Sabth

Some more things from my childhood.

My life should only be richer with age , but

I wanna be surrounded by high quality arts. Original works and achievements. Idk

Reminds me of my childhood.. But these days, I m with these : Idk~ Idk. Am I regressing? I want to have a new camera, new everything. Maybe I should get back a degree. Now that I'm no longer doing anything . I will graduate when I'm 33. 🤭

My life should be as high quality as this pic.

.

There was a drawing that I draw referring to this when I was sixteen. All was stolen in 2022. Ten years later. And I don't have a pic of it. Others I do have. But not all. Only some.😔 And pictures aren't the same as the real thing. 🖤

No but they are so good. At expressing themselves.

Taemin's costume reminds me of myself a year before , when I wear this because I don't have a face mask yet. So I just do whatever ~ When this song came out, it reminds me of myself. 20210518 20200227

20200227 I was 24 years old. My life is already falling.

You know synchronicity. They are making these songs for God.

This is from two years ago but I felt like my mood is like this :

I have a lot of writings. A really good hand writing writings. Books upon books. I have a lot of diaries. When I was a teenager and adolescent. I never kept my flow down.

18 year old.

All of these stuff in this box I haven't opened up since I was a kid. It has been years. Idk. While I want to keep all my arts

I do a lot of math in my childhood notebook. And other childish stuff. Personality types and month of births etc. colours. You haven't seen my university notebook. It was way way way more matured and compact. I miss all those , all are stolen.

Hospital bills , broken mp3 that I use when I was young. Library stickers (more stickers) This is just a little of what I had from my early childhood. There was a tons of drawing that got stolen. From when I was eight. And writings. But most importantly when I was a teenager. I have a lot of arts. That's what I do.

More notebooks and stickers and magazine . Some origami papers and origami bird that I did when I was young. Childhood storybook, calendars , timetable. Pictures, receipts , some toys,

Surprisingly, there is one of my earliest (not earliest) diary that I have when I was a child , was left Childhood pic with a barbie Some boxes of my earliest (first) camera and first phone Samsung Galaxy s III & Sony cybershot , And some jewellery box , and a watch box ,

This is my childhood box that had been infested with a rat in my dream. I better bring it to my new room before it gets infested in real life too. Before this, I just left it in my original room with all the memories around. Because I had been robbed , I think I had nothings left. I wanna be in the next room. I no longer want to live in the room that I had nothings left. I wanna kill myself. So there are a few things of mine left in that room. Idk. Let's see why this box is valuable. That it become the target of the mice ; 🍭💗🌷 some notebook from when I was young. a collection of stickers that I share and collected with my friend,

I sleep for just a little while. Maybe for less than one hour- 50 minutes. 6AM-7 And I got a dream. It was so disheartening and scary. I don't know what to do. I open the front door. And there was a group of mice come in. I really hated it. In real life, we do have this type of pest. But only above the roof. It didn't went inside the house. It's all above the ceiling. We can hear it but never seen it. We have call the pest control. But it live there for years. Sometimes it's gone and sometimes it came back. But in this dream, I open the door and it came in a lot . I was really helpless and I feel weak. I want to kill them. But couldn't. I don't have a mice spray. I only have a cockroach killer. So I use it to spray on the mice. In front of the door. But sadly, it didn't kill them. Didn't work for mice. I was already sad. And I do my best by closing the partition to prevent it from getting into another area of the house. I was really helpless. Then my mom came back home, and my brother, with his wife and wife's family and certainly a newborn(😱) and my father, they just came in. And I'm still sad about all the mice that I have let in. Hopelessly telling my mom to help. And she hold it. Surprisingly my sister and my mom aren't scared to catch it with bare hand. So they did. And in the end, one rat was stuck in my box. As I opened it. One was left in it. I was sad that now my things had been infested with rats. I'm sad. But there's nothing that I could do. This dream is more like giving me a helpless feelings where I couldn't do anything anymore. I was sad. But it's not scary either. Just hopeless. I hate rat. Maybe it was because I sleep with all the lights on.

2024/03/24 6:42AM 130k Day 14

I wanna earn money and make my parents proud Instead of having them buying me everything.

I think integration is the worst thing in life. Things are good when it's original.

I definitely was way better when I was 20 year old but I wasted my times at a university doing things that was pointless to me. Being poor. Being away from a family. 2016. It was the time when my sister got married. I remember that it was really my high. This was when blackpink debuted and we're same aged. And their song stuck in my head. It was like it's our generations. I remember that it was my high. My prime when my sister got married. But I had two life. Struggling with either to focus on my family and interest , or to focus on my university. I don't really had a great university life. But at 21, I met a group of people who are my age (instead of older) and we get really high together. But they are not the most good looking people. I think my life went a little downhill after that. Instead of the high that I get being with these people. And in 2018 when I was 22, I am getting worser and worser in my university. But we travel to a few countries. I had a fight with my mom during this time. Still fighting between school and family. I was at my peak (?) but my camera is broken. You could say that my camera is my life. And at this time I was losing my stuff my footage from all those years that I was taking (I was an avid selfie girl and photographer and videographer.) I think my life is worth it with all those footage. It is truly out of this world. The highest high. But I guess God wouldn't allow for such a high to exist in this world. I lost a lot of my footage. It suddenly went missing. On my phone. Or you could say, for my memory card, or my harddisk, it was more for being poor than anything, that I couldn't invest in a good harddisk or the world is against me (nature) in that I change to a brand that is really meant to erase everything after five years. (My passport & another brand) . I had a Toshiba harddisk which is older than the other two which still works till now. So it could be that I don't have money (was poor) to invest in all these stuff that I lose my footage. My memory. The only things that are valuable in my life. I even think that life is not worth living after I lost all of my footage (in 2018). It really is. I lost my interest in life. And then at the end of 2018 (I was 22 years old) I withdraw from my university. At this time also I still had the problem with family vs university. But I am already not doing well in university. But there is one time during final, when my mom is forcing me to attend something when everyone else is focusing on the final. While I am already withdrawing /not doing well in school I still wanna stay. It's the least I could do. But she even get mad with everyone. As if being possessed by demons. In the end , I go back I go back using a grab to school. After having wasted my time in pointless gathering/event. But back then I do got distracted a lot. Or rather it was me escaping school. I went on a holiday with fam sometime. And I do different stuff. I was becoming more serious in 2018 than when I was with that group of people in 2017. When we initially had the best (memories together) This is the man that I like when I was 16 : ♣️ I just like that he is an actor back then . And I was into movies and stuff. And I had a craze of drawing and music and arts. Back then. (These guys are now retiring now) There are a 35 year old girl that are doing just fine despite being 35. Edit ,; I want to make a lot of money now. That's all I need.