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I’m god and have no free will? Wow. And I thought I had enough untoxified braincells left. It’s a meme. I’m a meme. The dumb is over but it’s funny, apart from my sore ego.

If something was communicating with you in your sleep, and, in the past, several people in the past mentioned it, but, you already thought everything was an illusion, what would you think? It was bargaining with me and showing me images that were based on something, trying to communicate with me.

I’ve also considered every thing is responsive, and responsible, it may be a better conclusion to come to and less confusing than, you are god and everything is you. Obviously, things are not what they seem, but, is it better or worse to, believe you are god because someone said it? Okay, there is probably more to it than that, like, psychedelic experiences. How would you know you’ve experienced infinity? How would know you are god? Am I going back to keeping things simple? I don’t know if keeping things simple will help or harm me, but, it’s probably going to be better than believing in things that I don’t have enough understanding of. My thoughts affect things, or, they seem to, I don’t know how, or, if there even is how, but, life can up its game, and, find ways of defeating me, no matter what I do. I don’t know if it’s better to accept defeat but what is someone supposed to do when they have minimal logic, and, they somehow thought they could work out “the answers” and now they don’t?

@Keryo Koffa I’m not going to pretend I have enough understanding of what god is, to claim it’s not what everything is, it’s more, I want an explanation, but, I’m still not sure I’ll have the right understanding. Could you explain, in, not plain English, but, not cryptic English, what is going on, to the extent you can? I’m not going to entertain scientific beliefs, since I’ve deconstructed them, not that I’m smart enough to verify I’m correct, but, that’s it. I’m only just reconstructing the ego, in the sense, I’ve gone through, many, psychotic episodes, I’m not going to go back to that. It’s not all about feeling good, it’s not all about logic, it’s not all about morals, but, it’s about all three, although, I think I’m missing pieces of the puzzle, not just some, but, the whole puzzle, pretty much. Idk where I’m going with this, I want questions, rather than answers though. Is there any you can share?

I can’t interpret the meaning of god, in any way. Not only am I not god, which, I supposed to believe, I have no clue about god, if I was god, I don’t know what I’d do. If this was what I somehow as god wanted, why would I want that? It’s not just that I don’t know what god is, I don’t know anything, but, I want to know what is going on. Even just trying if I try to interpret things that people say, I fail. Even if I try to interpret my own mind, there’s not much I can do. Should I go on?

You can criticise people for criticising people and still call other people hypocrites. The ways in which that is not acceptable are ridiculous. This is a criticism. I am hypocritical and that is a criticism

What on earth would you want to get someone? They could do literally anything to you. It would be reasonable to ask for someone who does not give you pain and I don’t even know what kind of positive things you’d want from them, after all they’re supposed to put you through and then you’re somehow feel bad when they’ve died and like… Is that supposed to worth it? Can I just have the best relationship imaginable? You don’t ask to be born then you ask for a bunch of things that turn out bad and people say the whole point of life is to enjoy yourself.

@Princess Arabia when has has anyone ever just observed something without at least some sort of perception that wasn’t perceived good or bad?

@Princess Arabia an observation can be considered a criticism.

I don’t mean people should experience the best thing ever because they’re good, it’s just that like life has been like… I don’t even want to think of words for it. If you wanted financial compensation for anything… Where would you even begin? And money doesn’t make it better. I don’t know what would compensate for life. Will something just really good that in no way makes people feel bad or anything bad happen?

@An young being also, they are supposed to evolve because some of them randomly die and that is supposed to increase their chances of survival. Logic is not reasonable. I don’t trust logic and I used logic to have something that I don’t think is an understanding of this.

I’d want like compensation that I couldn’t even imagine for what I have experienced in this life, even though, I’ve just had the time of my life over the past so many hours because like life is just so ridiculous, like, where would you even begin? I can’t even imagine what god would have to be like to dream up such an absolute mess of a life. What on earth is god up to? Making me think bad things are going to happen for things I did do and didn’t do and might have even had a past life which somehow meant I deserved this and all the things other people have done which are not under anyone in this life’s control. If you bought life, you’d definitely want to take it back to where it came from, and, like… I don’t even know what an appropriate response would be to who ever is responsible. How would they possibly compensate for what you’ve done? I’ve always wanted to be clever but like how is anything that I can even imagine clever? Like, wtf. I’m Jesus Christ, crucify me and send me to heaven… Or at least like… Create something that doesn’t have like any negative consequences. End of rant.

God may have something other than intelligence that I can’t imagine and reasons for things that I can’t imagine but like, god, just fuck right off. This is beyond a joke.

@BojackHorseman if you feel icky about those things, shouldn’t you feel about complaining about those things? You could just feel good about everything, like why don’t you just feel good about everything?

@Hojo I’m not being funny but how are you supposed to program your own brain? Let’s say science is true, then everything you think is caused by your brain. If god is true then everything you think is caused by god. If psychology is true then everything you think is caused by your experiences but somehow you still have control over it? Saying you have control over your thoughts is just like not even a level.

@Razard86 I can’t imagine a level of consciousness where you would understand life. You could be deceiving yourself, you could lying, you could be saying something that people don’t understand, you could be real or not real, you could have somehow caused this life even though there’s no way you’d want it if you thought reasonably. Everything could not be true… I could go on but like wtf? Hahahahahahaha.

I would say like literally everyone is acting from the most unreasonable, most ridiculous logic ever hahaha. I’ve suddenly had the best epiphany ever which is that life has absolutely no intelligence whatsoever. If you could see the entirety of life you would have to laugh, that’s the only reasonable reaction I can think of, but, not just any laugh - the most laughable laughing fit EVER!

Just forget about the future didn’t make sense. Also, I can’t stop thinking about thinking about the future. Can I just like delete life?

The guy sent me an identical meme that I’d sent to my ex except they’d edited the word ‘lol’ onto it so I thought it was a fake profile, explained this to him and then he started getting angry towards me, then I made a Lord of the Rings reference after I explained we ‘don’t need to go into a spiral just because of a meme’ and that I experience lots of synchronicities. I literally thought I was never going to find a real relationship again and he blocked me just because I thought he was a fake profile and I made a Lord of the Rings reference. Edit: it was kinda dumb because I thought he would react like that but hoped he wouldn’t.

Like everything else, drugs aren’t even real. You just spontaneously hallucinate when you take drugs.

I think I reached my lowest point when I already thought I was in danger if I was in with certain situations again, went into one of those situations again just so I could take ketamine, I’ve got to the point where I literally don’t care if I’m in any danger, I just want drugs and I don’t care about the consequences anymore. I also think anything can mean anything.

It may even be that the world is aiming at becoming the best version of itself, but, best is complicated.

How can I help her become conscious of her political opinions?

@Francis777 All political views are ultimately selfish, but, within the constraints of life, how can we get the best result for everyone?

@Sincerity That’s reasonable. I suppose it is just an attempt to get a greater understanding myself. I wanted to discuss principles, she sounds very smart, then again, it is impossible to tell how smart or dumb someone really is. I didn’t want her to make the same mistakes I did.