Sabth

8:17

I hope those people will regret taking my things....

I'm living fine , just by myself back then. 2022. I was 26. I'm really living just fine. With all my things together with me. My room are precious. No one has been inside it. Because during COVID, we have all agreed to live inside a separate room for all. So I was living alone in my room. They all had their own room. I'm thinking of installing a padlock to my room but couldn't. Couldn't do it. And I never left my room for , quite a while. I didn't went to other states except a few. Because back then, you need to be vaccinated to do anything. Pretty much anything . And I have no one to bring me vaccinated. My mom told me that it's bad and that I shouldn't get one and wouldn't bring me vaccinated but she did herself once because she wants to travel. So I was the only one who wasn't vaccinated. She demonize vaccination but she do it. I didn't. I couldn't go to the vaccination place by myself. And there's no one to bring me. So I ended up not getting one. I remember back then that if you're not vaccinated you couldn't do anything. Everything requires you to be vaccinated. Even going to shop and etc. everything. I don't know what changes them. Into making it okay to do all those without vaccination. I hate it somehow. What makes it change? Suddenly. I hated it so much. Because there is no consistencies. Suddenly you can travel. You can do everything. When before that you wouldn't allow me. There are so many things ugly things that happened before. My sister got married in a different state without me. And then she lives with us despite being married. (I viewed this as really bad). And I don't like her husband. Somehow. I want her to marry another person. But nvm. It's all in the past. She chose him so let that be it. I don't like them because they live with us. Back then. I was so pure that I don't like a stranger to live in our house. The dynamic changes. And I don't have much memories about this . They don't tell me about her pregnancies and childbirth. I don't have any memories of it. I don't know. I just feel like it is non existent. I made a barrier with a really big shelves for privacy in the family area. That divides the space giving us "some" privacy. I remembered doing that. The whole room/house had been destroyed . The way that I face the kiblah during the prayer had also become the bathroom. I was surrounded by bathrooms in all directions. Even the house next to me was renovated and destroyed. I like it when it was the house of personal people like a guy with a gym. But then during COVID it has been changed into an orphanage. I don't know. I really didn't like it. They made an ugly zinc roof that suddenly everyone is using. Including my house. It's so ugly and I don't know what to do. And I hated it because back then, it felt like they are taking my energy, my soul and my innocence in order to create their child. That's why they're living with us. To take my purity. Somehow, I hated it so much. I think they should live in their own house after getting married. But after (?) After the kid was born only then they move out. It was so toxic. (But I don't remember the kid being born). I have no memories of it. They didn't tell me? Idk . But sometime last year (in 2022) they move to a different state. The marriage that is done without me. Everything are just ugly. This thing. I don't know. But now I would have cared less. I would still like treat the baby like nothing was wrong. I don't know why they do what they do . Like not getting married here. Well you could say that it was without my will. Or my blessings. I don't tell them that I don't like him. But I don't. I'm just quiet about it. As you wishes. But I don't like him. But I won't stop them either. Because they will get what they deserve. Consequences. Whatever. As you wishes. I just don't wanna have anything to do with them. Is it my fault that I didn't tell her how I feel? But I won't. Till whenever. So everything was by her own will. Who took my things? I will curse them for life. For life. Curse be upon them.

This is one of my diary that was stolen. I buy it in a museum. I wrote a lot in it. I can't believe that we still got this footage of this book. It was so precious. I took this picture somewhere in 2022 The only reason that we still had all these is because my desktop was not able to be stolen. So everything's in it remains. Only what's in it. Not even my phone survived. It was stolen. I think people are jealous of me. That's why they took my diaries. Look at this pretty diary, there's so many love stories in it from 2016...

I have a footage for when I was 12 & 11 but those are really old. I have lost my 18th 19th 20s and a lot more up until 2018. My first camera is cybershot and Motorola handphone. I like those footage but not as much as the more recent ones that I've lost.

Everyday I woke up , my body hurts. I've been staying inside home for long. I only went to the park twice this year. I couldn't drive and there's nobody to teach me driving. I feel the worst. I was left at home doing nothing. There is nobody taking care of me. Everytime I woke up my body hurts. For the little movement that I make. I am twenty seven but is doing nothing. With my life. I don't go out. I don't do anything. I am trapped. I don't have a safe neighbourhood. I don't have a friend or a family member that cared for my health or growth or wellness.. I feel my body hurts. And deteriorate. I want to live an active life. I want to do a lot. I want to exercise and work out. I feel like I am better dead than alive if I'm just doing nothing. I don't wanna grow old like this. Living this life.

Even if I buy a new one , it will be a new fish. Not this one. It won't be the same.

Look at this fish's face : Poor him. I wish there is an afterlife. So we could all meet again. To all the fishes that have died. But this one in particular. So we could talk.

My fish has died. I felt a little guilty because I don't give it food. The other two that I gave are still alive. The food had finished and I just thought it will continue to live. Now when I woke up it is no longer alive. I wonder how long it could go without food... Two days max. I hate my nephew much more after all these while. If they didn't exist none of this will happen. They like to come into my room and create small troubles which resulted in death of my pets. They spill the water. Spill the fish food many times. And now... I was left without fish food. And... My parents are just not here. It's troublesome. He has a fish food and he isn't always home (my nephew) and I'm just too tired to "ask" for fish food. And later, my fish goes a few days without food. And it has died. Before this, a male fish died because he plays with it. So that's it. I wish... ((I don't know... )) If the fish could talk and have a soul it would have already yearned for me to give it food and change it's water. But it died. For nothing. Like a life without value. Will I be responsible for this? Nothing will happen. Because it is just a fish. I wish there is an after life. These fish needed justice. But what can it do? It is just a fish. If I decided not to give it food it will die pathetically. Like a small fish. I still want to buy a new one. Again and again. I can't fail it this time. And no more I won't let any of those shitty kids in my room . I hate them now.

My parents arent home these few days I want a roberto cavalli..

. I AM NOT ! I AM S.A.B.T.H. that's my real name. I am just writing my dream mindlessly. As a record. Don't mind me. 🙂

From nothing. Any ideas? I need around $30k now.

[ Success. I only want success now. I dreamed of my bully today. I don't know why. It has been such a long time. But we're given a task and we all got competitive. And there was a person who are higher than me in age (but we're given the same task). We do it in groups. Idk. I just don't feel good about it. She's my sister's friend. My sister is 3years older than me she was a master student and she had worked. Way more experienced than me. There's no way I would win this. And in that dream she was paying close attention to me. So that I wouldn't go higher than her. This dream is just not so good feeling. I was walking in a carpark. There was a lift. In the middle of the night. There was other students as well. We all wanted to go to level 3. Idk. Idk what is wrong with this dream. I dreamed of my school which is both christian and Muslims. And when we ate together, I ended up getting the smallest plate so it was hard to eat. Before that I fight with my sister's friend (yes that same person) for space. Idk why I got all these dreams. She do talk about me to her friends. I don't feel safe when my existence is known. We went to the same university but take different courses and I was undergraduate while they're being postgraduate. I don't end up graduating while they all graduate (like everyone else would)I got distracted a lot. In fact my sister even asked me to sent her assignment to her lecturers a lot. that I went to meet her lecturers. I don't know. I've run errands some time. I took her graduation outfit. And bought it all the way home. When I was more of an adult, I guess it was all wrong. She should have done it herself. Anyway with this guy who is my bully, idk what he wants or what he's up to. or what he didn't want me to achieve /to be. We're still not friend in that dream. It seems like he was scared of something. And then I saw many people who do cool arts. (The task). ]

Andrew Tate have children. A lot of it. I remember once thinking that he should at least have a child if he was going to die from cancer. (I thought it was true.) But he already had children. A lot of it. I saw his tweet about his daughters. It's weird. Its really weird when I see that he doesn't have Instagram. He only have twitter. So there's not much information about him when I first know his name.

I wish I would buy some shoes a lot. There are a lot of shoes that I like in the past that had been discontinued. I wish I buy it a lot back then. You don't find such good looking shoes anymore. I would also want to buy my back then camera but it has been discontinued. I don't like newer versions very much because I have to learn how to use it all over again.

Even my clothes are missing a lot. Sometimes a clothe is just high quality and have a memorial value to it. That ive been used for long and have many memories in it. That I just love . But it went missing. I don't know. It was either in my house or my grandparents house. Never anywhere else. But then it's missing. I don't know where it goes. I love some of my clothes so much. One is when I went to mecca I'm wearing it. Then another, some of the highest quality and traditional clothes I've ever had. I don't anything like it anymore. I love it and I use it a lot. But now it's missing. 😔

I only talk to my family member as for now. I could fake it very well if my life hangs on it. The last time that I socialize with strangers is when I was in the mental hospital last year. I hate that hospital so much, but for survival purposes I thought that I should be kind. It kinda reminds me of a few years back. It's how I treated everyone in my university. I became extroverted and charming. I guess. But... It's a front. I am not usually like that. The way I treated the doctors and the nurses and others. Idk. I even think that the doctor likes me as he was flustered when he first saw me. There was a three young doctors two girls and 1 guy. Both are like students that's just graduated I think. So it felt like my friends from university from years ago. I don't want them to think me crazy so I do compromise. Sometimes I wonder if I should just kept my mouth shut and treat them like enemies. Cuz they then described me as having a schizophrenia. Lol. It was a lie. I told them that I hate the speaker from the mosque next to my house and they said I heard voices in my head. I never heard voices in my head. I'm not schizophrenic. But these people diagnosed me being schizophrenic. If I don't tell you anything then you'll be shit nothing. I don't need these doctors. It's a shit situation. And they write everything's that s ever come out of my mouth. They seems very amateur. I hate it. I even thought that they are too young to be a doctor. But well I'm not complaining. They are evil. These are the kind of people who would tied others to their bed. And threaten. And force others. I think a hospital is a terrible place and it shouldn't exist. It was just fucked up. I didn't do any wrong . In fact, my things are stolen at home when I was forced into the hospital. It's really fucked up. They hv been wanting to get into my wealth for long I guess. It's soo fucked up. And they do me ect. I just think that my whole body are fucked up now and never be the same. I am always on alert mode to my surrounding I never lose my consciousness ever. But they made me lose my consciousness 6/8 times in two weeks. And they want me to clear my memories. I didn't want it. It was done without my will. I hate them so much. I am already spoilt and ruined. I hate my life. I am no longer the same. I had been touched by a lot of people. Disgusting.

I'm really bored of doing nothing. Should I get back into universities? I wake up, and do nothing. I just sleep, and rarely eat, and was just in my room doing nothing. I didn't hv any other activities. I couldn't drive. I couldn't go outside.

I can suggest you a lot of skincare routine, and biotin gummies for a healthier you.

Nothings feels better than having your life together. Why couldn't I graduate within 3years on time? Why couldn't I work as soon as I graduate, and then further my steps into greater things. Why couldn't I be normal living like others? Why do I have to fail many times? Others have greater life's than me. Why couldn't I work at my state and have a footing here? I've been living here for ages but never worked. Never make any money. And so I can't return back to where I belong. I feel really bad with my life right now. I also wanna return to Dubai Oman Yemen. It was a great memories. But such a short trip. I feel bad about it. I wanna return. But couldn't . I love the middle east so much.

Unless if I'm rich , I think I would have had wasted my times. All the things that I could have done, if I'm rich. Travelling Making a lot of videos Working out/skating. If only I'm rich. I had lot of things I wanna do while I'm young. But I'm not rich. As of now, I don't even have a good education. So I can't have a career. And I'm forever stuck. I don't know what to do. I wanna hike too when I was young. But all these needs money. And I didn't know how to make money. Despite being old. @Thought Art maybe it has to do with me being a Muslim girl? But back then , when I was in a university I do go out a lot , I shop a lot and went to use a public transportation a lot. I really do enjoy those times. If I were to live in that state again (maybe find an apartment in the middle of the city and work there) maybe I could have been more free. But I can't do that in my state. And my parents used to not let me drive when I was able to (already got a license) they'd rather had that car parked and unused for months or even years, until they bring this car back to this state and they use it. I never drive a car. For real. While everyone else had. My sister's and my young bros. They have drive a car.

I can't believe that 2014 was 10 years ago...

Yes . Everyone should have a baby. Or the world would be empty.

Gervontaa recently became a Muslim.