Sabth

2024

How was my calendar?

It will be like this : I will add a ring in the middle and it will become a desktop calendar~ I wonder if these pictures are no good. With or without words?

Should I changed the pictures? Should I add the words or anything is this okay or meh

I have added some more photos.

I believe in love at first sight and soulmate. And twin flame.

Friday 2:02PM : Something that I think about, somewhere in the future, if I had become rich, and I couldn't share it with my mom because she have died. A life without my mother. To forever future. I can't imagine my life without my mom. I can't share anything with her. My life will continue until the day I died. I may be 40years old. Or 50. Or 35. I don't know.

You must be an only child.

I want to do well in my life I can't wait anymore I'm tired of doing nothing. I want work. I want to make money.

It is wrong. Actually disgusting. Even if it's not wrong it would be disgusting to date your brother. Cousins? I don't know.

No. It's because I'm no longer a student. If I keep being a student I will still get allowances.

There is only one way to be wealthy that is to work. Your parents money wouldn't last you forever. Why you're still poor right now? You'll need to get a paycheck at the end of every month only then you'll be rich. Now I remember my grandma's siblings had money running for them at an old age because they have a land (that is utilized). But you need to have work. I can't have everything that I wanted and my mom can't have everything that she's ever wanted. (Or else she would have travelled to x every year). But my grandparents could.

I am currently 27. How can I start getting the education that I needed and the works that I'm supposed to do while I'm single and not married and having no kids? What should I do? I used to be better in school than my bro. But now he has a house, he had completed his degree and he's getting married, could drive in all the countries (international driver) and had works. All the while being one year younger than me. And I think my parents didn't invest in me. I am currently doing nothing. Forever. I'm 27. I want to have a normal life like any other persons. What should I do? And my cousins who are younger than me are getting married. I feel bad about it. Like I'm not growing. While everyone else had progress. Had get their life together. Buying a new car etc. while I'm doing nothing. I don't wanna be like my mom. And I want to take the benefit of not having a child to care for , that I could work. But I'm not working. I feel bad about my life. Is it too late to get my life together at 27? How can I start? I never work. I couldn't buy a lot of things that I wanted and needed. And I'm tired of not being able to buy the things I wanted. Even though my youth is fleeting. /flying by. I never learned how to work or have a job.

Things that was in my past.

I was trying to install a lock to my bedroom door in December 2021 but a year later December(24th) 2022 The things that I feared most happened. And a lot of things in my room was lost/missing. I hadn't put a lock* to my room. But I hadn't left it either. *Because you need a hammer or a drill and I don't have a hammer at that time. It was just tedious. To do this padlock but it is necessary. I left my things all over the room. This was my room during those time.

I won't wear this cloth anymore.

The clothes that I wear last December that has blood on it : Because they put a needle on my hand. And they tied me to the bed. I wasn't aggressive or even do anything. But I managed to free myself that night. And I pull out the needle from my hand. And the blood spurs out. And stained my clothes. I haven't wear it since. My mom has wash it.

Actually killing myself is better now rather than forcing myself to live in a world where I've lost everything. Everything that are meaningful to me had been taken away from me. There's nothing in this world that I love left and nothing that I can create that I will love any longer. There's nothing. All of my collectibles and memories and treasures had been destroyed. My youth. My everything. There's nothing not a single word in this world that I love left. Everything are irrelevant. Everything are meh. I'm just cruising in life. I don't love life. My precious memories and footage had been lost [digital] and my camera's broken and my physical diaries since I childhood through early adulthood had been stolen or destroyed. My phone my contact my artworks since I was a child. Everything. Everything that I love. My achievement. My certificate. It all had been destroyed. I don't feel any appeal to living anymore. My life is useless. It's pointless. I don't wanna live anymore. I'm too old to create great arts now. My eyes are no longer good. I create masterpieces when I was young.

20211227

I curse the people who have taken my diaries. And my academic transcript. And my drawings. And my books. And my phone. And my gold.

12.12.23 Have I lost a lot in my life?