Schizophonia

Day 51 I sleep well, but I have a lot of bad dreams where my shadow hits me in the face, waking me up during the night and disrupting my overall sleep quality. Last night, I had, the least important thing I'd think, first dreamed of "waking up" (in the spiritual sense of the word) while I was lying in bed. It was a very anxiety-provoking experience, and at the same time, I had Trump (who knows why lol, I'm not that opposed to this character in the first place, less than most people on this forum) making random statements in my imagination, which added to the anxiety. The second part of the dream involved me being in the presence of a girl I'd flirted with and visited in reality, who lives in another country. But the happiest thing about this encounter was actually our respective parents. My parents weren't directly present, but I knew they would have a positive outlook on it, and the parents of the person in question seemed to see me as a potential ideal gender. But for both of us, the relationship was actually experienced as an unpleasant expression of the shadow. For me, it was about confronting fear, hatred, being humiliated, especially here in front of my parents, for not having succeeded in "winning the ideal object." On the other hand, I believe the shadow was actually something like, "I have to think about dating someone like that because she looks like the ideal son-in-law for my parents." Even if the object is objectively good, it's the shadow of a pathetic and forced vision of relationships, full of learned helplessness, that is expressed, that is in control. The strange thing is that since this dream, as well as other reflections I've had about my libido and the rest, I've had new "love" fantasies appearing; new types of images. I realize that for a long time, I couldn't say whether it was learned helplessness, insomnia, steroids, etc., I basically forgot how to see others, especially women, as human beings. I didn't see women as human beings to be loved as human beings; My vision of others from a sexual and romantic point of view had a "partial," "fuzzy," "regressive" character; Basically neurotic. There is still a lot of introspection to be done.

These kinds of remarks are neurotic and stupid. Btw Christianity is the most persecuted religion in the world.

Truth cannot be symbolized or translated through language; otherwise, it would be limited. Christianity can bring us closer to the truth in some way, whether through orthodoxy or intellectual understanding, or through the study of the Gospels.

I have a big surprise on April 16th Automatically it will be on my journal.

I want my breakdance battle.

I thought about this post again; I've been thinking about all this a bit recently and I've come to the conclusion that the modern world lacks distinctiveness, a connection with the earth, and that the standardization and sterilization of the world generates a lack of enthusiasm, life force, and even "masculinity." Duality and the intensification of dualities are sexual, if what I'm saying makes sense. Btw we evolved in solid tribes of a few hundred people, so it seems logical. A priori, this would make me more nationalist and even far-right, but even if the far-right can appeal to the expression of this sexuality, it's only partially because it will position itself in an authoritarian manner with individual particularities that would go against nationalist folklore. I now almost see my political ideal as a federalist, socialist, and regionalist state. It should be permissive with different particularities usually monitored by nationalists (LGBT, Muslims) and at the same time demonstrate nationalism and even regionalism.

This story will make you less attractive both sexually and relationally..

Your upbringing, traumas, etc., have forged an identity (well, the idea that the world forges identity is an illusion from where I'm looking, but that's just to illustrate) and you seek to maintain it; I haven't thought enough about whether this is a dynamic caused solely by the great game of survival, but in any case, it's ego. I don't have the same identity, the same beliefs, as you, so automatically I don't care about running for long; if I had to run a marathon, the "death drive" (libido) would prevail over the life drive (narcissism), and I might not end up giving up lol, but jogging, stopping, etc, while you watch me from your glory. On the other hand, I am very attached to my intelligence, I am very identified with the game of knowledge and reflection, and I tortured myself for a long time with severe insomnia, partly because of that. I think Emerald said somewhere that she had a similar tendency, for example. Apparently people should help him and give him food so he doesn't let himself die lol. Sadghuru said somewhere that Maharshi "let worms pierce his skin/try to eat him" or something like that, though I don't know if that's true.

I see. Yes mea culpa lol. I meant that karma determines what you're willing to fight for and therefore suffer. We don't have the same karma, so what seems like a waste of time, what I'd call "masochism," to me, is actually a rabbit hole for you, and vice versa. Ramana Maharshi became the biggest slacker of all time, to a suicidal degree, after his awakening. flex* Lol.

Are you still exercising these days? You said you wanted to become "stinky," but I think you only talked about nutrition. Any sense of accomplishment is masochistic from a certain point of view; otherwise, we'd just let ourselves die for peace; it's the "fort-da" of Sigmund Freud's children. It doesn't resonate with my karma; I'm not a very physical archetype in general, more mental/emotional; a bit like Leo. If what I'm saying makes sense. It might be attractive in my system to look "tough", even if I would never be a bodybuilder since it's still not worth it. Ditto eheh. To return to Mars, where you came from.

Soon I should set aside an hour or two to study some of your posts here and there lol; It seems interesting but it's hard to understand, or rather btw hard to relate and it's difficult/intimidating to make the intellectual effort to put oneself in your shoes. 🤔

Most Christians are "normal" in my world; Remember, everything you see is projection. Because you systematically consider Christianity as a reaction formation process. https://www.verywellmind.com/reaction-formation-is-5190404

No, girls around this age have finished puberty and I see a lot of them who are terribly attractive. Nothing better than a cute, fresh 15-year-old girl who squeals while bouncing on me; A stoic, psychonaut, French patriot, son of a construction worker, who tacitly embodies the substitute father figure. But it's just a vague fantasy that I'm exposing to fuel the topic, it doesn't matter. I'm very stoic by nature, so I need a girl like that to create a polarization. The fun comes from the polarization.

The question was "large age differences," but it's obvious that doesn't refer to pedophilia; it's about fantasizing about 50-year-old MILFs when you're 18, or fantasizing about a 14/15/16-year-old young woman when you're 50 or older, but they're always pubescent girls. Pedophilia didn't actually cross my mind. Ahah yes i remember this question, i think that I replied that I very much agreed . I find it attractive to have a vulnerable/childlike/cute partner.

Soon i will end up just spamming one-word phrases of holistic concept like "non-duality" or "ego." as a response.

Stop lying, you're gossip girls. There's just one slightly vague question about age, which tacitly asks whether you like scenarios with mature women or, on the contrary, younger girls. In my case, it would be a 16-year-old girl, for example, on whom I could play a paternal role, or, on the contrary, the scannerio of seducing a 40-50-year-old woman, even if I like it less.

What a scam.

Yes, it is an obsolete prescription.

It's both.

Seems too unnecessarily restrictive to me. I'd even allow myself a beer here and there if I liked it. I have almost no restrictions anymore; it's useless most of the time. I'm also interested in manifestation and a higher degree of consciousness in general, and maya is a projection of beliefs; an echo chamber (well, it's a dual illusion, but it's a representation that makes the phenomenon understandable and usable) between what is "impulsed" and "received." If you nofap, you end up not being able to ejaculate without feeling sick; if you become a frugivore, you end up not being able to eat a hamburger without getting sick; if you become an athlete, you end up not being able to have a decent physique without going to the gym. You say you have "brain fog," you have "brain fog," etc.

No, Christians follow God, Jesus is just a messenger, even an archetype. You can have a monistic view of Christianity; Read Neville Goddard, George Berkeley, or take a direct interest in Jewish Kabbalah; among other Near Eastern esoteric traditions.

I slept very badly and was quite busy this week, so I'm taking a few days off; I don't really feel like exerting myself intellectually.

the poor man

Lol. Well, if I manifest the presence of homosexuality and I'm at least a little gay, like the rest of us. But it's weak enough that I really don't want to be involved at all or almost. I have nothing against homosexuality btw.