad is, is too much. I don't like it. And couldn't imagine having to live that. I'm just afraid to go through all those... Pregnancy, childbirth, being called a mom. I couldn't imagine a life without my parents. When I am the parents... Like going everywhere only with me and my husband (like my parents do now) I can't imagine it. And I'm feeling afraid. There isn't anyone who are like you. It will be a stranger. I can't help but to love only those who are related to me by blood. Idk. Am I weird? I put my trust in relative/fam. I don't like a stranger. I don't know. I can't imagine having to live through with a stranger man. Who are not related. It will be a total stranger. Maybe a step before that is falling in love first. The missing step. But idk how that will do now. Since I no longer had a close close friends or relative. It will take a lot for you to get close to someone. After years of knowing each other (and working together) the trust was built. When you're together* you will just built this intimacy. *For a long time. But I'm no longer in such setting where I can be close together to anyone. (eg. University) and I am no longer in contact with them anymore. Our rel was destroyed. Apart from that I can't imagine anyone else whom I can get close to. Not a stranger. (Same aged people, one batch). Such closeness. I can no longer find it. We are like a play mate. (21-22yo). So I had a lot of fear now. I can't imagine having to have this transition. I look at my sister doing it as a young adult (22) but that was a long time ago. I'm 27 now. And I'm still afraid. My condition now is like this. I can't imagine starting a new relationship now. Will it be good or will it be bad? Am I too late now? No I'm not. Being a mom will make me feel like I'm old. I don't wanna have that transition yet. But, was it time for it? Idk. .. 3:03AM

@CARDOZZO I can go out with my matches. Then see how it goes. But nah. I'm not into it. If we can vibes in the messages , then meet irl, then that too is okay ,then it will be a success. But I'm not into meeting new people rn.

@CARDOZZO I just downloaded a few dating apps and tinder needs a subscription. Which I haven't subscribed to. So far, it suggest people who are within your area. The next one (another app) I already got a marriage proposal. But, I doubt that it's going to be okay(there is no picture) though I feel like this app is easier. With a bunch of different group of people. I don't know why I even do that. It's not like I want to start a relationship. But I think it will be easier.

16/40

I really want to start going to a university again...

62%

There was a job I think I'm gonna be good at, but that too I'm afraid that it would be too much for me. Or I'm afraid to apply for it because it's working long hours (12hours a day) . What if I couldn't make it? I don't think I have depression I'm just bored. And don't know what to do with life. As I got nothing to do.

I made a reddit account...

I am not good at this either.

He performed hello. Wow. It has been such a long time It's kinda old though ...

I am so bored right now. . Having an untrained mind is driving me crazy. I got to do something but I'm not doing anything.

I don't believe in miracle it was just an experiment. I've already passed the 41mark which is said to be this ; An overall wellbeing. I am not expecting much, but am curious what will happen.