Schizophonia

Day 9 I only had one experience with Ketamine (S-ketamine supposedly, maybe the seller screwed me and sold me racemic or an rc like 2-FDCK, i don't know and nevermind), i was sharing an apartment at the time and my roommate was temporarily gone for some reason, probably school holidays. I had a small table in my room, i clean it well and put down the equivalent, from memory, of 100 to 200mg of powder to give a fairly wide range, before crushing it and snorting it. It's a fairly significant volume but it's very easy to snort, much more than 5 MeO DMT for example which quickly resembles snorting pepper even at much lower amounts, and it also goes up very quickly; I don't even have time to finish my lines that i feel my head spinning and confusion setting in. Once finished, i sit on my bed in the strangest feeling i have ever experienced, on the same level as LSD or 5 MeO Mipt but in a completely different way. The loss of motor mobility sets in, my head is like a moving camera with a significant latency time between the nervous order to move it and the result, it was quite funny, somehow like being in a video game.I look at the cloud through the window, it was a bit like it was "magical", "special". So I decide to lie down, the taste of ketamine is unpleasant but i still enjoy what seemed to be the best of all the relaxations i have experienced in my life; It was like being in a cocoon, imagine napping next to a fireplace with a rum when it is winter but even deeper and more pleasant. I have some hallucinations, including objects that "crawl" lol: I had a light on the ceiling that looked a bit like the lamp you can see in the intro of Pixar movies, it had come to life and "crawled" indefinitely on my ceiling, without paradoxically moving, a painting also started to do the same thing. In terms of my behavior i, incidentally, became the most goofy and social man in the world: It was exactly like being drunk, i held back but i wanted to get back in touch with random people to mess around. Finally, the ketamine went down and I was able to get out of bed, and I went back on the contrary, by rebound effect, in a rather manic but also antisocial effect. For about a week, even though i had only taken a single dose of an average dosage, i suffered from a moderate craving: To give an equivalent, it was like being on a diet for a while and knowing that there is a Kinder in the drawer, or having spent the day in the sun without drinking and knowing that there is a full fresh bottle of Evian in the fridge. I completely understand how people become totally addicted, especially if they are particularly receptive, it is quite recreational and not so "spiritual", even if you dose more and get a k Hole (i have friends who had). It can be nice to try as an antidepressant medication or even recreationally, it is still much less worse than an opiate or even MDMA, but it remains dangerous and without "pragmatic" interest. In fact even psychedelics do not have much therapeutic interest : I have never seen anyone who has benefited from psychedelics, i have in fact seen plenty of people that have did the experience of dozens or even hundreds of trips and continued to be dysfunctional, continued to be the effect of the reasons that drove them to consume these psychedelics in the first place. At most psychedelics seem to have a spiritual, intellectual interest; A tool that helps to have sufficiently extraordinary experiences and therefore to break certain beliefs about the universe, and possibly create concepts. They can also be good antidepressants in the short/medium term, but there you go...

No i've havent tried yet. I'm a bit lazy to take anything on right now, i'm focused on getting mentally and physically healthy again and building something.

These are the trash cans of the Middle East Third World.

@LambdaDelta I hit you have aready responded to me in the topic mea culpa. It made me think of it, apparently O PCE is a similar compound. 🤔

What do you propose?

@LambdaDelta Sometime i dreamed about taking a substance and having psychedelic experiences. One time I dreamt that i was lying cross-legged on my bed and snorting a substance. After the trip I asked "God" what it was and I got the answer "3 HO PCE":

Day 8 This is my city eheh. It is indeed a fairly pleasant city to live in and also touristy. There is a city center with a typical medieval setting, but a modern and even quite gentrified "suburb"; There is fiber optics everywhere, a fairly large middle school and high school, lots of restaurants, shops... The biggest drawbacks would be the lack of employment, the price, and the somewhat stupid organization of the city. I have lived in several cities: The best city i have lived in was Strasbourg; Rents are expensive but it is particularly pretty, the architecture is typical of northern France and western Germany. It is also an eco-friendly city that is organized to facilitate transport by bike, there is a cycle path everywhere and the city is relatively flat so it is all the easier to get around like that. Perpignan was the worst, it's a super ugly shithole, quite dangerous and full of gypsies. Fortunately i was not there directly but in a small tourist town nearby which i have already spoken about in another post. To return to seminal retention (which i only recently started again so lol 😅 nevermind), i contemplated how the condamental cause of addiction was the fear of castration, the defense mechanism that the Lacanian who introduced me to psychoanalysis (Richard Abibon) will associate somewhere with the so-called death drive. It would seem (and i agree with him when i think back to certain specific behaviors that i had as a child) that the goal of the death drive is to inhibit the castration anxiety (=amputation, degradation, humiliation...) by reliving the trauma, or a degrading scene in general, in an active way rather than being passive; that's all that rumination or worse PTSD is about. I will talk about this in my next topic which should come out between tomorrow and tuesday evening.

A little bit. Leo made a video about that, basically it dissociates you from motor functions and in a certain way the ego. There are often hallucinations even at small/medium doses, i saw objects in my room "crawling" it was weird. It was an extremely weird feeling in general, in a different way from psychedelics.

@Carl-Richard Did you have hallucinations ?

I will have activated the immortality genes and become super powerful thanks to AI Sadhguru looks like a pear and almost died of a brain hemorrhage. Most yogis who follow a typical zealous diet ethic don't look good in general.

Ketamine was the closest thing to alcohol I used. I must have snorted 100-200mg and 5 minutes after i finished it was like suddenly being a 5 year old again.

In short you get smashed.

I drink white spirit for ego death.

Day 7 I have 2 books to read this week. Discover Totsky by Jean Batou is a book about the communist thinker and creator of the red army, a priori i'm not communist even if i agree with some marxist axioms but the book is short and i wanted to see what was in it. It was advised in a video where one of the most famous French communist activists of the century (Olivier Besancenot) intervened, i can like some of his interventions here and there even if i have a lot of disagreements: He was a postman and the youngest politician to run for election in the 5th French Republic. Jung, a travel toward ourself by Frédéric Lenoir is a biography and popularization of Carl Jung's ideas: Here again i am not so much a fan of the Jungian paradigm, Jung insisted on going beyond the fundamental causes of the human psychic structure and the differences between individuals regarding this structure (i.e. sexuality; Relationship to power, relationship to the phallus, the Oedipus complex) to generate a more complex, more conceptual paradigm, with more abstract and even mythological notions (Archetypes). Carl Jung was far from being an ascetic but was nevertheless very spiritual, he was both attached to Christianity, to the figure of Christ, but also to mysticism, to oriental ideas.

This time you're the scientist. No problem. Dissociatives can be spiritual; There must be some Stockholm Swedes here who have access to ketamine.

No pb. Thanks for your point of view. If i had a partner i could ejaculate if it pleased her for some reason lol, if i really can't hold it i would learn to inejaculate. But otherwise i might as well just stay chaste for now, there are only benefits.

Lol why did you do that. Alcool works essentially like a mix between a benzodiazepine, and a dissociative (like ketamine). But it's toxic.

Eheh. If you're asian or half asian it's normal to have an endogamous preferency, we understand each other better between people who are similar. Otherwise it is a paraphilia, without going into details.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDvYguVvexK/?igsh=Ynh2amRhcWFua2ln

The sweetness, the fragility, the devotion is what makes me fall in love.

I checked on google and his wife is just his looksmatch, basically. And mentalmatch, lol.

1) He is quite attractive, intelligent and somewhat famous. 2) These women have mental problems. 3) Women who have restrictive diets often want to fall back on men with a similar diet.

No on the contrary, she has a more indifferent vibe than average, most of the girls i met were more "doggy" than her. No one has offended her as far as i know. I like to give names of animals to tease a bit, but because it means a cute or graceful character; But dog refers to submission. Again it can maybe work sexually lol but I wouldn't take that in other contexts. Nevermind. I wasn't targeting anyone at all. I said that because you seemed to be tacitly afraid that she would be taken advantage of. To me he seemed no more abnormal than anyone else.

I'm a Barbie giiiiiiirl, in the Barbie woo oo orld Life in plastic, it's fantaasssstIC 🕺🫨