Rafael Thundercat

Here a interesting perspective from a woman: 'm going to take some heat for this. i believe in dating for potential. i think the likelihood that you meet someone that does all the right things and meets every one of your needs immediately is slim. but (of course there's a but). there's a difference between finessing details and waiting for someone to develop traits they don't have. you can expect a person to improve their level of consideration, but you can't expect an inconsiderate person to suddenly turn into one. women didn't have much choice in their partners for a long time. patriarchy upended the selection process completely. when women couldn't earn money or own property for themselves, they had to rely on men to provide it for them. men who weren't always good people. this is where the fantasy of a man changing for a woman was born. it gave women hope. it kept them motivated, working towards the idea that if she worked hard enough, she could turn the man in front of her into the right one. hope is a powerful motivator. it makes a bad relationship feel more tolerable. if a woman can hold on to hope that her sacrifice and hard work will pay off eventually, she can keep going. but if we examine that story, it's missing something. and that's evidence. do we actually have any examples of a man changing his ways completely within a relationship? and not only within a relationship, but within a relationship to the same woman? i'm hard pressed to come up with a single example. i know men who have changed, no doubt. but when it happens, if it happens at all, it's after the relationship has ended. sometimes there's a reconciliation, but the ending is the trigger for growth. i've also seen men change within a relationship when they meet another woman while still in it. the idea that a woman can change a man just by loving him enough is an illusion. the reason it doesn't work is biological. men and women are wired differently. for women, oxytocin is the primary motivator. the love hormone. to her, love is incredibly motivating. it's what keeps her trying long after she should have called it quits. men aren't motivated by oxytocin, they bond through vasopressin. they're motivated by challenge. women are using a feminine blueprint on men. it doesn't work. we know men don't change through loving them enough, otherwise we'd have examples of it. what kept women motivated in unhappy relationships before is now the reason they get stuck. there's only one way a man changes his behavior. and that's because he wants to. it's also incredibly unlikely that any person, regardless of gender, completely changes major personality traits. someone who doesn't plan dates at all won't suddenly plan thoughtful ones every weekend. someone who prioritizes work won't wake up one day and invest more in relationships. a person who isn't expressive won't shower you with compliments out of the blue. we can edit, improve, and slightly alter characteristics a person already has, but we can't force them to develop what isn't there. people aren't play doh. it's not up to us to decide who they should be. it's incredibly important that when we ask for what we need from our partners, we also respect their autonomy. staying with someone and applying relentless pressure to become someone they're not isn't love. it's manipulation. it's not our job to change people. it's our job to choose the right ones.

Wait, dont we end up in generalization doing this. What about the indiocracies of each singular being?

Back to the original video on this post. Well, apart of some good stuff we can take from it. I notice that perhaps in interviews as there is more ego present in the interaction, the sharing end up being not so clear. Thats why is good to look for other sources and cross polinate ideias. Check this I noticed this patters in my last relationship. Is hard to admit even to myself that I let fantasy and limerence rob the autenticity I praise as a value in my life. And of course from her side there as a lot too, and I was even falty in not stoping it when I saw it. In words, behavios etc.. We need to be aware of what we feed in the relationship because we will end up needing to deal with the consequences later on. Last question she did for me in a instagram message was " Would you prefer something Toxic?" And then a story posted with her picture and a message saying " I died" and " Why?" Then 3 days later I discovered via a friend that she tried to hang herself.

I not know what dreams I will have tonight. I know I had a dream yesterday about a bat getting untangled in my hair. Will I meet the bat again tonigth. I dont know. I dont even care what dreams I will have since I never was able to guess and control any of them. So i dont even know what next image or sound will pop up into awareness now. I just heard a motorcycle passing far from here and a noise of a chair moving in the up floor. Living moment to moment not trying to preview what will happen next is a good not knowing exercice since you never know what will happen next second. Unless you are re-watching a movie haha.

I think that what we all want to be or become here is to find a way to see what is in front of us and as fast as possible understand if we have a woman or man that is worthy of our time and energy or not. Of course, Dicernment,self honesty etc.. is important. But we want guidelines, first principles, some bluprint that we can use to avoid traps.

Not married but dated one for last 3 months. Of course being 44 and dating a girl with 19 is great, but eventually the communication stop flowing, her tamtruns started to anoy me and I ended up with the exact point your said " What was you expecting" ??

I think the best take from the first vídeo is the topic of making questions that rigth in the beggining of the dating time mau give information about her or him. I think we could use our time here to create even better questions than Naftali. Imagine the struggle you save yourself by getting precise info about the woman you are about to start a relationship.

Nobody can have a complete view. These are models to understand complexity. To understand infinity is another ordeal.

Here the guy explain where he came from. Or his roots.

Holy God I was just today thinking that Ego use the power of God to sustain its own games. o mean, Ego unaware of where its capacity comes from. Like, every survival i see people doing and all the survival I do to keep being alive comes from God Intelligence. Because from Where would ego get all its capacity for Deception? than you post this https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-708

@Leo Gura concerning the topic of the train in India where unconscious people brush the trash out of the train. May we remember as well the historical sytemic reasons why this happens. Is not like a whole bunch of people just woke up and decided they would not give a fuck for environment. Even the Train didnt got there by accident. If we forget the force of colonialism into these countries we are forgeting a lot.

Basicaly if I can look into the Mirror and see God there Full blow is Done? I have sit under psychedelic effect in front of the mirror many times. Is not easy. Also had lucid dreamed looking into my own face in a mirror in the dream.

@Leo Gura with Recognition you mean that Realizing God is Remembering, since God need to forget its Godness and Sleepwalk as Human?

A Complete Knowledge Base Of HUMAN 3.0 - Dan Koe https://share.google/Brh9ogkO5wPLdjxVn We always can learn something new from perspectives of other people. I can see thar he made a new systesis combining from other sources but still bringing something new to the system thinking arena.

a great video as follow up of this quote: Actualized Quotes #704 https://www.actualized.org/insights/actualized-quotes-704