theleelajoker

@Mellowmarsh Yeah feels like that for me, too. Got me some time to adjust to it (and adjustment is oc still ongoing as long as I am alive) Yeah that was strange for me too, for a long time This feeling of wanting to say to others "Really, you don't think sth is strange? Really, don't you notice how nothing is "normal"? Re the terrifying part: Been there. My experience: These feelings come. These feelings go. Something better arrives : ) My oppinion: Everything is absolutely OK with you I would say that some people are just more sensitive, more observant, more connected and thus experience reality differently. But it's not you being "wrong" in any way. Maybe it's the others just not being fully there at this level of experience (which is not "better" or "worse" - just different)

@Spiral Wizard Like your write-up. Matches a lot with my experiences and desribes a good idea of the process. As you said, the non-verbal part is crucial. I would add that there is also fun in this process, not only pain Pain is the key, but once you found it you can enter into something better

@Yeah Yeah I recently experienced a technique that might be helpful for your journey. It helped me tremendously. It's a free and easy way. Anyone can do it, and it's applicable anytime and anywhere. It works with minimum of instructions and there is nothing you need. Everything required is already there. Nobody can teach you but PM me if you want to know more about my experience

I bet: Look inside and the silence will answer all your questions No other answer will ever give you peace on this, because every answer will create new question

I did a shaktipat in 2019 ater a friend recommend to try it. After this, nothing really happening for many years. Until my last 10 day vipassana retreat. Kept my spine and neck straight, let go of ego as much as possible and I felt how my spine corrected itsself through countless little twiches, erecting itself, sometimes really powerfully stretching my whole body. On the mental side...let's say it the 10 days were veeeery intense. Sometimes I felt like a dream like state, I clearly connected to parts of me and the reality around me that I did not even know existed. Many other things happened during and directly after the reatreat that made me feel incredibly connected to this world but also scared the shit out of me. At one point, I felt that if I completely let go "I" will "die" during meditation (I panicked and stopped). Took me two weeks to more or less process the 10 day retreat. Did not think much about Kundalini until some days ago. Out of nothing, two old students of mine, both women, contacted me. We chatted a bit and I told them about my retreat. They pointed me to Kundalini. Again did not think about it much until today. Today I checked the typical "symptoms" of Kundalini awakening like twitching, heat, sudden laughing or crying, emotional instability. I experience all of that. Moreover, I found out that Kundalini is seeing as female energy. Especially the last part makes sense for me because I notice that my interactions with my girlfriend become very...let's say different. It feels like there is much more going on in our interactions then just "normal relationship stuff". It feels like I can sometimes pick up traces of archetypal energies, primordial female and male expressions and even tap a little bit into some insights that feel very much like the collective unsonscious described by C. Jung. Can't do it on purpose but I perceive "information" that is far beyond what I am typically aware of. As I was reseraching Kundalini, I remembered that my gf has a snake tattoo similiar to kundalini images. It's so cliche symbolic you almost have to laugh out loud So my questions: Anyone willing to share his/her experiences? So if the kundalini is female energy - what is my "male" energy counterpart within the body? How to balance the Kundalini energy? Necessary at all to balance? How is the kundalini awakening for women vs. for men? Other hints and advice? Bonus content: Maybe I am getting delusional, but the "external" relationship stuff with my gf seems to represent 1:1 my inner struggle to deal with this awakening energy. With struggle I mean that it's not easy to "just let the kundalini engery flow". It's shedding many layers of ego, uncovering deep emotional charges etc. One random time I almost had to throw up in the shower because the inner cleansing process got so intense. Same way, my gf seems to struggle with some of my recent behaviour and vice versa. She wants some stuff but has difficulties to let go, and the same goes for me. Right now we try hard to align out interests while both dealing with waves of resistance and fear. What I am doing with Kundalini is trying to find a balance of "OK I just let go and let the energy come, surrender etc" , being equanimous. Same as with women, I know there is no way I can "control" the energy or make it do something it does not want to do. On the other hand, I don't feel like "just surrender and let it happen" is the only right strategy. I have the impression that I can somehow "use" the kundalini energy, or better that I can "cooperate" with this energy to create mutual benefit for me (my character, avatar, human shell, whatever) and this primordial energy itelf. During meditation, I do this by synchronzing my breath with the kundalini energy waves in my body. Maybe this is what Yoga (unity) is about? Aligment and unity between the primordial energy and our character? And the external phenomena such as the interactions with my gf are just symbolic for our inner processes? Happy for every constructive input!

I believe it's the guy selling bananas down the street 🍌 So I don't claim to know, but my experience points to the same thing a million people before said: Don't think about the answer. Silence seems like a good place to look

I see your point. I would not point to (only) genetics. Whatever it is, it's more concepts and identification. That being said, the most convincing and most likely theory is this: It depends on the amount of rain drops one has experienced in the body in his lifetime: Even number - you need a teacher. Uneven - you don't need one. What makes sense re teaching is this: - You seek out a teacher because u feel like you need one. So you become a student - Any teaching from any teacher would then primarily focus on one thing: allowing, promoting experiences that make the student realize that no teacher is needed - Teach as little as possible, as short as possible, with the ultimate goal to feel others from the believe of need for teaching. Enable others to set themselves free on their own Alan Watts said sth similar re psychotherapy: As long as you believe you need therapy, you DO need it. In this context I also remember him joking about how he tries support people around him by freeing them from the believe that they need to improve 😄

Fully aligned with my experience 🙏❤️

Why should anyone have need for a guru? There has been a first person having last life if we follow this logic. Who was his guru? Need for guru, or the believe to do so is for me rather sign that you're still far away

This was in my mind a while. I think you have a point. Probably the spectrum is increased in both directions. More sensitive less sensitive at the same time

@Eskilon I influence my situations, obviously. As much as I can, as much as I am aware of my actions, I do it openly, expressing my intentions and state. Or correct my actions as soon as I become aware. As posted before, different definitions influence/manipulation for me. Does it always work like that? No. Sometimes I am not conscious enough. Shit happens but I don't like when I noticed that I manipulated others, or tried to. @Natasha Tori Maru yeah with work I get you, it's most of time a organized hierarchy and you often need some decision making power to be efficient. "I am attempting to give them the energy they need at the time" -> would have said the same earlier. Now I focus more on just expressing myself. The last paragraphs you wrote and your signature don't seem to align. Just my impression.

@inFlow @Breakingthewall Thx your replies. I have similar experiences and impressions. For me it seems to be a lot about letting go of conditioned practices, rules, patterns etc. Literally gaining liberation by being and acting more and more free in this world. Curious where this will lead to. Wishing you (and all others) the best and lot's of fun on the journey! I neglected that a long time but the journey and this world here is supposed to be fun here, isn't it? At least I hope...

Knowing this, what keeps you here?

@inFlow I am very curious. How do you come to this conclusion? I kind of have a similar idea, there were two moments in my life where I felt that I dissolve, that I leave the world if I completely let go now. First time I only got scared. Second time I got scared and I clearly felt the one thing I am attached to, the one thing keeping me here. (Was scared to never see my gf again) First time I was on weed other time simple meditation. Since then I ponder if there is indeed an exit door I can take.

I think that's a story you tell yourself to protect yourself in some way. I think it will bite you in the ass. If you steer people im any way without being asked to do so, it's selfish. You do it because you want people to behave in a certain way, you think you know what's right for them. If people ask you for direction it's not manipulation anymore it's a question and you answered

He said nadis and meridians are "real" and chakras superimposed as symbols. His source are ancient texts he studied. I am with you re being full of shit myself or others being full of shit. So I become more careful what I express or believe - it will change anyway. Anicca, anicca Re chakras etc: I did not study these texts, so don't know. But the texts could be full of shit, right? Also, I am not on a level to confirm or reject based on personal experience. Just pointing out his POV and how easily things can be misunderstood or (unintentionally) distorted. There's a quote: "All models are wrong but some are useful" Problem is when you are so attached to the model that you believe it's reality. Chakras are one thing. I see this also a lot with spiral dynamics for instance. Don't mistake the map for the landscape...

In my experience, you have to difdifferentiate between two things: "Low Level" people you hear and read from Media etc without ever having direct experience Your own real life, first hand direct experience with such people in your personal life For everything concerning No.1 - whenever possible, I tend to to ignore it as much as possible and focus what's right in front of me, my direct experience. And when I engage with such people you describe in direct communication, and take just a little time and curiosity, non- judgemental attitude, and really listen, something interesting happens: It's impossible to not understand them. Because they open up. They not only tell theirs views their ego has taken (racism, religious dogma) but also why it they have taken this view. And it's always logical (psychological - the name already contains "logic"😂) Sometimes I was about to leave a conversation, then suddenly the person added just one more piece of information and everything clicked. Context matters (1:1 is different then in a group e.g.) and I am not always in the mood, or equanimous enough. But sometimes I am just curios about people and then magic happens 🪄

@Salvijus Maybe different experience for different people? You have a point re ego and attachment, that's sth to be careful about. It's funny because I saw a video lately from a guy that studied eastern practices and philosophy and seemed to know what he's talking about. He talked about Nadis and Chakras. He critized the western adaptation of chakras, saying they are not real but "superimposed" just symbols to believe and focus on. Now every time I hear people saying "oh it's your this and that chakra" I can not help but think of that. He also said "believes are not right or wrong, but helpful or harmful". Reaonated with me. So seems a slippery slope with believes, spiritual ego, identification etc So only thing that matters is how it feels for you personally - but believes influence how you feel so we go full circle 😂 I think it was in this video https://youtu.be/3ODfwJBDgBs?si=iyK7Noe_3A5fv9xJ

I agree with the general idea. You kind of "negotiate" cooperate, create a win-win. But in my experience it doesn't work that easily. Can't change my belief system just by telling my self things. Only in deep meditation states, then this happened more or less automatically by relaxing and simply being present. Now slowly it goes from "I have to meditate" to "Cool I mediate". Took me quite some time, though. For me: It's the experience that shapes the belief, not vice versa. Otherwise: just believe that you're happy, that there is no resistance at all, that you and the world is full of love etc. So first make your believes (blockages) conscious, then you are free to change them. So much my experience - I am open for other arguments and experiences .

First part: Ok get the idea. I once became unconscious, step by step everything became darker and darker before my eyes. Then it was all black and then the "blackness" disappeared, turning into " " ( " " meaning--> nothing, non-experience) Second part: Lost in words. Lost in abstraction and definitions. If you still have the patience - can you give a concrete example? For instance, "I walk down the street and this and that happening is the change, the reflection, perspective..."

For first part: Ok, got the "nothing is wrong" part now. Thanks. "But equally, the absence of limits makes constant relative movement inevitable, the apparent division into infinite perspectives" Why does absence of limits make relative movement inevitable? Why has there to be movement? For the second part: Ok, I am following re synchronicities, and movement is relative. Up until the sentence ending with "it's just a reflection" And then you make a difference between relative movements and reflections? Here I got lost I am following with the rest - reality as relations, as information, as changes of state

@JowblobI think you're overcomplicating things. My personal guideline: Appreciate the differences, learn from them. Personally ,I don't want to "become a woman on my own". For that I love female beauty, emotions, smell etc way too much. And whatever you mean with "unity" - I don't know. Everybody has his/her own understanding of this. A loving and embracing hug during or after sex, or simple cuddling, even just talking with a woman I deeply connect I feel pretty united with women. Does it last? No. But nothing does.

👍 I agree and important for practical life bc language sucks here in my opinion. "Could have, should have etc" is talk about potential, but it's fiction. It's is what it is, here and now, and if you "could" have done it, why not do it? Hence, everybody is always doing the best he/she can. Marc Aurel said sth like this (stoicism) but took me long time to get this I follow more or less. - Is there really no one in control? Your argument is logical but it feels different for me. For now:) - Don't get the "nothing, emptiness....is wrong" part. Can you give a concrete example pls? Might help me get your point

@Breakingthewall Yeah everything is nothing. But who cares if you call it self or structure, or energy pattern, or fractal or pattern of existence? Just different words? Or am I missing the point you're making?