carlo

@Natasha hi natasha, sorry for my english. thanks a lot for your advice about the thresome, I take it and now i feel so much better. this is what happened: I started to say I was very grateful for everything that I learned with her, but that a year ago she told me that we had a trio and I told her if I she was talking seriously and she told me that never with another man, then I just got upset and could not believe it. but I did not wanted to end the relationship, she apologized me and told me never thought things through. Now a year later I again ask the same question and she told me that yeah, and with her ex, she and told her to finish with her girlfriend so we can have a thresome. and told her that I just did not want to be with her after that. I need some time for myself and learn to be happy. she began to mourn and said that forgiveher, that she did not know what she was thinking about when she did that (again), but finally she accepted it and told that she loved me very much and expected me to be happy in life. now I am facing the duel to end the relationship, and sometimes I do not like what I see in the mirror but I try to meditate and be aware of my self-criticism waiting to help. but overall I feel good, at peace with myself and happy with the choice I make. thank you all for responding

@charlie2dogs @Man in the Mirror but then... which is the decision with real real growth here?

I've always been insecure and had low self-esteem becuase I am ugly, I feel that the only person who loved me as I am is my girlfriend, know her since childhood and is the only woman that wants to be with me, I think that when you do not love yourself and receive love from someone else, emotional dependency is created. in spite of this all our relationship was in place, you could say it was a healthy relationship. but the last year, my girlfriend told me that want to have a thresome (with my emotional dependence and fear that this person is with someone else, it was hell), but I just got upset and I said that it was not love, until today I can not forget that, could not bear the idea that my girlfriend would not mind seeing me with someone else just to have more pleasure. I still think that doing that is only pleasure and has nothing to do with love. after a while she apologized to me and told me she did not know what she was thinking, and that she just did not think well and never wanted to have a threesome. I never believed her, and continue the relationship even though I could not trust her, but I kept my feelings. once Leo replied me in a comment that what was wrong was that I did not want to have the thresome , so I told my girlfriend that I want to have the thresome and she told me that of course, but with another woman, and I I said that with her ex. I really hoped the answer was no, but my suspicions were always true. besides the ex has a girlfriend and my girlfriend did not care, she told her to finish that relationship so we could have the thresome. I always had the image of my girlfriend like an angel before all this, and that's what I fall for her. but I sometimes think the problem is in me, I should not end the relationship only because I think that having a threesome is not love, but then I think that's not what I want for my life, and that's not love, but then I think back and say that these are limiting thoughts, and I'm really in a situation of not knowing what to do. I was thinking of finish her because the pressure is too much, but not if it is something that I can regret. after all , I'm still telling the charade that I want the thresome , and supposedly we will have it in a week. I am scary ofo see her playing with someone else and that she does not care if I kiss her ex or not. is that all this drama is partly caused by my emotional dependency and low self-esteem, but I think deep down that if a person loves me, she not want to see me in bed with someone else. but according to these forums and Leo , having a threesome is an opportunity to reaffirm my manhood , it's like I have to be a man and have the thresome , but that just makes me doubt my manhood , I am just desperate with all this situation . I need a mature advice please, I have 19 years, it is my first serious girlfriend and took 1 year and 6 months.

According to leo is the neti neti method or self inquiry, but Shinzen Young talks about strong determination sitting plus some form of meditation called "expand contract". does anyone tried both tecniques? here is the tecnique of Shizen Young https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYSSf71Vo7w Also I want to know if is better do the self inquiry with the guided video of leo, or by oneself. because with the video sometimes I am trying to focus my atention in the sensation of my skull (where I believe I am until today) but then leo keeps talking and that distracts me, but without the video it is so more easy to get lost in monkey mind and miss the flow.

@Leo Gura Hi leo, thanks for all the personal advice, I really appreciate it . I will read the six pillars of self esteem at first. I thought that the rude cause of the problems in my life was happening by my low self-steem, but if I look more deep, there is no self esteem Issues if there is no self .. so, does the "self Inquiry" work will help me with this self esteem issues, or must i first solve my self esteem issues and then kill the ego? I was putting off the enlightenment work because I thought that first I needed to solve my problems of self-esteem. but if the enlightenment work helps me with these , I 'll start today. @Emerald Wilkins I did it today and it felt like gradually the pain was expanding and by moments it disappears , thanks a lot! @Mal that is self inquiry right? thanks for that, dude @Lorenzo Engel @MartineF @Andre @charlie2dogs @Telepresent thanks all I have made the commitment to be happy and self caring in life!

@Emerald Wilkins Hi! thanks for the answer, I tryed the technique you told me the first week that I started to meditate, but then I saw the do nothing video of leo and it was more effortless so I did it. so at the end its better Vipassana meditation than do nothing for my low self esteem issues?

@charlie2dogs thanks dude, and how i do that? with meditation??

@Andre in a rational sense , I understand it! but the problem is that I dont know how to do it , it's not like that " oh I need to give me love! " and all my self-esteem problems go away. I believe meditation can be a solution , but maybe there are more options to achieve the unconditional acceptance of myself and everything that happens in my life. @Telepresent Man , thanks for your advice . I tryed to go to the psychologist but it was a waste of time and money , she just asked me how I felt and she told me to be jealous was wrong and that was worrying. and I looked and thought .. really? @MartineF and how you did that?, was it meditation? thanks for the vid , it was helful, and I am gonna said me "i love you" more often the best think I ever done is to acept my depression and low self-esteem (because I always go away from it, and use a lot of things as a distraction) and be able to recognize that it can change, that life is not about depresion, that i can be happy no matter what .... but now the next step is HOW???? haha. how can I acept myself? (I never done that in my life) does meditation help? or there is more reacourses? for me right now, love is just a concept. Thanks to all!

I think the consequence of being loved when you do not love yourself and you're not happy, is that you need that love to feel good. That has made me afraid that my girlfriend leave me and I spend thinking about those fears all day (literally all day). I only have three months meditating with "do nothing technique," and I do it 20 minutes every day. But the other day I was desperate, I had a jealous rage, inner fear and uncertainty, and I decided to sit and "do nothing" for two hours. It was hell, but I did it. At times I felt some kind of acceptance of my jealousy, negative thoughts and that at some point the relationship could end. But I began to wonder about the meaning of life with suicidal thinking. I had a desire to cry and release the pressure with which I wear every day, but the tears would not come out. I wondered if someday I was going to wake up and not feel that burning in my heart I feel for some years. I'm just tired of trying so hard and not being able to see the pain go away. I think the main problem is my low self-esteem which I own since I can remember (I know the cause of my low self-esteem but it does not help). There is always a permanent emotional pain in my chest and when I meditate and do not distract me, is when I'm more aware of that. But in general I always know it's there and never goes away. Does "do nothing technique" help me with all this emotional suffering and my self-esteem issues? Is there another technique that complements or better than meditation to achieve unconditional love for myself and therefore those fears in my relationship?

@HereNowThisMoment here Shinzen Young video about "do nothing" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ6cdIaUZCA

@HereNowThisMoment hi, thanks for answering. but "just sit" and "be fully aware" would not be do two things instead of do nothing?

hello, sorry for ask a lot about this, but I'm starting in meditation and would like to do it properly. so this is the question: in "do nothing" should I be aware of everything that happens in my experience, or being aware is doing something? I feel that if I let the desire to do something, I just fall into sleep and never have a moment of true consciousness, so I think I am do it wrong. Then I try to let whatever happens happen and be aware of it, but then I feel that I'm Doing something, because being aware is not easy, and It requires some effort. for example I'm sitting and A thought appears,then i just notice it and another thought appears and again I just observe it. but that process of noticing is doing something right? even if I not try to control my Thoughts, but im trying to control the atention over them, noticing is a choose that i can drop yeah? so that means that in order to "do nothing" properly, i have to let go my intention of observing thoughts once they appear, even if I am not controling them and just watch them? or being aware is required by this technique? I would greatly appreciate your answers thank all, and sorry for my english haha.

my girlfriend asked me for a thresome and I am very emotional and confused right now, after a while she regrets and said me that she dont know what she was talking about and that just forget about that. off course I can`t and i try meditate for a while and watch leo`s videos. but now i dont know what is the problem here, if i have fear of a thresome for seeing my girlfrind touching someone else and if the solution of tht problem is trusting she, or let go the need of being the only one who can touch in the bed my girlfriend o talk to she, listen and just trust and forget that. I feel like really really not know what to do. which is the problem and the solution with real growth. P.S sorry for my english, im working on that. and sorry if this topic was in relationships and datong, but want a self-actualization point of view.

thanks to all for the advice!! and @Leo Gura you also answered me in the video of addictions , and Im so grateful and motivated for your help, thank you very much and I will be watching the video as many times as necessary!

wow thanks to everyone! just one more think : I must focus my attention in everything without controlling ? or can i let go the Control of attention too ? (that seems like literally do nothing at all ) p.s. sorry for my english