Schizophonia

Day 37 My father asked me again why I still don't have a girlfriend even though "I'm good looking". I answered that it was because I don't have a social circle, that it's hard to find a job to settle down in a big city (especially when you're a student), and that insomnia prevented me from being proactive for almost 3 years. You also have to find someone good; I had a lot of opportunities even with very beautiful and very sweet girls, like 8/10 without exaggeration but I declined because of insomnia (I wonder how they could have been interested in a zombie lol 😂) or because I had nothing in common with them. I tried to flirt with girls who really interested me but it didn't work out for some reason; Girls would rather take giant pliers than admit that they are not really interested in you so I wasted a lot of time and money, it is quite frustrating, but well. What happens now is that even if it is frustrating I no longer try to "force", I am content to be there and act like an "inflexible love algorithm"; Then well, whether it pleases or not is not a good deal, it is an emotional matter of women.

No, i just try to buy more local products.

He is my biggest spiritual influence, and at the same time a male role model that I like ; I like its vibe. Well, I don't really have a "male role model", that would be refusing to become the father, but it's to answer the topic.

Watching pornography/onlyfan and masturbating is an incredible lack of respect for oneself as a man. We must save our sexual energy for chasing pussies ; Be the one riding that ass while pulling hair, not watching someone else do it that doesn't makes sense. It is also a capitalist alienation, in a normal world we wouldn't even give minimum wage to such people. The modern world is abnormally castrating in general ; Pornographie, wage earning, poor distribution of wealth, Abrahamic religions, veganism, environmentalism, pornography, feminism...

Why couldn't the brain process magnetic fields?

You lack a father figure and/or have trauma in denial to wallow in the fringe of learned helplessness to this point. There is no problem with that, but you have to deal with it. Because, even if you are cynical and admit that you are very ugly (which is certainly not the case) you can put a few thousand euros aside or even take out a loan to do deep cosmetic surgery, it remains a cheap investment compared to a quality car or buying a house; It can be a motivation to work for money. Basically it is a question of learned helplessness and confidence, much more than material conditions in absolute terms ; Your system needs reassurance about future results. Fight fight fight.

Stop listening to music and watching shorts, bullshit content in general; instead read at least 30 pages of books or articles per day, do some walking meditation etc.

For what purpose?

Day 36 Last night I slept little, my sleep is good now eheh but it always happens because I can wake up during the night and struggle to fall back asleep. I noticed that if I fell asleep after 6am, I had a strong tendency to turn to sleep paralysis, I suppose it is the state of my neuro-endocrine balance around these times (richer in noradrenaline? I read somewhere that kratom which increases it significantly was likely to induce strange dreams and possibly sleep paralysis and lucid dreams). This takes the form of a sensation of "vibration" at the back of the skull and the formation of hallucinations, the sensation of turning towards "another world". It's scary because you don't know where you're going and usually I just want to fall asleep, not bother with such a phenomenon, but the few times I've accepted or even simply managed to enter these dreams (which actually require some effort, it's not easy to master), it usually turns into something very strange ; Quite psychedelic in general.

If Europe wants to defend Ukraine, it should do so with its own means.

Day 35 For me, intelligence is a frequency; The stupid ego is essentially about pretending not to understand, not to let yourself go to the quantum shift towards a more holistic paradigm. I regularly have the choice to become someone more stupid or more intelligent, the choice of dumbing down is the choice of attachment. No need to go on the internet to ask ChapGPT which drug increases neurogenicity and/or neuroplasticity, it's cumbersome, ineffective, and a blow to get lost in the maya to end up panicking and ruminating on the prison of existence lol; No, you just have to contemplate towards which frequency an action makes my ego slide. Joe dispenza (I don't only have him in mind, but he's my biggest reference in the field of health) has managed to regrow the brains of people with advanced neurodegenerative diseases, or even strokes; Literally people with holes in their brains plugged out of nowhere. It wasn't from a drug, in fact it seems there is no drug that can do a 10th of that, all he does is violently make his clients change their self-concepts.

For me, intelligence is a frequency; The stupid ego is essentially about pretending not to understand, not to let yourself go to the quantum shift towards a more holistic paradigm. I regularly have the choice to become someone more stupid or more intelligent, the choice of dumbing down is the choice of attachment. No need to go on the internet to ask ChapGPT which drug increases neurogenicity and/or neuroplasticity, it's cumbersome, ineffective, and a blow to get lost in the maya to end up panicking and ruminating on the prison of existence lol; No, you just have to contemplate towards which frequency an action makes my ego slide. Joe dispenza (I don't only have him in mind, but he's my biggest reference in the field of health) has managed to regrow the brains of people with advanced neurodegenerative diseases, or even strokes; Literally people with holes in their brains plugged out of nowhere. It wasn't from a drug, in fact it seems there is no drug that can do a 10th of that, all he does is violently make his clients change theirself-concepts. I'll put this post on my journal btw😂

Day 34 As planned I bought my report notebook I will write down what I had planned but I should also make comments on my individualization process; It is a process proposed by Carl Jung who suggests, to summarize very roughly, to produce a work of conscience to realize the behaviors that are part of a "false self": A persona, masks that have become useless inherited from the collective unconscious and which could give way to a sense of self more in agreement with our true drives or failing that a principle of tangible reality (the law, understanding in society, politeness) rather than alienations due to traumas or exceptional circumstances; False beliefs in general. Even if I am quite dry, not the most sociable guy in the world, well ultimately I am like everyone else and I am afraid of being abandoned; This is the biggest obstacle to shadow work, it involves taking steps into the void (like the invisible bridge in Indiana Jones) by abandoning, whether directly in your relationships with others (especially the opposite sex, automatically) or in other contexts (creative, professional...), all the little unconscious strategies that you have absorbed from the collective unconscious (especially family, automatically) or from your own experiences, to make yourself loved; Hoping for approval. Except that, what we do not see in such a disposition is that the seduction process becomes extremely energy-consuming; It is only when you fully accept who you are and what you really love that you can finally receive abundance. I am not just saying this from a perched point of view like Neville Goddard (which is valid), no need to go that far in this context; In a purely physicalist point of view, you will never produce enough love (money, attraction of friends, of a partner, hobbies, sports...) except when you deposit your libido on the objects that your energetic system is actually made to process; It is simply the flow. I am never as abundant as when I drop the masks, even if I have a reflex, an alienation, become so Pavlovian that I regularly find myself today here and there pulling myself on the syntax of my sentences; Do I even have a smiley? What smiley? Do I have to make a joke? What joke? Do I have to be dry? Do I have to make a block of text? Do I only have to comment or respond? Do I have to write everything "in one block" in a melodic way, do I have to rework my sentences so that they sound better? Why do I only think about that. At such a level lol, it is not obvious to determine which inclination comes from which instance of my persona; That is the whole difficulty of the shadow. I know that the other is a mirror, the whole world down to the quark is my perfect mirror, the reflection of what I am in denial, what I do not yet know that I am; There are people who see assholes everywhere, others who see hypocrites, others who see fascists, others who see leftists; I see people who have a tendency to hide who they are; Who hide when they are pissed off, or when they are angry, or when they are unhappy. It is my shadow, essentially; My parents are very kind but they are not very emotionally mature and, I was able to observe how part of my inhibition in certain contexts came fom the fear of "crushing" them. When you interact with strong and stable individuals, as their energetic structure does not live in threat then there is no reason to send you threatening energy in return, the relationship can therefore be fluid and trusting; My parents have conflicting psyches and it is difficult not to "feel", on an instinctive level, that something is wrong with them even if it is hidden. And at the same time if I perceive it so well it is because, it is also and above all about me that I am talking; I am certainly resentful without this being particularly conscious. Nevermind.

Aw thank you my darling ladyboy, your message is very sweet

Jared has nothing to do with Hitler.

Jared Taylor is right.

Psychedelics make me obsessive compulsive and hyper ambitious.

Yo. I don't have a full beard at the moment, so I prefer to shave; it makes it look « clean ».

Day 33 Short post for today. I like to dress well both glorifying for oneself and for others. My style essentially consists of a short, slightly curly haircut, a clean shave of the beard, and an open or not shirt with the sleeves rolled up. If it is closed I tuck it into my pants and tighten with a belt. Otherwise a hoodie or a Nike or Adidas sweater, always with the sleeves rolled up. I also have some stainless steel jewelry. I like everything that is made of steel or gold, I find that it gives a slightly more virile vibe; It's stylish.

I just interacted with her as a random response. 🤔 I don't know what she said )other than what I responded to).

Cheesecake factory, plenty of sex, and tax cuts. Yum

I understand people enough to see that your response serves no purpose other than trying to ridicule me, because you are not a man. Yes you cried body shaming because you are anxious and afraid that people will think like me; because it brings you back to your helplessness to face the responsibility of your actions. Remember I am a mirror; there are tons of polarized mirrors everywhere and all the time, you are looking at me because you see yourself through me.

You are too emotional and I trigger fear in you, by projection on women. Of course everything is relative; A woman can be a virgin and not be suitable, a woman like Princess Arabia can have been an escort girl and at the same time be intelligent, talk about philosophy and spirituality, know how to cook and be a woman full of quality; Many men if not most will turn a blind eye to what she has been able to do if she is suitable enough for their requirements now. Reality is stiff but flexible, chill.

Day 32 Tomorrow I'm going shopping and buying a "creation" notebook as I talked about in a previous post. It will be about making a debrief of the day as honest and precise as possible which will correlate the different conscious/personal data ("more or less controllable", in the Neville Goddard paradigm), and unconscious/impersonal. The most conscious data is the mental discourse and the imaginative process in general, what is not conscious is what is projected into the maya. Of course here we are still in duality, theoretically (idealist monism, philosophy of Neville Goddard, Berkeley, Maharshi...) and experimentally (Psychedelics in particular 5 MeO DMT, Awakening during meditation or yogic practices in general...) we can go beyond duality, but with our current level of consciousness we must always play with it and the simplest is to represent reality as such a duality, conscious/unconscious echo chamber. Neville Goddard wrote "emotion is the secret"; I see what is perceived as an emotion as a crossroads between the conscious and the unconscious. I have the belief that I can move my arm by thought, and this belief is justified in a whole bunch of ways; I do not however have the belief that I can fly and access to this frequency will therefore be automatically blocked as I seek it and therefore confront myself with the limiting belief. Have you heard about the paradox of the soccer ball that will never reach the goal? Because before crossing the 10 meters that separate it, it will have to cross 9.9m, then 9.99m, then 9.99999999999m and this to infinity. The objects of the maya, as limits, function in such an asymptotic way: The more you imagine it, the more you fix it. Even if I want to do something as simple as drinking water, if I overinvest impulsively (consciousness) in the image of drinking water, it will not trigger the motor part to experience bringing my bottle of water to my mouth and consuming it; It is the absolute persuasion that it happens, absolute if not just enough for it to take "time" rather than seeing the water directly teleport into my mouth, that allows the experience, otherwise I would be stuck like the ball 0.0000001 meters from the goal. That is why those who talk about manifestation insist on starting from the principle that it happened/is happening, especially not that it "should" happen. Feeling (once again the personal/impersonal dichotomy is an illusion of duality, in absolute terms everything is consciousness and there is no difference between "I" and "it", neo advaita 101 lol, which is conscious/unconscious, always in the sense used by Neville Goddard) is like a "back door" in the sense that it is an experience that is quite easy to induce by the human imagination, and at the same time quite tengible, objective to influence the conscious and therefore ultimately the whole echo chamber, the belief system at the origin of creation. This is the greyhound.