mydiamondsandpearls

Hi! Last couple of months have been a complete nightmare. I've had pretty severe stomach problems and was quite unlucky with doctors so they made my situation worse. I have SIBO, gastritis and gallbladder problems and only my 4th doctor figured out, what's going on and how to fix it. I started the therapy today and already (!) can tell it's working. I was in so much pain for the last couple of days, I really thought I'm not gonna make it. My back and side muscles got spasmed because of the physical pain I was experiencing. I'm so glad I've found this doctor and have hope to recover in a month. It's ridiculous how prominent medical gaslighting is, I told my other doctors that I experience severe pain, but none of them took me seriously. Hopefully this is the last chapter of this horror story that my health has been lately. pic: old ZBrush sketch

Hi there. This is going to be my self-actualization journal for 2024. 2023 has been a very important year of my life, I started learning 3D art (because I want to do it professionally in the future) and I went to therapy. During therapy I discovered that I don't have any mental disorders, but I do have a very severe neurosis. Neurosis has been very poisonous for my mind, my life, my relationships and my overall feeling of happiness. Dealing with it made things so much better. I still have some big and small goals of course. I really want to get healthy and get in shape (my binge-eating stems from neurosis as well), and I want to improve my skills to be able to get a job eventually. I want to learn to be happy with the things I have now. I want to be less judgmental towards myself and others. I want to do things out of love not because I think I should do them.

Hi! I can totally relate to how you feel. I also come from a very specific conservative ethnic group and, although I live somewhere else and can enjoy all the freedom and independence, I often feel the weight of that part of my identity on my shoulders (it's a strange mixture of insecurity/isolation/feeling like there's no community I belong to). I spent years trying to figure out how to lift that weight: through complete denial (it helps that I look like any other white girl) to researching the history of my family and the ethnic group I belong to (very gloomy history of repressions, ethnic cleansing, wars and discrimination). It didn't help at all. I eventually found the cure: if you do something with passion and it becomes your career, it fills up the biggest part of your identity. If you spend 40+ hours/week doing something, your ethnic background looses that power over who you think you are. Because you are what you do. Artist, journalist, programmer, lawyer, doctor, etc. Eventually, you find a community of people who do or like the same things. And people recognize you as someone who does that thing (when you become really good at it). Idk if this method helps you, but it helped me. Pick something and become really good at it.

Hi there! So basically last 3 months I was dealing with health issues and I'm finally recovering. I had thyroid problems, gastritis, took antibiotics to kill H.Pylori (bacteria that caused gastritis) and after that dealing with gut problems that these antibiotics caused. For 2 months I lived with everyday stomach ache. I couldn't sleep because of that. I finally got a really good doctor (my 3d) and his therapy is helping me a lot. Last 2 days were the first days without pain for me. Obviously I didn't work on any of my goals (art and fitness), my main priority now is my health. This illness made me appreciate life a lot more. I don't think I'll ever be upset about small things like I used to be in the past. pic: last project I worked on

Hey there! I'm slowly recovering from gastritis and thyroiditis. I have to follow a pretty strict diet, bit I'm finally able to do things! My energy level is still not 100%, so I take things slowly. Gosh, I've been sick for 2 months, I don't remember if I've ever been this sick in my life. I started taking short walks, today I walked for 1 hour, it was so great! I'm quite tired now, but so happy I'm getting better. I've lost a little bit of weight too, I am now 66 kgs (I started at 78 in February). Unfortunately, I've lost muscles as well. I also started practicing 3d art again, feels like this long break made me lose some of the progress. I've finished the dwarf sculpt. It's far from perfect, but I'm happy it's done.

Hello. Health and life update: I'm still sick but I'm slowly recovering. COVID hit me hard and I need weeks (maybe months) to heal my gastritis and thyroiditis. I had 2 awful nights with constant pain and headache, but now it's just fatigue I'm dealing with. As soon as I'm fully recovered I'll get the COVID vaccine (I was last vaccinated in 2022). I'm loosing weight although I barely move because I still eat mostly healthy plus my overactive thyroid makes my metabolism faster. Unfortunately I'm loosing muscles too. As for 3D art, I haven't practiced at all. Too tired.

FYI Maya also offers free student's version of the software that you can use for 3 years

Hi again. Since I can't currently work on my goals (art and weight loss) I thought I'll describe here what happened to me health-wise. I'm slowly recovering now and because I try to be as honest here as possible here is the story. After Covid I got some medical complications. The first was that the virus triggered my chronic gastritis- I started feeling abdominal pain and was extremely tired. Stomach pain is also extremely draining and I felt really down all of this time. Endoscopy showed that I was infected with Helicobacter Pylori-a bacteria that causes gastritis. I took 2 antibiotics and 1 PPI pills (triple therapy) for 2 weeks to eradicate it. I haven't been tested again (too early atm), but all of my symptoms are gone now. Antibiotics themselves made me feel like total crap, I was really tired. The second condition that was triggered by COVID was hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid). This was completely unexpected, since I've never had any autoimmune diseases. Women in my family have the opposite problem-hypothyroidism, so I was really surprised. My blood work showed that my TSH is very low, but I don't have Grave's disease-the most common reason of such condition and my endocrinologist said that it was likely caused by the virus and hopefully my thyroid will go back to normal by itself. But it's a slow process (months). My main symptoms are fatigue and really high heartbeat, also trouble sleeping. I was prescribed beta-blockers for tachycardia. So it was a very challenging month (still is). I'm still not recovered. I'm missing my art school classes, I didn't go to my friend's bachelorette party. This year's beautiful summer days are passing by and I'm stuck at home. It's sad, but I need to recover first. I'm lucky to have a supportive family by my side.

Nice job, man, keep going! I'm also studying 3D (you can see some of my work on my self-actualization journal). I agree with Leo, when you get your laptop, you might wanna start exploring software like Blender or Maya (for modeling) and ZBrush (for sculpting). Great progress for someone who only started this year! Good luck!

Hi! This is such an interesting topic as a self-actualization. Good luck on your journey!

Hi there. As I mentioned above, things have been rather challenging lately. I had some health issues after COVID, I had a relapse of my chronic disease and some other autoimmune complications. All of that happened at once and I spent weeks at hospitals, getting blood work done, different people sticking needles into me and so on. It was hard. I had my first panic attack since 2012, I had multiple mental breakdowns. Luckily, my health has improved and I'm slowly getting back on track with things. Obviously I wasn't able to go to art school, practice 3D much or work out. I'm really glad to finally see some light at the end of the tunnel.

@Gladius thank you so much! Good luck on your journey as well, from a fellow "late-bloomer"

Hi there! Last couple of weeks were quite challenging, so I thought I'd mention that to break that feeling that my self-actualization journey is super smooth. Last month I got COVID and had some complications from it that lasted for weeks. I was in mild pain and had zero energy to do anything. Couldn't work, study, walk or do the housework (only the simplest tasks). Because I barely moved I kept counting calories so I don't gain the weight back and it worked! So in total I started at 78 kgs in February and I am now 68.6 kgs, so almost 10 kgs lost in 5 months. There was a mistake in my last post, my BMI is not 21, it's 22.4. What I eat: eggs, greek yoghurt, any type of fruits or veggies, meat, rice, pasta, buckwheat, cottage cheese, protein bars, plant-based milk, butter, bread. I watch my calories and I watch my protein. When it comes to 3D art, I haven't practiced much because of my health, my dwarf sculpt is still in progress. I hate having such long breaks, but there was nothing to do about it. I'm much better now (no pain, just fatigue), so hopefully I'll be able to get back on track.

Hi there! Another update is here. Weightloss: I've lost 17 pounds and hit a plato. My BMI is 21. I keep counting calories and exercising/walking. 3D: I practice approx 5 times a week for 4-7 hours a day. I spend most of this time sculpting, since it's the thing that I want to master the most. My progress is slow but consistent. Here's the latest project that I've finished:

Hey there! Last couple of weeks were not the best tbh. I got COVID and still feel like I'm not fully recovered. I can't workout (no energy) and I don't practice 3D (no energy/brain fog). I've skipped 1,5 weeks of classes. I feel pretty frustrated, because I had good progress and felt so happy about it and now because of an illness I can't do things that will improve my life. I know I should just recover and get back to my routine, it's just I feel this immense pressure to be productive now, because I've wasted my 20s and didn't build the foundation for good life then. I'm now 32 and some form of middle life crisis is definitely hitting me. It feels like I only started maturing maybe 1-2 years ago, I know I should have done these things when I was 20 or even earlier. But I was very young and very dumb. So nothing positive to share really. Just some pictures I took in Istanbul during my trip there in April:

Hello! Here's another update: 1. Weighloss: I've lost 17 pounds so far and I feel great. Things that made the biggest difference: -strength training/building muscle (I train at home 2-3 times a week) -walking as much as possible -eating anything I want as long as I fit in my calorie count (I usually have 2 healthy meals and 1 meal something I crave, like coffee/dessert) My BMI is now 23 (I started at 26) 2. 3D skills: I've been practicing a lot, especially sculpting. I feel like I'm more or less comfortable with Maya, ZBrush, Marmoset and Rizom, but I really struggle with Substance Painter, with texturing. It's such a huge thing on it's own so I will invest more time in mastering it. I also want to practice rendering more, since it's a very important step in making sure your model looks as good as possible. pics: clown girl and insect speedsculpts, WIP: texturing props and dwarf sculpt

Hi there again! It's been a while since I've updated. Weightloss: I've lost 13 pounds so far and I'm in the healthy BMI range. I managed to become more active, walk and exercise more, but I have to say I wasn't as strict with my diet as I intended to be. I ate way too much sugar, because that's what I usually do when overwhelmed or stressed. I decided to fix this by doing 2 things: getting enough sleep (9+ hours for me) and planning my meals the day before. I noticed that I overeat when sleep-deprived. Art: I've been practicing 3D regularly and I also started sketching again. I've finished a digital portrait in ZBrush and sculpted an insect. Plus a big project in my art school is on the way. So far things are ok. I do things consistently although not always perfectly.

Hi there! Here's another update. 1. Weightloss: so far I have lost 10 pounds. I don't do anything crazy, just eat mostly (around 80 percent) healthy (never go hungry), walk more, take the stairs everywhere, and I started doing strength training at home (bought weights and other equipment). I haven't binged and I feel and look a lot better. 2. 3D: Also doing well, I've finished a game-ready model and working on my next one. I've been doing 3d for 1 year now and Just started to understand more or less how things work, how to model/sculpt what I want. It's been a struggle, it's still a struggle, but I get more enjoyment out of it since the results are getting a bit better. More work ahead of course. gif: pomegranate game-ready model

Hello! Long time no see. Life's been pretty busy lately, lots of studies and traveling and work. My 3D learning is going well, I'm really enjoying my art school, the teacher and my classmates, an I see a lot of progress. I've been also traveling a bit, I went to Rome and fell in love with the city and the people there. As far as loosing weight I lost almost 6 pounds! I feel lighter and stronger. I've been watching what I eat and walking a lot. What I want to do now is add strength training so I can build some muscles. I don't go to therapy now because I honestly don't think I need it right now and it's way too expensive. Maybe I'll start again in the future, we will see.

Hi there! Things have been pretty good recently, apart from a couple of days when I was super anxious and couldn't sleep. I've been working on my 3D skills almost every day, but I haven't drawn anything. I've been eating healthy too, but haven't exercised much. So there is room for improvement. I should work on my sleep schedule too, I want to be that person who wakes up early and doesn't feel sleepy:). There's something so nice about having the whole day ahead of you rather than sleeping till noon when half of the day is basically gone. My art school starts this Monday and I'm so so so exited! New people, new projects, I have a very good feeling about it. As for therapy, honestly, I think I don't need it. I know what my problems are and how they can be fixed. A lot of my anxiety comes from not being actualized professionally and being financially dependent on other people. What I need is a job. A good job in an office with nice colleagues. Also I realized that to my surprise I'm pretty ambitious so career success is something I really want. My latest 3D sculpt: done in ZBrush and rendered in Marmoset.

Hi there. The last couple of days have been a bit all over the place. I started practicing 3D and drawing again, it’s been a bit challenging. But I accept it and try to enjoy the process rather than focusing on the outcome I want. The idea of deliberate practice and building mastery in art for the next 10 years is both scary and exciting. No shortcuts, just work. I love art and CG. I know it’s competitive but I don’t really care now. I only care about putting in the work. When it comes to weight loss, I’ve been doing pretty well. I started to walk a lot, I enjoy it, especially with good company or good music. I hate working out though, but strength training is required to build a nice figure. Diet-wise I’ve been eating 80/20 (80 percent-healthy food, 20-treats). Therapy is ok. Still hate it but love the result. I feel more confident and relaxed. People close to me notice that. I feel happier too. Thing I still struggle with is sleeping schedule. I find it hard to sleep sometimes, due to neuroticism and being anxious. Also my cat wakes me up sometimes:) Working on that, bought earplugs.

@Yimpa

Hi again! Coming back from my holiday and I’m ready to start my year, yay! My 2024 Resolutions are: 1. Continue my weight loss journey and get in shape by the end of the year. 2. Continue working on my 3D art skills (minimum 20 hours/week). 3. Make at least 1 sketch/day using any art material. 4. Continue working on lowering my neuroticism and go to therapy 2 times a month.

@Gladius Thank you so much! Happy New Year to you too:)

Going on holiday so won't be updating much in the next couple of days. Happy holidays!