Sabth

I have actually made my own website , wix. It was prettier than I thought because everything is given. Everything is ready made. The pictures template are so pretty.

His miracle is that water can come out from his hands and people (60 or 50 people) can perform the wudū from his hand. From the water.

I just wish that I was rich.

2012

Am I dying that's why I'm listening to old songs?

My mind feels so empty these days that I don't know what to do. It felt too empty. I'm empty headed.

This is such an old song. But I think I need this song now.

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He is Allah—there is no god except Him: the King, the Most Holy, the All-Perfect, the Source of Serenity, the Watcher ˹of all˺, the Almighty, the Supreme in Might,1 the Majestic. Glorified is Allah far above what they associate with Him ˹in worship˺! 23 He is Allah: the Creator, the Inventor, the Shaper. He ˹alone˺ has the Most Beautiful Names. Whatever is in the heavens and the earth ˹constantly˺ glorifies Him. And He is the Almighty, All-Wise. 24

@Nabd who do you think preserve the Quran and hadeeth? I don't know about you but for my source, it is connected to the prophet. And we have even the descendants of the prophet through his two grandchild. Hasan & Hussein. So it's not completely disconnected at all.

The last time I went to the park was February 1 this year.

But what I did was attending a pre university. When I was 19 things started to fall out a little bit. I wasn't as good as I was when I was 18 (Sem I & Sem II) But I was doing it anyway. And I finished it. During these times, I had a hard time living away from my family. I feel like, anything that you force yourself to do is not worth it. You can't force yourself. If you feel like you have to force yourself into doing something, then it's not worth it. I have actually wish I would hv stayed closer to my fam , like attending a local university in my state rather than another state. I struggled with homesickness for years and years. And I've wasted my precious youth , away from home and my family. I think it's not worth it. And I can never get used to it. In the end, I'm back. I wish I would have stayed closer to home back then.

I even wish, I would have had, a child when i was 18.

Don't Waste Your Youth. And when I say youth, I mean 22, 18, Don't waste it doing nothing. Or doing something that are not meant to be forever lasting. Or something pointless. Be steadfast. In your path. Don't have a fallout. In the drain.

It never crossed my mind that I want to work /need to work before I was put into the mental hospital . It was completely normal for me and I have no interest or even considered working. Ever. Only then. After that. Because they would ask me if I want to continue my studies etc. And I feel like I want to do something. Since my energy had been disrupted. Completely.

For your information, I have a secret. And that secret is, my account previously is.... @Twenty But I forgot it's password after having been in the hospital for a month so I created a new one. No. I actually forgot the account name altogether until much later. When I remember it back.

Do you think that's why they took my phone? And my phone was missing forever . And they bought me a new one. In the hospital, I wasn't allowed to have my phone at all for over a month. They cut my contacts completely. And force me to do ect. For a few weeks. I have a few sessions of it. I never have lost consciousness in my life before. But they did it to me. And during the pandemic , and during these times, I had not wanted to shake hand with my father at all. Or even let anyone touch me, but when my mom wasn't around, (it is just me and my father and on that day, that guest) he touch me with all his heart. Holding my hands. And I felt disgusted by it . I can't remember exactly who's holding what, but I think it was both of them. Why would anyone took my phone? Is it because my phone will be evidence that I'm not crazy? They're evil. What do ect will do to me? It's just evil. It doesn't work for me/anything. It's just pure evil. And I was very much like a saint before that. I don't do anything bad. I never skip my prayer. I read the Quran. I was doing fine. If anything, I don't wanna be dependent on anyone/them. I remembered how I want to walk to buy something. And how I made my own cash on delivery online purchases. (This is a big thing because I don't know how to make online transaction) and I just simply don't wanna be dependent on them. At one point. I was very distant even. Because I don't wanna have anything to do with some thing. I get out of their Whatsapp group. Somehow. I hate to be dependent on my parents and I don't. During the pandemic, I remember that we made certain changes in that we no longer visit others houses. And people became a little distant. We all have our own room. And I don't wanna be close to some of family members. I was put into the mental hospital by force. I got disconnected from all of my social circles. (And it's forever) at this time I had a lot of synchronicities with a lot of people. But cutting me off from my contact and social media really disrupted it. And I was forced to stay in the hospital until about a month. I have missed new years eves and Christmas altogether. And I had to shower and pee in public. It was like a Chinese hospital with a lot of chinese. I get used to it but I despise the hospital. I hate the fact that they're cutting me from my high ground. Cutting me completely. And I have to be really people smart to save myself in the hospital. Because or else they would threaten me. I thought I want to convert everyone in that hospital to save myself or else I'd be really fucked up. Because there is this hospital and on the other side of the spectrum is my light . There is light. There is no such thing as mental illness in my religion. And I just thought that if I wanna save myself I would have to make everyone like myself or I'd be really fucked up. But I am already fucked. I saw people being dragged by female male nurses and was tied to the bed. No one wants to be tied. Even if you're not crazy they would accused you of being crazy. I learned that if you're suicidal you would be put into a mental hospital too. But fuck I was far away from being suicidal. The girl next to me has attempted suicide. There's only four people who are young including me. The others are old people. And a Chinese girl younger than me had been in there for a long time. Probably since she was young. I don't know her case but she seems very sane to me. I don't know when she'll ever get out. When you think about it, you're time wasted in the mental hospital. Your youth. She's even pretty. I wish she would get out as soon as possible but she's not. I just hate the hospital. It shouldn't exist. Heh. It's very old fashioned. Stuck in the past. They had stole my 26yo from me. I had a few days left to celebrate my 26years. And it is my things that are stolen when I was in the hospital. So who's crazy? Who's criminal? Who's at fault here? If anything it was me who lost my things when I was away. And when I'm back my mom keeps accusing me that I wasn't sane.

For your information, I have a secret. And that secret is, my account previously is....

He is my first (adolescent) love. When I'm 17 going to 18. Right after high school. But we're both, young and immatured. If you can, remember me : Of course you wouldn't... .

Mansion is no fun.