theleelajoker

Ok I got the answer without you directly answering it.

I think it is an illusion to believe you can undo it later. You will have your subconscious mechanisms that will give you justifications to act like that and this. OC, you will say "I become so conscious it won't happen, I become so self aware I undo it all". Maybe in theory. Never seen it happen.

Im 90% with @Lyubov Just being around these people, you don't pick up just the valuable information in dealing with people and situations. If you want it or not, you also pick up their energy re morals and ethics. It happens by sheer exposure. IMO, everybody saying "I am immune to that" is BS him/herself. Does not mean you should not learn from those people - just saying it has a price tag that is typically revealed later.

ok get you. In my city, there's a graffiti in a park. Seems to summarize the whole thing quite well IMO: "I think therefore I'm fucked"

Very interesting indeed. And kinda scary.

French are the international standards for measuring the degree of embarrassment. They never feel embarrassed and this is why they are so popular around the world. ( I am joking I agree that it's not a big thing )

Why avoiding the answer? "It's a God forsaken question" is not a reason LOL Why not answering an "easy god forsaken question" yourself? If you feel attacked I don't understand why.

What's the purpose, the intention of asking this question? Is there any answer that will make you happy? Or any information that will help you in some way? Or is it just entertainment? Simply curious...

This perspective I like the most

Interesting stuff

OK so I can't say for your particular case of sexual abuse. Don't know if it's helpful if I just say what helps/ helped me to deal with difficult experiences/ trauma?

For me - in this current phase and state -it's exactly this subtleness. I don't really think about it until there's a situation, a conversation and then there's this subtle return of recognition: Ah, yes. Ah, yes, that again. Alright. Ok yeah I did not think about it, I was in "functioning mode" - but I can't forget entirely"

@shree Not going through the same, but one experience that might be valuable. So few years ago: since a few months, my life was going great, everything seems to fall into place automatically, I was riding a wave of good vibes. Lots of sports, looked and felt as good as never before. I felt like I just need to think about something and then magic happens for me ✨ So I meet this girl, I find her very attractive, she liked me too. After a while, we wanted to have sex at her place. We just started and then her roommate disturbed us (he was into her and jealous) two times. We we're not in the mood for third try. Ok shit happens. Next time we meet in a hotel (I was traveling), we have good time , she's naked in front of me... no boner. I really liked her, I found her very attractive, but...no boner. Very unusual, maybe happened 2-3 times my whole life, especially sober that's very unusual. Ok I am frustrated but shit happens, next time then. So we meet another time, have a good time, same situation. We are in bed, she's ready to go but..no boner. Now I am getting crazy frustrated. AGAIN? WTF is going on? THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!! And at this point I realized what the problem was...and it's very close to what @Princess Arabia wrote: anything can happen and you don't have control. I realized: Things were going so good for me that I became arrogant and thought I have control over life. Especially with girls, even before meeting her, I never had that much success with women before. I took things for granted, became arrogant. So then life puts this beautiful, really nice woman in front of me....and shows me that I control NOTHING. Not even my own dick. Felt like life teaching me a lesson, life humbling me. After this insight, I went away from frustration and towards acceptance. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL. Luckily there's a happy end - fourth time meeting it worked, started with a half-hard dick as I was still in my head because of previous attempts but we had at least mediocre sex lol. Also, it likely played a role that I cared about her more than I did for most others. Which points towards (subconscious) performance pressure as said above. Here's the good news - she did not care about it, we kept seeing each other for a while, the sex got better and it ended for different reasons. Since it has been going on for months re you there's good news: First, you certainly found ways to have fun using other body parts and toys - valuable skill IME Second, she's still with you. Meaning she accepts you as you. Very good news re long term potential IMO. Third: It will pass, pretty sure

I think it's a mechanisms oh reality. For sth to enter your life, it needs to be connected somehow to sth previous. It's not really meaningful per se, the meaning is created by you and not in the event itself. A guy once wrote here "reality is a simulation created around you" - that's a good description IME. I attached meaning to it in the past, now I do it less and less and just see it as a mechanic reflection and connection to other stuff in my life.

At first I voted "don't know". Then I started typing the reasons for my vote. After a while I realized it's "yes" and changed my vote. Compared to some months or years ago, there are situations where I can't take people as serious as before. As of today, it's more subtle and not as present as it was e.g. directly after last meditation retreat, and it was not like that when I started my "spiritual work". But all in all: yes my empathy decreased. Not as in sharing and understanding the feeling of others. I still can do that, and connect with others, even more than before all spiritual stuff. But sometimes I notice I care less because I see more the form, more the universal "it" and less an individual in front of me. There is a situation I remember that perfectly illustrates my experience: Few months ago, there was a networking event, and I got to know a girl. She was nice, we had a really good conversation and clearly connected on many topics. More than you usually do when you just meet someone new. I liked her, but not in a romantic/sexual way she was "only" good company. I think at some point she was checking what kind of interest/intention I have & what kind of connection we have. Because it's easy to misinterpreted good conversation, connecting etc for romantic interest. So she asked me if connect like that with many people. I said yes. It was true because I was still in a very open state after last meditation retreat. And in this state connecting and quick bonding happened almost automatic for me in many situations. I could then feel a shift in her voice and energy, and it didn't seem to be her but felt like something deeper talking. She then said: "If you connect to many people like that, doesn't it then become very arbitrary?" When she said it, it hit me instantly. She was right. Yes it does become arbitrary. Because it felt like I'm not really connecting to her as an individual human being, but more to a reflection, a form, a universal..."it". It didn't feel special. I didn't really notice the "abitrary" effect before she said it, but I became aware of that when she did. I came down from that intense state since last retreat, but sometimes this recognition of "oh ok there it is, it's just "it" in a new form, it's a reflection, it's not special" comes back. Happened just two days ago with a random guy I met. It's still nice, I'm thankful for meeting people & connecting with them. Clearly better than not meeting and not connecting. But I care less about it. That's why I voted "yes". Wished it was different. But it is what it is.