theleelajoker

It like saying "I am calm" instead of just being calm. Showing it rather then describing. In a forum, yes more difficult. But IMO the way one writes can already transport that message you describe above without stating it that explicitly.

I once knew a guy, he jerked off when he noticed that he became too horny or anxious to go into dates. Worked for him. Tried it a few times as well with good results. But don't overdo it, you still want to enjoy the sex if the dates goes well so have enough time between your "preparation" and meeting her haha 😂

That's an interesting part. Because I dated a woman once and I'm wondering if what you described here was part of her experience. Myself, I know this feeling of dissolving of boundaries, but not in relationship instead from intense meditation practice. Definitely was scared and took me few months to adjust. And I'm assuming that you can only talk about this because you had your own experience. I wonder: Maybe it's not about emotions, it's not about being vulnerable, it's not about sharing, or oversharing, it's not about the male/female dynamic. Maybe it's simply about facing and accepting who you are. In my experience, when I drop my masks, and I'm am open, feeling and expressing, then my reflection in others become quite obvious. It becomes impossible NOT to recognize. Could ignore it for 30 years+, but can't do it anymore lol And it's a shock, or rather was one. It's like getting a second ball to juggle with, you need a stable identity of self while integrating the fact that you're the whole fucking thing. Problem is, now you're might be saying "others emotions are told much", but 1) it's your reflection and this you rejecting yourself 2) there's nowhere to go! Yeah seek distance, but no matter where you go, other human forms of you are there. Or you live alone on an island, and you starve of human connection, intimacy etc. Check mate. Accept, confront , express or slowly kill yourself while still alive. I notice you do that kind of comments a lot. You do this to be polite, respectful and humble? I get this but sometimes it seems to me like insecurity, afraid of expressing your true perspective fully with attitude of "that's me, I stand by it". There's a historical quote from Martin Luther "Here I stand, I can do no other". I like that one because he fully expressed what he thinks is right while not giving a fuck about anything else than that.

Yes Know a guy like that

@integral Mixed feelings when I read your last post. One the one hand, it feels to me you have gained true perspective on some stuff. On the other hand, it seems that because of the experiences you mention with people in the past, you're filtering reality too much through a negative lense re people and relationships. You are right, relationships are not easy, there's a lot of boundary setting non-stop, etc etc. Just the way you say it, feels a bit too negative, too biased to me, you know? There's also the fun side. Getting to know each other, the shifting of boundaries, the freedom of release of inner limits, oxitocyn and all the other nice stuff you can from any kind of relationship. You see leeches, I see fear. And I see fun in overcoming these fears

YES. I want to add: Depends on the moment, too. Yes in a sense of "fits my experience of reality". Have recently met a girl, the first criterion she named was indeed stability. Not looks, not money, not status. "He knows who he is and he's stable, he knows how to regulate himself". Have many other examples from other contexts that support integral's statement. Too harsh IMO. It all depends. HOW you do it is IME much more important then what. There is something inside that nothing from the outside can give you, yes. BUT: There is something you can get from connection with others that simply cannot come from within. And emotions are part of this. IME the problem is never showing emotions or feeling them. Nobody wants to live with, or communicate, or even fuck with a block of ice, right? Emotions are fine. It is how you handle it, how you do it, what you do with it. As a rule of thumb: Women have been able to handle my emotions to the degree they can handle their own. I have been able to handle the emotions of others to the degree that I have faced my own. I swear, I have worked in some projects where my main value added was to just remain calm and even keeled in times of turmoil. Coming back to @integral above - "good vibes to boost and keep them steady along the right course" - I'm learning that I can make good money just providing this in combination with some consulting 1&1, good communication and genuinely caring. Seeing the strengths and skills in other people and helping them to make use of them, overcoming their fears.

Yes let me know what you find! Some people say you can exchange the Nutella with any other chocolaty-hazelnut creme, but I disagree.

Bro, you're seriously still discussing this? I just passed a group of women they are getting drunk, great mood and preparing to go out. Definitely too old for me, but their outlook on the weekend looks like much more fun than discussing something someone said about nobody sometime in the past. LOL

Man, this way of thinking is too limited here. When talking about nobody, nobody remembers nobody.

I would say the exact opposite.

First thing: they asked you to do this, so they see that you have what it takes. Keep that in mind. Second: good points from @LastThursday Third: I had great experiences and success with a simple approach: be interested in your team. Be honest. Be authentic. Ask questions to know THEIR answer, not to hear what you want to hear. Make sure their interests are met as best as possible. Align interests and goals, avoid conflicting targets whenever possible. "We all here. Thanks for being here. Appreciate you doing this with me. Everyone wants to do good job? Everyone wants to have a good time at work? Everyone wants to come here happy? Everyone wants to go home happy? Everyone wants to make this shop a success? Ok, how we do that? What you need?" Don't think you now must be or do XYZ just because of new role of it's not you. I promote cooperation whenever I can and I include them as much as I can. I'm always super open with my intentions re team: "I want you to think less and do more. Because it seems to me that you're stuck and not happy the way it is. I want you to gain experience and confidence by doing that and this. I think you can do this. That's why I propose for you to do this and this and this. What you think about it? Better idea? If yes, what ideas? If not, let's start with this. If you notice the proposal is not working, come back to me and tell me how to do it better. Otherwise, come back and tell me how it went. And we go from there" BUT: That's my style. Find your style, what works for you. Find core values (for me e.g. openness, cooperation, appreciation, honesty, solution- and action orientation) and stick to them consistently. Be predictable in a sense of being consistent. People criticize you three different times, or people come with new ideas towards you, they shouldn't guess your reaction. They should have a good idea of your reaction so they are encouraged to go to you. Also, I encourage them to think and act for themselves. Good chance you make mistakes. Doesn't matter if you're good leader. If people see and feel that your intentions were well, they don't give you shit for any mistakes. If people like you because you TRULY care about them, their life, their work and their well-being, they will support and defend you. And they might like you even more, because you're a role model, so you show that 1) mistakes are part of life 2) you can show them how to deal with them 3) others feel encouraged to do the same. Actions> words. Always

IMO: These absolute rules, dogmatic and strategic behavioral guidelines, yes/no questions are one one the biggest mindfucks in the history of mankind. The answer is so obvious I can't believe you even ask this. But to answer the question: yes it's an incredible turn off, but only when the moon is in Saturn, when it's between 6:44 am and 8:54 pm, and only if the woman in case did wear a red shirt OR jacket within the last 4 and 2/5 days, and only is the range of your emotional intensity is bigger than 5/10 but not smaller than 2/10. It's an incredible turn on of the women did wear black or orange shoes OR green ear rings within the last 72.75 hours, if you jerked off at least once this day, if the moon is less then 3/4 full, if you ate between 1-3 croissant in the morning, at least one of those with Nutella. Watch out, if you put butter with Nutella, the croissant counts double. They should teach this in school. Seriously, not your fault for not knowing this.

I definitely went down the provocation road. I was bored on a train ride so it was fun occupation to write that post. However, I stand with the general points I made and I'm very critical re your big claims about reality and what you "know" and how the world is etc. IMO you are incredibly self-deceptive and project this on others. You seem to hide behind "knowing everything" and truth" and do not allow any potential scratch on this identity. The thing is, I am quite open to teaching and learning. I am simply selective about teachers, their credibility and their personal agendas hidden behind seemingly righteous motives. Or let's say I'm critical about shitty teachers and their bullshit. Did you read "meditations" by Marcus Aurelius? He starts of with thanking many people for what he learned from them. I could easily come up with a lot of people that crossed my path where I do the same. I am incredibly thankful for all of them and I know the list simply gets longer the longer I live. The problem is not my attitude re teaching. It's the teacher. And here one pattern repeats itself again: instead of taking responsibility for you actions, you shift it again towards me. Zero accountability on your part. You are flawless, and it's my "fault" because the way I am, it's not only hard, it's "IMPOSSIBLE" to teach me something. Again, you make big claims with zero foundation. What kind of people, real life people, are close to you that might induce corrective behavior, Leo? Anyone? Or you live alone in your own bubble of "truth", and nobody truly understands you?

Ok. So, honestly the best way to calm someone else is in my experience exactly what @Ramasta9 said: Be calm yourself. Co-regulation works. Being calm without any intention about what the other person should do, no expectations. Just calm, accepting, loving, open presence.

Seriously? That's what you focus on?🤣🤣🤣 What about context, my next sentence: Ignoring that for what reason? I even pointed that out a second time in another post lol