Sabth

I feel like I'm so messed up.

I wonder what happiness is. I wonder if I'll be happy if I achieved this. Or will I be unhappy still? Because my eyes hurt? Or my eyesight is no longer good? ....

I'll put these below my bed.

Did they kill the person who have made that trade? Huh? (The person that I messaged back then, both of them , the person that I'm messaging had changed and became a different person with a different profile pic and different people. But the number remained the same. So it's no longer those two person but a new person with the same telegram number. And they did the trade income too. In that group. And doing the investment. What happened? Now I can no longer had contact with those two previous people. I feel a little scared . Will my number be the same like this too? ??)..😔

Femininity is about being receptive.

Now, this is my dreamboard/vision board. Will my dream comes true? Idk... It doesn't fit. And I don't know what I'm doing. Will loa works for me? It looks better than when it had nothings on it. I'll be seeing this everyday. This is an expensive dream. ~~

I feel like I want to break this wall : Don't mind what's in this room just imagine that it's just a wall with empty room without furnishing.

Thanks my favorite artist ^^

This is the original colour, 2013 :

Look at this Beautiful wall. There used to be a window here but since the renovation, they closed up those windows. So this room had been spoilt. It used to be a room that I grow up in. So now Ive changed to a different room. But look at how beautiful that wall is. This wardrobe, is not something that I want. But my sister want to buy it back then. Then she's not using it. I was a minimalist and I want to have as few clothes as possible (back then) I want to live like a sage. With minimal/few clothes. This wall used to be my favourite thing. I paint it maroon like wine colour back then as the first (original colour of this wall). But now... 😔 First, my sister paint it a different colour, then my bro. It's just not good. My brother paint this room all white when I was in the hospital. Not only that , changing the curtain and bed and my things are lost a lot.

1:50PM 30/11/2023 I got an even badlier dreams. Is it because of what I've wrote yesterday? How can I get away from this? I really only want a futuristic dream and outlook. Don't wanna be stuck in the past. I want to be modern and updated.

@Davino I feel like I wanna start studying again. At an oversea university. But I don't know how I can even do this. A local private university would be ideal. My life feels empty without education. My mind feels empty. But idk how well I can transition into that mode..or if it's even good. I haven't been into one since 2020. Four years.

Might as well just leave my room all white. (Rather than installing a wallpaper). I wanna paint it maroon .

Idk why I bought back this thing it makes my room darker/uglier. It felt like a foreign thing to me. And I feel like I can never achieved what I want. It will be nothing. Just a picture. But while I'm at it, might as well just do it~ ....

Dream will just be dreams. What is the use of dream board if you can't achieve your dreams?

I just feel like I am stuck. I didn't know how to make money. And usually, in the past, Im just stuck at home.

I'd rather go to Egypt than renovating my room. Maybe that is happiness. Well, who knows.. going back to my home.

I wonder if it would be more fun if I have a child.

This is not quite like the ones I wanted. I want a maroon wallpaper. I wonder what will make me happy. I feel tired and old going and doing all these. I don't know..

I think I'm old. I wonder, what things will give me ultimate happiness. I feel old. I found no joy in going to mall. Or maybe it is just this one. But I feel old. I wonder if I will ever be happy.

I actually like the smell of my room after the smoke had finished...

It's good actually.. after the smoke is finished, you're left with this fragrance. Turn the air conditioner on. And you'll get this soothing smell.

My room smelt like India or Arab shop.