Sabth

I feel like my brain is getting rusty now. It might be an irreversible damage. I don't know. Even my words are no longer comprehensible. I guess..

I wanna stay out of this all.

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Too many mosquitos outside. I was attacked ....

Now I'm feeling a little lonely. I'm at home alone with nothing to do. It's 3:45PM. My mom would be coming back here tomorrow after 1200am. Tonight. So idk. I'm currently alone. I feel bad about the bombing. I had a telegram update that I look to. It was still on going. And of course it's still ongoing. I don't wanna talk about it or bring it up. Right now, I just wish I have something to do. I'm bored. I already eat. Doing several things. Huh?

Today, this morning, my father is gone. He will be away for a few days. So I will have to feed the cat outside. And my mom will be back tonight. So I'll be alone for now. Totally alone. My sister are at her in-laws. But I'm okay. I wish I can go shopping today. But there's no one to bring me shopping.

I don't sleep today because I already woke up late yesterday.. 5:15AM

To have a social circle is to be held accountable.

https://youtu.be/tVtTdZt-HtI?si=3bXtWV1FLO45vg76

Day 3 Today I woke up really late (12:00) and I have a special dinner tonight. It's been a while since I taste such cooking. It reminds me of the cook of my university's restaurant. It is rare. So rare. And it reminds me of this taste all over again. I am overjoyed. Other than that, I really don't do anything much on day 3. I just stayed in my room and looking at my phone. I already woke up late. Not doing anything much throughout the day. And tomorrow, my mom will be back. I think I wanna go shopping with her.

@LoneWonderer first of all, my expenses are very basic. And it was from my mom or my father. But I don't have my own income. That's why I wanna work.

Thanks. I wonder what will be my future job. My money had been constant for long. Nothings changes.

Japan winter. https://youtu.be/QytjUFgcmWw?si=DofKQtXNe0nvySY1 https://youtu.be/flcGCCL5gHU?si=g5ByDj9DrYkNjtjd Maybe going to Japan would be better. It's nearer too. I would have to take 4flight from my place to Yamagata (Japan). The cost would be $1448 for 3flight (return). It's more expensive than if I want to go to Egypt. Egypt is $816.

What does it means , when I see in my dream , a lot of pigeons are being hit by a sword? Each pigeon will get one sword cut through it's body. And there's a lot of it. And a lot of pigeons dies. Idk what this dream means.

https://youtu.be/fb0QX7DbqLg?si=JVkfJ9UishJK-j7E This would be my dream. To have a snowy weather. In New York City. With the people I love. This had been my dream. I've never felt snow in my life. ❄️

When I didn't know what to do, I'll sleep. And that's what I'm doing today.

Today is day 2 and unlike yesterday, my sister/my father cooked. Fried chicken. I dream of many pigeons being killed.

12:58PM | Day 2 | Wed | 25th Oct 2023 Don't Have Anything To Do At home. I'm really feeling afraid of my life now. I need to get myself together. Right now. Soon. As soon as possible.

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24 October 2023, Tue One day went by with nothings much that I'm doing. I just woke up. My father bought me two meals in a day asking for dinner but I'm too full from the two earlier meal. I don't do nothing today. Just woke up, on my phone, eat, and that's only it. I only stayed in my room. I really had nothing to do. Well, at least , a day has passed by. I don't know what to do. I really wanna change my life. But couldn't. I'm stuck. My life is stuck. I couldn't work. I couldn't get my education. Or improve my education. I'm neither married nor getting a child. There's so much that I can do without money/an earning. All the things that I wanna do would need money. That's my dead end tonight.

Will my life be bad and worser from now on?

I started off quite well but right now, I just have nothing. I don't have work, I don't have friends, I don't have education, I don't have A car and anything to do. I am basically alone at home. I have a father. I have a mother. And a sister. But that's only it. We're not doing anything.

This is for my first snow experience. (Though in it I have included Egypt too in it. ) It will be closed in next year. Though I don't know if I'm working and get my own money, it will get a faster results or doing this. I'm just trying. I don't know if it will be successful even. Or why I'm even doing this.

I feel like I'm starting a new journal?. . ??Things I wanna tell my brother. I used to lock everything with a small lock ever since I was a child. In a small luggage (and then big). It was only a few years back when I've loosen my guard and leave it unlock (because I'm home anyway.) So I was with it unlocked. For however long it might be (I felt safe and complacent..) having it all beside me in my room. For the longest time I leave it unlocked. I'd never would hv guessed I would leave home. Or that anyone would take it after a long time into my old age. (Those things are old. Things that I've kept as a child.) Diaries.. drawings, and things that I've kept in a files. Now it's gone. .. I used to keep it all locked in a luggage. Guess I need to do that even when I'm old. Things I would missed a lot would be something I've written in 2016.. there are a few books like that. I will miss it a lot.

Idk if this will work. I don't know why it should. Or why it even exist. Do people really sponsored travels like this randomly? Out of nothing? I don't know why it will work. Or if it will....