Sabth

What would be the first step for me to go in the right direction? I'm twenty seven and can't wait to work. I'm feeling too sick now of my life. Too bored. Too bad. I wanna go in the right direction.

I like bukhoor better. This is an incense stick that my mom bought a few days ago. I think it's too smokey so I don't like it. I like bukhoor better. I like my perfumes better anyway. Rather than these smokey things..

The first thing that the cat did when I open the cage was, eat the grass. And one small cat died yesterday. The other three newborn baby has been brought out of the box by it's mom. I think they are getting bigger now.

I dream that I was on a horse, or holding a horse tied to me. At my neighbour's road. Then we're on vacation. Idk how it was but we have a voucher and stuff. It's quite a weird dream.

One time, it was our house. And I thought it was a meteor.

A person just bomb my neighbour's garage ... 1:20AM

Of course I am not satisfied with my current life I feel like I am stuck somehow. Like I couldn't do anything. While I don't wanna get married yet, I do wanna get married after I've done a one or two project. A video project that I made on my own to it's completion. This is my dream. But to start it I will need a lot of money, which I hadn't even had the chance to make. So I don't know. I want to have a child soon too. But not until I've done these things.

Look at me : Do I look like a disabled person? @DianaFr Maybe it was my personality? My social aspect? The way I move my body? Idk. I hope not.

@DianaFr you're not the first person to bring up "disability" . My "doctor" said she's going to give me a disability card so that I could get a money from the government when I told her that I'm not working for weeks upon weeks (of appointment) but I'm not a disabled person. After she asked me my age and that I'm living with my parents. She suggest me that I apply for the disability card. But I got offended instead. (I'm not disabled) ~~

I think my city is dealing with overpopulation. There's so many people at night, when it used to be lesser back then. I kinda feel suffocated nowadays. To be outside at night. It used to be a lot calmer at night. I think I want to move to a different place. A place where I could feel at ease driving. But idk. I'm not good at it. Or rather , I haven't try. I want a place where I had total freedom.

I love this wine colour so much.

If you asked me what I did in 2021 it was this song : https://youtu.be/tQ0yjYUFKAE?si=VBhL1iUHeSoiKOH4 But I know it from all the covers from countless Asian artists. This is actually the first time that I'm listening to the original MV. From JB. Otherwise, I only listened to Asian covers of this song. It was really famous back then. Trendy. All over the place. With many versions. https://youtu.be/B03GDzf0Jk4?feature=shared So I know all of these versions that rendered this song different 😄 https://youtu.be/vn0WylayFxk?si=u3aAuukxy4OsssNs

I can't pretend like nothings happened. I wanna be a journalist. Or being there. Just to make things better.

I can't sleep last night knowing that there are some kids being murdered somewhere in the world. While I'm sleeping, they are in that darkness and fears. Into the night. I feel like I've done wrong. I wanna go to Palestine. At least I am with them. I don't enjoy good things or normal life. As long as I'm not dead. I want to be there.

I'm also Asian. And Egyptian. So all of Asia is mine. Room Renovation 🖼️⚜️ I wanna create a wall like this : And add a lot of figurines like this : (or maybe one) I don't know how well it will suit my room but I'm gonna try. I dont know if I could find this type of wallpaper. And another thing is, I don't which room I wanna take. This room or the other next room. I haven't decided yet. I want the other room (the bigger room) but I wanna get rid of the massive huge wardrobe. Only then, I will take that room. But so far, I haven't done anything it's hard to move it around because it's too big. And I don't know where to put it. It can't be in this smaller room. I had to sell it. Maybe. Just thinking about this is too much. And I would have to renovate that room. Because it had been spoilt its orientation had been spoiled from the previous renovation. So it needs more renovation. This room that I'm currently in, this smaller room, everything are fine. But that's it. It's smaller. And it wasn't my original room. If I wanna do this makeover I want it to be a good permanent room of my own.

I stand with Islam. The last religion on earth.

I search for a flight going to Palestine but it shows a flight to Tyler(?) United States instead. Somewhere in Dallas. So idk what's going on. Palestine would be nearer and this flight is 7h+16h.

I really don't know what to do now.

Am I a burden to my family? I don't like dreaming about my direct family members. Somehow I don't like it. In that dream, I was preparing for a.. attending a national independence day in school. And the way that I pack stuff, it is just not alright. I had a broken flag. And I was looking for another stick for my flag. And then the flag was nonsense. I can't remember it clearly but it wasn't the flag of any states. It was , there's a random words and sentences on it I can't remember. And mine was broken. And I'm looking for a good stick. This dream is just not good. I woke up, and give the cat food. And now I'm on a mission, to create money.

5:08AM One and two done. Let's see number three. Okay I'm doing number three now let's do number four.

Among all the things that I've written , I haven't even get to one , shower. I have only removed my make up. And it's already 1:04AM. I am so sleepy right now. I think I will sleep a little then shower and pray. Inshallah.

My mom has come back 🎊yay . My sister too~ but today , everyone are female. There's no male at home. My father and my brother in law are not at home. So it's all ladies...

I got that in windows explorer. But no problem in Google. But I had to log in , otherwise I couldn't get to the forum.

"Only GOD knows what I'll do." I'm thinking of becoming a film maker. A videographer. A photographer. I will do my own thing. That's what I'll do with my $24k. Idk if skating would be a good sport for me, but that's what I'll do. That's what the car is for. And a portion of that $24k is for. I want it to be a daily things/routine. I want to buy a new skate regardless. And safety gears. I fall in 2016 and ever since, I had been traumatized &careful. I don't wanna skate without a safety gears any longer. But I haven't bought it. So I never skate. Never really skate. Idk if I will do well in my new skate. (the ones that I had now is big and bulky) I wish to buy a slimmer one. And lighter. Idk if I will do well. But I'll try. Let's see. If I skate more. If it's lighter. Then I want to be a runner. To lose my weight.

I will get married with a good looking guy. I will.... Idk. I feel like my beauty is degrading now, so I wanna enjoy it as much as possible while I'm (a little) young? Though I'm not as I am twenty two years old, but I'm not thirty three either. So yeah. I want to have the best toned body ever. I want to lose weight. Seven, I want to lose weight. Eight, There was time when I think like I may want to sacrifice my prayer for something more valuable. I may think of this. Sometimes. Like at one point this year, it felt like a heavy burden/a chore. To keep doing it. While not getting anything. And I might miss something great. At the cost of something great. So I thought I may wanna skip it. Idk. Not now though. You need like a great timing. Only at a certain time. When this had becomes very outdated. At one point. (But I never did). The same would be in my appearance. Because I'm old now. I can do according to my comfort. And wellness. Whatever that is most well for me. I'd do that. If it means covering all then I would do. It's really is depending on my benefits. Whatever suites me best. At a given moment. Because I'm old now. Really old. I'd do what I'm comfortable in.. and I had been admitted into the mental hospital too, so whatever Id do now wouldn't be accounted.