Journey
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Everything posted by Journey
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My goal is to enjoy the now more intentionally and frequently. Who am I? I guess you could say I'm a "student" by standard definitions. I'm transitioning into the "real-world" but with each day my viewpoint of that "real-world" changes. I have been involved with meditation and personal development after struggling with anxiety and depression for most of my childhood. I have already seen and felt the difference that a perspective shift can make, and I'm ready to explore more. It is bittersweet that I am so easily entertained and enthralled. I can enjoy the simple moments, but I can get caught up in activities very easily. I have a competitive nature. I competed from a young age in sports and academics. I was "successful" and much of my identity was predicated on the acceptance of others. In this last week, I am at a turning point. I have taken massive external action based on a recent emotional connection I had with the finite and precious lifetime we have here. I am listening more closely, allowing myself to feel more fully, breathing more deeply and often. I have been a big fan of The Minimalists for about a year now, but I did not take massive action into moving towards a more minimal lifestyle. So I finally began by moving all of my physical belongings out of my living spaces. This included my home office, bedroom, and bathroom. I did not consider myself messy or a hoarder but upon closer examination, I had so many items that I was not using. Why were they still here? So I sorted through them one by one. I tried to let go and detach. At this point, about 80% of my belongings now lie in the hall sorted into donate and trash items. My family actually thought I was moving out. Oops! During this process, I looked at my computer and realized that many of my activities on the computer such as mindless chatting or gaming were not benefitting me. I often found myself "multitasking" AKA frantically switching back and forth between a messenger, a game client, and a homework assignment. Today I officially said my farewell to gaming, especially an MMORPG. I may introduce some games in the future, but I see a wealth of other leisure activities that are more fulfilling mentally and physically for me now. In the coming weeks, I will continue to document my process of harnessing my focus and living intentionally.
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How do we determine the state or wellbeing of an identity or self? "How are you?" Is the reality one has created and built one that serves them, or one that burdens them? Is one being accepted unconditionally by a perceived environment? Is one able to accept him or herself unconditionally?
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I will be posting less frequently, as I am no longer monitoring progress on daily habits. My fitness, nutrition, and meditation habits have been formed successfully. If for some reason, I go off-track, I will post regarding that trigger and track the habit as I resume, if I feel it is useful. Instead, I'll be sharing my perspective and development as pivotal moments or insights occur. There will be more rambling and introspection, instead of tracking and analysis. That's all for now folks!
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Been trying to breakdown perceived limits through tangible, repeated actions everyday. Reorienting my relationship with money and income. Connecting with people in person and online who share similar values as myself or have already manifested the goals and dreams I am aiming for. Encouraged and excited. Food for thought:
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Not much to say lately. I believe I have fully transitioned to vegetarianism at this point, and I'm moving towards an entirely vegan diet in the future. Fitness has been going well and yoga is improving my flexibility and overall calmness. I have my sights set and I am practicing envisioning my dream as a reality, to let myself really connect with it and keep that spark alive. I have a few final academic responsibilities, but I am focusing my attention mostly on my nomadic lifestyle research as I prepare to travel. Despite my goals, I do not need achievement to feel whole. I do these things to express my nature, but not to create my nature.
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When I shared my dreams from this place of abundance and love, I am greeted not by enthusiasm but by concern. Questions about the logistics and the safety and the comfort and the etc. etc. etc. I am opening the lock of the cage and you are asking me if the latch is rusty... This bird has to fly. This spirit is and always will be. May this external negativity of egos and fears, pass through like a breeze, washed out by the abundance and love of the greater self. If I shall cross paths with those who do connect to that, then they shall be welcomed, but for those who are confused or limiting or negative, I will not sputter to a stall. I will not settle for a life of someone else's choosing. I will not inhabit a life where I feel the urge to numb myself because of the discomfort and the lack of passion.
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@OceanJjb Through the magic of positive thinking (I opened it in Preview on Mac and clicked "Rotate Right").
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@OceanJjb Here ya go.
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Did a bit of an urban exploration and hike today through some trails and hills around here. Wandering a little bit more each day and allowing myself to accept the space, the peace, the lack of "shoulds" and "to-dos."
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Seeing life change as I change from a viewpoint of scarcity to one of abundance. Getting outside everyday even if only to lay on the grass in the park and stare out at the vast city or to walk through the hills, peering closer at the birds and creatures as if they were only first discovered. It is one thing to look. It is another to see. Limitless choices for me now, but I need not overcomplicate. At first I was very concerned with my nomad intentions, thinking of how I would manage to blend into the city. But deep down I do not have a desire to be in the city! So now I look to the great openness and how I can transition into it. Little steps. I set up my sleeping bag in the corner of my room, leaving my bed to rest alone. I sold some more items. I researched some more options. Reading some Walden too, to connect with another who felt that inkling and flowed with it.
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Wonder: It is beyond habits, though those can be good starting points to spark that awareness. I feel the need less and less for a set schedule. I listen more to the "beat of my own drum." The "obligations" that I have left are voluntary and I do set time aside for them, but not at the cost of my big vision. 6 weeks until I graduate from college. In the meantime, I am committed to manifesting my big vision and getting started prepping for my nomadic adventure. It's time to build.
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Big Vision: Sometimes it can feel scary to let go, like you're dangling off a cliff about to fall into the abyss. Looking a little closer though, it's not an abyss. There's no "fall" so great that anything more than the ego can be lost, or so I feel. Today, I tried to let go. I informed an instructor of my intended path, and they were naturally shocked but supportive. I told my family and got the same response. I know a lot of times that the limits that other people place on themselves, keep them from believing that you can overcome those same limits, but that does not mean your dream is impossible. Goodbye, status. Goodbye, creature comforts. Goodbye, expectations. Goodbye, formal education. Hello adventure. Each moment is another opportunity to bask in the true joy of existence. I could not ask for more.
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Wonder: Letting the joy sink in today. Habits come easy when they are an expression of self love. Here's some food for thought. Call it crazy or weird if you choose, but give it a try, seriously. What is life like without all those shoulds, coulds, and disclaimers? It's something radically different. Transforming my perspective to viewing objects as supplies for adventure, not trophies or comforts. I cried a lot today because I was so grateful to be given this opportunity to experience life.
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@misko55 To each his/her own. Your hair as a symbol reminds me of the story of Samson if you're familiar, though it sounds like when you cut it, it is more empowering than anything.
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Wonder: I forgot what it felt like to dream without limits. I'm now letting myself wander through the imagination and seeing what comes up. Nutrition: I made my first fully vegan meal today! Kidney beans, lentils, and quinoa! Yum! I was able to completely avoid meat products today as well. I met my water goal of 1 gallon. Fitness: Making progress this week and improving my strength! I saw my numbers rise and I've been loving my cardio HIIT bike rides... though I'll admit I want to build up to riding some of the crazy hills in my area! I like the wind and the views more than the inside of the gym. Big Vision: Today I researched the lifestyles of those who are nomads who live out of backpacks, campers, or RVs and I was seriously inspired. I was talking to a friend about what type of work I could do to generate a little income to fund my travels and there was such a "duh" moment AKA a eureka moment.. Using mobile hotspots, I could do freelance design or any number of online businesses. My training and formal internships are all in design so this would be a simpler transition, but I could see myself learning and sharing another skill or knowledge set as well. Thinking... As a symbolic gesture, I had my septum pierced today as well. It was something I had been considering for a long time, but I was worried that others might judge me or I might not get some corporate job... So it serves as a commitment to letting go of what no longer serves me and reinvesting fully into self-love, self-actualization, and presence in life. While some might view this as mere food to the ego, I consider it a tangible reminder of the greater self and intuition that underlies and supercedes the external appearance.
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Request: At this point I'm looking to connect/talk with a vegan, a nomad/traveler, a fitness... person, an outdoors person, and a minimalist to discover a bit of their experiences and ask some real-world questions. I'll be researching and finding what I can online of course, but if you know anyone that fits these descriptions, let me know! I'm looking for a general accountability partner for some specific aspects as well, so if you're fired up or in a transition into these habits or experiences, feel free to reach out. I'm friendly! I promise!
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Big Vision: Sometimes it is as vital to determine what you do not resonate with versus what you do. Today, I tested the waters for what was a very exciting experience and opportunity for others, but I did not connect with it. It wasn't me. When I woke up this morning I stretched and thought about the wonder of travel and living out of a van. My exercise was captivating and my food was nourishing. As I got closer to this other thing... I felt my joy shrinking back. I did not want this thing to have power over me.. especially to cause a sense of darkening that which is neither dark or light... The illusion ego felt a sharp pain at both the concept of "selling out" and at a "missed opportunity at status and fame." Hmm..
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Nutrition: Today, I was lucky to meet with a practicing vegan here locally who has offered me a wealth of information about resources in our area as well as online and in books (which I am glad to list out by request.) I am excited to learn more as I attempt my transition. My main concern was about getting enough protein, especially as I do my weight-lifting practice, but the more I discover, the more plant-based protein options I find. I am hoping to check out our local farmer's market and some vegan restaurants in the coming weeks! Finances: I met with a local group today on budgets and learned about some interesting solutions not just about that but also about responsibly donating or finding used goods. I will be reviewing a few of the sites on budgeting that they mentioned and building my plan to incorporate more flexibility and sustainable practices into my life. Fitness: I did a meditative yoga practice today. I am noticing the focus is flowing more easily now and I am able to go further into the poses. I am looking forward to trying different practices next week, and returning to my weight-lifting and cardio this week with a renewed energy. Here is the Satsang I am listening to today, as I work through some of my web design:
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I'm feeling pretty mentally and physically exhausted today, but still been sticking to my good habits and learning something new everyday. I'll be checking out a local meetup group tomorrow in regard to budgeting so I'm looking forward to it.
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@misko55 Hello, friend! I use a flexible dieting plan based on my macronutrients and my goal to slowly bulk up/build muscle quickly as I do my resistance, cardio and yoga practices, so I eat about 10% more energy than I burn (see http://www.muscleforlife.com/macronutrient-calculator/ if you want to learn more about this method) To give you a little more insight I'll list out some of my basic information here. I record each day on a sheet of lined paper with a few sections to make sure I keep running totals. My intended food goals for each day are a total of 1800 calories, 110g of protein, 266g of carbs, and 33g of fat. I divide this by 4 to give me an approximate amount for 3 meals and 1 small meal/post-workout snack so it's 450 calories, 28g of protein, 66.5g of carbs, and 8g of fat. For breakfast I often have some veggie juice, 2 slices of cinnamon raisin whole-grain toast with cookie butter, and 2 slices of turkey bacon. For lunch I often have some grilled chicken, quinoa, and a sweet potato. Post-workout I often have a protein shake using rice milk or a protein shake using water and a banana. A typical dinner might include egg whites, whole-grain toast with hummus, and a steamed veggie mix. I mix and match a lot of different things like hard-boiled eggs, greek vanilla yogurt, organic brown rice, veggie burgers, and almond butter. For beverages I stick to my veggie juice, protein shakes, rice milk, black coffee (1 cup or none most days) and most importantly filtered water and lots of it. I aim for 1 gallon of water per day. The most important part is making sure that at the end of the day the total calorie, protein, carb and fat totals from all my meals is very close to my intended total to make sure I'm on track and not risking putting on a bunch of excess weight in fat versus lean muscle. This method is slow and steady, with the intention to gain about a half pound a week until I reach about 25% bmi. Then I'll start the process of slowly cutting back down to 20% bmi. I typically buy a few new things to try each week and see what I end up enjoying and are easier to combine or cook. For example, I realized that toast was a great option for me to add hummus or cookie butter or almond butter on and it would be ready in just a few minutes. In contrast, the brown rice can take over a half hour to cook, so I usually make that in bulk and store some, but the toast is a more accessible and flexible option for me. Let me know if you have any questions or some yummy and healthy food of your own to share.
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Wonder: Since my car is my main expense right now, what if I sold it and lost a car payment? I have close to enough saved up for a motorcycle or moped, as my dirtbike isn't street legal. What if I actually ride a regular bike to my close locations? Just thinking.. Time, money, stress, fun.. Hmmm Fitness: Today was the revenge of Leg Day! This was a little rough and meant slowing myself down when walking around but I was in no big rush so I took some extra time to observe my surroundings instead. : ) My reaction to pain or exhaustion is shifting. When I actually focus my attention on it, the negative label shifts and it starts to disperse. While I typically had a few hours of tingling pain from burning my hands on a hot plate, recently I felt a bit of a shock when it happened, and then nothing. I can't complain here. Diet: I'm growing to enjoy my new foods especially how much they raise my energy levels and alertness throughout the day! Big Vision: Listening to another podcast today and investigating more.
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Wonder: If one creates a big army of troops, another will rise to fight it or defend itself. So is the resistance of the ego. Fitness: I have made it through the first full week of my training system. I can sense the growth in terms of muscle memory, steadiness, and my mental discipline as time goes on. I will be using the following 3 days (Friday, Sat, Sun) as my rest days. I want to make sure my muscles have time to rebuild and recover. I will be doing some light yoga meditation sessions and resume my resistance and cardio training Monday morning. In my thinking on my fitness practice, I try not to label it as either a good or bad behavior. These are expressions of acceptance and love rooted in wholeness, not a lacking or fault of the self. With this framing, the resistance and the ego ceases. Big Vision: I spoke with my mentor today who inquired some potential forms for my vision. I noticed the theme of travel or motion is something that resonates with me along with the concept of learning, modifying/adjusting, and teaching systems or information. My theme right now is showing compassion towards the planet as a whole system whenever possible. I could focus on sustainable, compassionate business models, agriculture, local economies, transportation, leisure, or even tiny homes / living. I am curious and joyous to see how things continue to come into shape.
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Wonder: The nightmares again drawing the most obscure references and sources of fear. More silly than anything. So I carry on. : ) Fitness/Diet: A lot of the psychology and information I'm learning here about how to adopt longterm goals and positive daily habits for health applies extremely well to my endeavors to give up my crutches - video games, time wasters etc. This knowledge will be extremely practical for day to day habit-breaking and forming. The book I am reading is called Thinner Leaner Stronger and here are a few key points from my notes that apply not only to fitness, but to existence as a whole: 1. We often unconsciously model our company's impulsiveness or control. Use this to your advantage. 2. Find an accountability partner or community for your desired actions and goals who is on the same wavelength as you. 3. Stop giving yourself permission to give-in to cravings and negative behaviors, by claiming you deserve it for your positive behaviors. Better yet, stop labeling the positive behaviors as positive at all. They are enjoyable experiences that lead to your desired longterm goals. That's different than just being bad or good. 4. Recover intentionally when you slip up. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. Being resistant and angry towards your mistake keeps you from moving forward and holds the thought in your mind. Let it flow in and out of the mind like a gust of wind.The guilt and shame of saying "The hell with it!" is not worth it, so take actions to get back on track rather than try to remedy your mistake with another mistake. 5. Wait 10 minutes before acting on a craving and remind yourself of your true wants - your longterm goals. 6. For desired behaviors, if you're feeling resistant, commit to trying or engaging in that action for just 10 minutes to start. Getting started is often the intimidating part that keeps us paralyzed. Dive on in. Big Vision: To more intentionally explore my capabilities and personality I am going over characteristics of my personality type: ISTJ. I am using this page for reference and seeing how my past experiences and actions reflect or differ from various traits.
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Wonder: Once more, pains from the past try to creep in and steal that which cannot be stolen - a divine love and acceptance. My mind throws itself into chaos and jogs down an endless spiral staircase until it is seen no more. My body feels the pain and tension from weightlifting, but in that moment it is healing. I reach out to those who seem to have found The Way as they call it. A balance of focus and flow in awareness. It is easy for the ego to get caught in competition and run towards the common goal. It is easy for the ego to come to a slower jog once it realizes it is "ahead of others" or that at the finish line there are regretful, hurting people or the dead. You raced through this world for what? You settled for what? Creature comforts to fill a perceived void in the ego, which is not there? Celebrity status? Attention? Approval? Security? What do we need to stay safe from? We are timeless and formless. The ego tries to re-establish the illusion of itself frantically. These forces and fears that keep "appearing" are dependent upon an identity that does not exist. Big Vision: Today I am reading out the non-conventional lives of people so I can see what resonates with me. Here is one of the articles of particular interest: http://chrisguillebeau.com/mallory-paige/ "My love, why do you run? For my hands hold no guns."
