Sabth

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Right now , I'm thinking , of going back to study. It's never too late. Even in the book* it said it's not too late. And I have to achieve something out of life. I can't be doing nothing forever. My child would be nothing. And I'm also thinking of working and having a career.

What services can I provide?

I bought a hair dye. But no way I could do that by myself. It is tempting not to buy it. But I think I will trust the salon more. Plus I had to bleach my hair first. So idk, Of course I can't do it by myself.

Will I win a Tesla Y? Well idk ~~

I think I should just be grateful wherever I am. But maybe I was wrong.

💞

I dream that I'm dyeing my hair pink. I've been wanting to do this for a long time. But my mom would never bring me to dye my hair. I can only wait for my freedom. Will I ever be free & independent ? There's so much thing I wanna do. If , only, I'm already free & adult... But I can never, There's so much things I wanna do. I am doomed for life. I can't drive. I wanna travel. I wanna go to a concert, I wanna dye my hair, I want to work. I want to be independent. I want to have my own house and paid my own bills. (But right now I no longer care because the things that I wanna keep safe had been stolen so nothings mattered anymore. I don't need a safe space anymore. My life's is fucked.) Since I was a child I have been wanting to get my own money and to work and to have my own studio apartment so that I could keep all these things. Since I was young. I even thought of creating my own cabin beside the house. However small. To keep my arts. And my works. Like an art studio. ) But it never happens. And my things are stolen. Once I get forcefully put into a mental hospital and have no control over my own room, they steal everything. I still didn't know who. Though. It's fucked up. And we're still living together. There's no one else . It would be only either one of them . Who steals my things. No one else.

Ahahahhaha

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I can't used my online banking it is so frustrating. Huh? I forgot my password and I've changed my number so I would hv to go to the bank to settle it. Meanwhile, I couldn't make online transaction.

Things that I no longer enjoy as I get older : Watching movies or dramas Listening to music Learning/reading Walking/physical activities/skating (I think I can do this but it takes a while for me to enjoy it again. ) Straining my eyes. Basically everything . I guess. I think if I could make a film I would not enjoy it anymore now. Since I don't like looking at a screen any longer. And there are several other things which I no longer likes. Things that I like : Expensive clothes Self-care Handbags Cameras I like to take care of myself more. I don't like eating still. I just want to travel to a calm and peaceful country. Things that I no longer do : Ratib Reciting the Quran everyday Knowledge searching

I think I will be reincarnated as my child. So it is important to give my life to my child. And my future generations. Then I can die peacefully. And they'll do the same to their generations.

My favourite book still remains said Nursi and al Ghazali.

What is true happiness in this world? True happiness and satisfaction.

I really want to be rich. I want a million dollar. I see a lot of people in my country being rich/a millionaire. And can buy everything they've ever wanted. And can travel to places. It was good. They are super rich. I find it's okay to show their riches. I wanna see their limits.

I only wanna be in contact with the right people. Oh . Oh no.

Idk. I got a lot of weird dreams now I'm scared. 5:10AM It must be the places that I go to and the people I interacted with these few days. Idk.

On the 14th page, I feel like I don't wanna go on. I am not in a position to read a book and get something new into my mind. It wasn't settled. The stolen things. I had to go to the police station and make a police report. I can't act like nothings happened. I can't go on. I couldn't. I shouldn't. It bothers me still. I'm not moving on. Things aren't fine. I can't read peacefully. It keeps bothering me. No I'm not fine..

It's been a while since I've read a book so, I kinda feel nostalgic. I used to be so into it back then. Meeting authors. Years ago. Now the kind of thing I wanna buy are Skincare/makeup/clothes. Basically things that makes me feel good. I no longer buy books. Except this. So I don't know. To start again.

This books have arrived I don't know if I should read it or if it will even suit me idk. But I'm just gonna read it when I have an empty mind.

I don't know how much these books would suit me. Or if I should read it even .

The last book that I read is truly the Risala An-Nūr by Said Nursi. He has a lot of it. And the last book that I wanna buy last year 2023 is "Barefoot like the earth" by Dakota Wint. It is the only book that I want to buy. I watch him a lot those years. Back then. I think his journey is interesting. But these days, I no longer like it. But I still want to buy his book. I think he is the same category like Lilly Singh. I bought her book too in 2017. And I re-bought this book because mine was stolen. So last year I bought it again. Just for the memories. Because I like it.

What is a good degree?