Sabth

What if it's something you didn't want ? But you get it? bad luck? Why luck? Whether it's good or bad, luck is no good. People are laughing at me for being weak. Sleeping.

3:48AM I shouldn't be focusing on things that are, things that are actually pulling me away. I should be focusing on what I am supposed to do. But, I saw in my dream that they are throwing me away. Like showing me the traces. Acting as if we're going somewhere. Packing my things. There are a whole lot of things going on. When I'm facing the mirror. In this room. Etc. when I'm facing x. My father etc. one time there are many, so many pigeons wanting to get into the house. And im looking for somewhere to s. But there are many people that I can't do it comfortably. And yk, someone was showing me something. Actually, if an apocalypse were to happen, idk. My focus now are totally ruined. I don't wanna be stuck in that. They are going really backward. Feeling like vomiting. Seeing the face of someone I'm never supposed to see . Vs eating that yesterday. Whatever made me do. Just kill me. Is it still . There is really like the dark side. When I went into my room, it felt like heaven. But idk. I'm worried about my father. Should I worried about my father or should I worried about myself? Or is it just me? . Now between me is two men , when before this it was two one of the same woman. And I should stop at myself. I am not meant to meet the other extreme I wrote these yesterday. Idk why the mod wouldn't let me edit my topic. I went through a whole lot of crashes. Something that are in my mind right now : heart mind and soul 2. Heart. By t. It feels like something is pouring on me from above in my mind forcefully like rape and I lose myself.

It's the whole reddit account went to the dark side. Underworld.

I hadn't verified my account that's why.

Okay to suicide? Are we killing ourself? // There are traces of my s still but there are no traces of me. Is this dangerous ? Or is this not dangerous? I have one old enrich number which, the two last digit of it is equal to my now phone number. But , I have forgotten my email password for this since last year. And today without thinking much about it , I created a new one. I have been holding it on because I don't wanna create a new one. Usually, even though I have forgotten my email I can still use my enrich to book flights because my mom would do it for me. She only needs my number so I don't have have my own apps/account. So I would still use that old number to travel. But now, I did things by myself. Even though I've been withholding myself today I didn't think about it and made it. So today I got a new number which is , not equal to my now phone number even though this card had been made 2decade ago? Idk. My latest phone number is just from last year. And it had the same last digit as this old enrich number. Am I dying? It is so depressing looking at this. That was me who did that.

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I thought in my dream ; The battle is not over yet. And I saw people in my dream would want to be in the position I'm in. On reddit. When something doesn't feels right it's only because it ain't over yet.

I'm no longer going to use it if its going to be like this.

It even changes the day I made the account which is yesterday 17th Nov. To some July. Why?

Yesterday, I made a very short lived reddit account. I have done like a few things in it. Like creating a private community on it. I only write a few things. And I sleep for a while. And when I woke up, it's all gone. So I deleted everything that was left on it. Like I may have made like a three post only. Did they have the ability to deleted my content as they wishes? It seems douchy to me. Why good things couldn't exist. Or maybe , when I woke up, I deleted one thing (latest), and the second post existed. And the first post or everything else vanished.

Somehow my feeling was, I write this yesterday and I had like the most intense feelings ever. I don't think there is any cure for this to those around me. Whose faith and feelings had been upon me. Idk. Even though I know exactly how I feel i kill the light. Love can be transported and the carrier of that love

.

I don't wanna get into others mind which I already did and it ruined me. Too bad. I don't like being full. I don't like being skimpy & hungry either Everything just doesn't feels right. 9:30 . I feel like I want to vomit.

Someone wants me to forget my past

I really don't like to be forced. Or pressured.