woohoo123

This is cool but how does it differ from seeing Jesus face on toast?

It’s both. You’re doing the best you can so just enjoy the ride. At the same time, you can always try to do better. Key is knowing when to use which perspective at the right time. If you’re doing your best and are exhausted, then telling yourself you can do better ain’t going to help. Likewise, you will fall into complacency if you lounge around too much and settle.

For me personally, talking about ‘karma’ has always been weak, because if you’re in the mindset where you can manipulate to get what you want then your mind is too short sighted to really care about any consequences. When I’m in those scenarios stuff like that doesn’t register, I just don’t care. Using fear based motivation of bad consequences is fine for small stuff, but when it comes to your biggest life goals like money, business, sex I find it’s just too weak to stop me from actually manipulating my way to get what I want. I’m still in a similar position to you but I’m still working through it. In my experience there were a couple things that helped me along the way. First is just keep going until life hits you with something hard and you suffer bad. Idk what it might be, financial, relationships, health. Quickly teaches you that you ain’t as special as you thought you were. All those thoughts about being better were just grandiose fantasies in your head. You will succeed, but no-one in life succeeds in all areas forever. At some point reality hits and that suffering will teach you how limited you really are. Second thing (related to first) is to take some competitive field to the max (maybe business for you?) but realize there is always someone ahead of you and no matter how much you work you’ll never catch up or be as great as them. You realize you were always working within your limits. That your individual talent, although perhaps ‘better’ than majority of others was never really the result of ‘you’. It was given to you in your genetics and if you were in someone else’s shoes with their cognitive abilities, you would be in the exact same position as them. The people you’re manipulating - that’s literally you in another form, doing the best they can. They don’t really deserve that. sometimes it helps you see it more clearly when you feel you’ve been manipulated yourself and you think ‘oh, that’s what I’ve been doing to others’. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Third thing is to realize the beauty and strength in showing others love over manipulation, even when your personal gain will be lessened. My normal mind could not relate to this, it was a perspective I only gained through psychedelics. But I got a taste of the emotional shift where it was actually more rewarding to show love and lift others up than manipulating for my own gain - even when I ‘lost out’ materially. This is not an easy thing to do, my normal mind could not relate or even be able to fathom this. But for me it was the most powerful. I will spend the rest of my life working on it. this is not something you can overcome quickly with some lecture on ethics or self-help workshop. You already realize it’s there which is a good step. Life will keep showing you a way as long as you keep working on yourself in this area. Change will come slowly over time, but it has to happen inside you, not from some keyboard warriors on the internet telling you that you’re bad. That transformation can’t be forced, it happens slowly over decades if you keep leaning against it. hopefully some of those points can help.

Yea I use Syrian rue, you can find some guides online. My tips are 3g is enough, any more and it makes me too nauseous. Don’t use too much water unless you want to drink a glass full of the stuff, it’s the amount of seeds that count not the volume of tea. also be aware it’s not safe to eat certain foods before or after taking it.

Yep I forgot to add this in the report, but in this experience I did touch on something similar before I went into being. I was considering the possibility - isn't this just chemicals in my brain? Perhaps I have been brainwashed by Leo after following actualized.org for years and now maybe because my brain is in an altered state... its indulging in all its fantasies. Why am I not seeing Jesus right now? How can I really know this experience isn't me getting lost in things I want to believe? Then I realized the very question 'is this a belief?' is itself a construct, with many assumptions behind it. It's a story in itself. The key is not to get wrapped up in the story, but to become aware of the one who is observing. To turn awareness back around and look at who/what is observing. Who is the one looking for answers? That is not belief, that is awareness. To become self aware is to become conscious of God. ah ok. But still not sure why one would want to snort, maybe its just me but doesn't sound like a very pleasurable route of administration. If you take it orally and put into capsules the DMT is tasteless. The only downside is the taste of the MAOI tea, but you can mix some apple juice in it and boil it down so its like a mouthful at most. Not so bad if you're not tripping super regularly.

hmm I haven't tried snorting it, but not sure why you'd want to. It's a salt form of DMT which can be stored for a long time. It is also a good way to take DMT orally, but you need to take it with a MAOI for it to be effective else your body just metabolises it and you won't get any effects. There are dietary restrictions for a few hours after taking a MAOI though, so make sure to research it if you try.

Hi, Context This will be my 8th trip on DMT Fumarate (oral administration with MAOI). I've not tripped in over a year, so I had really bad pre-trip anxiety. I thought if I read some trip reports from the forum it would help, but it just made it worse because people share all their bad experiences. I saw someone say something like 'I saw all the worse/horrific faces you could imagine' and that line got stuck in my head I was like ... why did you have to say that fuck sake... Anyway, in the build up to it I did a lot of contemplation on why I wanted to trip again. From my previous trips, I came to recognize I didn't actually care too much about the metaphysical stuff. I cared more about experiencing practical emotional shifts that can help me through my daily experience of life. How to better handle my jealousy, loneliness, depression, dealing with feelings of loss for things I desire but know I can never have, all that kind of stuff. For me the metaphysical stuff is like icing on the cake. I know people will disapprove, but part of me feels like I've seen enough. I didn't feel the need to go further into that direction. I wanted to be more practical like how do I feel and react and live my life on a daily basis? So I was really questioning if I should even continue tripping at all - because in some sense I already felt like I got what I needed from these experiences. I'm at a point now where I feel tripping is nice but I don't 'need' them as much as I felt I use to. I'm fine going without. In the end I still went ahead as its very rare I have the entire day and house to myself. I picked a low dose (125mg DMT Fumarate which is ~77mg DMT) with 3g Syrian Rue seeds and the trip lasted around 2 hours. Even though I had done this dose previously, pre-trip I was still scared as fuck. I talked myself out of it many times in the days prior. In the end there was nothing to fear, the experience was quite light and not intensive or taxing at all. Pre Trip To calm myself I kept looping this song repeatedly (from the 3 min mark) and the music heavily impacted the course of the trip. Especially the words towards the end God put a rainbow, in the clouds.... And I've had so many rainbows in my clouds.... I had a lot of clouds, but I have had so many rainbows.... So many rainbows...... Trip Report Being The ground of reality. It is pure existence, all dimensions at once. Formless. Property less. All encompassing. It can be fluid, but it can also be fixed and be rigid. Like it can be as rigid as a brick wall or the laws of physical reality. One does not know being through intellect, one knows through being 'it' itself. Being is circular. There is nothing to point to or from, but being itself. What happens after I die? You cannot die, you are every dimension There is literally nowhere to go Nowhere else you can go, except back to yourself So do not fear little one….. Before death all that existed was you After death all that will exist is you Solipsism The entirety of existence is never separate from you… it was always right here all along… What you are experiencing right now is the entirety of reality, everything else and all ‘outside’ is created from right here, you are never separate from it. Entire reality and eternity is all here right now, nowhere else This bubble of perception is all that truly exists ‘Inside and outside’ this bubble all exist within this bubble You have always known it that you were always alone….. it has only ever been you… there is no one else 'You are god' means right here, you are all that exists, because you are it. Pain and acceptance Look there is no easy answer or solution I’m sorry to say that pain is a part of life I can try to soothe it, but at some point you just got to accept it. Everything is found here, you see that’s how it has to be. You can’t escape pain, it’s a part of life, a part of reality. Life is bittersweet, like Leo said. It can be no other way. So accept your loss… accept your pain because what else can I do? Yes, it don’t feel good and I won’t deny that, but there is no other way. This is the way things are. Accept it as part of your life and experience. It’s not easy, I know it’s a tough lesson, but it must be learned. Not everything is going to feel soft. Reflection It was a nice trip very pleasant. I'm not sure about the solipsism part, that bit is kinda new to me. I know its quite controversial on this forum. At the end of the day though, it's validity doesn't bother me too much. Maybe there is more to it I have not touched on yet. It was more of a fun question I put in there because I was tripping anyway so though heh why not, lets see what comes out. The acceptance part was a nice shift for me. In previous trips it had showed me how to let go emotionally but from a position of strength. As in it showed me the strength in being able to let go of something and being free. This time, it was more focused on acceptance of suffering as a part of how life is. In previous trips, my ego had a tendency to ask things like 'Why me? Why did this happen? Why would God put himself through this?' and looking for an intellectual answer to soothe the emotional pain. But I'm reaching a point now where I'm starting to realize there is no good answer. The answer you're looking for to soothe this kind of stuff is a bit of a fairytale, its something your ego wants but it doesn't exist. It's not what your ego wants to hear, but that's reality. That's how reality is. But now coming face to face with that... Accepting pain as part of reality does not make me feel 'down' like it used to. Because people on the forum would write similar things, and whenever I read it was like 'oh shame...' but secretly I was still hoping I would find some kind of purpose or meaning somewhere. I'm coming to the point now where I am more ok like... this is God... this is reality... its the way it is and the way it has to be. It feels like a cleaner acceptance of things the way they are... I will continue working on this. Thanks for reading!

What do people mean when they say it changes their DNA? I think Leo said it changed his fingerprints? But wondering what you meant in your case?

I’m not as ‘enlightened’ as some people here and idk if I could ever say I understand your situation. But for me personally there were long stretches of my life where I felt ‘lost in love’ and I would basically just be coasting life and working on my life purpose. That lasted for a few years actually, but recently I feel that phase coming to an end. It’s hard to say exactly what caused it, but a culmination of life events which basically showed me I’d let myself go a bit and wasn’t enforcing my boundaries. I felt a fire inside I hadn’t felt for a while, but it spilled into other areas like my career and also financial survival needs. I realized I was only able to coast so long because of the years of hard work I had put in earlier in my life. Basically my coasting was somewhat of a luxury. Because I was lost in spirituality for a while, it felt like reality/survival needs finally started catching up to me. There are others depending on me financially so I can’t afford to dally and sit around. you titled it ‘I pursued enlightenment too early’ and I heard Leo say similar a few times too. I get it from one perspective, but also for me awakening was the greatest thing that ever happened and I think having it earlier in life was a great thing. Why would you want to have that at 60/70, when you can have it in your 20’s and live out most of your life with that perspective? That’s a great thing in my opinion. You go through all the heartbreak, tension, suffering, worry that life throws at you, but you also have this new perspective that you wouldn’t have otherwise. That sounds like a fun adventure to me. see now I’m back in the game, but at least now you know it’s a game. I look around and see I still have needs, and there are certain things I want to provide for people, that won’t come about from me sitting around all day. My initial hard work is what gave me the luxury of ‘coasting’ those few years, so I don’t mind putting in that work again now, because I’ll get the opportunity to coast again later in life, it’s more fun when I think about it that way. obviously you can never force yourself into it, for me I think it’s just survival biting at my ass again . Anyway I hope this helps you somewhat

The ability and speed at which you learn… I’m not sure if it’s so different. If anything it might be easier now with technology and chatgpt. Before you had to go to the library and crack open books, now you get it all assimilated for you. but I would say my motivation has changed. When I was in my early 20’s it was almost expected for me to dip my toes into various things. I had a lot of time to try stuff. Also I was more in the mindset of ‘building’ for survival so I didn’t mind grinding and pushing myself as much. Now I’m 30 I have less time to learn new things, particularly because I’ve got a full time job and other responsibilities that come first and I have to fit any new learning around that - which means I have less time. This also means I’m way more picky what I spend my time doing. I am unable to ‘force’ myself to do things as well, because I have a stable income now whereas before I had nothing. For example I look at the math and coding excercises I used to grind in my 20’s. Back then it was exciting as I could tell myself I’m getting better and can compete better. Now my survival needs haven’t gone away, but I really struggle to force myself to do that again - I’m like why am I forcing myself to do this? I don’t even like it. It’s really hard for me to even do 10 minutes, whereas before I would do it for hours. I look at new qualifications I could get, in my 20’s I would’ve gobbled those up just to get an advantage, now I’m like…. Why force myself to do this? so in that sense I learn ‘less’ and am less willing to try out new things unless they really capture my attention. Less breadth and more depth I guess.

This is related to your science point but I’m generally quite sceptical when I hear spiritual teachers talk about health. Especially when they present their health as a result of their ‘consciousness’ rather than their lifestyle. Things like you only need to sleep x hours a day if you do this etc. I don’t think a lot of them are very expressive of their own physical vulnerabilities and tend to present an aura of ‘I am above modern medicine because of my spiritual prowess’. They could totally just get cancer and die like anyone else but I don’t really see him presenting that image. It has more of a ‘lost in holiness’ , ‘I can mentally manipulate my biological processes with the power of my mind’ kind of feel then it can be quite disillusioning when he actually ends up in hospital and requires modern doctors to save him. Then he will say things along the lines of ‘I am very well and recovering faster than the typical patient’ but I didn’t see anything mentioning like he could just die from random medical issues beyond his control. At least this is the impression I get from watching him

This is a partial perspective but when I was in your position many years ago I heard a phrase ‘everyone out a relationship wants in, everyone in a relationship wants out’ it struck a chord in me and I remembered it, but didn’t have the life experience to go with it. 10 years on…. I’m like this is so fucking true again it’s a partial perspective, but I found as a man you want a relationship, only to find once you have it you want some variety, a few more relationships, then you fear being tied down and you want to be free of relationships altogether, then you want to become a bit like Osho its unsatisfactory at all stages but that doesn’t mean you don’t walk the journey. Keeping that in mind helps alleviate suffering a bit (but it won’t eliminate it totally). That desire you feel right now stays with you so the key is learning to become aware, manage, enjoy the fruits and use it intelligently rather than expecting it to go away at the next stage. I would say, enjoy your freedom. You interpret it as lack but one can also interpret it as opportunity. There is no rush

Yup I do. I dump it all into the S and P index they have there

thankyou Leo!

Why do I feel fear when I see/imagine that video on the blog post? Almost like it’s so Alien and weird, it feels like I am not sure if I want to experience something like that