Basman

My mom managed to quit smoking after being on the stuff for probably over a decade. Been clean for a couple of years. One new years eve I get the bright idea to give everyone cigars as a gag, so we can smoke stogies like in the movies. Now she's back to smoking again thanks to the cigars I gave.

If you are feeling suicidal, consider reaching out to what professional help is available. If you are a student, there should be free counseling available if I'm not mistaken. If you are feeling unworthy, my advice would be to do more things that boost your self-esteem. This could be exercise, cleaning your house, hanging out with healthy friends, working on a project, waking up early, healthy eating, general self-care, etc. You know yourself what makes you feel like a sane person. You need a certain level of non-neediness in order to be attractive to women. If you feel too desperate, it'll make it harder and more serious than it needs to. Dating is socializing with a romantic twist, and socializing shouldn't be so life-and-death. Help yourself first. Ground yourself in your own self-worth.

I think that people assigning autism on you during your formative years has done you a disservice. People really can't help themselves when it comes to missapropiating medical diagnosises. You shouldn't call other people autistic even if you suspect they might be. Remember when "retarded" was an actual medical term. People misused it to such a degree that it had to be binned to escape the shaming connotation. I think "neuro-divergent" is a better term than autism at this point. I'm sorry that people have used it against you. It probably made you ashamed of yourself. If you think you are having issues in terms of function, then consider seeking a diagnosis. If not, then it doesn't really matter if you are neuro-divergent or not. You are just who you are. I'd avoid self-diagnosis, but you can still learn from the autistic science that there is and see how it can help you better meet your unique needs.

@Mormegil @tuku747 Alright, thanks. I'll give it some thought and try around.

I recently discovered that I have a lot of similarities experientially to AvPD. It put a lot of my past life up to now in a completely new light. It has gotten me to think and I've gotten interested in working on my deep-seated self-beliefs. I know that Leo's got something in the works, he said so multiple times. But I can't wait no moh. I got the mill, just need grist. So does anyone have much experience with shadow work? Any tips or video recommendations? I'm a beginner to it.

Professional therapy is expensive because it is an extension of medicine, which has always been costly. To be a fully fledged therapist, you have to undergo many years of training. Not anyone can be a licensed therapist. And there are more people who want to go to therapy than there are therapist. Those are all factors that contribute to the price. There are loads of studies that show that most people who have gone to therapy benefit from it (about 75%). Therapy isn't ineffective. I wonder how you came to that conclusion exactly? It does take time though and you have to find a good therapist that you vibe with to get the most out of it. Therapy isn't a complete solution in of itself however. You have to be interested in wanting to work with yourself and manage your issues. Therapy requires active participation from the patient to be most effective. Sometimes coaching might be more appropiate, depending on what you are looking for exactly. Humans are very complicated.

Why?

like Sincerity mentioned, it is easier to set aside distractions when you have something you are motivated to achieve in a tangible fashion. That aside, when it comes to apps that are useful but also distracting like Youtube, there are a couple of things can could help: Find an app that can block other apps like Youtube. You could for example have it block Youtube after 15 minutes max per day. That way, you can still use the app for when you need it, but have it cut off for excess watching. This works for me, but simply don't use it. I just set a rule for myself, no Youtube for anything except useful things. I have Youtube blocked entirely on my desktop. I'm currently experimenting with a trial period of no social media what-so-ever that are built to be addicting (YT, Twitter, etc.) and just seeing how it feels. In my experience, it is actually quiet liberating. I waste less time, I get better sleep, and I find myself less inundated with outrage content.I only miss certain listenable youtube videos for when I do certain activities, for example I like to listen to news channels like SomeOrdinaryGamers while I make breakfeast.

Like a lot of the others have iterated on, trusting your own conclusions is more important than Leo's. In my experience, most of what you have learned from Actualized you will forget eventually. what'll stick is what is pertinent within your own experiences. This is why drawing your own conclusions is important. It engages you directly and makes your brain work to actually disseminate information instead of it being passive. In that case, information is leading to action, which is ultimately the goal IMO. To me it seems like an issue of critical thinking, the ability to discern information in order to limit inaccuracies. Its possible to entertain ideas without necessarily believing them wholeheartedly. Like trying on clothes. You do this by being alert of anything that affects the accuracy of the information shared, both on part of the informant but also yourself. Your own biases will make you want to readily accept or reject new information, depending on the topic. If you like Leo, you are naturally inclined to believe what he says. He actually stated in his episode about the future direction of Actualized.org to willfully include blatantly false information just to keep you alert, exactly because of this tendency to default to his ideological positon. Don't automatically believe everything. But you can still entertain ideas. Be open-minded but guarded. But more importantly, stay curious.

I've been cold approached once by a girl in the streets. I thought she was a street fundraiser and blew her off as a reflex. In hindsight I realised she was actually hitting on me. It's definetily flattering to be hit on, atleast from the males perspective. I think being direct with your intentions without being obnoxious or creepy isn't going to put people off necesarrily. It helps to find a good setting though. Either way, approaching someone in of itself, not a big deal.

You'll forget most information that isn't grounded in your experience. Books help give you ideas and understand certain things though. Some books are going to resonate more with you because of how they are written. For example, a dry academic tomes that go on for ever bore me to tears, even if the information is valuable in some way. To me, its important that I like the book for what its worth on its own. You should ideally enjoy reading books if you want to use that as a personal development front. But it isn't strictly necessary. There are other ways of learning that doesn't involve reading book. Although I do recommend books if you can muster the interest. They are positively coralleted with success, broadly speaking. The prospect of personal development can be enjoyable in its own right though. In my experience however, its more valuable to learn from personal experience and to contemplate and journal with my self. Help myself instead of relying on others.

Belly breathing is breathing through the diaprahm to be specific, the muscle underneath the lungs at cerca belly level. When we breath with the chest we use the intercostal muscles, which are all the muscles connected to the ribs. I learned to belly breath concistently simply through practice. It's been standard for me for years at this point. You can practice belly breathing by placing one hand on the tummy, the other on the chest. If, when you breath, only the hand on the tummy rises then you are belly breathing. It helps to lay down. Practice so you learn to an intuitive difference between chest and belly breathing. Then you simply have to remind yourself concistently to breath with your belly till it becomes ingrained and standard.

I think a lot of the praising of vegetarianism in western spiritual circles is in part due to moral development on the one hand but also because they are historically influenced by Buddhism and Hinduism a lot. In those religions, vegetarianism is emphasized as a principle. Vegetarianism is part of new-age culture at this point. As to whether or not its "un-spiritual" to eat meat, I don't think so. Spirituality doesn't have a strict definition and means different things to different people. It's a matter of perspective. To some, eating meat is un-spiritual but they can only really speak for themselves IMO.

Why do you believe that eating meat makes you trip deeper? What's the connection?

I'm sorry that you are having such a tough time. I imagine you are feeling rather confused. If you are genuinely distressed mentally, I think it's the wise choise to seek some professional help, whatever is available. Talking to someone can help reduce the distress. This is conjecture: Infering from your text, it sounds like you where raised religious. Most people share the religion of their parents. Because of what seems to be abandonment issues around your dad, your spiritual "father" becomes sort of symbolic of all your upsets and misplaced childhood needs. Children are naturally self-centered in a literal sense. They tend to believe that when bad things happen to them, that its their fault. They have an under developed sense of cause-and-effect. Because your father was absent, perhaps you feel it is somehow your fault and that there is something wrong with you. That you are inherently unlovable. In the context of being brought up Christian and believing in god, your abandonement issues could color how you see god. Children with abandonement issues tend to have problems with authority figures as they lack the basic security they need to form a trusting relationship. I can't know you, so please take whatever I say with a grain of salt and make your own conclusions. With that said, I highly recommend you find someone to speak to if you experience emotional distress to the point where you act drastically in a destructive way.

I've thought abot this some more and I think there is some degree of truth to the thougth that games can be like drugs, in the sense that they can control you and how you spend your time. The heinous thing about modern video games is just how much time you can put into. You can only watch a movie or a read books once. But video games can go on forever. Video games are probably the one activity with the lowest effort to time spent ratio, I.E. you can easily spend 1000s of hours playing video games. Modern video games have become quiet sophisticated at leveraging human psychology in order to keep you playing the same game over and over again. With the added context of FOMO, you can play some games for 100s of hours, where you would normally not bother as much. That's in regard to live service games, but games are also just easy. Why bother trying something new when you can just play some video games and feel rewarded concistently. It's very easy to supplant creative projects or socializing with just playing some video games. I think its important to be creative and experience new novel experience, and games can be immensley distracting. *(while watching a movie) "I could be leveling up my battlepass right now..." I think every gamer should experiment with a dry week/month, just to see how it feels. I did that recently (my dry month ended as of writting) and I've found just how little I had going on besides gaming. That is my own fault admittedly. But it's been good to distance myself and just deal with the boredome. I've gotten into baking for a bit and I started journaling way more (for fun).

Been there, done that, when it comes to courses by spiritual people. Being "spiritual" doesn't mean shit. That's just the outer crust. Someone can have the veneer of being spiritual, knowing all the famous quotes and concepts, but still be a scumbag on the inside. You shouldn't trust people without being critical just because they are part of a loosely defined sub-culture. Even if its not a scam, not worth the asking price most likely (haven't taken in depth look). Most info you need you can find for free at your local library. Don't waste you time and money. Have a high standard when it comes to online courses and be critical.

The qualities of a good man are the qualities of a good leader, IMO. Proactive Self-control Integrity Caring Calmness Deduction skills and can navigate the dangers of their environment appropriately Non-neediness Strives to learn and develop themeselves in some way Respectful Passion Honesty Appropriately assertive Experience Dependability Grooming and cleanliness (more of a modern thing perhaps)

Alternatively, you could buy a cock sleeve. That is a tangible option. Then you can play around with different shapes, sizes and textures. The downside is that it probably reduces sensation for the male, though I couldn't find any conclusive information regarding that.

Primary: 1.9 Secondary: 2.4

Just had a haircut.

4 / 40

Dreams seems to be connected quiet intimately with the subconscious mind. In my own experiences, dreams tend to represent latent emotional states. I think the mind creates visuals in order to make sense of the underlying emotional signals. Then you react to those visuals, and so on. For example, you might dream that you are nude infront of a crowd. That visual might be what the feeling of imposter syndrome would look like. It's not quiet understood what dreams are. I think it's a matter of perspective in a lot of ways.

I don't think strong emotions are going to dissapate on the short-term. You will most likely have to be pro-active to deal with the discontment you feel. Your jealousy might be masking over a sense of dissatisfaction with your sex life. Jealousy is pretty normal, but if it's bothering you, consider how you can make yourself feel less insecure relative to what you are insecure about.

Crying can be relieving and is a natural response when feeling overwhelmed and sad. But it's not the only approach for overcoming heartbreak. Everybody processes their emotions differently. Some start exercising more. Others talk to friends and family, or journal or seek counseling. There are lots of legit ways to process heartbreak. Its important to remember that healing take times and that there is no right way of doing. It's OK if you are not okay. If I was you, I would put less focus on your ex and turn more towards things you do for yourself. But that's just my opinion.