theleelajoker

OK, that left an impression on me. Nice post.

For me, truth has a very practical purpose: It's incredibly exhausting to pretend that things are other than they are. And it leads nowhere. I am insecure and try to pretend otherwise? People will notice anyway. So I can stop wasting my resources trying to cover this. I want to make the next step in my development? I need to accept things as they are to change them. I will not be able to change what I don't accept I want to have a fulfilling live? I need to find out what I truly want instead of chasing wishful thinking Lastly and most importantly: In my experience, life mirrors and reflects me. So if for instance I want to find the right partner for me, I need to send out actions that are as authentic and truthful as possible. Because if I don't, life will always reflect someone that does not reflect my true desires and needs. It will reflect a fake image of who I want to be instead of who I am. Self-sabotage at its best.

Bold marked by me. On a scale on 1-10, how sure are you about that?

I thought about quitting this forum, but the discussion in this thread has been a reminder that there are some nuggets for me to be found. My 50 cents from my experience: It's more than just believe. It can be very deep in the nervous system and intellectual work is not enough. There really seems to be sth like an energetic structure. Karma, trauma, family history... "psychologists are full of learned labels, of what's right and wrong, functional and dysfunctional" very true for most psychologist I know! On the plus side, because they are in touch with so many different people and emotions they are very likely to pick up some skill and openness just by working with and talking to people. "If you tried to rewrite a friend of yours, how do you think he would react?" Like that one very much. A mistake I often did and sometimes still do. I do measure X to change this to Y. Typical error of linear-causal thinking...There is a german word in psychology called "Reaktanz" which means sth like "inner resistance against change from the outside". "by trying to get therapists to understand you, you understand yourself." Resonates. I think that's really the key - you allow to show yourself as you are not hiding yourself anymore. It helps and opens up doors that I sometimes not even knew existed. The psychologist may tell you that you have an insecure attachment because your parents etc, and you may think: Of course, that's it! But the reality is that this is a conceptual story. You have to see your emotional reality, feel it. As far as I can tell, there is really no way around this. Leave the story and just feel what's there. However: Haven't managed to stabilize my state over the years, so can't really trust my own methods : ) Progress, yes but I often wondered how the state I have after meditation retreats can be kept - at least more or less - in the months after. Never managed to do this for a longer time...

@AION 1) Careful about assumptions. There are free retreat that are donation based (Goenka, vipassana e.g.) 2) At home you don't have the structure. You still have to care about basic things like preparing or buying food. At the retreat I know you just eat, sleep, meditate. In between some breaks for walking & some lectures in the evening. You are also more likely to be disturbed at home. One time I tried doing it at home. Turned of all communications and then my neighbor knocked on my door first time ever

@AtmanIsBrahman Go on a meditation retreat for at least a week. Do you best to follow instructions, to observe, to be still and to feel. If you still believe meditation is BS after this, then we can have a conversation again After finishing my first 10 day retreat I had this idea that if I ever founded my own company, it will be a necessary condition that they did at least one long meditation retreat. Why? Because people that do these kind of things have proven to be much easier to work with for me. Of course some people don't need retreats to reach these cooperative behavior and open attitudes - but most do...

@Jowblob Thx for clarifications. In particular the second quote (marked bold by me) got me closer to understanding your point (or at least, makes me believe I understand better). The thing about the importance of the opposite I can observe with me and my male friends. I believe you need the opposite in your life and no other things (money, power, prestige, possessions) can give it to you what a female can give if she freely and voluntarily chooses to be with you for who you are. (Don't know how this plays out with people that are not hetero) The interplay of creation and potential you describe also makes sense for me. I mean, it's actually very symbolic with how sex works and how new life is being literally created IN THE WOMAN. You made me curious enough to at least try some stuff, e.g. some semen retention on days and weeks I don't see my gf.

Nice one I like that! Not seeing enlightenment as a state, but as an infinite process.

No better way to start a Saturday morning then people arguing who is awake, and why and why not, or even better who is more awake. Grabbing popcorn...

Just read this passage to my gf and asked her. She confirmed she's a demon sucking my energy. But she's very cute while doing this, so it's hard to not stay in her claws. But seriously; @Jowblob Why all this effort just to stay away from women? Sure, the differences male/female do create some conflicts, but also wonderful moments of connection. And isn't the female/male attraction and dance somehow a very beautiful part of the game of life? Today I was thinking that given how fast AI evolves, maybe soon (some decades?) many things of life are likely be extremely automatized. Maybe we reach a point where transportation is automatized, food production and distribution and other survival tasks. But what I believe will stay is the hunt for a partner, either as life companion or to have a family. And I think that's kind of nice. Maybe I am missing sth, happy to learn...

I want to live in a world where you can go to your standard psychologist and say "I'm so successful and accomplished in life, but yet I feel so empty inside and I'm longing for something more but I don't know what it is, and I'm an open person who takes in new ideas and sensitive to subtler aspects of life", and the psychologist answers "have you considered just accepting your feelings?"

For me: Similar, but not quite there Similar: A pulsating of surfaces Things that are not moving are now more dynamic Not quite there: I see geometric patterns I normally don't see Things that are 2D like a poster on my wall become vibrant 3D Normal surfaces, patterns and shapes recombine to different shapes and pattern create sth (don't know to to describe it better. Let's say there was a wall with irregular surface, and suddenly these irregularities formed shapes like humans, animals) I don't have the experience of a "center" like during the peak period in the video The pulsating, geometric shapes (like fractals) are more colorful

In my experience there is indeed a cycle with "happiness" and "non-happiness". Up and down. Can't have a one sides coin. A the same time, I feel I do get a bit more relaxed, centered, calm as I grow older. Not caring so much about others expectations, or my own but just doing my thing. Becoming more conscious if my programming, cultural programming etc. Looking more inside than outside, Just remember that "happyness, sadness, pleasure, nihilism" are just words. I learned that it is good for me to go more into physical sensations and less into words. Be careful not to think too much about it. And for the nihilism: This is likely to change instantaneously the moment you meet a girl/boy you like very much. Suddenly you will care about a lot of things quite a lot : )

I think of two: 1. Realizing that the "external" world is not as external as you think it is but much more a refection of the inner one 2. Realizing that the "I" is not that much an independent, separated agent as you thought

Very interesting. Appreciate the discussion. I can follow until here: Not sure how to make sense of that: This new form of life is outside of this dimension of reality? Sth you - maybe - can compare to what you see on a DMT Trip? Makes sense. At the same time, I cannot help the feeling that it's not a "tough evolutionary fight" but a game. As if "life/universe/god" has a sense of humor and "winks" at me from time to time. The very moment I heard of the divine game "leela" it resonated with me immediately. Maybe I am seeing what I want to see, maybe it both a unstoppable push combined with humor, maybe it's none of it. Really curios if we will ever get a "good" answer what this is about.

Makes sense. Resonates with recent experiences. I see the logic behind your idea of seeing infinity + non-ego. Can't say it's wrong, just does not feel "right" for me subjectively. Can't give a convincing reason why. Maybe I am stuck in old ways of thinking. Gonna process. Resonates. So why you think non-synchronicity is possible at all? Why can we resist instead of just flowing? Bold emphasis by me. Yeah, that's what I feel like sometimes. There is sth I need to do no matter what. And it has sth to do with balancing of relationships. And the uniqueness of every situation - yeah, that's what I also beginn to understand /integrate better.

Yes, I heard a lecture where he talks about the feeling of "haven't we have been here before?". He also mentioned "boredom" of the universe as a main motivation. You mean that a will - "I want this and not that" - implies a limitation which implies finite trait? If you mean sth else, I don't follow. I kind of can see and feel the reflections and the synchronicity in my life. I agree with the idea of "non-synchronized" movements cannot exist. At least it feels like that for me as I experience life now and recently. Why is development the goal if there is infinity? Haven't you developed and rebuild from zero infinite times? Only motivation would be to have fun developing but the result does not matter, does it? So for you, the mind is a hindrance, an obstacle to be overcome? For whatever reason, I more and more see it as a feature, not a bug.

If you could do it at will, would meaning still be fun? Control at will seems counterproductive without losing control once in a while to me. I am a big Alan Watts fan and he once made a point of "you want to forget so that you can surprise yourself again and again". My personal experience resonates with this. Sometimes I am so open, so clear and then I get anxious, blocked, lost in the daily stuff. Few weeks or months later I have great and calmness clarity again and then one thought comes up: "Wait a minute...I was here before! I know this, this is familiar! How could I forget?" So it's like a good movie - you want to be so deep in it that you forget it's a movie. If you don't get caught up in it, it's no fun.

Great. Thanks for investing the time to answer thoroughly. Will process. The animal-predator example is great to illustrate your point. I agree.

Quite interesting to look at meaning. Some thoughts... Meaning is created by limits, so we have a typically a "why" causality, a "how" method and a "what for" goal orientation. A great example for me is e.g. sports: A guy can swim in the 2Min in a pool and it means almost nothing for him. Few hours later, we put up some rules, creating limits, call it "Olympics Finals" and it becomes the most meaningful 2 minutes of his career ("I am the best in the world"). Still water, still swimming, still same pool but the limits create immense meaning. This oc is enhanced by combining the Olympics with resources - material such as money or immaterial such as prestige - that are limited per se Assumptions: Meaning is always created if language is used. Without language, there is no limit bc function of language itself is separation and discrimination (this, not that) Thinking is silent language spoken to "ourselves" Access of limitless has the pre-condition of no language, no talking, no thinking We are however, in ordinary states and in this dimension of experience at least, always limited our bodies. Even if I see a guy tripping his balls out on LSD/DMT or whatever - I still see his physical body in front of me, and if we stop breathing we die in this reality. Bodies are like an auto-limitation 24/7 Hypothesis: So life as human without any meaning is probably...just boring? If "god" can be anything all the time, then limitations are great and only way to experience yourself. If you just accept everything...where is the fun of that? Life with too much meaning - too much limitations - sucks. A lot of suffering because we put restrictions and limitations on us, about how life should be instead of living it how it is So, life is just the up and down of limiting -freeing, limiting - freeing, bam - bum, bam - bum....

Don't remember any kind of special experience as a kid. Maybe I forgot but can't remember nothing at all.

I looked at the questions just because of your comment. Happy I did, I really like the questions. Some questions you can ask everybody, not just people that are in the "spiritual /self development/awakening" scene. E.g. "what changes & what never changes?" or "if you don't reference memory or labels, what is this?" I think I will use some of those : )

Sounds a bit like J.C.Lilly: In the province of the mind what one believes to be true, either is true or becomes true within certain limits. These limits are to be found experimentally and experientially. When so found these limits turn out to be further beliefs to be transcended. In the province of the mind there are no limits.

+1 IMO people a) are way to easy manipulated into believing some so-called gurus and teacher. The older I get, the more I realize I do much better using my own capabilities. You need someone to tell you how the world is, what it means and how to navigate it? Good luck. Sure I ask for help and advice but with the intention to integrate with my view not to follow someone else's view of reality. One thing you can say fore sure is that every human is individual, so every experience of reality is unique, too b) Words are just words. I avoid believing grand proclamations, promises, apparent actions etc. What's the English proverb? "Show, don't tell"?

Many similarities with my experience. Of course I dislike things,too. But they play their part. I would say I just got better at accepting things, less resistance. What's different for me is the lack of Taoism focus. I look at different systems including Taoism but also others - Hinduism, Stoicism, Buddhism etc and integrate parts of everything. Which is why I like your last sentence that is incredible crucial IMO: