Sabth

🎬 I miss him so much. O God, make us meet. He's my precious guy. I miss him so much. When are we going to have the same adventure again? I wanna be with him. I don't even know you're name guy.

This song. I think what's cool about her is that she has so many followers , beyond what I could ever grasp. And she drive a cool car. And she's pink. But culturally I think she's very different.

And this , is the actual singer whom I listened to, since I was young. Even way before Taeyeon. (Because Taeyeon had her solos way later. ) So I like her (Cl) since I was young.

I just saw this. I didn't know her. Didn't really know her, but this year, I kinda get to know her. Probably because she's Pink . And she's the barbie of Instagram. So I know her. She also feels fresh. And new. I like her concept. And her first song that I listened to is "who the fuck is these people are". Who the fuck is these bitches. Hahahaha na. Nvm. But I kinda think that she's cool.

Today is 11.11 Happy 1111 ^^

.... Thanks. I'll think more about it. 10 Nov 2023 5:36AM - I dreamed that I went to Egypt with my mom. And there are like a big ocean seen from the higher perspective /view (like an aerial view) and there were a lot of ships and waves. And along the road there was some military thing and shops selling souvenirs . I remember collecting every pink pastel colour items. As it was irresistible. A ceramic plate, a figurines, and an undergarments. It was all super pretty. There are other colours too but I choose every pink item. Then we went to a big art shop. It still is my dream. But before that, I went to the toilet and are still afraid if I'm gonna miss my prayer. You have to pay 20cents to get into the public toilet. But I couldn't see any mosque or prayer room. And by the time I was out of the toilet, my mom had finished shopping in the art shop and I just went in. And as usual, I love the art shop. But this art shop, it was more dreamy than any real art shop I've ever been to before. There are so many items that are ideal like. A lot of pink papers that didn't exist in real life. And brushes. And so many things. I go crazy. I don't think about the payment or the price. Just like the roadside shop. I seems to be... Careless. It almost feel like it's free in my dream.. and then there was a big get together. Everything was ideal and I love everything.

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I did all this because I just tried making my resume.. but realized that I have nothing to put in there. Nothing good. I am very inexperienced. I don't have any experience. Or a thing that I'm good at. A portfolio. I don't know. I don't graduate. So I am considering a second degree. What would be good to be put in my resume? I am reconsidering my 27years of life. (The example of someone's resume) (Mine). Aaaaaaaaaaa .... ~~~

Am I really just stupid? I see everyone else's doing just fine . As if it's not even a hard thing. Everyone doing just fine. But why couldn't I graduate? Why do I have to extend two years? What happened? I even thought I was above average back then. During high school, I do know that I have an attitude . But, Was it a mistake to go back here in this country? I looked at myself and wonder, what would she be, if, she were to just stay in x. Forever. Since back then. What would she be? Because when I came here, it wasn't the best life possible. Let's see. Let's see where it all goes wrong. In my third year (12yo) I got a full marks on my national examination. And in my sixth year (15yo) I still got a full As with flying colour though I didn't expected that. Cuz I was the most rebellious kid ever. I do as I wishes. And study to the last minute. But I got full As. That's doing things as I wishes. Going to school whenever I feel like to. I have an adoption too. So my life was filled with love and flowers. But in my upper high school, I slack a bit. In my eighth year (17yo) I got only 5As out of 8. By that time , I have compromised a lot. "My teacher told me that I have matured a lot". It's not maturity. It's compromising with the teachers and school a lot. So I have a so so results. I wasn't doing good. And I think my peak , my another peak was in my ninth year (18yo) when I just went to a foundation studies. I really enjoyed it very well. And except for my final third semester, I do well. But towards the end I slack a bit so I couldn't get a 3.5 pointer and above . I got 3.3. Cgpa. But I still think that I do well. With my homesickness a lot too. I think I did well. But, in my first year university everything crumbled. I don't like it. I don't like my university . But I learned preserverance. Which clearly didn't work. Because I'm forcing myself. Which lead me to nowhere and I dropped out at my fourth year. I became worser each year. Or maybe better. But I wasn't teach nothing. They didn't teach me. That's one of my problem. I need special attention and I need to be teached. But they didn't. So I wasn't doing well. Idk. Or maybe I was young. I wish I would hv went to a private university so that the people would be fewer . The capacity or group of people would be lower. Instead of a massive/big groups of people studying together. ***I'm in yellow This too is when I'm doing well : (18yo) This was me in 2016. I was well but not too well. I lost my footage. I have one of the best high of all high but also was struggling a lot. At my university. I guess? Idk. But I was doing well. Nah I was doing really super well. But not too well. December 2016? I just remember there was really many good songs released during this time. Bb bp. And I can't get it off my mind. I wish my footage wasn't lost. Because I was at my peak. In filming everyone and everything. But I was also busy with my university. And without A GOOD HARDWARE. So I lost my footage. (20yo) . (22yo) when I went to Yemen, Oman , Dubai somehow. I also lost my footage here. My old camera was creating problem and my harddisk too. So ,that camera that you see in the picture that I bought in 2012, the footage from that camera was lost. There was a problem with the memory card when it just simply format itself. So when I came back, I brought nothing. All the footage was lost.

They changed form during this transition between day and night. Then they returned (or became) a human again..

I just got a strange dream. In that dream, it was all family, and some YouTubers , gathering. At my current house. But the way it looks was movie like and very/quite traditional. You won't believe what I see. At first, there was a baby named Luca whom I watch on YouTube, but she's at home and I called her name. Then she dropped my beads or my glitters. And I was furious but I took it back and put it together. My sister's are there. And my first sister are acting like the villain. But in the end, I can get things my way. But again strange things happened. She blow dried my hair and put/stick a rubber on my right at the back of my head. It took me a while to fine it and took it away. I just told my mom that she's blow drying my hair. The whole dream was like quite traditional and unreal. I don't know. And my second sister had always been nice and sweet. Even in that dream. (Idk if she's married or not. She seems to be alone until later on. But her child aren't like my current nieces. It's a different kid altogether. And the grandma's too. And grandpas. It wasn't ours. But she told my sister to let her "granddaughters" wearing clothe. And my sister brings it. That's when I know or I assume that it's her daughters. Then, something strange happen. After I found out about the band that is on my head, were about to go somewhere. We're all gathered. And since there are a lot of other people, I say something along the lines of "it was hereditary". Then, as the realm switches during sunrise/sunset (at this time I guess it is sunset) or sunrise? Idk. But suddenly.... Those people... They changed. Their face are bloody and it changes deformed into a really scary monsters. I don't know. But it was bloody and look awful. I can't describe it. And people are busy. And we go out. I was with my brother and after a while, like after the process of sunrise/sunset half happened, they returned like normal. In a proper dressing and continued with their greetings and sweet talk. At this time I was outside with my bro. He's about to get married. So everyone was wearing traditionally. But in this dream , I just learned that some family changes forms during sunset or sunrise. When I was young, I was always told not to go out during this changing between day and night or night and day. Because, idk. It's just the time when the Jins was out. Their day is our night and our night is their day. So do you think I just saw a part of them in my dream? It sure do is weird.

Do you think my father or my mom was at fault for not providing to me? I asked for a car and she said I'm not working. But I don't even have the basics to work. Do you think they are at fault for not sponsoring me/sending me to a university till I'm old? I asked them since I wanna change a university back then. But it never realized. I should be still studying if not a degree a master degree even at this age. I should be finishing just recently by right. But I've spent my time/my youth not doing anything. Being a NEET. Do you think it's my fault? Do you think it's their fault keeping me getting old without any achievements or something? I didn't grow into adult. I still couldn't drive. Do you think it's their fault that they are not providing my needs? I'm not really doing anything right now. And I'm just getting older.

Okay experienced actualized.org forum members, I want to know (any suggestions or ideas on) how to make $24.5k in a month or two. I want to do something fun. No matter how hard it is. Suggest me an idea or ways to make it.

I dreamed that there is a marathon in my city and I was doing it. But the weird thing is it seems like I was the only one, walking in a big road. It's long distance, and all the places that I'm familiar in.

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@NoSelfSelf There is a fast way to make money and I'm down to it. Like starting a business. I'm open to learn a skill too. And start studying if that's what requires me to.

Dream log : I don't know, I got quite an exciting dream. With a slightly high heel shoes, a black pen, a conflict with my bro, and my mother's apartment. I don't know I can't remember it exactly well, but I remember things going my way. Idk. 4:14AM Nov 7

England Pounds.

Whenever I look out at the garage, I feel like I want to have a car. I want to buy a car. And I wanna drive. Especially now when the outside is raining, I just feel like I wanna be out driving. But couldn't. So I'm just looking at my empty garage.

I was more sensitive about it when I was young. Neither do I understand it why it happened. I just know when it happened.. but now, having live life for 27years, I no longer felt as much sensitivity compared to back then. Or when I was younger. What I remembered was, we have helped a lot. And this is what happened? It seems like it was for nothing. It was futile. and I just have no more reaction to it. But yesterday, the Al-Azhar university was bombed. I have no other wish but to wish the same upon the Jewish country. Someone gotta do that for them. Another nation would have to kill their civilians and destroy their schools and universities and , if they have (a Jewish version of ) a church? An eye for an eye. Only then they will be levelled. Or else they will be like the Japanese going rampant. Whatever happens to both of them I don't care anymore. They gotta kill each other. And not just one side being killed. And I find those to do the protest to be weak. Really? All you're doing is a "protest" ? While laughing around? I see a lot of smiles. And "it is just a protest" It seems very weak

And those who were mindful of their Lord will be led to Paradise in groups. When they arrive at its open gates, its keepers will say, “Peace be upon you! You have done well, so come in, to stay forever.”

This, the scale was at wrong. It was half on the carpet, so it reads my weight wrong. When I weight myself again just now I'm still on my normal weight. No wonder there's no difference in my appearance. Phew.

I wanna create a magazine so badly.

I'm not doing anything but I've lost 5.5kg. I neither felt any reduction of fat or something.

I really think that my life is nothing. So I wanna take a university course again. No matter how I age. Or I just wasn't doing anything with my life. Like right now, I'm struggling everyday with nothingness. With nothing to do. I woke up. And wonder what I'll do. Killing time. I'm really am doing nothing. I wish I would have a really productive day. And feel really sleepy at night. While now I'm always wide awake. Not really sleepy either.