Mantas

Hello once again, world! It's been a lil over 2 years since this post. I accidentally recalled that I posted here and instantly came back to check it.. It was a struggle though to remember the login details hehe. I read your replies and.. Whoaah. Humans are amazing. I am really really really thankful for all of you taking your time to help a completely stranger. You are great and you helped me! So short update: As you can see from the post I was afraid that i couldn't handle a job as a waiter 2 years ago. Today: I run a little business with 5 employees at the moment. For real! A bit of a plot twist.. Of course, I still struggle with procrastination and all kinds of fears, but it's much much better than before. What was the CURE for me? Woody, I am fine now! I hope you and the others still on this forum. You were absolutely right! For the past 2 years somewhere in the background of my mind I always tried to figure out what makes me feel the way I did when I firstly wrote the post and opposite, what makes me feel good. And now I have no doubt I found it. just as woody wrote, ACTION works best for me. As long as I move forward I really feel great. With the sense of productivity comes confidence, happiness and everything else. The second I stop taking action (avoid meetings/avoid social interactions/avoid work/avoid exercising) I am getting closer to the state i've been when i firstly posted. Thank you once again wonderful people!

People... You are beautiful! :)))) I am extremely grateful to all of you for taking your time to help. Especially @FindingPeace.. to be honest, I didn't excepted for such a helpful reply. Again, big big Thanks to everyone, ill try to do something..

Hello world, I feel like I'm very bad at living life these days and I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I was fired 40~ days ago, still got no job. The muuney is running out really fast and I must find a job to be able to pay for the rent. The strange thing is I feel like i don't give a F*** about it. It's not hard to get a job in a restaurant as a waiter or a job in a warehouse. I don't have much experience or education to seek for a better job, and i have no money to study. My relationship with my family and friends is getting worse every f day. And what do I do? I just lay in my bed for days, doing nothing, watching movies and stuff. ignoring all the calls and messages which involves questions I don't want to hear: "whats wrong with you" "do you even search for a job" etc. I badly run from responsibility somehow blocking all the problems I have and don't even thinking about it. I don't think i am depressed. But i feel weak, lazy, very dumb and only capable of talking, when I need to DO something that requires some brains and focus I always get stuck. I think one of the reasons I don't look for a job Its because I'm afraid to fail, afraid that i couldn't even handle the easiest jobs, afraid of new people, of being rejected and so on. So i choose the easiest but definitely the worst option to don't give a fuck about anything. I can't go to psychiatrist because it's expensive. Maybe someone went trough something familiar? How I can comeback? how to get that little burst of motivation to start doing something? Maybe i have some sort of disorder ? For example I been writing this letter for almost 3 hours.. (Couldn't focus) and still didn't even wrote the half i was planning to write. ill be happy to get any reply, Thank You!