theleelajoker

@AudibleLocket Tough man. Been there, too. No way to sugarcoat it, 4 years is a long time. Lot's of connection and bonding, also with living together. Same time, being emotionally drained from the relationship sucks as well. Can be like a black cloud. Don't know you, her or the situation. But is there any chance to get some distance? Physically, geographically, emotionally etc? Chance to go away for few days, hiking, talking walks, visiting places outside normal routine to connect to yourself? Physical movement to get some tension out of your body, sweating, sauna etc. Might help you to move in your decision making process towards

Maybe will be relevant for others, I reply even if it's old thread. Aligns very well with my experience. Food tastes like 5 star deluxe menu almost every time : ) I agree on the pain part from @Recursoinominado above. The dopamin and caffeine stuff can certainly be useful. The 1h part - well, I went there first time with basically zero meditation experience. Even later, I never was able to sit 1h before without moving. You can easily and quickly pick up this ability duriing the 10 days, so you can relax about that. IME, the majority of old and new students can't do this when starting the reareat (inlcuding myself). IME als integration is key, it's good to have someone to talk about if afterwards.

Get ya. Still wait to see an enlightened person in real life. Until I experience this, enlightenment a myth to me. Happy to be proven wrong : )

Interesting topic. Will be boring answer, but I think it depends on a lot of context (haha see what I did here? The reference to the mega context thread ) Kind of psychedelic, individual, period of life, other activities, integration, etc. I got vastly different results from different and/or same psychedelic in different times of my life. I agree that the MOST OF the effect of peak experiences of psychedelics seem to fade fast afterwards. Points to the catalyst function. Meditation effects seem to stick more. @UnbornTao Happy that finally someone else than me mentions fasting! It's can be crazy for me re state changes. But it did not "awaken" me like e.g. Vipassana meditation did. I also like that Alan Watts quote, but then it depends on your intention. You can take psychedelics to improve your life quality, connects to emotions, release trauma, regulate your nervous system etc etc. It's not always everything about awakening (which seems to a degree to be an individualized experience anyway)

Ahhh yeah I had the illusion of control as well for some time! And then I got shown that I have no such thing at all Yes please post the video, I am curios. What you say align also with Daniel Schmidt, meditation teacher and producer of "inner worlds, outer worlds " and the "Samadhi series". He say sth like "enlightenment is a happy accident, but with techniques we can make ourselves more accident prone". I am not sure to be honest. Could all be a ng joke, believing in such things. Really don't know. Maybe there is no causality at all? Funny thing, you can't decide what to believe. Experiences shape your believes, and assuming that the type of experiences are out of our control....well, it's a loop I fear I think it's both. Mind and body separation is simplification, but IME it goes hand in hand. Where I agree is that doing more yoga changes my body, changes my experience. I focus more on my body and nervous system recently, and I like the results.

Nice post. I often had similar idea. For instance, I was moderating a meeting or similar. And I notices the group dynamics in the room,subtle patterns in the words and relationship of people. And I always wondered "ok but HOW do I notice this? WHO actually gives me the information to see that person A is feeling this or that person B is saying that but is actually not fully honest etc etc" Or people told me "good job" re some events, and I just responded "yeah but it wasn't me! I actually did nothing" My ego couldn't accept the credit because I felt it wasn't really me achieving anything... @Razard86 you say without state change you cannot get out of own limits - but who changes the state? Again God, isn't it?

@inFlowWhen did you become aware of "it" and started to see yourself in others? For me (my character, whatever, let's keep it simple with "me" and "you") it was this year. But the funny thing is, suddenly other people I have known for a long time start to talk to me about "it" like they have always known and now I'm feel like the stupid one for not seeing it before. Real interesting this reflection-stuff and interconnections. Of course there have always been hints, but it's like reading a book for the first or second time. First time you see the hints, but not the significance, the veiled meaning. Second time reading you're like "ahhh here it's hinted so clearly, now everything connects, so well done" This is interesting because I get along better with people around me. Less time to think about this experience. More interaction, more distraction. And their Karma is a reflection of my Karma, so....feels like a circle.

This is a funny story. I have one, not the same but still interesting. I return from a meditation retreat, I sit in a train. A guy with tattoos, in his 40s, average weight and height, but looking a bit run down comes and sits next to me (many other free places but he choose me). He's drinking a beer and his breath is alcoholic too. After a while, we have a small interaction where he provokes me a bit. Nothing too serious, but he also says something weird, some stuff about him being a former psychologist. And after provoking me further, we make eye contact. I do my best to look directly at him and try to be hard with my gaze, showing strength and not weakness. Again, in a provoking voice he says something like "you don't have the balls for this, you're not neurotic enough". I don't react. I just sit there, not moving, holding eye contact. Honestly don't really know what else to do lol. Suddenly he completely changes, his voice becomes soft, and with real disappointment he says "ohh, I just wanted to spark an interesting conversation!" He sounded like a kid in a situation where his mum told him that he has to stop playing with his favorite toy because kindergarten is over. It's like you said, just "snapping out of his crazy persona". He gets up and leaves. I sit there and don't know what the fuck just happened.

@inFlow Yeah. Hi you! Ahh.. me...uhm..us?

Yeah, my experience resonates. Especially with @Davino replies. For me, it's blocks, or stuck energy, or contractions especially in the stomach area, chest area and in the jaw up to the neck. I also have weird muscle contractions. Psylocibin works best for me to deal with it. Last big trip I cried for 10 minutes like hell and don't know why. Stanislav Grov did interesting work, for instance re the birth experience. It seems to me to be some complex interplay of nervous system, inner energies, cellular storage, muscular tensions, psyche. Call it trauma or past experiences, doesn't matter. There's two ways of looking at it: Shit I want to dissolve this! Sucks I can feel it it bothers me. It's a true challenge for me, for sure It's a privilege to feel that, to be so sensitive. Most people don't feel that much (like me in the past). Both POV are valid in some way, but the second one obviously is more useful re acceptance, the first one more useful to do what has been recommended before: integrate it in your life beyond psycedelics. For me, the best combination is classic ying-yang stuff. Functional training to strengthen the body, to put conscious tension on your body. And then literally yin yoga, I love to do that the days after trips. Breath work etc and infinite other ways of sports and movement that resonate with you. One final note: I recommend to NOT go directly at this blockage points in your body. Especially with the Vipassana technique. I did this mistake and it was overwhelming in my case. Approach it very slowly, indirectly. You mention the heart for instance - if you know where the center of this feeling is, start your attention left and right, up and down from this spot. Circling it centimeter by centimeter, milimeter by millimeter. Don't stay there too long. Inshallah, these spots will slowly easy up and will become comfortable. Can be different for everyone of course so see how it's for you. Better cautious than sorry

Well said. Once in a while, we're lucky enough to find a situation where both feel for each other the way you described. I believe there's something in the experience of a woman (or man) loving you freely just exactly the way you are in all facets of your personality. The feeling of "if I could be anywhere in the world, with anyone, I still would choose to be with you right here right now". You can feel it and it gives a unique and very strong energy. (Yeah yeah sme will now be tempted to say "you can love yourself like that" and it's true, but also different).

I agree on the depth. I agree on a different filter of perception. But go deep enough, what do you actually see? You see others, independent beings? I see nothing but reflections and appearances.

I can see some of the effects you describe. It's not black and white IME. I had meditation retreats I came back from and I was full of life, joy, lightness and couldn't wait to do stuff back in "reality" But I also had times when I came back and had a hard time giving a fuck about life. So, depends on many variables. Phase of life, circumstances, environment, etc

That's a great post IMO. Especially the first sentence. There's stuff I can barely talk about with some friends (awakening stuff, illusion of self, experiences of solipism), so this it's partly outsourced to this forum. Why? Social interaction, exchange, feeling more understood.

@Schizophonia Man, you have complex thoughts and I discover something new and interesting in pretty much every post of you. But also, I agree with @Sugarcoat that it's hard for me to follow your thought process and post above. I think you gained a skill in analyzing the psyche, but it's also a skill to simplify stuff again. A good exercise I do for myself or others is "Whatever you want to express, can you put it into one simple sentence?" In your case, maybe maximum of 5 sentences? Then you're also more likely to get the feedback you're looking for.

Damn, it's a trap!

One of the funniest things I have seen in a while Thanks for posting!

Nice story, happy you found an unexpected nice evening. Bold marked by me. I think SOMEONE and/ or SOMETHING to focus on can help. People can get you easily back to yourself because of interactions, feedback loops. If you collect stamps, or have plants in the garden, or paint, the feedback effect is much weaker.

Great way to put it. First, I imagined an autistic Hindu elephant 🐘 Made me laugh 😂 Second, it's true you need the biological basic and to do this, you need either nature or people or both. And tatatata, the you enter the arena of potential problems. It's not a bug, it's a feature hehe : )

If the saints and mystics of back then had YouTube, they would have watched cat videos most of the time 🐈 No 2 in priority would have been shorts on tiktok, followed by pornhub (for educational purposes only)

Damn. Asexual?

Maybe I should try that bi-sexual thing, then all problems solved right?

Nice description. Thanks.

First three 10 days, it's almost the same with minor differences in instructions. You need three 10 day courses, then you are "advanced enough" and can do sattiphatana course. Did it first time this year. Daily structure is basically the same, but the discourse changes and you get a script - the sattiphatana sutta. You're allowed to read it, takes notes. The text is nice, but the sattiphatana course made me dislike the Goenka approach and dogma more. Won't go into details, best to make up your own mind. I'm very grateful for the opportunities, organisation, infrastructure of Goenka Vipassana but it has it flaws as well. What I heard is that the longer courses -20,30 day etc - don't give you much more teaching, you're just more on your own. But don't know sattiphatana is the most advanced I did.

If it's an exchange it's not selfish. Re the other questions, I don't know. Normally we are social beings but if you're not delusional but truly ok with being on your own, why not? It's a thin line only you can know how you truly feel vs. you tell yourself a story how you feel re being social