Sabth

Actually this time around I don't wanna go too. A few days ago/or rather a week ago I had an argument with my mom. And I said I won't go for this trip. I don't wanna go. I'd rather focus on myself and look for work or something. I've had enough. But somehow , we reconcile or make a deal. And so I had to go. I don't know. I don't wanna go. Truly if possible I don't wanna go. There will be too many people. And I have (remember when I distanced myself from my family?) It still hasn't completely recedes yet. I think so. I still feel like something was wrong from back then. It wouldn't be just us or our small family. It will be others and the bigger fam. Remember back then the reasons of all.... I still had to be careful. I don't know.. it's hard to explain or say. But I still feel discomfort. In my heart. It wasn't settled. You can't stay in your parents house when you're married but both my sister did. And I grew up without man or guys in the home except my younger brothers. So it was quite a hard thing back then. I had older sisters. And we had been like very feminist /female environment for years or since forever. Even my mom had only female siblings. ....

Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be travelling again. For my younger brother's engagement. The last time I went to this place is in 2020. During COVID. And.... I don't know what to feel about it. Both my sister and my brother married someone from this place. I wish.... I wish I could just travel here without meeting anyone alone just by myself. Like back then. Just like back then. Back then, I don't wanna go. But I was forced to go. I love my home I love my place. And I don't wanna go anywhere away from it. Especially during COVID back then. I remember that I don't wanna go. But we go. And I remember I walk alone on the road looking for some traditional dish. Because it reminds me of my school (university) trip. So I went alone when my fam are going to the beach/sea snorkeling. I didn't go with them. I didn't enjoy the stay. So I choose to stay alone at the hotel and walk to find this traditional dish. And I eat it alone in the hotel . It was such a good memory. I remember that I don't wanna go because I had a lot of baby fish. I had a fish at home that needs care. So I don't wanna go. I think I put it outside. Or I don't know. But it was still there. I don't know. I can't truly remember. It was my innocence. My pet fish. It was such a good time because the house hasn't been destroyed. Hasn't been renovated. So I always "play" in the patio. Nah, I'm having a two huge aquarium for my fish. It was such a good time. I remember the foresty feels around my house. The rain. The leaves. It was good. My sister who are married are in another country and my other sister aren't married yet. Everything was good. I guess. I breed the fish. And it was successful. It grows. And we meet someone influential. I also remember a lot of thing.

Idk if this is pretty or not. Is this old fashioned?

2024 is coming so I'm making a seasons greeting. A calendar. All creating from scratch. But I don't think it's pretty though. It's just a picture.

I would like to know this too

Can my life be waaayy better in the future?

I think her best album is Purpose, Then everything else before that was good. Fine, Why, My Voice, Japanese album, all are good songs. It was more kpop too. I never get tired of it. I think I got distracted a lot back then because I was listening to all these good songs. My life is good too. Our era is truly the best. 2016. It's truly the best. I'm 20 years old.

I saw this in the middle of the room : This is the book mark of my lost diary. Of one of my lost diary. It is from November 2013. I write about my experience in Mecca a lot in it. A real time update/diary entries from 2013/2014. I curse people who took these diaries a lot.

Taeyeon's gonna release her fifth mini Album in 7hours 30mins from now 🤩

Wow. This is just so beautiful.

🌹🥀

A baby likes me. Wine temptation. idk whats happening. I want red. I like red. Proceed to painting it red again ~

I just wish I had a car so I could go to the park everyday. And have a great body as a result.

We went to the park , today🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 ! After a long time. Wow. But it was just hot outside. There are really many people because it's weekend. I feel old but I went with my nieces and nephew. Holding my nieces. I used to go here since I was 15. But back then,, I was young and we went with the adopted sisters (ours) but now I went with my nieces and nephews so I did feel old. But I wasn't as before. I wish I would have made a lap/jogging for a few rounds. But maybe tomorrow or any other day. I want to use the benefit of being a grown up or adult so that we can go to the park in non weekend days so there wasn't any kids or school children around. I want to go when there aren't many people around. It was so hot just now. And the park are just crowded. But as an old person, I feel like it was fine. I like seeing the kids and the people crowding the place. I wasn't as shy as before. I'm old now. I wish I was younger though. It's not good to feel old. I wanna jog and exercise a lot more.

And I don't know what to do. I am trapped. And there is nothing I can do about it. It had been years. And there's nothing I can do about it.

So I have painted my room red .

@FourCrossedWands I hv watch a war documentaries a lot when I was 17 and have passed through that. Not interested anymore. I'm just currently worried for my own self right now. My circumstances.

Right now is the era of Taeyeon's new album : kyaaaaa~>>>

This song is my Essence. Throughout childhood, adulthood, teenagehood.. but now not anymore. Only recently. It has ended. This song is a past. Now. ....

I sleep and after having a good sleep, I woke up feeling better. I just didn't know what to do the day before. Just thinking that I don't have work, and can't move forward, and couldn't get away from home whenever I feel like to. I feel like I'm trapped. I feel like my life is a waste. And I couldn't do nothing.

I am thankful for this paint. 12:07AM

I need to face this wall forever....

The kind of colours that grows on u.

I want maroon but it turns out red. 🌚 this is so different than I thought...