Mjolnir

I've been having this idea that I'm not certain if it's something that resonates with anyone or is maybe even a thing in spirituality. I'm just trying to explain to clarify for myself and to see if it's actually a thing. So I'm not sure if it's actually real or understood or if I'm just imagining things. (Little background information, not necessary but ultimately trying to figure this out.) I'm trying to figure out how it could be that I'm not really experiencing any positive emotions. I mean, I experience the feeling of worrying for example, or shock or fear. But I don't experience the enthusiasm, happiness, excitement, arousal, you name it. Very rarely I encounter such a magnificent piece in a song that just bolts me to the point where I want to tell someone about it or want to release the energy in some way (physical). In general I live in a pretty flat mood, there aren't really things that excite me or fire me up. I've tried many things like exercise, visualizations, affirmations, meditation, blood tests, therapy, cryochamber, float tank, walking on burning coals, using CBD, coffee, energy drinks, cold showers, Wim Hof Method breathing. But I don't really notice a difference in my mood, in how I experience my body and any emotions. I even traveled to America to Unleash the Power Within by Tony Robbins with all the high fives, jumping, screaming, hugging visualizing etc. but it all felt the same. Although there are certainly many mental things I have to work on, I can't put my finger on anything specific that could be the cause of the above mentioned as of yet. Let's say hypothetically (or maybe its real) everyone has this aura or glow around their body, maybe even an energy field of sorts. And a healthy person would have their aura radiate freely, without boundaries. But an "unhealthy" person might keep their aura really close to their body, just around their skin level. The healthy person might be experiencing the world freely, being in connection with people, with events, music, art, their surroundings like nature and be in touch with it all. Allowing to experience the connection and feel it. The "unhealthy" might close their aura off to those outside influences for fear of being hurt or maybe because a physical tension keeps it there. This causes the "unhealthy" person to be unchanged or feel very little experience from those outside influences. It takes a while before the outside influences reaches the aura of the "unhealthy" person and they are guarding it a bit too well to let it be touched, influenced and/or experienced. So I'm wondering if this resonates with anyone, if this is even a thing or if I'm talking nonsense here. Let's say it's actually a thing, or maybe a metaphor for something else, then I have a few questions. Could the aura be influenced by holding tension in the body. Like tension in your jaw, shoulders, etc. To the point where it completely blocks from the outside world and one wouldn't experience those emotions and connections. If you talk about a person's emotions and experiencing those, is this aura even relative for experiencing emotions and feelings? If one doesn't experience feelings, especially positive ones, yet does experience the negative ones, does that mean that there might be mental mechanisms at play that prevent this? How do you identify if you're the "unhealthy" person and how could you resolve this? I hope this makes sense. Thanks for reading! Cheers

I appreciate the Hogwarts reference I think I understand what you mean was well. And if my understanding is correct, I guess your comment is correct as well as I feel like I can't evolve or reach what I want to through thought alone at this point. As if I reached that thinking ceiling. I'm wondering, as you mentioned, the chakras meridians & aura are prior to thinking, and they influence thinking and experience of reality. My first question after reading through your comment at first was let's say Reiki healed the chakras, meridians and aura, wouldn't remove the effect of the problem yet keep the cause of it? But am I correct to think that you mean that the chakras, meridians and aura on a layer deeper or a step before thinking in a sense where it basically dictates, or influences the thinking? Lastly, I don't feel like I'm very in touch with all the energy things and aura's etc. Would that matter in any sessions? Or would you say that doesn't matter at all? Thank you for your explanation and time to explain about Reiki!

What do you mean with the ceiling of duality and intuition is calling to break through? I'd like tot refrain from psychedelics for now although it seems interesting and I'm curious about them. And could you maybe elaborate on the reiki sessions or classes? Thank you for your response, I hope you have a good day

Sadly I don't recall a specific moment. Intuitively I think of a certain place in time thatd make me about 12-13 years old. But i'm not sure. I guess much of the bullying would be around those ages with a few years beforr that.

Hello, I was wondering if any of you could help me as I realized that I'm quite conflicted about Personal Development. On one hand I know that anything in life is possible and that you can create the extraordinary life you want. All the different fields that you can master like health, finance, emotions, spirituality etc. Not to mention the list of different things you'd like to accomplish. But on the other hand I notice that this all creates a sense of unease whenever I spend time on things that are not progressing me in any way. And that the more I notice what's possible or what I "should" do or strife towards, the more this unease (if that's even the right word) grows. And I feel like I keep growing more towards the low-level consciousness pleasure activities like gaming, doing puzzles or listening to podcasts. In a sense I want to shut off more, stop connecting with friends, be alone, nothing on my mind, no responsiblities, just be alone and finally have a sense of peace or ok-ness (idk how to describe). (I'm not depressed nor knowingly suffer from any mental ilness, but I think there's something going on with some emotional defense mechanisms where I won't let myself feel or whatever but hell I haven't been able to figure that one out yet lol). I guess the growing awareness of the possibilities of personal development and spirituality make me want to do even less. Yet, I know anecdotally how life can ultimately be and I find it important to seek and work towards the good life. But sometimes I just think I wouldn't mind not knowing about this all and living a life of not knowing about all the good things personal development and spirituality can bring. Anyways, this might've just been a ramble of thought that I should journal on to figure this out more. But maybe anyone has some pointers. Thanks and have a great day!

Thank you for your response! I've heard of shadow work before but haven't the slightest clue what it entails. I'll dive into that to see if it can help me in any way! For one, I think I might've subconsciously created a sort of defense mechanism because I used to get bullied when I was a kid. Or ridiculed for the things I liked. I remember it used to hurt me but eventually I used to say "you can say whatever you want, it doesn't affect or hurt me". I don't know if this was because I consciously decided the meaning of their words, or if I just stopped engaging with feelings at all so the bad words couldn't take them away anymore. Secondly I could potentially hold a belief that I shouldn't be happy or feel good. If I imagine it it seems odd as well, like something that isn't really going together with my current view of myself? I don't know if it's an "I don't deserve this" type of thing or that it goes back to point number one as I'm scared to get hurt? Anyways, I certainly notice in my behavior and communications with other people that I'm very reserved and barely, if at all, speak about specific music that I like, or girls I find interesting, or movies that touched me in sorts, things that bother me or desires. I often try to hide those things even to the point where I cut my laughters short just to not stand out I guess. Yeah, it's funny how things come to you more and more as you dive into things as I noticed small things that I haven't thought about.

Thank you for your response. I completely understand what you mean as you just have to sacrifice some things if you want to pursue other things. Staying inspired and feeling love and enjoyment are certainly things I have to work as I find it difficult to feel those emotions. But eventually things will have to work out Thanks for the kind words and likewise, I hope you will get what you want as well After I listened to Leo's video called "Understanding Meaning, Purpose & Value" twice I became more aware of this trap. I noticed that every time I set a goal even before I accomplish it I set a new target yet I never feel the feeling I thought i'd get once I achieved the goal. I find it quite a mind fuck and I'm pretty hesitant to really feel into this realization for the possible consequences. I guess I don't really thinking about how I'm not enough, or maybe it's not something I'm conscious of. I guess I use PD as an idea of what to strife for in order to get "the feeling" that I otherwise don't have. The "once I achieve x I will be happy/fulfilled etc.." trap that obviously doesn't work. Could you maybe point me in a direction of the spiritual work you're talking about? Are there any specific ideas, videos or what have you I could digest to get an understand of what you mean so I can maybe work towards that? (Or am I chasing my tail again ) That'd be wonderful

Hello everyone, I've been going back and forth to find a reason why I haven't been experiencing any feelings besides frustration, worry etc. (negative ones). For 5+ years now I've had something called hypertonic pelvic floor ( i think) which is basically a very tense pelvic floor. For a great amount of those 5+ years I figured that the lack of any positive feelings is probably because of the tension and as soon as that tension would go away the positive sensations in my body would return. Now that tension is still there but I came to realize that if I can actually sense the sensations of lets say worry, frustration or a "pit in your stomach" type of feelings (which I'd call "negative" feelings) than wouldn't I be able to have those positive feelings as well? Like excitement, feeling good or happy etc. I'm mostly "flat" in terms of how I feel. I'm usually indifferent, neither feeling good nor bad. I don't recognize any sign of depression and neither did two different psychologists. I'm don't really get moved by anything besides a very rare piece of new music that gives me a few second jolt of "lets go"-energy. I tried in many ways to ignite those positive feelings but I haven't had success yet. So long story short, after a bit of googling around the term "emotional numbness" does hit some marks. I'm not sure if it's actually that because I can feel the negative emotions I guess. My current life situation doesn't really hand me anything to worry about. Life is pretty good besides the fact that I don't really experience that reality, I'm just flat atm. My thoughts go towards emotional numbness because I have been bullied when I was younger and there were some moments here and there that stood out in my childhood. And maybe I just used the numbness as a defense mechanism, idk. But I was wondering if anyone has any clue if I could be in the right direction. How to treat emotional numbness if that could be the case. What type of therapist could help besides standard psychologist (I tried two, I don't think I got anything out of them), think NLP or hypnotherapy or what have you. What could I do for myself?(I tried journaling but I dont find it effective as of yet. Also done meditation now for close to abt 1000days in a row, with no result in this regard) If you have any additional questions please let me know and I hope this is the right place to ask this kind of question. Greetings!

Thanks everyone for the willingness to help share information and the kind words. There's definitely work ahead but it's probably the most important work I can do at this moment. I have a few questions left if you don't mind: Are there things that an impair the ability to experience feelings? I've heard of for example medication but could there be physical things that could prevent you from experiencing feelings or is it all mental? Are a feeling and a state the same thing? How big are differences in different feelings? Do you just think slightly different, like more positive thoughts or do you physically experience something as well? Do you have a different feeling in your belly or chest? Do you experience something "coming over you" for example? If the lack of experiencing emotions/feelings is mental, am I right to think that its a defense mechanism that was developed because it was meant to protect against pain or hurt in some way? (I'm trying to break this down to for example: maybe being bullied felt bad, so shut off feelings. Or happiness = bad because some sort of experience so shut of feelings. Or a traumatic experience was overwhelming or took so long so shut of feelings. But basically it all comes down to avoiding pain.) Could there also be different reasons or would everything lead back to avoid pain? I hope these questions make sense, I tried my best but I often forget the original question when constructing it in the best way possible. Cheers and thanks again!

Thank you very much for your response! I will try out the praying or mantra and do my best to evoke a passionate feeling. I'm curious about the results as I've tried things similar for myself and at events but have yet to see results. But this is just another way than what I've tried so far And I can't wait for that passion to be ignited because I've been waiting to use the stuff I've came across over the years and actually apply it with emotion rather than just thought!

To be honest I can barely remember any specific moments where the bullying happened. I remember eventually saying "you can say anything you want to me it doesn't affect me anymore" or something along those lines. I'm not sure if I turned the feelings of being bullied off or if I just didn't care what people said because I "knew better". Reflecting and really understanding how my childhood experiences have shaped my behavior and still does will probably be good to do. I think I vaguely understand it on a knowledge base, but I don't fully and deeply feel and understand it. Thank you for this! Do you mean with the mindfulness meditation that I could notice moments where I might have a split second of an emotion and than turn some sort of numbness mechanism on to push it away? If so, I find this very difficult because I don't notice triggers for positive feelings, like a thought that gets me excitement or an event I can't wait for. It's almost as if that trigger isn't even pulled. Only very rarely where I find a new song that has a small part in it that feels nice do I get a jolt, but than it goes away. Self-esteem could potentially be a huge part. My old friends group would always bash and smack talk each other and I was a bit of the black sheep for my interests were a complete opposite to theirs. I think this affected my expression in things I like. I often notice I let other people go before me even if I could go first on the road or at the coffee machine or what not. Even having somewhat of a spotlight effect on me when I smile or laugh at something thinking I should finish quickly and get back to flat.

Hello, I have been reading through a lot of the topics here in this forum section. I admire the fact that a lot of you seem to have found your life purpose or are actively looking for it. And hopefully you all can shine some light on some of my questions. Let me give you a little rundown of my "situation". (21yo male). Back in November I decided to drop out of school where I attended a study for Software Engineer (I had previously finished a lower-degree version of the study for 4 years and finished it). It came down to a number of different factors playing in, but it left me work and school-less ever since. I choose to do this to focus on stuff that I wanted to focus on. Since about 2 months I would say I started getting more interested in personal development related topics, as it would potentially help me better my life. In this process I got more and more interested in Life Purpose, as this is something that I am trying to find. Since I dropped out I have constantly been thinking about topic(s) that spark my interest and I could potentially pursue. Before the questions, I want to mention that I started meditation about 15 minus per day since 20th of march. Hopefully this would kind of throw away the cloudy-ness of my thinking. But hopefully it will become less over time. So I've got a few questions this time on life purpose related stuff: As I am currently work and study-less I am constantly thinking about a career/hobby I could pursue. But one of the things that is holding me back is the constant 'money-look' towards everything. I am far from 'money-hungry' but I am looking for ways to sustain a life. I keep pushing things off the list, because I feel like I can't make a comfortable life out of it in the near future. The only thing I actually feel a continued love for is music. But more in a passive way (listening). I sometimes play guitar, but I feel like the possibility to do something with it in life is so far away. There is such an extreme amount of different things to be learned which don't interest me, adding up the countless hours of practice and developing skill etc. And also I feel like the most drive I get is from impressing people. Which I think, isn't the right way to go about this. How do you find a Life Purpose from a perspective of personal fullfillment instead of social/family or whatever else perspective. I think I've seen numerous things listed about how one would potentially find his/her life purpose. Such as values, strengths and other things. But how figure out your strengths and values if you don't even know how to actually identify those. I feel like my vision is very cloudy regarding these subjects and my personal involvement (is this coming from self-esteem issues, and is the cloudy-ness because of the overactive-monkey mind?) It seems like I have the extremely long posts every time I actually post something. But I hope it is clear. I will probably add some more questions as I try to get the picture ^^. (Also I think I have worked out some stuff since this post, as i started meditating and focussing more on specific topics rather than the overall picture. I try however, to learn as I go :)) Thanks for reading and potentially responding, Cheers

Oh and the Life Purpose course is currently not really an option. I try to sustain using my (savings) money, until the psychological part is clearing up so I can start to work again. I presume the price of the course is worth its money, but I can't really afford it at this point.

Thanks for the reaction @Neill Bolton . I will definitly visit the chat channel soon! The reason I stopped the study for Software Engineer was because I felt no interest in it at all. I had finished a 4 year long study of which I had 2 years of internship(unpaid). Because the internship was 40h per week(+15-25h per week side-job for money), I think I got a decent grasp of the career. And Ive got to say, I felt pretty miserable during the internship time. (I had some medical stuff, which turned out to be more psychological, and eventually got to self-development), I couldn't focus for 8h per day, had to constantly re-think things I tried to figure out because I kept forgetting etc.... Also I completely had 0 interest in getting better in it. It just didn't feel like something I wanted to do. Also the medical stuff got me to the point where I decided to go for school, as I had more freedom compared to working. Hoping it would go away, but it just kind of drained my mental energy on school. I decided to go for a gap-year, focus on sports and healthy food, as I got like 10-15kg in about 1-1,5 year. Meanwhile trying to be productive by making YouTube videos, relaxing, reading/learning things I was interested in and trying to figure out my next step.

Hello everyone, I have been lurking on the forums for about a week or two now. And I am fairly certain there are some people with good knowledge of some of the topics that I have questions about. I am not entirely sure if this would be the correct place to ask, if at all. But I will try it anyways. Btw, for what it's worth, I am a 21yo male So I have quite a list of questions. Things that have kind of 'bothered' me over the time, and some things I kind of discovered lately. I think I will just list them out and write some explaination beneath it. Personal Development. Where to start? So I have some personal issues, or things I would like to improve. And I have been watching a decent amount of the videos from Leo. And seen a lot of different topics all throughout the website and the forum. I feel some kind of interest, towards practically all the topics. However, It is kind of a lot to chew all at once. So my question on this part, where would you start on the path of personal development? What would be the/your list of importance? What would be the way to go for it? Go from topic to topic, or kind of dive more into the specific and once you feel you've got the knowledge you want, you shift to the next most important thing to you? Brain "fog" So for the last couple of months I have been trying to do commentaries on YouTube videos(100+). And you might be thinking like, 'oh that is that kind of dude', but I just got some questions that arose during that experience. I feel like I have a lot of brain 'fog'. I don't know if that is the proper description, but I shall explain. During a lot of these commentaries I found out that I have kind of trouble sticking to topics. It feels like my mind kind of wanders around quite quickly. That it is hard to like grab the topic that I want to talk about and say everything on it. As if there is like some 'fog', distorting the thought process or anything like that. I am wondering if there are people who have any experience, or know any way to improve "a clear thought". (instructions, practices, books, anything). I hope the explaination is oke, if not please let me know so I can rephrase better. Being sure of something This topic is maybe a little vague, or at least in my perspective. Ever since I was in Highschool I had those kind of 'stages'/'hypes' around certain things. My friends would give me a lot of smack for changing my mind and not sticking to 'my plan'. Like, 'i'm going to save money for a new pc' or 'save money for a new guitar'. And this kinds of things have evolved into interests as well. One day I might be very interested in playing guitar. And this might stick for a couple of days untill I find something else. Like investment market. Where I would try to research things for a few hours untill I am like "nah, that is not something for me". And these things fluctuate all throughout my day(s) as I try to find kind of a life passion. So how would I be able to get to the point of "I am going to do this, and I will stuck with this"? (I've got to say, in the last few months my only 'real' interest was psychology or personal development related topics. This was something that would tickly my interest and I might pursue a study of psychology. But unsure what kind of job career I would go etc... )(I am genuinly interested in this topic, just saying ) Uncomfortable in being honest & giving compliments This is something that I have been kind of dealing with ever since I got a little older. I feel really uneasy giving people any sort of feedback. Whenever someone tells me "I just ran 10miles", I really seem to struggle to say "Good job, you're on the right track" or something positive towards that comment. I tend to shrug it off like, "gg" or "nice". And this flows into the part of compliments as well. I find it hard to just say: "hey good job! You worked well today" or "Nice new shoes you've got there!". I feel really awkward giving people compliments. Also when someone is possibly really annoying I tend to not say anything. As if it is like really hard to hurt someones feelings, but also to make people feel better about stuff. So I was really curious about the specific topic in self development for this part as this is something I really want to better. So if anyone has any tips, videos, books, articles, comments or anything else. I would really be interest in your word of advice My mind is full of questions, but this kind of boils down to the main ones I have. Last of all, I want to say I kind of sorry for this long essay, but it felt kind of good to voice these things out to be honest. Thanks for reading I really appreciate it, and hopefully anyone has any tips, Have a good day !

Thanks everyone for reading and reacting I will definitly try and plan out my stuff more. I think I will mainly focus more on the confidence part because I think I can use a bit. I shall also watch the video you posted @Ray. Also I tried my first meditation yesterday. Nothing spectacular as expected from the first time, but I will try to do it every day now. Thanks everyone