Sabth

Henry Lau got a safe and very idealistic fam. His childhood home remained the same up till now. It didn't change. While my home had been .. huh? Destroyed, sold, changed and many more. That's done to it. It is unrecognizable. My parents are evil. My parents like to change where things are. Sold my bed. Change the paint bedroom colour without my wish. Everything are destroyed. I think it's what differentiate a poor household with a rich one. Or idk. Poor mentality? Idk. But my room are unrecognizable. So there's no such thing as forever after. Nothings lasts. A renovation occur..and many more. I don't like it. I want things to remain the same. And my things are stolen. I have yet to make a police report. I'm pathetic. A lot of my diaries are gone. My paintings. My drawings. My certificate. My gold. My books. What is this house without all those? My phone. Look at my condition now. I have to ask my parents to make a police report as there were no one to drive me to the police station but them. But the thing is, it was family member who took it, or make it lost. I was in the hospital and when I'm back everything was gone. There are a few people at home. And my mom accused me of doing it myself when I'm not aware. This is the hell realm Id have to live through. It wasn't me. For the longest time those things are safe with me. For years and decade. But the moment I'm gone, it's lost. Or stolen. Or who knows what. Up until last year everything are with me. I've even think of installing a padlock to my room door to keep everything safe. But there's no tools for it. So it was delayed. What can I do? There's so much I could do to help myself.. I'm not safe in my own home.

Is this a serious thing? I can't imagine myself having a daughter. The way I am now I am always the daughter. And to think that I'm gonna hv a relationship like the way my mom and dad is, is too much. I don't like it. And couldn't imagine having to live that. I'm just afraid to go through all those... Pregnancy, childbirth, being called a mom. I couldn't imagine a life without my parents. When I am the parents... Like going everywhere only with me and my husband (like my parents do now) I can't imagine it. And I'm feeling afraid. There isn't anyone who are like you. It will be a stranger. I can't help but to love only those who are related to me by blood. Idk. Am I weird? I put my trust in relative/fam. I don't like a stranger. I don't know. I can't imagine having to live through with a stranger man. Who are not related. It will be a total stranger. Maybe a step before that is falling in love first. The missing step. But idk how that will do now. Since I no longer had a close close friends or relative. It will take a lot for you to get close to someone. After years of knowing each other (and working together) the trust was built. When you're together* you will just built this intimacy. *For a long time. But I'm no longer in such setting where I can be close together to anyone. (eg. University) and I am no longer in contact with them anymore. Our rel was destroyed. Apart from that I can't imagine anyone else whom I can get close to. Not a stranger. (Same aged people, one batch). Such closeness. I can no longer find it. We are like a play mate. (21-22yo). So I had a lot of fear now. I can't imagine having to have this transition. I look at my sister doing it as a young adult (22) but that was a long time ago. I'm 27 now. And I'm still afraid. My condition now is like this. I can't imagine starting a new relationship now. Will it be good or will it be bad? Am I too late now? No I'm not. Being a mom will make me feel like I'm old. I don't wanna have that transition yet. But, was it time for it? Idk. .. 3:03AM

@CARDOZZO I can go out with my matches. Then see how it goes. But nah. I'm not into it. If we can vibes in the messages , then meet irl, then that too is okay ,then it will be a success. But I'm not into meeting new people rn.

@CARDOZZO I just downloaded a few dating apps and tinder needs a subscription. Which I haven't subscribed to. So far, it suggest people who are within your area. The next one (another app) I already got a marriage proposal. But, I doubt that it's going to be okay(there is no picture) though I feel like this app is easier. With a bunch of different group of people. I don't know why I even do that. It's not like I want to start a relationship. But I think it will be easier.

16/40

I really want to start going to a university again...

62%

There was a job I think I'm gonna be good at, but that too I'm afraid that it would be too much for me. Or I'm afraid to apply for it because it's working long hours (12hours a day) . What if I couldn't make it? I don't think I have depression I'm just bored. And don't know what to do with life. As I got nothing to do.

I made a reddit account...

I am not good at this either.

He performed hello. Wow. It has been such a long time It's kinda old though ...

I am so bored right now. . Having an untrained mind is driving me crazy. I got to do something but I'm not doing anything.

I don't believe in miracle it was just an experiment. I've already passed the 41mark which is said to be this ; An overall wellbeing. I am not expecting much, but am curious what will happen.

Not rare. There are many genius in the world.

I have completed at 47% now. So far, nothing much happened.

Will people get boring after the beauty phase had passed? Like after you have known the beauty, now what? What?. Sometimes I wonder ,: what is the purpose of life? As I watch outside my window , the calm greenery. The moving clouds. Ants.. huh? . *The concert had finished* Time flies.

I really wanna go to Taeyeon's concert tomorrow. Because the venue hold only 3200 seat and so it would means I can see Taeyeon closer. In a smaller group. But, I don't have money, and couldn't buy my own flight ticket so I could only ask my mom for it. But she wouldn't allow me to go. So yeah. It would be good if I could go tomorrow (it's only 2hours flight) and I could buy the ticket tonight. If I had work for a long time my decision wouldn't be on her. Or if I could ask some friend (but I wouldn't). Waiting for the next concert? It's going to be in 3-4years again.

Out of the many faces that I've judged, there aren't many good looking people.

Both my sisters dated someone who's way taller than her. I don't wanna be pro creating short child. But if I somehow have felt comfortable with someone short is it worth it? Or there's many more taller guys in this world? I want someone who's taller than me. Can I just let this one person go? Though there's nobody else like him. But my future, would be with shorties.. It doesn't matter. I think. If it was him. But then my children would not be good looking or pretty. Who knows. It's not like I will consider the replies in this post either way. I won't. I'm just bored..

4:11PM 07202023

.

I've already done 16% [with a lot of rest]& already felt exhausted. Maybe it will take days.

I no longer like to be here..

It took me 1 hour 10 mins to finish 10. So it would took me over 10hours to finish 100.

Will something/a miracle happened if I were to read x 100 times? Because I'm bored, I will try to do this .let's see what happen.