theleelajoker

How you know you suffer? You have to feel it somewhere right? There has to be location. Put attention to this location as described above. Simple, full, non-judgemental attention. You can't fully put attention and think at the same time. So no thoughts. And re emotions, sensation --> see above

Imagine you suffer, but you are present with it. Whatever causes this suffering, you bring awareness to it. Means you're not avoiding it. You have a choice, and you pick the option to feel it, it's no longer suffering because literally you choose to feel it, to be aware of it. You expert your free will to experience one thing over another. How can doing what you want be suffering? Impossible. Problem solved. If you feel now that that's suffering - feeling the thing you made yourself aware of above - ok change your choice to the other option, put your awareness somewhere else. Exerting your free will, you prefer one option over the other. How can doing what you want be suffering? Impossible.You relax because you chooses the option you like most. Problem solved. Now you might say - I don't like any option. It's all suffering, no matter where I put my attention. But then it's no choice, because it can't be avoided. It's not self generated. It's pain, not suffering. Enjoy being present😄

I don't really get this labeling of mainly f/m energies and qualities. What does that mean, what's the purpose exact harmful identification and inflexible roles? So men can't be feeling, or flexible? Women can't be disciplined or aware? Oh shit I was playful, but I am a MAN, no I need to be more rigid again. Life is SERIOUS, I should not have fun! And even IF there was such a thing as mainly that or this quality for m/f, what use has it to proclaim it? Just do it, live it, and then it's done. Where is the value in labeling? Can't see it. What am I missing?

Love the first one 🤣

This is cool. Mainly red, manly in the center. But also yellow, orangish. also Violet It's not constant but changing

My experience contradicts this. I can literally feel changes in my body just by singing. I just needed to become aware enough to feel it. The other stuff probably amplify it. But at least for me, there is no "must use only that way to have effect"

Why so?

I think it can be a helpful believe to integrate in one's system.

+1 the "from men not attracted to" That's what I observed and what women even told me when I asked them. Same words, in the same moment from a guy they find attractive or not is either seen as harassment or compliment that gets their juices flowing. And while there are definitely a lot of super creepy, disrespectful guys - let's not pretend there's only victims on the female side. I have seen it countless times that women use their looks, their sexuality and a faint promise of hook up or indication of sex to manipulate and to get their will. Can't throw a bone and then be surprised if dogs are chasing it (not referring to the video, but the general level of sexual display in our society) What's shitty is that the women with integrity that don't do this suffer from male idiots, and that the respectful men suffer from the manipulation of those women described above. Re the DMs, I have similar story. My ex did the same, reading to me once a message: "Hi Baby, you want to have hard sex?" She said "look that's what I'm getting....man, learn how to approach a woman!" While she said this, I noticed one thing: She did not complain THAT he wrote it, simply HOW he transmitted the offer. She also did not reject the very direct imagination of getting fucked hard, even coming from a stranger. I guess the guy texting her was hot 😄 After a moment I also managed to understand her signal towards me and knew what she wanted me to do 🤣

Yeah, same for me or course. I see my previous self, but also I can only see what I - at least more or less - mastered or transcended for myself. Can't say my inner garden was super pretty in the past 😵 But as you say, psychology is literally logically, so it's a result of past experiences that simply shaped our programming. Nowadays, I like my garden more and more, some stuff blossoming, other seeds are planted One thing that currently influences me is Metaprogramming from C Lilly. Might be a potentially nice task suited for your mind

The stable boy can do that job. Just pick the one that looks most similar...

Yes I see it very often, too. But it's so easy with others, do I notice when I do it?🤣🤣🤣 Also: I wouldn't call it trick. Rather misunderstanding. The reason: For me, the mind is not an independent agent. It's a tool. And its incredible flexible. Backed by experience, I assume we can gain a level of Meta-Control about it - so you can change your program, or believes. As an example, my mind is programmed to externalize, to project my inner work on others. Which means I never solve my inner conflict, which means I suffer. WHY in earth would I do this? Why choose this voluntary? Makes zero sense. The mind is not an independent agent, it's part of me and it just excutes whats given to it. As soon as I realize this I make myself suffer, what do I do? I re-program my tool. "Whenever I externalize, I check the same YXZ for me". That's it.

Given this, vasectomy is like saying: I want to live healthier. I want to move more, so I destroy all radiators in my home. I will be so cold, I MUST move. And then, due to exhaustion, you freeze to death first night in your sleep. I know it's Brasil, it's not cold , just making point 😄🇧🇷 You don't trust yourself to put a condom on, but you trust yourself in the decision re giving away the chance to create kids naturally? And you don't trust yourself to not have dominant thoughts about relationships, but you trust in the idea that a vasectomy will solve your focus on life purpose? Lot's of love to Brazil my friend, you do you and I don't know you. But if one of my friends would say the same arguments, I would tell him that he's crazy and not seeing clearly. If there's was no way to make him reconsider the idea, I would tell him to keep his intention but just to wait with it for a few months. (Because I see a very good chance that he will change his mind and be thankful later) Just an opinion of a stranger - may be I'm completely wrong

You're not hooking up. You not really looking to get laid, but SOMETIME it could happen that you do and succed. You say you might get so horny you forget the condom, so you maybe get one pregnant. You don't want kids now. You think about your future self having kids. You think about HOW to do that in detail. You're not even 30, even before your prime. You want to get a vasectomy, taking away the chance to experience the mutual creation of life together with a woman. This is likely to decrease your chance with quite a few women that want kids natural way. I say your logic is bad as a condom with a hole inside. What's really behind this?

Nice. Thanks too, I learned stuff for me though our exchange. Good teamwork I am REALLY curious what the context of my next sexual interaction will be. Casual or relationship sex? What kind of sex, what type of woman? Will it be a woman that wants that kind of aggressive sex, or one that wants a different kind of experience? Does she think it's not good to desire this, or does she even incentivize men into that aggression? (That's the other side of the coin for me - it's like a key and a lock, this male aggression does not exist in a vacuum) Let's stay tuned for the next episode of "strangers exchange perspectives about how to fuck the right way in an online forum" 🤣

l had the opportunity to observe long term couples a few times. Visiting friends, family and being part of their daily life for a while. What I often see is a trend: X is saying/doing something to annoy/hurt etc Y reacts by doing/ saying something to X X returns the favor by saying/ doing something to Y ..... You get the point. There's no start and begining, but people look for that so they can say "he/she started it" or "it's his / her fault" Sometimes it's very subtle, micro agressions, sometimes it's obvious. Sometimes people do it "by accident" but in truth it's simply not conscious for them that it's a authentic expression of their inner world. I have seen two major reasons for that: "Hidden" partnerships conflict: There's a feeling of "that's not fair, the other should XYZ", but it's not dealed with openly. Since the feeling is there, but the conflict is avoided, the subconscious punishes the partner. Small comments, actions, non-action. Very clear signals of hostility to an observer, but subconscious for the couple. "Hidden" inner conflict: some lack, insecurity, trauma, avoided emotions etc are projected on the partner. Has zero to do with the other person. "I feel shitty, so I increase my self worth by making you as small as possible." Also happens subconsciously. In both cases: Tensions just increase, they cumulate and after a while it's like Kindergarten. It's all about assumptions, hurt ego, expectations, guit, blame, manipulation , fight for control of narrative to control feelings and what is really important - growth, learning, opportunity towards towards freedom, responsibility, joy and inner peace - gets lost. Typically it goes along with a radical decline in sexual interactions and /or bad sex. The separation is just for structure, IME 1. and 2. go hand in hand, even if seems not logical to the mind that it can be about the other person and only about my inner world at the same time. But those two are interdependent. In my experience, you need BOTH to have an attitude of: "Ok, I see that. Yes I want to change this. I want XYZ instead. Please tell me when I show this behavior. Tell me how to change because I can't do it on my own. I do everything that is in my control, can you support me when I reach a limit? Let's do this together, even if I am afraid, even if it feels super hard and painful now. I know the only way to freedom is to go for the things we are avoiding now" You either avoid it or you go right into the stuff that is buried. That's it. No middle ground, no half measure, no BS. You can do it YOUR way, in YOUR pace, gently, caring and patiently - yes. But you go for it with no plan B. All in. No avoidance. When do you do it? Now. You do it, but your partner is not ready, or vice versa? You are wasting the time of you both. Move on.

Gotcha ( I think, let's see) So you discovered sth for you think applies to many (I agree re my friends). And you're bringing awareness to this topic because it is rather unconscious so far, with the intention to direct this flow of aggression away from destructive patterns into a meaningful and constructive way.

It seems to me you can make that point just based on personal perspective, without talking about other men. "I experience (sexual) aggression and the best way to integrate it is avoid casual sex and instead to express it in a meaningful relationship"

OK, now I got it. That was useful to better understand your point. It's true, history is full of examples like that. What I am thinking is: Not every man in war becomes a rapist. So it's not about instincts, it's not automatic, it's about how you carry yourself.

I'm not really sure I get your point. So what you're saying to that there is a deep instinct for dominance and destructive energy in males? Especially expressed in sex? Where the woman surrenders to the man? Yeah, makes sense that there is this energy of destruction where there is creation (new life) and dominance where there is submission. BUT: I see that equally in men and women. Men dominate physically, women have their own ways. Just different. If my gfs or affairs wanted submissive sex, they knew exactly what buttons to push in me back then. One even said: "you're man are so easily manipulated into doing what we want" LOL And: As as submissive part, you're actually the dominant one - because you set the limits. You signals what's tolerated, what's in line and what crosses the line. Your show your neck, you put the others hand on it or take it away, you tell how hard the hair pull, how hard the slapping etc etc. And yeah, you can see that the man dominates the woman because he penetrates her. But guess what my ex said? She said: "yeah you can see it that way. Or you see that's its the woman exerting her will over the man. Because she encloses the man's dick, she pulls her self over the man, dominating him in this way" It's not WHAT you do. It's HOW you do it, what intention, what energy is behind the action

You have a point IMO about the value of sex (both gendersl equally for me) and honesty/ dishonesty (also both gender). But I believe you overestimate male aggression. Children born out rape < children born out of caring, mutual coupling for survival of species. Plus, and much more important: fun for the man if a woman is welcoming you vs. forcing woman. No need for rape. Go to a sexy prostitute and see how you like that sex vs. the one with your GF that loves you and you love her

I know it as much as you do. Sitting in the same boat.

It's exactly what someone would say that is afraid to drop his mask and be his authentic self, owing his desires and feeling. Why I think so? I recognize that part in myself 🤣

Thanks