yasseringgg

After watching Leo's video on Burning Through Karma, I've realized the importance of satisfying my different desires and trying lots of stuff, especially since i'm still young. But I've noticed that I've been forcing myself to do stuff that I don't actually enjoy (like quick hook ups) just to "get it out of my system". So I'm wondering where is the line between satisfying a desire vs just letting go. For example, I'm bi but recently I've been craving getting into a relationship with a guy since I've never explored that yet and I feel like there is a lot of potential for growth and connection there. But most guys I've talked to just want sex and it's hard to find someone I'm attracted to both physically and intellectually who's interested in something deeper. And since I think about this a lot, I'm wondering if I should just commit to letting this craving go or to take even more action to satisfy it.

So for the past few years, I've been becoming more and more authentic since I always used to be a people pleaser. I ended up cutting a lot of people out of my life, even close friends, because our belief systems are just too different. I was tired of always dishonoring my values and stepping into their perspective all the time to keep them happy. I trust that I will meet better people that share the same values as I do in the near future. But part of me questions whether I am stopping these friendships because it gives me a sense of power or because it was actually the right thing to do. I feel like there is a part of me that feels really guilty for not trying to make these friendships work (even if they were clearly dysfunctional, at least for me) and I don't know what to do with it. I tried accepting it but the sadness and guilt just keep resurfacing everytime.