Sabth

Today, I have arrived at my final destination. Tomorrow I will be back. Going back to my home. And my aunt said I look like a teenager. That she liked me. I don't know. I do am are like stunted. Never an adult. Maybe that's why. But the fact is, I'm 27. Today is my last night here. I am so tired. Tomorrow I'll be back.

Day 4 : Woke up a bit late today. We're going to check out our homestay at 12PM. We will move to my sister's house for one night. Then tomorrow we will go back to x. Then only then we will go back home. I've already had breakfast today. but it was not as good as yesterday's . But I'm feeling fine now. Everything's ready. I'm just waiting for everyone to come back and then we will go (checkout). This room is cold and nice. Bright.

I no longer felt hate myself today.

I feel like there is a lot of potential in myself but I am doing nothing.

Today I meet my future sister in law. I feel good. Really good. And was about to cry. I don't know. But it just feels like I finally had a little sister? Idk. Idk what to feel about it. Like meeting someone who's going to get married with my brother. I only had brothers in law before. But never sister in law. And today, I've met her. I'm a little tired today but everything was fine. I like my look. And its such a short event. So everything was good. I can't wait and I feel like I want to buy my helmet and safety gears in x. But the only day that I'm there (before flying home) is the day when the shop is closed. Monday. So I dont know . I couldn't buy it. I've come from far away. But couldn't buy it. I can't wait to get back into skating. But I won't skate without safety gears. So idk. Anyway, today was a success.

@Judy2 I don't know. I just feels like there is no progress in my life. I am stuck. In forever doing nothing. I still couldn't drive. I don't work, I'm not in a relationship, I don't have a car, I don't make my own money, I don't have a house. Despite being 27. And I'm so bad compared to everyone else. I just have nothing and are doing nothing. While others are growing. I feel left behind. Even my younger brothers and cousins have discussed marriage and stuff. But I am forever incapable. Of anything. I'm older. But I do nothing. I can't even do the things I love. Like having a great body. Or be healthy. I am getting weaker as I'm older. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I want to live in another country and work. If only I can become rich only then I will love myself. If I have a lot of accomplishment and freedom. To be an adult. To be able to do whatever I want. Even if I am not in a relationship. But I couldn't do that. I am stuck at home. And feel incapable.

Day 2 it was fine. I buy a new lip gloss. And some few things because I left it at home. A deodorant and a face wash. I have already put it in a plastic bag but left it at home. So I need to buy a new one. We went to the beach. To another homestay with a swimming pool(visiting an aunt) and went to buy things that I left. So yeah. We had a good day. I love today because it's raining. My mom bought breakfast early this morning. So far, I haven't taste something good except maybe the traditional dish that I like. My brother bought that traditional dish. So I have ate well today. 1 December 2023

They even bombed al Azhar university.

I feel so much like a loser. While everybody had gone through their life normally, I still didn't grow up well. And there's still a lot that I'm lacking. I just simply don't. I don't have work. I don't hv education or a degree and I never date or haven't got married. While everyone else going through their life normally. Having child. I don't even make my own money. Despite being 27. I feel like a loser. With nothing to do with my life. I don't know how I can ever change. I don't go out. I don't do anything. I dont have growth. I'm still lacking..I don't wanna be like mom. Who didn't work or make her own money. I feel like my family are so f'ed up. My sister's didn't work. Despite having a degree or a master. We just not fit for it. I don't know. I don't wanna be like any of them. But I don't know. I want to be like normal. I'm 27. I'll be 28 soon. With never work. I don't know what to do to make my life better now. How do I make my life the highest quality possible? What changes should I do?

Oh, no , this is actually my fourth time here..

I actually love this place. But I wish I had freedom. Freedom. This had been my third time here. Both my bro and my sis married someone from here. They're living here. I like this place. (But no freedom). I wish I could be free.

I have arrived in my destination and it was so pretty. We live in a homestay and this homestay is so good.

I hate my life. I want freedom. I want to live in another country. Where I can be free.

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This reminds me of my high school days.... This song .

But these songs aren't the type that I get obsessed with. Idk. As for back then, it was synchronicity. I never waited for anyone's comeback. I was busy with my own thing. And when a song comes out I simply enjoy it. There are many surprises. Like 2NE1. I wish there is a song like Lonely. And Boom. They created missing you. And I know it late. Quite a while after it was released. So I have these kind of surprises. Knowing it at my convenience. 2NE1 was really good.

Right now is the ers of : To.X Taeyeon. I don't know. I want to buy this album. But also felt like I want the album in the past. Cuz I like it better. Than this one. But it's so beautiful that I think I will buy it.

This is the song I listen to wherever I go. So I remember a certain memories by the song that I listen to. An era. A year. And just what I do. The memories. Like this song reminds me of all my travels and holidays. I listen to this a lot. And even make a video. I have an mp3 that I listen to always. Back then. The kid me.

And then I also have this, in 2009 : a drama that was transferred into a chibi I remember that it was what creates me . I was 13. This girl is a nun then she got created a whole group with a superstar. And I remember watching her and this drama becomes my first and it's what curating me. They have a lot of things together like an ost, the songs, the drama, the product (I remember they all use a Samsung and are promoting it) and they have their own colours. And I was so into this drama that I created a keychain that you can carve your name on it. But I carved their colours and the key chain was a guitar. Just like this movie which consisted of a superstar group of four members. I like this drama so much. It is my innocence. The movie the songs the ost the character. It was all too good for the 13 year old me. I grew up well. With all these entertainment and things to look up to. Now this actress she's married with a child. Such a good time back then. And they are young. (When they acted in that drama). Without words. Sunshine. Etc. (the ost) You're Beautiful.

I'm not ready to go tomorrow. Not at all.. 9:48PM

This is my favourite cartoon back then : Hi hi Puffy Ami Yumi Tto.