Sabth

This is my life in 2021-2022 I just bought Samsung so I tried many filter.

I haven't start working. Today I wanna buy a new shoes. For gym/hiking etc. But my mom said she wanna rest today she's tired from yesterday night. So maybe tomorrow. Even though this is really old (an old profession. Old fashioned) I am considering on becoming a stewardess. Idk.

I can't sleep, it's already 7:21AM

I don't feel like an aunt. My career progress...

It's 3:17AM now. Now my room is already a mess from the toys of the kids. Full of it everywhere. It's time for the other generations. With little kids coming to my house. They are playing hard last night. Leaving a mess. It used to be just us. Now it's time for the other generations. But I still had no kids. My life aren't fulfilled yet. Right now. My needs aren't met. So how can I , or we, focus on kids? But they are already born in this world. So we got no choice. There's no avoiding it. They are growing. They are already here. The kids. With their voices last night. It reminds me of my childhood. But now I no longer able to play. It's their time now. Sometimes I feel like they are growing too fast. Or they came into this world too fast. I'm already an aunt. I wanna play still. But I couldn't do that. I'm already another generation. I'm "old". But I still am not done with life yet. I still have a lot of needs that aren't met. I should be growing into an adult. I should be focusing on my career and work/studies. I should be an independent adult now. Buy I'm still just an incapable aunt. Right now. I'm still a child. I should be focusing on my career now. And have a lot of freedom. If I graduated back then. Others are even getting married. So now I feel like I'm still a child but these new generation are already here and they are growing. So am I supposed to have a child too? Is that my stage of life now? I refuse to admit. But is that where I'm supposed to be? To have kids? But I don't wanna end my bachelor yet. To be a mother. Entering motherhood. I don't wanna be that just yet. I still wanna do a lot. But I'm stuck. There's a lot I wanna do. Oh it was totally a mess yesterday. Are we too close (our age gap) that's why I feel like this? I'm twenty seven and the kids are 5years old and below. Am I too young? It feels like.. Suddenly our house are full of kids. Suddenly it's their "turn". Suddenly were full. I'm not ready to be an "aunt" just yet. Maybe if I complete my degree back then my life would have been different. I would be a proper adult now. Maybe in 2021 I completed my degree. And then I would have started working. By now I'm already stabilized. But then, Huh?

I have no memories of 90s . 2000 yes. I was in the middle east growing up fine. It was fun. I had a good childhood. But things aren't so good when I came here. It's not totally not good but I have always yearn to return back to my childhood place. That's the memories that I remember.

I am so bored right now. I didn't look for work. It's weird. To wake up in the morning and ask my mom to bring me somewhere to look for work. It's so weird. I just can't do it with my mom. It's just so weird. It needs to be with somebody else. This is not for her . It's so weird. We could go shopping together though. So comparing things to the 80s and now, my mom and all her siblings studied overseas. It's common. And she had done the bigger pilgrimage at a young age. With her parents. Which we (me and my siblings) never did. We only do the smaller pilgrimage a few times. So idk who lives a better life. And my grandma had her own house apart from the one that she shares with my grandfather. Had her own work and was pretty successful. Which my mom didn't have. It's so weird. She stop working when having her first newborn. Forever.

These are some of the pictures from back then. Do you think they have a better life than us now?

@Raze https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/math-degrees

I wanna get a gym membership it's cheap. And near. I wanna get trained. But my mom wouldn't allow me to go to a mixed gender gym. I will.

I just rewatch an old movie ? and it was so funny. I only remember something from 2007 but this movie, is 2003. My parents used to watch it before. (In 2007 my parent watch it too but this one, is older) I don't remember it anymore. Just so little. *I'm rewatching old movies and dramas.

I want to buy a drone and a camera now.

Work that I can do. I've been looking at the local job offers on the internet, but there's nothing that would suit me. Or it is faraway. (My mom would hv to sent me everyday and take me back) I really don't know how or where to start working. There's a lot of online job whether it's part time or full time. But these too, I couldn't do. Do I need training? Do I need education first?

Wouldn't it be embarrassing though? I would go to my favorite retail store. It would be easier if I was in a different state. There are a lot more retail store everywhere (that I'm used to) and I could use public transport. (I couldn't here)

I feel like I wanna work any work (like a retail) and buy the things that I wanted. And then can start traveling and making videos. ....

But I just wasn't able to do that anymore, back then. Especially when they switch to everything computer than hand drawn in my third year. I find that hard.

I couldn't drive. Barely able to drive. Need to practice again. Even though I have a driver's license.

This thing? I wouldn't need it then~ because I don't call anyone anyway. I'm living with my fam so it's not like I had to call them.

I am dependent on my father. I don't want a child so I won't be having a husband anytime soon.

@Schizophonia I'm not an average person in a third world country.

Am I really bad? For not having work? Can I get work easily? I never applied and never tried. I don't know how to start. I don't wanna leave my state.

My morning 6:23AM

Im lacking Maslow's hierarchy of needs. How do I get there without anyone with me? I've started to felt or be comfortable being me. But it's not my greatest life. Sometimes I wish there's just people to bring me out *everywhere* to the park or traveling together in the local area. I'm tired of just not being able to go anywhere. I also wanna go to the gym. Right now, I only depended on my parents. And they only bring me to grocery shopping. Nothing more. That's only it. And they are not travelling. I'm still young. But have to live like an old people's lifestyle. I want to travel and explore. Going out a lot. But couldn't. How can I change this? I'm even physically not well because my movements are limited/restricted. So my bodies hurt whenever I woke up. I want to be active and athletic. But nobody to bring me to this lifestyle. All my siblings are not with me. Those who can drive and not. What can I do? ❤️ I'm not reproducing any child. While my sister had when she was young. Now I even loss with my mom as she got married when she's 27. I don't have a good movement/mobility so this needs aren't met. ?Orange , I'm not employed. I don't have my own place/house. Just staying with my parents. But if they died this house will be ours. It is just ours. So unless I went to a different country I don't see why I should find another place. We could stay together for long. ?? Love and belonging. This is what I'm lacking since I was young. I'm lacking at this one. ?? I think I had esteem since I was young. Though. I have always been good at taking videos and pictures since I was young and I'm doing what I love. With people /relatives who are far from me (but we meet once a year). That's only it. But I had a happy childhood. That's what I remember. With my camera. ??Self actualization I think I failed at this one because degree are too hard for me. And I don't have external support to teache me extra when I need help in my studies. I don't know . But I was just not doing well. Towards the end. On my third year. So I stop. Instead of looking for help or taking extra outside classes. (It had to be paid and I don't think my mom wants it back then). And I've lost tons of footage that could be the greatest thing in my film making journey because of my broken tools. Camera and SD cards. And my hard disk are broken /bad. Except one. A really old one by Toshiba. It was the only thing that never had any problems. So I love Toshiba. A Japanese brand. I had two other brands that could barely even be used. I can't remember exactly the brand but I've lost a lot. WD passport and the other I can't remember. So idk. It's such a pity. Really. So here's my Maslow's going. How do you think I could improve in this?

I can't wait to work in my own country. I have stayed in this state for 18years and have graduated from high school for 9years but never work and never make money. The ones I did is just a group project in university (it's like a trial. Not serious but I did make some money selling something. As a group) so it wasn't truly me. And as a kid, I got a lot of money during Eid. That's the only money that I got. I never work. How can I work now? I have a few ideas but I don't know. I want to work with people. Under somebody. Not on my own. But I don't know how. I remember a friend during my foundation studies, she says something about making their own money, instead of relying on your parents. And she bought her first shoes with her first money that she got on her own. By working a rando job. Not depending on her parents. Now she had become successful? Idk. But she had graduated . I feel like she is doing well. Mature well. And grow up. While I didn't. That's what I think.. and even back then, she had already being able to make her own online transaction. While I couldn't. I always depended on my mom. And my mom bought me everything. To my phone bills. A handbag from China. Everything is done by/through my mom. When I was young. I wasn't independent . It was only recently that I made my own online transaction. At 27.

Part II Wow. Just seeing my life passing. This is so... it reminds me of much. I wish I took more and never stop (but the apps that I'm using no longer produce such setting. Four pictures in one vid. I changed the music. Background music.