Sabth

I wanna go to Mount Santubong. But I want to have a drone first. So that I could see. The whole mountain. My trek would be worth it. Now I'm not prepared. I can go there alone. As fast as possible. Not thinking about anything. It's already day light.

Today, they are going to the place that I wanna hike, but they go to the beach. Not hiking. 8:00AM

7:34AM

I dream that I was about to dye my hair. I have always wanted to dye my hair. Maybe I'll get to it later. I will do an update.

Idk This Ogival swimsuit feels so ugly~

My life now is ...

My 2013 DeviantArt https://www.deviantart.com/yanalove1

I'm just gonna post this cuz I used to draw them a lot. As a teen.

DECEMBER 27, 2021 December 27 2021, I want to install a lock into my bedroom. But one year later , all of my belongings are missing. This is a true valid fear. But I didn't install it. And they took or get rid of all my precious things while I was in a hospital. My family is my enemy. They put me into a mental hospital. And when I was away, get rid of all my things. I have always thought as a child, that I wanna put my diaries collection in my own home. In a safe area. So that it can be ready again by my decendants. Or something. I wanna keep it as my memories. But when Im twenty six, it was gone. 24 December 2022. My phone are gone too. I wonder if there's any worth living life even. All of my precious things are gone. I used to keep it locked in a luggage as a young kid. So even as a kid, I had this threat. From my family. It was never safe. Once I dreamed that my older sister are cutting this luggage open with a knife and destroyed my drawings. When I woke up it feels so real . I wonder if that's real. If they really wanna destroy my things. And now when I'm gone from home for the first time ever , without being prepared ,( before this even when I went to a university I kept it locked inside a larger luggage). Now those luggage are gone. My phone are gone. The phone that I had my contacts with. All of my "contacts". Now it's gone. 11 October 2023.

I dreamt that Taeyeon draws a plan and it materialize... Then we could stay in it together. It was a pretty big home.

Tell me one way. People my age have already work in two or more company. Have done masters degree. Have worked part time job a lot. (Outside their career). And some have even got married and have a child. What can I do?

I wouldn't ask anyone for money except my parents. But they didn't have much money. It is a dream to me to make my own money. I haven't ever work in my life ever. Huh?

I don't know. I want a restart button. My life currently, .

@Jacob Morres I never make contact with Indian people this is my first time and I had a bad experience. It seems like they are on the lower ground in comparison to Chinese. I am having a good relationship(/experience) with the Chinese. They are more business mind like. And I never got scammed by a Chinese it seems like they focus more on success. It seems like indians are more behind than Chinese. From the way that they spoke to me, I got a feeling that they have this attitude that are worser than my own people. Like not keeping their promises. And being a little behind.

I have been scammed by some Indian people when I want to buy a "saree" and have paid but the thing never arrived. I have contacted them a lot and they respond saying it "later" for eternity. It was quite a lot. And I never got my "saree". Now I think they might be worser than Chinese (to dealt with). I have paid $76 for a saree , but never got it. The ad for this profile come across my timeline and I thought I wanna buy one. But it turns out to be a lie. https://instagram.com/nk_signature?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== Now the followers had grows twicefold. Idk. It used to be 35+k now it's 70+k. This is the ones that I wanna bought.

Do you believe that he can see angels as their real being, with wings and in it's true form? Like something that is outside of him. Which he communicate with daily. His first encounter was in Mount Hira' (I've been here in 2014 and it was so good going to a place where Muhammad meditate every night directly from this mountain you can see the Kaaba) it was quite tiring hiking up there. I was wearing just normal clothe.

Whatever happens to one world gov. In my religion, there is something like Imaam Al-Mehdi.. and there is something like at the end of everything /the world, everybody would become muslim. He is not a prophet but someone who is like a leader. Who would lead the world/the Muslim world. He is a boy. And even after years thousand of years this prophesy still goes around. Saying that our time will be the time of imam al-Mehdi. But it just never happens.. maybe in the future and forever future. A few thousand from now, I'm just in the past. And imam Mehdi still never came. But the prophet had this vision, that in the end , there will a What if there is one world government . The same education for all. Same language. Same values and vision. All are one. Regardless of whom. Who it is. Everyone having the same access to the same thing. All over the world. Regardless of race and background. Can you imagine? If an African went to the same high school as you? Who's gonna do this? Same syllabus same language. Same everything. Can you practice your differences ? No. It will be secondary. While first would be this official thing. I used to think English is the world language. It was once are. The lingua franca. But not anymore. I never noticed that there are this differences before. But there are. There can only be one truth. One government. One religion. In the end everybody would become a Muslim. There will be only Muslims in this world. Islam is the continuation of those other religions. There are four books ever existed in the whole universe from the beginning till the end. Including Hinduism Buddhism etc. Torah, Injeel , Zabur, Quran. That's only it. There is a hadeeth about a person who was afraid of the Islamic hell or the thought of being resurrected after death, so he told someone to burn his dead body into ashes. So that he wouldn't be resurrected . But then he was , he couldn't escape it. A man sinned greatly against himself, and when death came to him he charged his sons, saying: When I have died, burn me, then crush me and scatter [my ashes] into the sea, for, by Allah, if my Lord takes possession of me, He will punish me in a manner in which He has punished no one [else]. i think that's why the Buddhist want to be burn to ashes when they died. While for others we would just be buried. And there are things like your grave would be made "big" (not in this world but in another realm) and those for others that the grave would be made crushing you till your bones break. People will be in this grave realm until they were resurrected. So idk. Everybody would be naked when they are resurrected. And you wouldn't care because of your sins. You just feared. Nobody care for each other but their own self. And you'll meet the prophets. Everybody. From all times/generations. I write this in another thread but just gonna paste it here :

I'm twenty seven. None of these people are twenty seven. If I was born to be them I would also be instantly like that. But I am comparing my life to those who are born like me. Those around me. Maybe we're different. I'm talkin about me now . Don't bring others. This is about my path. What should I do? To have the highest quality life ever (possible)? . I don't have enough money to live the life I desire..idk what job I could do. With little money to start with. (Couldn't buy a camera or a laptop or a anything). I could immediately start working if I have all these. I asked my mom if we can go to Egypt just now and she told me to save some money. Knowing that I don't have or make money. It was really frustrating.

@Yimpa it was OUR standard. Not only mine but just the right thing. As everybody else across generations do. Like even if not my generation , my sister completed her master's degree when she's 27. What is my standard then? Not doing anything for the rest of my life? It's just like something like everybody would finish high school at 17.

I'm not on a unique path. We all had something like starting off together . And those of the same path with me . And where we're going now. There is a certain standards. I can withdraw the way I do now but then I would be missing a lot. Like I haven't been doing anything for years. I want growth. And to be better. . I'm literally not doing anything right now. And it has been years. Idk anyone whom are like that. Do you? Know personally? I'm only twenty seven.

I screenshot this on 13th September and 23rd September but now it's sold out.. Huh? I don't want black or red ....

It was so hard for me to start these.

Yes. I know youthfulness is the most precious thing ever.