Journey

Today I'm trying out simplification and an overall lack of stimuli. I want to sense my awareness and mind more directly. I have tried silent retreats or practices or sabbaths before so this relates. In a sense, I am feeling the need to "detox" from all my overstimulation - games, content, music. Just get back to the "I am." Detaching from an expectation to always be "entertained" because when I look under the surface I see that most of my "entertainment" was not a very enjoyable experience, but a detachment and escape from the joy of being. It was a way to numb my senses by overwhelming them.

I am having a mental conflict regarding the reordering of physical or external space versus the reordering of my internal space and mind. At what point am I becoming distracted from the deep work and power of meditation, by putting my time and effort into clearing my physical space? I want to free myself from objects and coveted trophies. They are to be tools to add to the splendor of life and help craft experiences. But then next thing I know when I am reorganizing or cluttering I start to object worship once more. I subvert my actual goal to try to craft my space to be pristine and more like a model or museum than a functioning workshop. That then makes it a holy ground that I don't dare trample by actually using it... I can feel already some of my increased mental clarity as I let go of the physical items but more than that I let go of my attachment to the items and the societal standards of ownership. I want to be okay with some mess, because I feel a fully lived life is messy. We seek to be intentional but that should not doom us to be orderly robots.

@misko55 And now we have it in writing. Best of luck to us both this week. Stay strong, friend.

@misko55 Smart idea! I will be glad to PM and be your "accountability buddy." Maybe it would be useful to get clear on some reasons we no longer want to game. Maybe our 3 main reasons for each of us? That way we can be reminded of those should we forget. I'll start with my 3 primary motivations. Reasons to Let Go of Gaming: 1. I will gain more time and mental energy to commit to my fitness and diet goals, by reclaiming hours of the each day. 2. I will gain more peace of mind, by losing the stress and obligation of games. 3. I will gain more financial freedom to invest mindfully, instead of throwing away money on digital objects.

@misko55 Great advice! I have already seen that play out a few times for me. I have been playing MMORPGs for about 10 years now, sometimes even with a few years in between them. It felt easy to make an excuse at the time by saying there was a new character class or server or rules or whatever it was. I pretended that my only issues with the games is that they had become stale and boring and this time they'd be fun and rewarding. The tricky part for me is that I really deeply enjoy indie and short games like Firewatch and Life Is Strange. Obviously they are a time sink to play through the first time but they don't have the same mechanics as MMOs. At this point I will refrain from all games, but I am debating whether I can "game responsibly" with these or if I'm better off leaving gaming behind entirely. Gaming has been part of my identity since I was about 4 years old when I first watched and tried out games, so it is bizarre to imagine myself without them, but right now the cost is so much greater than they are worth. I have bigger dreams now. I wish us both the best of luck and thank you for your kind reply, friend.

@Argue You're welcome. You are free to send me a message here daily or weekly to let me know your progress - barriers, successes, and all.

@Cabot I stopped officially today, though I had been on an increasing "hiatus/afk mode" for the past month or so, as my academic workload amped up. I actually got some distance from the game entirely this week as I was reorganizing my home office using some of the advice from TheMinimalists. I was asking the question "Does this thing/activity add value to my life?" as I chose to keep or donate items. Needless to say, when I got to cleaning my desk area, I looked at my gaming computer with a much more critical eye. I went ahead and deleted all the game clients, messaging services, and unplugged and moved the entire tower itself for the time being. I am now debating selling the computer itself to put the nail in the coffin, so to speak.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I will share something that has helped me and may provide some value to you. Let your imagination consider what you have to gain by letting go of this. What can you focus on? What can you contribute? For me, I thought about what I could do with my newly-found free time that aligned with my big vision. I'd have more time to commit to my life-learning, so I get to spend time combing through the forums here, reading, and watching videos like Leo's. I feel a weight has been lifted and my focus is restored. I am able to recognize and train my self-discipline to align with my highest values, rather than passively going with the flow of tradition or habit. It may be useful to be accountable to another person near you or online. This can help you track your progress and be a constant reminder of your goals. Maybe even keeping track in a journal could help. I'd also do everything you can environmentally to set yourself up for success. What leads up to this undesired action that you can change? For example, if I usually get up in the morning and go straight to my computer, can I plan to cook breakfast and go for a walk instead? Can I read something or play with my pet? Can I practice some mindfulness meditations? If you want to get right to the brute of it, you can remove your computer from your space physically and then disconnect from the Internet. Uninstall the clients, delete the passwords, delete the accounts, whatever it is to regain your freedom here. At the core of it, it is about setting the goal firm in your mind and then taking clear internal and external actions to get closer to it each and every day.

Yes, and not only are their dailies but there are time-specific events within that day or things you have to coordinate with your parties or guilds schedules. If you miss it, you let your team down and you miss out on all the rewards. You're punished for stepping away from the game and not only ruining your chance of being strong, but now your friends chances. It's a lot of action fueled by guilt or fear. How were you able to break the "daily" habit and amicably let those relationships with other gamers go?

Thanks for posting this! I am going through a similar issue now. I have played MMORPGs on and off for many years. I originally thought that these games were just a way for me to unwind under this "work hard, play hard" mentality, but lately I am starting to feel like they add a lot of unnecessary distraction and sense of obligation. It seems that these games always have a daily event or limited-time only thing, so I feel obligated to play in order to maintain my rank or not miss out... Oh and not to mention, I use my real-world money for in game items. I generally play on my PC tower as my laptop doesn't support the game client, so I am testing removing the PC from my office space entirely for the next several days to get some better perspective and let go of the need to "be the best" in the digital space. I do think that leisure and relaxation is an important aspect of life, and I feel that MMORPGs don't mesh with either of those for me currently.